As far as NBA conspiracies go, the latest are comparatively lame.  David Stern orchestrating the San Antonio Spurs to the NBA finals?  To what end? 

Most great conspiracy theories  revolve around some sinister purpose that ultimately benefit those in the highest seats of power, so in what way are the Spurs fortunes aligned with David Stern and/or Stu Jackson's? 

For a good conspiracy, look back to over two decades ago (has it really been that long?) when Stern and his cronies froze an envelope to land the New York Knicks the most cherished prize in all of basketball: the franchise center.  Some rumors have also revealed that Stern once engineered such a center in his lab, pumping the specimen full of steroids and HGH in its infancy and then manipulating his career towards Los Angeles.  After all, the NBA's two flagship teams must always have one in the wings. 

And if those are not enough to quench your thirst on all of Stern's shady under dealings, stuffing two Asians in a Houston Rockets jersey or attaching magnets to the basketball to guide it towards the rim were brilliant discoveries by David Blaine.  But to claim that the league headquarters is fixing the playoffs for the Spurs is not just asinine, it's sour grapes.

While it may be understandable to have "the blinders on" when it comes to officiating and the home team, ultimately fans have to understand that referees are only human, and we all make mistakes.  Even the greatest players turn the ball over, or blow a defensive assignment (in Phoenix's case, make that a lot of defensive assignments).  That said, whether you want to accept it or not, there are always bad calls that go against both teams in each game and eventually they even out.

Now, while blown calls are usually fairly distributed among both teams, do not fall under the common misconception that foul discrepancy should be even.  Perhaps the greatest flaw in fan's rationale when discussing horrible officiating is the number of free throws one team attempted versus their opponent.  A fair game does not necessarily mean an equal amount of trips to the charity stripe. 

Suspensions aside, Phoenix fans were already crying foul - terrible pun intended - over star center Amare Stoudamire's continuous foul trouble compared with Tim Duncan's lack thereof.  Indeed, many were wondering what Stern was up to when the Spurs built any sort of lead in the free throw attempts statistic.

But examine the Suns trends during the Steve Nash era and you will notice that Phoenix is a team that routinely has difficulty getting to the line.  In a system with only one player capable of creating offense (Nash) and the rest thriving off of open three-pointers or dunks, opportunities to get fouled are few and far in between.

Juxtapose this with the fact that the Spurs, the league's most disciplined defensive team, committed the fewest fouls during the season and the discrepancy should be that much wider.  Put simply, bad defensive teams commit more fouls than good ones do.

In the case of the Utah Jazz, the number of fouls called in the fourth quarter should hardly come as a surprise as they committed more fouls than any other team this season.  As the NBA's most physical team, the Jazz led the league in both fouls for and against.  So when a team like the Jazz and Spurs meet, it simply is a matter of which team imposes their will.  Being the more experienced, and disciplined team, obviously that has been the Spurs thus far as they have allowed Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer to score without fouling.

The Jazz's foul difficulties are further compounded by their glaring lack of an athletic shooting guard.  Look back at the regular season, the Jazz troubles with keeping elite shooting guards off the line are nothing new and have been a glaring hole for quite some time.  In Manu Ginobili, the Spurs are primed to take advantage of this deficiency because his ability to seek out and thrive on contact.

Carlos Boozer's block of Duncan aside, the Jazz really have not had any shot blockers protecting the rim as their lone stud is also their primary perimeter defender.  Utah is built in a way that if AK47's defensive attention is centered on stopping a perimeter player, the Jazz must halt all penetration at the point of attack or they are vulnerable to committing fouls at the rim.

Ginobili took a lot of free throws last game, but he took a lot of hard fouls too.  Watch the tape, not the box score.  All this being said, given their season long trends, how has the outcome come as any surprise to fans? 

SIDE NOTES:
Suspensions: While the suspensions of Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw were unfortunate, they were hardly unwarranted.  Go back to the Knicks-Heat melee when the better half of the Knicks lineup was suspended for leaving the bench, probably costing them their best chance at a title.  Where was the outrage then?

The law stands for a reason and is laid out in black and white and REPEATED for all players at the beginning of both the regular season and playoffs.  Those who break it are not compassionate, as many pundits have claimed for Amare, they are thick headed.

Watch the tape and it is obvious that Amare never intended to check on Nash. His gaze and posture suggested he was heading to confront Robert Horry the whole time.  Indeed, the only difference between the Knicks and Suns incident is that Phoenix's assistants are a lot bigger than Jeff Van Gundy.  Make no mistake, Amare did not stop himself, he was physically restrained.

If suspensions should be levied only by the actions taken once on the court, then perhaps teams can raid the Jerry Springer show and hire Steve as assistant coach.  Imagine Amare taking the same action against the Warriors with Stephen Jackson on the floor, that is what Stern is trying to stop.

Cheap Shot Bob: Was it a cheap shot? Of course.  Was it the worst cheap shot in the history of the league, or even these playoffs? Hardly.  Nor was it enough to alter the perception of Horry's career.  Sure Horry gave Nash a little check, but the reason it looked so bad was because of Nash's momentum.  He was never in danger of being hurt and any reasonable person knew that Horry was gone as soon as Nash hit the floor. 

The league handled the situation by suspending Horry and assessing a flagrant two foul.  Justice, concerning Horry, was served.  So again, unfortunate: yes.  Unfair: hardly.  The rule is in place to allow the league to handle punishments, not players to take it into their own hands. 

How Do You Spell Utah: I-R-O-N-Y: Perhaps the most amusing moment of these playoffs is watching Utah Jazz fans complain about flopping and dirty plays.  These are the same Jazz fans that watched Malone, Stockton, Hornacek and Ostertag put on a clinic of the very subject.

Malone easily had the sharpest elbows in the league, which he used quite well.  And I recall a Stockton interview in which he admittedly stuck his knee into players setting screens against him to discourage them from doing so.  If you believe in the conspiracy theories spewing out of Utah, perhaps you could also believe in karma.  Isn't it ironic?  Ah hell, now I've gone Canadian. 

Salt Lake City -- Chants of "ref you suck" echoed through the streets of Utah, the mormon capital of the world, as violence erupted in Energy Solutions Arena and spilled into the city following the Jazz's 71-93 loss to the San Antonio Spurs.

Police, responding to violatoins of the state-issued curfew of 10:00 p.m., struggled to contain the mob -- numbering in the thousands -- as many flocked the streets to protest coach Jerry Sloan's ejection.

The riots began as groups of fans gathered around parked bicycles, setting fire to and flipping over the vehicles.

"We've never seen anything like this, the ordeal started when a rowdy group of fans instigated a caffeine-induced riot," said Police Chief Joshua Clark.  "This is why we had been fighting to get the arena to cut-off soft drinks after 7:00."

Early reports also indicated several fans igniting several make-shift Molotov cocktails.  Fortunately no damage has been reported as all bottles were filled with non-acoholic liquids.

Police were still searching for those responsible for inciting the riots, but did release a description they felt would identify the suspects: white males, blonde hair, wearing short-sleeve, white button shirts with a tie and black slacks. 

Suspects were last seen heading west on Huffy 10-speeds carrying several pamplets of religous information.  But not everyone has managed to escape police.

"We are just so gosh darn mad," said Joseph Smith, a local fan apprehended by police officers. "I mean, gee-gholly-willackers, David Stern is at it again, making sure that another fancy, big-market team gets to the Finals to sell more t-shirts."

The Spurs basketball team was escorted away from the arena by police along with actress Eva Longoria, who is engaged to point guard Tony Parker.  Apparently officiating is not all that drew the ire of Jazz fans as Longoria had to be protected after several fans accosted for her "sinful attire".

"That hussy, going out in public showing her cleavage -- I actually saw her entire ankle," said Smith.  "If any of my seven wives dressed like that....well, let's just say we all know what happened to number eight."

NBA commissioner David Stern was not avialable for comment.  The Spurs and Jazz will meet again Wednesday night in San Antonio before returning to Utah if neccessary.

Editor's Note: Obviously this is a poor attempt at a joke.

Been reading through several of your posts among others on the internet, thought I'd address them and open up some intelligent discussion.  Try and step away from the drunk fan goggles and get to the bottom of things in the playoffs.

According to your posts, David Stern in his infinite marketing wisdom, is up to no good again; rigging the playoffs to keep the Suns, and consequently in Steve Nash's case, the white man down. 

Conspiracy theories are nothing new to the Association.  We all know about the Ewing draft, and how decades ago David Stern had the forsight to genetically engineer a 7-foot, 320 pound marketing beast and then orchestrated his move to L.A. where he then instructed the officials to let the flagship team of the league win at all costs. 

Which leads us to the Spurs-Suns series.  Of course, with Phoenix going up against a huge media market like San Antonio (those press types love that mexican food), the leagues most charismatic and marketable star in Tim Duncan, and the most entertaining brand of basektball in recent NBA history, it stands within reason that the league would make sure the Spurs advance at all costs.  The television ratings depend on it.

The above paragraph is a joke, of course.  Had to put that disclaimer because there are a few geniuses who will read that statement and leave a three page comment on how the Spurs are in fact boring and I am an idiot for calling San Antonio a major market. 

My point is, if it so obvious that none of the above statements were true -- and in fact, the Suns possessed more of those qualities in this particular series -- would not the NBA have more to gain from the Suns advancing?  Shouldn't that be enough to dispel your conspiracy theory? 

So, given that there is not David Stern mandate from above, let's look at a few issues you may have had with the refs and open up a reasonable discussion.

First thing is first, foul discrepancy.  Many of you feel that their should be an equal number of trips to the free throw line but you, of course, would be wrong.  The Suns have always been terrible at getting to the line.  Why should that change now?  The problem lies within their lack of creators.

Look, the Suns have some great players.  But among them only Nash, and perhaps Diaw, have the ability to create shots.  A lot of the reason in difference in fouls called is the Suns lack of a true inside presence.  Before citing Amare, hear me out.

Sure Amare scores a lot of points in the paint off of numerous dunks, which upon first look would qualify him as an inside presence.   But look at the manner in which he scores.  They are all spoon fed, wide open dunks or shots.  Most of the Suns offense are three pointers or open layups provided by Steve Nash.  Any disciplined team -- which the Spurs are -- would be able to keep the Suns off the line.

Second, take a look at how the Spurs and Suns play defense.  The Suns have one great defender (Bell) and the rest are people who rely on athletic plays to stop teams.  As improved as the Suns are defensively (I believe they are vastly) they still rely more on the athletic ability of Amare and Marion to play defense as opposed to actually playing fundamental defense. 

The difference being that while the Spurs are always in great position, never really having to extend themselves defensively, the Suns are constantly scrambling and recovering thus leaving them in extremely vulnerable positions to get called for fouls.  Amare in particular is a horrible defender who is constantly getting beat and in foul trouble.

So my question to you is, if a player had a little trouble with fouls the whole season, why would a playoff game against a great executing team and more physical environment be any different?  The answer is that the refs are not doing anything different or unfairly, the series is just following the same trends that the regular season established.

Perhaps all of your complaints, an my assessment that you guys are just whinning, are best summarized in the Duncan/Stoudamire matchup.  Since part of your contention is that the only reason the Spurs can compete is that the refs have taken Stoudamire off of the floor while being lenient with Tim Duncan.

Duncan is perhaps the best position post and help defender in the league.  The guy rarely errs on footwork and always makes precise, correct rotations to offer help defense.  Another important quality is his ability to asses what his happening very quickly and decide whether or not he has an honest chance to alter the shot or he should let it go.  Being in position at all times means he is less likely to draw a foul, and knowing which shots to back off of means he does not pick up silly fouls.

Amare, in comparison, is just an absolute horrid defender.  The guy has barely improved this aspect of his game since entering the league.  Whereas Duncan is fundamentally sound, Amare uses his considerable athletic ability to be a "presence" on the defensive side.

While Duncan is always in position, Amare is always recovering late, and rather than making a simple play his ineptitude is forcing him to resort to a spectacular feat of athleticism, which more often than not results in a foul.  To compound matters, he foolishly tries to contest nearly every shot even when it is obvious he has not chance.

What needs to happen is first off, the Suns (other than Nash who has been remarkably poised) need to stop crying foul.  Second, Amare needs to let some of those dunks or layups go.  He is not going to be a defensive factor regardless of foul trouble, so he needs to concentrate on neutralizing Tim Duncan by equaling his offensive output.  It's hard to tell a player to stop playing defense and still be taken seriously, but in this case it's absolutely what Amare needs to do.

If you suck at defense anyways, don't make matters worse by getting into foul trouble and limiting what you can do by not being on the floor. 

What you fans need to do is answer me a couple quesions: If the Suns struggled to get to the line against good teams, why should it be different now?  If the Spurs spent the entire season as the defense with the least amount of fouls called, why should that change?  If you think free throw attempts should be even in the series, tell me who deserves to shoot them from the Suns and why?  None of them are great at getting to the line.

If I Got Ejected, This is How I Would Do It
by Tim Duncan
Foreword written by O.J. Simpson

In the everchanging world -- i.e., increasingly sensitive -- in which we live in, one must watch what one says. 

Tell a terrible female official to go back to the kitchen and fry up some bacon, and get ready to be the top story of the Celtics season.  Mention the word "nappy" and vault ahead of Hitler and O.J. Simpson on the all-time most despised list -- we interrupt this blog to point out that you can hear the word nappy or ho on BET, MTV, UPN, and sometimes even VH1 for Christ's sake. 

But as of today, sticks and stones may break your bones but laughing from the comfort of your bench, far from the sensitive eyes and ears of the rest of the world (Chasing Amy quote), will get you tossed.

And challenged to a fight (we'll get back to this).

The quick take, while the media, liberal groups, Jesse Jackson and Oprah are allowed -- nay, even obligated -- to be offended by anything and everything, one would hope that our NBA referees could display a little bit thicker skin on a basketball court. I mean, we have all seen NBA officiating and can pretty much agree that it is a riot of laughter (you know, if we're all not too busy screaming and leaving death threats, but that's another story).

I think while many of you will read and post on this, the bigger picture will be missed here.  And that is that Crawford challenged Duncan to a fight.  Now while that may have been an ill-conceived attempt at comedy (standard foot in mouth response), the NBA officials should be above such statements.  While we all must admit human error, personal vendettas should not be accounted into important games.

If national trends uphold, Crawford should be fired.  Or Tim Duncan.  After all, a sense of humor is the most offensive thing in this country.

With that in mind, I've called the Revs (Jackson and Sharpton) and proposed a laugh off rally.  Chris Rock and Imus included.  What we've come up with is a call to all fans for the last day of the season to show up at every NBA game with a clown suit and Tim Duncan jersey and voice your support by laughing at the NBA officials. 

Consider it a million dollar clown march.

It's a shame that the fight, unlike Bavetta vs. Barkley, will never happen.  In lieu of this though I propose we get actors and host it in Vegas on Pay Per View.  Butter Bean can play Crawford, and Abdul Jabbar (Bruce Lee student) can pull Timmy.  Or Leonard Nemoy (Spock).  This has to happen.

In honor of Tim Duncan, I'd like to list some of the most original ways I have ever been ejected from college basketball games:

"Pack your Bags": With officials continuously allowing an opposing player to shuffle his feet before performing a jump stop, and our team down 15 with two minutes, I was inbounded the ball.  Much to the shock of everyone instead of dribbling the ball up court I cradled it like a football and ran it all the way to the other end and layed it in. 

Of course I was called for a walk, and in the comedy of the situation I walked to half court, set the ball down, and explained to the officials that I just wanted to make sure they knew how to call it.

"Piggy Backed and Donkey Raped": Our center stood all of 6-5 while the other team had three guys at 6-7.  While fundamental boxing out should help solve some of the disparity, it does little help when the other team is allowed to just shove you in the back or jump on top of you a la Jim Carrey in Cable Guy.

Again, near the end of the game I was called for a foul.  The other team tried an inbound play set up for an alley oop, but I read it and got in the players lane (well before he left the ground).  Of course he kicked me in the back of the head, fell, and I got called for the foul.

The next play down our guard shot a three from the wing which was obviously off.  In a stroke of genius I targeted their big steroid case of a center and launched my 5-8 self onto his back.  As a result I was able to get rim high and grab the rebound.  No call. When the center got pissed and pushed me down the ref called a tech.  The guy argued that I climbed on his back.  i literally did -- that's the highest I've ever gotten.

Laughing from the floor, I responded, "No joke, if you didn't see that you guys are blind.  Maybe you should, I don't know, try calling something."  And that was the end of my game.

"The Flop": It was 6-7, 250 against 5-8, 180.  While driving in I pulled up just short of the defender, who flew into the basket support like a truck just hit him.  Offensive foul (swear I didn't touch him).  Later in the game, after watching him get bowled over by our stick figure center I finally decided if he was going to draw charges he was going to earn it. 

Finally getting him in an open court situation with his feet set, I lowered my shoulder and ran full speed into him, shoulder, elbow and knee first (the Karl Malone special).  As he went to the ground I stood over him, flexed, and told him, "that's 180 coming at you, you might want to hit the weight room." Tech.

Again, in the closing minute with a slight lead, I drove the lane with a 2 on 1 opportunity.  Knowing he would flop, I started to pull away before I got near him.  Not only did I not touch him, but he fell in the wrong direction (a simply physics lesson could be learned here).  Charge.

As me and the center walked back near the official I grazed the guys shoulder and fell to the ground immediatly.  The crowd laughed, the official put the whistle in his mouth, and I asked him why he didn't see that one, call something.  He did.  He sent me to the locker room.

Got any good ejection stories?  Little League, Pee Wee's, otherwise?  I'm sure we can have a good discussion.

Hey Mavs fan, do you like apples? 129-127 -- How do you like dem apples?

I ask a question in the title because something seems familiar, vague, sort of like a John Edwards reading:

"I'm getting that June holds a very special significance here, like something  bad or reoccuring.  No?  They're really wanting me to look to...they're referencing June, something familiar.  I'm getting a "C", no, like a "Cha" sound...anything?  I'm getting a Cha-Ch- sounds like Choke?  Does Choking mean anything to any of you?  Right, because they are telling me don't worry about last week because you choked as bad last June and it wasn't the end of the world -- just your season."

Watching another epic battle between the Mavs-Suns (do they offer anything but?), the results did not quite sit right.  The Mavs lost?!  Again?!  But the Mavs can't lose, not with no less than four prospecive Hall of Fame players on the court at all times, including a souped-up, seven foot version of Larry Bird and the next coming of Bill Russel in Diop.  Not with their league-best defensive intesity and God's-gift-to-basketball-isness?  So if the Mavs were behind at the end of the clock (if I say lost, I might face mass criticism from Mavs fans who are geniuses when it comes to basketball), then it must have been the fault of someone else.

Stupid David Stern and his dumb University.  I can't wait until Cubes comes out with his latest blog to explain how the referees conspired against his team again (shades of Dwayne Wade) and Nash being the most overrated player in NBA history.  Hurry up Cubes, the world needs to know.

So I propose in this blog we list all the ways that Stern and the NBA are screwing the Mavs over again, because I'm at a loss for words and am hoping some true Mavs fans can fill me in.  Because how else can we explain what happened.

Let's just forget to mention that the Mavs miscued on free throws at the end of the game -- AGAIN.  That Dirk turned the ball over in the clutch, and had a serious pre-2007 Peyton Manning face going -- AGAIN.  And that Josh Howard still can't guard Steve Nash, the most overrated player in Mavs history.  Ditto for Damps and Diop guarding any quality NBA big men. 

(Editor's Note: I realize this post is a few days late, but they're cracking down on internet use at work... Anyways, read my previous post and you'll get a bit more prespective (I was right), that the Mavs, despite their bloated record, are really on equal footing with the Suns and Spurs and that Mavs fans are arrogant jerks.)