By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Dallas Mavericks Strengths: Blonde hair and silicon. Lots and lots of Silicon.
Weaknesses: Delusions of grandeur. Reflect all the worst traits of irritating owner Mark Cuban. Knowledge of the game (?).
In the mind of the fans:
"20 and 10 last year? Nah, Duncan is washed up. Now Marion on the other hand!"
"Mark Cuban now has stats that tell us to think it was a good idea to dump an aging, has-been All-Star point guard for the ability to sign two never-were centers.
"Mark Cuban now has stats that tell us to think it was a brilliant idea to trade an up and coming All-Star point guard for what's left of Jason Kidd."
"Mark Cuban still tells us what to think."
Memphis Grizzlies (Editor's Note: after the offseason moves only the owner and players' moms remain as fans)
Strengths:
Weaknesses:
In the mind of the fans.....err....owner:
"Pau Gasol is overrated. Zach Randolph on the other hand!"
"Why does Chris Wallace keep giving me those death stares?"
"I wonder if I can trade Rudy Gay for Adam Morrison without getting more death threats from Gregg Popovich."
San Antonio Spurs
Strengths: Ability to celebrate championships without riots, looting, or setting fires. Eva Longoria.
Weaknesses: Live in the land of 1,000 taco stands and most of them hit up every single one of them on the way to the game. Any mention of "*".
In the mind of the fans:
"Jefferson and 'Dice are nice, but can we trade for the Suns entire training staff?"
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Golden State Warriors
Strengths: Upside is amongst the highest in the entire league. Weaknesses: Still tolerate management's presence in the building. In the mind of the fans:
"We might hate Stephen Jackson, but even we can't blame him."
"Well, we still have a killer video game team."
Los Angeles Clippers
Strengths: The two Bills (Simmons and Crystal).
Weaknesses: Frankie Muniz.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy Crap! We have a legitimate No. 1 overall big man. A motivated, stud point guard. A promising young shooting guard. Depth up front. And a crap load of cap space in one of the deepest free agent markets next year. Did Sterling die?"
"I can finally wear my team jersey in public!"
Los Angeles Lakers
Strengths: The most famous fans in the entire NBA. Cool under pressure (due to the sedated effect the drugs leave in their system).
Weaknesses: Arrive late, leave early. Bad knees created by years of being on them in Kobe's presence.
In the mind of the fans:
"Have I shown up on the Jumbotron or TV yet? As soon as I do I'm outta here. Can't miss rehab again."
"That person wrote a story that only called Kobe ONE of the greatest players in NBA history? What a hater!."
"ESPN has nothing but Kobe haters! Fox Sports has nothing but Kobe haters! Yahoo has nothing but Kobe haters! Everyone is a Kobe Hater! The Catholic Church thinks Jesus Christ is our savior? they're obviously Kobe Haters!"
Phoenix Suns
Strengths: Desert air apparently increases longevity as much as the Suns training staff. (A lot of old people). One awesome Gorrilla.
Weaknesses: Amare enablers. Still stuck on playoff suspensions of a few years back.
In the mind of the fans:
"David Stern is out to get us. It's a conspiracy, they only want big markets like San Antonio to win."
"At least we'll get to see 130-120 point games again this year. Hopefully we win some of them."
Sacramento Kings
Strengths: Cow bells. Once one of the loudest crowds in the NBA.
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Denver Nuggets
Strengths: Remarkable lung capacity due to yelling at extreme altitudes.
Weaknesses: Coors Light. john Denver.
In the mind of the fans:
"Chauncey Billups slowing down? Ridiculous."
"We'll probably have everything fall absolutely perfect again."
Oklahoma City Thunder
Strengths: Enthusiastic glow remains from Honeymoon. Weaknesses: They're not Seattle. They live in a market so small the city is named after the state.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy crap! I still can't believe we have a professional team to root for besides the Soooners."
Portland Trailblazers
Strengths: were able to influence management to finally rid themselves of the Jail Blazers era.
Weaknesses: National Anthem. Pairing Bowie and Odom together in any sentence.
In the mind of the fans:
"I'm starting to think that this Oden over Durant thing was a bad idea."
"Roy's not overrated...he's....he's...he's better than Kobe. There, I said it."
Seattle Supersonics
Strengths: Passionate fans.
Weaknesses: Took losing their team to find said passion. No NBA team.
In the mind of the fans:
"Root for the Blazers my A--. F--- You David Stern!"
Utah Jazz
Strengths: One of the toughest places to play in the NBA. And with no night life, one can assume that it's directly because of the fans.
Weaknesses: Black dress pants and short sleeved white button up shirts with ties.
In the mind of the fans:
"Williams is just as good as Paul. No really. I mean it. He's better than Paul. He's bigger, a better shooter, and....and....why won't anyone listen to us."
"Sloan's induction speech wasn't too long, or too boring."
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Atlanta Hawks
Strengths: Having sat out the better part of the past two decades, Atlanta fans should be well rested which will bode well towards the end of the long, grueling NBA season. Weaknesses: Inexperience. The mention of the name "Chris Paul".
In the mind of the fans:
"Tony Gonzales was a great addition to the team, he and Matt Ryan are really clicking."
"Undeveloped? Smith already is the second coming of Dominique Wilkins. It's time to tell himstop chucking jumpers too."
Charlotte Bobcats
Strengths: Deep, resourceful. A basketball crazy city, fans can always rely on UNC to balance out the lows of being a Bobcats fan.
Weaknesses: Like the rest of the country, an inability to question anything Michael Jordan does.
In the mind of the fans:
"Forget 50, come back now MJ! It would be nice to see you in the city more than twice a year."
Miami Heat
Strengths: Best tans in the league. Intimate knowledge of opposing players thanks to Miami's omission of closing time at bars.
Weaknesses: Skin cancer. The knowledge that Will Smith once wrote a song based on their city.
In the mind of the fans:
"Wade had a much better year than Lebron, he should have been MVP."
"Beasley in rehab? Damn, there goes our local economy."
Orlando Magic
Strengths: In the land of Disney, fans believe anything can happen.
Weaknesses: Dwight Howard doesn't help fans forget the loss of Shaq by stealing everything Shaq ever did. Cough, Superman, Cough.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy ****'s Tiger Woods"
"Just because his act is stolen, doesn't mean it's unoriginal."
Washington Wizards
Strengths: Have somehow been able to get behind Stevenson's foolishness over the past few years, especially the LeBron taunting.
Weaknesses: The franchise had to change the name from the Bullets to the Wizards for a reason.
In the mind of the fans:
"Hibachi returns!"
"I think this is the year we can count on injury free seasons from Arenas, Butler and Jamis---o--awwww crap. Nevermind."
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use. So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans:
Chicago Bulls
Strengths: They can count the friggin’ President of the United States among their ranks. The old SNL skits with John Goodman aren’t too far off. Da Bulls.
Weaknesses: The old SNL skits with John Goodman aren’t too far off.
In the mind of the fans:
“Post players are still overrated”
“Is it to early to order a Wade jersey?”
Cleveland Cavaliers
Strengths: Indians, Browns, pre-Lebron Cavs—Cleveland has the most loyal and tested fans in the entire country.
Weaknesses: Unfortunately they are also the most heart broken fans in history, leading to an extreme fear of success and paranoia.
In the mind of the fans:
“He won’t leave. He won’t leave. He won’t leave (even God’s not that mean, is he?)"
“F-YOU NEW YORK MEDIA. LEAVE US ALONE!” (Perfectly understandable reaction)
Detroit Pistons
Strengths: Amongst the most rowdy fans in sports.
Weaknesses: Prone to acts of violence.
In the mind of the fans:
“Rodney Stuckey is a point guard. Ben Wallace, not Chauncey, was the true heart of the Pistons, and Ben Gordon is the next Microwave.”
“Wasting our cap space?! If we had wanted Bosh we would have drafted him the first time.” Indiana Pacers
Strengths: Birthplace of the film Hoosiers and Larry Bird.
Weaknesses: Addiction to Reggie Miller highlights.
In the mind of the fans:
“Is there still enough time to trade for Kirk Hinrich?”
“Is there still enough time to trade for Adam Morrison?”
“Is there still enough time to trade for Nick Collison?”
“Do you think we can sign Brent Barry?”
Milwaukee Bucks Strengths: Ability to handle extreme climates. ???
Weaknesses: Laverne and Shirley.
In the mind of the fans:
“If our owner doesn’t want to spend money on our team, then neither do we.”
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