For those of you who are perhaps unfamiliar with the epicurean eccentricities of the Midwestern United States, Rocky Mountain oysters (also known as prairie oysters, Montana tendergroin and swinging sirloin) are bull testicles, coated in flour, pepper and salt, then deep-fried.

They're sometimes referred to as calf fries, but only when they're taken from a very young bull.

And when they're ripped from the crotch of a Longhorn (or to be more accurate, a Longhorns fan) ... well, it's called felony aggravated assault and battery.

That's the charge currently facing Allen Michael Beckett, who viciously attacked a man whose sole offense was wandering into an Oklahoma City bar while wearing a University of Texas t-shirt.

According to one report, Beckett grabbed Brian Thomas in the groin area and didn't let go until after Thomas' scrotum tore and blood started running down his leg, an injury that eventually required 60 stitches (and probably a whole mess of psychotherapy) to heal.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to stop blogging while I wait for my testicles to descend from my body cavity.