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    About Me: Larry Star gained international celebrity as the infamous eBay "Wedding Dress Guy." It was Larry's caustic wit that catapulted him into the limelight with what Time.com called the "funniest eBay ad ever!" That same irreverent humor can be found in his fir
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    About Me: Larry Star gained international celebrity as the infamous eBay "Wedding Dress Guy." It was Larry's caustic wit that catapulted him into the limelight with what Time.com called the "funniest eBay ad ever!" That same irreverent humor can be found in his fir

    Kudos To Costas

    Monday, September 17, 2007, 10:27 AM EST [General]

    Lately, whenever you see a journalist interview someone about a volatile subject, there is always that feeling after the interview that the journalist was too soft; they didn't ask the right questions. That was laid to rest when I saw Bob Costas' interview with Roger Goodell about the Patriots' illegal taping of the New York Jets defensive signals.

    The question on a lot of people's minds was why was Wade Wilson's penalty more severe than Bill Belichick's? Wade Wilson was fined $100,000, one-third of his salary and suspended for five games, for acquiring and taking HGH, supposedly as a treatment for his diabetes. Wade was not involved in any type of trafficking the HGH to any players. It was a personal undertaking. He is not a player; his taking HGH wouldn't make Tony Romo be a better quarterback, so many felt his fine and consequence excessive.

    Much to my surprise, Bob Costas asked that very question to Mr. Goodell during the interview. Mr. Goodell's response was quick, decisive and concise. He said that Wade Wilson's violation was illegal from a criminal perspective while Bill Belichick's was only in violation of NFL rules. Add that to the fact that he holds coaches to a higher standard than players, he tacked on an extra game of suspension to Wade's punishment.

    My hat is off to both Mr. Costas and Mr. Goodell. Great questions were asked, understandable, fair answers were given and I didn't come away feeling that some issues were skirted or double talk was thrown at me.

    Only one question went unanswered: Am I the only one in America who felt that Bob Costas was interviewing the host of The Apprentice?
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    Did You Feel A Draft?

    Monday, April 30, 2007, 11:29 AM EST [General]

    Did you feel a draft? No, not the NFL Draft, but that brisk breeze that just whisked by. I think it was caused by Randy Moss. He is still one the NFL's speediest; he was told he would be a Patriot and ran a post from Oakland to Foxboro before his agent hung up the phone.

    It seems that the Patriots consistently do what they feel it takes to get their team where it needs to be. They have an agenda and a goal and they stick with it. Other franchises cannot boast the same commitment.

    Oakland has a higher employee turnover rate than McDonald's and with less customer satisfaction. The players and coaches are consistently not happy and there is a basic lack of morale. Robert Gallery never lived up to the plug-n-play hype; Art Shell was a bust the second time around; Moss was disgruntled; and Al Davis sits perched atop his throne with his violin whilst Rome burns around him, JaMarcus Russell notwithstanding.

    Another team that had such promise and a long window of opportunity was the Kansas City Chiefs. Herm Edwards has that personality trait that husbands usually have-they "yes" the wife to death, and do what they want anyway. He swore up and down he wasn't leaving the Jets, but when the money was thrown at him, he left New York's screen door swinging in the summer air when he booked to Missouri. Now, he seems to be cleaning house. Get rid of Trent Green, shop Larry Johnson, let the offensive line retire, lose Dante Hall, but don't worry, "Cuz, we gonna win!" We will be feeling the Mr. Gonzalez breeze shortly, I'm sure.

    Lance Briggs wanted to make his own draft in the chill of Chicago, but the door got slammed in his face before he was able to muster up enough steam. Once his agent unlocks that door, you will think Hurricane Katrina hit Illinois.

    The jury is still out if the draft is a good or a bad thing. I guess we'll just have to ask Jeff Gordon.

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    A Meeting of The Minds

    Monday, April 23, 2007, 10:55 AM EST [General]

    The Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts are meeting with President Bush at the White House today. Jim Irsay, owner of the Colts, chartered a jet and will take those players and coaches who were the biggest part of the Super Bowl win.

    A few questions arise with this whole scenario.

    1. Why did it take so long to set up this meeting? It seems a tad inconvenient with the draft coming up on Saturday, doesn't it?

    2. Dominic Rhodes, Nick Harper, and Cato June will be attending. These players are no longer with the team. It's the equivalent of going to your ex-wife's engagement party. How awkward can you get?

    3. Will this meeting be cut short because of Boris Yeltsin's untimely demise?

    4. Is President Bush a Bears fan?

    Raise your hand if you wish you could be a fly on the wall in this little soiree. I'll try to speculate on the conversation that will transpire.

    BUSH: (Outstretched arms) Gentlemen, welcome to my humble abode.

    IRSAY: (Shaking hands with the President) Thank you very much, sir. This is a real honor and privilege to be here. Let me introduce to our head coach, Tony Dungy.

    DUNGY: (Shaking hands with the President) It's a pleasure, sir.

    BUSH: I don't believe I have ever seen you without a baseball cap. You look a little like Britney Spears, heh, heh. You know the head coach is the Commander-In-Chief of the football team. I'm the Commander-In-Chief of the United States, so we sort of have something in common, heh, heh.

    DUNGY: (With utmost composure) Uh, yes, sir.

    BUSH: (To Peyton Manning) So, you must be the quarterback of this fine team. You know, the quarterback is like the General on a battlefield. I'm like the General of the United States, so we sort of have something in common, heh, heh.

    MANNING: (With utmost composure) Uh, yes, sir.

    (Dead silence. President Bush stands around with his hands on his hips, grinning)

    IRSAY: (Breaking silence) Mr. President, this is Cato June, a valuable asset to our Super Bowl winning defense.

    BUSH: (Shaking hands) Cato, huh? So, you're kind of like Bruce Lee in The Green Hornet.

    JUNE: (Looking around for help)

    DUNGY: Uh, that was before his time.

    BUSH: Oh, I see. Sure. Well, Cato, you are like a soldier on the football field. I'm not a soldier, I'm Commander-In-Chief. But, you know, we had a soldier in Afghanistan who was in...

    ADVISOR: (whispering something in President Bush's ear)

    BUSH: Oh... Well, keep up the good work, Cato. I bet your teammates are looking forward to playing with you again. Perhaps you can win another Super Bowl.

    ADVISOR: (whispering something in President Bush's ear)

    BUSH: Oh... Well, it certainly was a pleasure to meet you all. I wish I could spend more time with you, but I have pay a shiva call to Boris Yeltsin's family. Do you know where I could get a good fruit cake?

    Indeed we do, Mr. President. Indeed we do.

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    What Teams DON'T Need

    Tuesday, April 10, 2007, 11:39 AM EST [General]

    The NFL Draft is about three weeks away, so rather than tell you what every team needs, as do all the big websites, I will tell you what teams don't need.

    1. Raiders: Another one-year head coach bust.
    2. Lions: Another seven years of Herr Millen.
    3. Browns: Another headline with a Shakespeare reference.
    4. Buccaneers: A dearth of spleens.
    5. Cardinals: A quarterback controversy between Matt and Brenda.
    6. Redskins: A post-prime coach and a prime-rate owner.
    7. Vikings: An anonymous quarterback.
    8. Falcons: That Matt Schaub departure.
    9. Dolphins: Nicky. Or Ricky. Or Lucy. Or Fred and Ethel.
    10. Texans: An "offensive" offensive line.
    11. 49ers: To be noticed.
    12. Bills: To do the ol' catch-and-release with running backs.
    13. Rams: Marshall Faulk. Oh, wait. He retired. Did anyone notice?
    14. Panthers: A Wrigley's Gum endorsement offer to John Fox.
    15. Steelers: Anyone to say, "Well, Bill did it this way..."
    16. Packers: Six months of Favre retirement talk.
    17. Jaguars: Jack Del Rio in anything but a suit.
    18. Bengals: Another group of felons.
    19. Titans: One felon to take the place of a group of felons.
    20. Giants: An ineffective high-profile quarterback.
    21. Broncos: The second-coming of John Elway.
    22. Cowboys: A head coach who only knows the name of one receiver.
    23. Chiefs: A player with Herman Edwards' vote of confidence.
    24. Patriots: Another Tom Brady sperm sighting.
    25. Jets: Curtis Martin. Oh, wait. He retired. Didn't he?
    26. Eagles: Another Donovan McNabb mother sighting.
    27. Saints: A Reggie Bush touchdown watch.
    28. Ravens: Another stupid sack dance.
    29. Chargers: A Norv Turner failure.
    30. Bears: Another whiney linebacker.
    31. Colts: Edgerrin James. Oh, wait. He retired. Or might as well have.
    32. Seahawks: A group of overrated, over-paid wide receivers. Ah, shit. Too late.

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    Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

    Friday, April 6, 2007, 12:14 PM EST [General]

    We've all heard or read about the vicious Jack Tatum hit on Darryl Stingley back in 1978. One of the biggest tragic stories of the NFL came to a close with Darryl Stingley's passing.

    I find the saddest point about this whole thing is how neither one spoke to the other for almost thirty years. Tatum missed his opportunity to make amends. Of course, in his defense, maybe a 30 year window isn't long enough to get up the courage to talk to the guy he paralyzed. It takes time to get up the courage to say, "Uh, hey, sorry about that."

    There are people out there in the NFL that say what a great guy Jack Tatum is, how his teammates loved him and he brought everything to the table on game day. That may be great, but if you are a freaking human being, show at least some sort of remorse for destroying another man's life.

    There are those of you out there that will say, "This is football. There will be injuries and some of those will be life-threatening, if not life-changing." I agree with that statement and those other ones that say these players know what they are getting into. That is not the issue. The fact is that it is just common decency to have at least a modicum of compassion for a fallen human brother, especially when the brother fell by your own hand.

    Another thing I don't get is the people who say Tatum's full-on hit of Stingley shouldn't have happened in a "meaningless game." Excuse me? Anytime someone is paralyzed for life in a sport, to me, it's a meaningless fucking game.

    The last thing I would like to point out is the dichotomic thoughts of both persons involved in this tragedy. They both had written autobiographies.

    Jedi Stingley's book is called Happy to be Alive.

    Darth Tatum's book is called Final Confessions of NFL Assassin Jack Tatum.

    I gotta go now. I'm going to dust off my copy of Robert Fulghum's book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

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