Detroit -- Following an internal investigation by Major League Baseball, sources close to Commissioner Bud Selig confirmed that the substance on 41-year old Detroit Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers was neither mud or pine tar.

Pending further inquiries and chemical analysis of the game balls, a press conference will be held later on this week to announce the brown substance on the pitcher's left hand was, in fact, doodoo.

"After reviewing tape from the clubhouse security cameras, and creating a detailed timeline of his activities on game day, we have concluded that the only rule Mr. Rogers violated was a failure to wash his hands," Selig said.

Game 2 of the World Series was sparked with controversy when FOX television cameras picked up a brown smudge just below the thumb of Rogers pitching hand. Cardinals manager Tony La Russa immediately notified the umpires and the foreign substance was removed after the first inning. Plate umpire Alfonso Marquez, who "observed" the alleged dirt on Rogers hand, failed to closely inspect the smudge, claiming he could smell it a mile away.

When questioned about the conflicting reports after the game, Marquez, who was seen earlier with Boston Celtic's coach Doc Rivers and NBA guard Sebastian Telfair, apologized. "I went into crises mode, trying to protect a player, the game, and prevent a circus," said Marquez.

Major League officials refused to comment on the umpire's actions, preferring to handle all punishments after the World Series. Rogers has drawn many allegations of cheating over the post season, which have arisen from the fact that at the ripe old age of 41, Rogers has allowed no runs in three starts after previously holding one of the worst playoff records through the course of his career.

Further fueling the speculation are reports of Rogers working out with Moises Alou during the offseason, even going so far as to have Alou with him in the club house. Alou, in case you have forgotten, is an admitted hand doctorer -- Alou admitted to urinating on his hands before games instead of using batting gloves.

Detroit manager Jim Leyland denied any intent of wrongdoing, or extra advantage gained from fecal matter present on Roger's hand. When asked if this past incident changed any plans, Leyland stated that Rogers would keep his normal spot in the rotation, although pregame handshakes were now optional.

"He's had a little bit of a wiping problem since the All-Star break," Leyland said. "We're working with Kenny and the pitching coaches to alleviate the problem."

Rogers continues to maintain his ignorance of the matter, claiming he was just following normal customs for the city of Detroit. When asked how he could walk around without noticing a large blotch of doodoo on his left hand, he replied, "Cause as you know, I'm a professional athlete. And as we all know, our (doodoo) don't stink."

Major League officials have not decided yet if doodoo would be added to the banned substance list, but Commissioner Selig added that every clubhouse must now carry a sign in the restroom stating, "All Employees Must Wash Hands."

(NOTE: Most of this stuff is probably not true, in fact, it's not even well written. It's pretty much a joke, although not a very good one)