About As Well As You Can Say It

Ken Rosenthal says it best in this article.  Tragic events put things in perspective.  My condolensces go out to the Lidle family.

Likewise, I'd be remiss in not pointing out another fabulous article by Alan Schwarz.  In my early days of podcasting and long before the Next Great Sportswriter competition, Alan was gracious enough to donate some time to my cause.  And apparently, he was pretty tight with Cory Lidle.

A-Rod's Has a Diary?!?

Apparently, I'm a few months late in pointing this out, which is egregious considering the fact that I'm a lifelong New York Yankees fan...  Alex Rodriguez has an online journal!  For my money, this has potential to be the next YouTube, especially if he can find a way to document the offseason hostility that's sure to be directed at him.

Better yet, these raises the possibility that A-Rod uses blogging as a means of coping with anxiety, and could potentially mean that he entered one of FOXSports.com's Next Great Sportswriter contests.  Now, wouldn't that be something...

Trade George Steinbrenner

Here's the thing... with half the world calling for Joe Torre's head, people need to realize that he's only a small part of the problem.  It's got more to do with Steinbrenner than anyone else. 

Now, that's not to say that Steinbrenner is fully responsible for New York's lack of championships over the last several seasons, but he's got more to do with it than Torre.  Never in the history of baseball has a team built solely around offense been completely successful in the postseason.

I point to the signing of Jason Giambi as the watershed moment that steered the franchise down a path of frustration.  From then on, the Yankees became less about postseason pitching and role players, and more about superstar sluggers and homeruns.  If you're keeping score at home, that's LESS of what made them great in the mid-to-late 90s and MORE homers and greenbacks.  Nine out of 10 Yankees fans would kill to have Scott Brosius back.

And now, it's Torre's fault?  I don't think so.  At least, not entirely.

Art Shell Ruins Survivor Pools

I'm not sure if anyone has realized this year, but there is a strong possibility that Art Shell has ruined surivivor / suicide pools as we know them.  The Raiders are so bad under Shell that it's like betting with the Grey Sports Almanac in your back pocket.  The man has totally ruined the allure of the whole "picking one winner each week" concept.  It's like hunting in a zoo.

Furthermore, did Al Davis really expect Shell to turn around the franchise?  I mean, honestly?  Did he really?  Wasn't everyone just a tad suspicious that the combination of Aaron Brooks and Art Shell would be a perfect storm of futility?

Suicide pick this week:  Denver.

Quick Slants Hits the Road

Armed with a trusty audio recorder, Quick Slants will be going on the road this weekend to beautiful State College, Pennsylvania to take in the Penn State - Michigan game.  I won't be interviewing players, coaches, or anyone you've ever heard of.  Nope.  Instead, I'll be hitting the tailgating circuits and getting to the bottom of a very simple question:  Why do Saturday night college games always feel more important?  Is it the lights?  The national television audience?  Or is it the alcohol?  I'll find out.

Feel free to hunt me down and yell comments into my recorder.

Speaking of Penn State...

Angry Emailer of the Month Award

I received a garden variety of emails in response to my column on Joe Paterno two weeks ago -- mainly from those who thought I picked a side in the should-he-stay-or-should-he-go argument, which is something I never actually did.

Without question, this email from reader "Rodney" was my favorite:

"@#$%&*&#@, you *&^% your &%#$% *&$% way too much. Learn how to write a *^#%#@ column. Go #&^#@ your &%#%#.  JOE PA FOREVER!!!  ^##$face"

(You can use your imagination and figure out what the random characters stand for... like a more challenging version of cryptoquotes.)

Well then, Rodney.  Don't hold back, bud.  Tell me what you really think!

Lousy Attempts at Picking Against the Spread

I'm not gonna lie, I was slaughtered in cold blood by my picks from two weeks ago.  For the most part, that's why I took last week off.  It took me a full two weeks to recover.  And this time around, we'll only pick NFL games.  (Sorry, I need to cut back.)

Oakland @ Denver (-15) - See above reasons for not betting on the Raiders.  Ever.

Kansas City @ Pittsburgh (-7) - For as much as I'd like to jump aboard the Damon Huard Fantasy Bandwagon, I'm somewhat leery that its axles will snap this week in the face of a tough Pittsburgh defense.

Philadelphia (-3.5) @ New Orleans - The kind of game that makes you think, "Shouldn't Philly be favored by at least 9?"  Somewhat puzzled by Vegas' logic on this one.  But then again, I did go 0-for-5 two weeks ago.

San Diego (-10) @ San Francisco - If Monster Park were half as intimidating as its name, San Francisco still wouldn't come within 20 of San Diego.

Hit the inbox... tyhildenbrandt@gmail.com

Well, since I devoted most of my creative brainpower to the Terrell Owens saga, I'm left without one ounce of originality for my normal Friday blog.  So, if it's all the same to you, I'll cut straight to the chase and give you my picks for the weekend.

But since I care so much about your gambling success, I'll give you more winners than normal...

College Football

Oregon (+1.5) at Arizona State

Houston at Miami (-17.5)

Temple at Vanderbilt (-34)

Boise St. (+5.5) at Utah

Purdue at Notre Dame (-14)

LAST WEEK: 0-1-1
ON THE YEAR:  2-2-1

NFL Football

New Orleans at Carolina (-7)

Detroit at St. Louis (-6)

San Francisco (+7) at Kansas City

Seattle at Chicago (-3.5)

*Minnesota (+1) @ Buffalo

*qualifies as the token "What the hell is Vegas thinking?" game for week 4. 

LAST WEEK:  3-1
ON THE YEAR: 6-2

In the wake of yet another Terrell Owens media typhoon, I pulled myself out of bed today feeling like I'd been through a crazy night on the college bar scene -- you know, one of those mornings when you wake up on top of your bed sheets wearing stale jeans, one Skecher boot, dried up contact lenses, and a pen-written phone number on your left palm. Something like that.

Let's face it, Terrell Owens just can't stop being the center of attention. He doesn't even have to try anymore, he's the most newsworthy and compelling person in today's sports world. And for some reason, nobody can get enough of him. I wish I had that effect on women.

After making a name for himself for being a stubborn and flamboyant superstar, the media is somewhat obligated to cover the guy's every move, however ridiculous or miniscule they may be. But I don't think it's because because anyone is just "looking for something" to write about.

Quite frankly, this guy has us more dumbfounded than a game of Mousetrap. Say what you want about media overkill, but T.O. has taken his toll on us, too -- as writers, fans, and third-party observers. Perhaps we're the ones in need of mental rehabilitation here. Perhaps wondering what makes T.O. tick is like trying to figure out the true meaning of life. And perhaps pumping out more and more content about him is our only means of coping with his lunacy.

Sounds crazy, I know. But then again, we passed Crazytown yesterday morning.

So naturally, yesterday's circus resulted in an influx of T.O.-related content by writers from here to Timbucktoo. There weren't any helicopters or workout regimens in his driveway this time around, just an uncomfortable press conference that felt scripted, even though it probably wasn't.

For me, the saga is secondary to the reaction it generated. Not from the media, but from my colleagues at the office, most of whom were in complete and total disbelief after reading twice-forwarded email messages from friends of friends that had "connections" and the real truth behind the day's events. I didn't know that non-football fans were this interested in Terrell Owens, did you? Really, what impact does he have on their lives? Guess that didn't matter, everyone was sucked into the story that he tried to take his own life, including myself.

And collectively, we all were had by apparently false reports from the Dallas Police Department. That's what the Owens media team tells us anyway.

So, like I said, I'm still recovering. Some lemon lime Gatorade and Tylenol should do the trick. Maybe even a siesta after lunch. In the meantime, I'll try and piece together what happened yesterday, as if I was on an all day bender with jello shots and hard liquor.

On second thoughts, maybe it's better to let the whole thing go. Like those mysterious digits -- full of possibilities -- discovered on your hand the next morning, it's probably better to take this situation for what it really was.

Fake.

---

If you're still fascinated by this saga, here are a few links that are worth your time...

T.O. saga: Police, pills, publicists, and denials by Jim McCurdie, FOXSports.com

The Human Being Vs. The Publicist by Deadspin.com

Suicide? No way. by Dan Le Betard, ESPN The Magazine

Truth becomes sideshow in Terrell Owens circus by Jason Whitlock, Kansas City Star

Owens must deal with his problems by Stephen A. Smith, Philadelphia Inquirer

Trainer cites physical, emotional setbacks by Michael Granberry, Dallas Morning News

We snapped to attention by Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe

Tale's hard to swallow by Mike Downey, Chicago Tribune

Circus act by Dan Wetzel, Yahoo! Sports

The best medicine for Owens is time and space by Michael Silver, SI.com

Even if he's telling the truth, something's weird with T.O. (as usual) by Mike Freeman, CBSSportsline.com

In T.O. land, every moment is a melodrama by Pat Forde, ESPN.com

Imagine My Dismay...

Two months ago, I went to Eagles camp and provoked regular fans to spew venom about Terrell Owens.  As of 9:30 AM ET, I officially felt like the biggest Smurf in the world.

 

Will the Real T.O. Please Stand Up?

While we'll never truly know if Terrell Owens meant to take his own life, we do have confirmation on one point:  We don't know a damn thing.  Not about superstar athletes.  Not about T.O.  Not about anybody walking the planet.

The most recent Owens saga has again proven that you don't know anything about your favorite athletes -- and maybe that you shouldn't believe everything you see on television.  Vilified by the national media, Owens has been portrayed as an abrasive teammate marching to the beat of his own drummer, especially with the turmoil he created last season, which essentially turned all the brotherly love in Philadelphia against him.  We saw it with our own eyes, too, as helicopters circled his suburban home in South Jersey and video-taped a fiery, impromptu workout - scripted to perfection.

The reports on Wednesday hinted at a different side of a superstar who we've all been forced to hate.  And despite an emphatic denial by his publicity team, you can't help but wonder about Owens' personal life. 

Often times, public life is depicted much differently than the way things actually are.  For the first time since T.O. popped up on our radar, there's at least a chance that we're witnessing him fight something far more difficult than the Eagles front office.

And if that's true, it'd be in our best interests to root him on.  But then again, we might never really know.  As of now, nobody's admitting to anything.

I'm So Dizzy...

So, what actually happened?  Quite frankly, the details are still muddled.  After reports circulated this morning about a possible suicide attempt stemming from a bout with depression, the Owens publicity team quickly sprung into action.

According to his afternoon press conference, Owens denied that there were any attempts to take his own life, and virtually laughed off the entire situation as a lesson in miscommunication.  The overdose?  Supposedly, all an illusion.  That's right, just a volatile reaction between supplements and painkillers.  The reports of depression?  Allegedly false.  The desperate 911 call?  Apparently, not as desperate as initially reported.  The police reports of attempted suicide?  Completely swept under the rug by his publicist. 

A thank you here, a thank you there...  it's like nothing ever happened at Owens Camp.  In all honesty, I think this situation was overblown by the media.

The Obvious Question Nobody Is Asking

Why did it take a full eight days after Owens' surgery for him to have such an adverse reaction?  Sorry, just asking...

She's No Drew

Kim Etheredge, Owens' publicist, has a lot to learn from mega agent Drew Rosenhaus.  From a public relations standpoint, she likely opened up a new can of worms for her client.  Allow me to explain.

Etheredge adamantly claims she did not tell a Dallas police officer that Owens was "depressed."  Maybe she didn't, but you just KNOW that the Dallas police force will look into this matter so as not to seem incompetent in front of the national media. 

Prediction:  This will only lead to more questions, even though she is probably telling the truth.

The Silver Lining

If anything, this story brings an important fact to light:  Depression does not discriminate between superstars and us lowly commoners.  Even though Owens might not be affected, the thought that a person of his magnitude could be might help some people face their own realities. 

Let's face it, we all know someone that's been ravaged by depression.  Perhaps this situation will prompt people to re-evaluate their own conditions and seek out help if needed.  Depression is not a sign of weakness, but quite the contrary -- a legitimate condition that millions are forced to cope with on a daily basis, leaving many with an uncontrollable feeling of hopelessness.  It's a tough nut to crack, requiring time, patience, and support.  But it can be overcome.

 

While it may be an impossible -- even incomprehensible -- notion for some people to truly grasp, it's a very real issue for a number of good people out there who understand it all too well, whether they're willing to admit it or not.  Regardless, it's nothing to be ashamed of.  Everybody has some sort of problem, right?

 

If only a handful of people use this circus as a catalyst to get treatment, then maybe this it's a blessing in disguise.

 

That's all for now...

 

Hit up the inbox at tyhildenbrandt@gmail.com

Important Link To Be Read Before Your Morning Coffee

 

Seriously, read this before your morning coffee. I mean it.

 

Help Him, He's Talking And He Can't Shut Up

From the strange world of Alex Rodriguez comes another tantalizing tale that's sure to ruffle a few feathers. You can read Tom Verducci's article for yourself, but one thing's for sure, A-Rod isn't making any new friends in New York. After subsequently calling out the fans for not being harder on teammates Mike Mussina and Jason Giambi, and referring to himself as "handsome," there's a good chance he scared off even more of his precious few supporters.

 

On some level, A-Rod's recent comments indicate one thing that we've known all along: Texas was the only team bad enough, and only state big enough, to handle his massive ego. You just know that deep down, A-Rod desperately wants to be THE man in New York, but won't come out and say it. Seriously, man, just be honest with us already. Don't get me wrong, he's a great player and a future hall of famer, but until he can get over himself, it's not getting any easier in the Big Apple.

 

Bottom line: Derek Jeter is, and always will be, the face of the Yankee franchise. And unless A-Rod is planning an intense, Diddy-style, self-promotion campaign, that's not going to change anytime soon.

 

Taking Back 'Sunday'

 

Did I miss a memo, or has ESPN signed a sponsorship agreement with Merriam-Webster to include a blood-rushing adjective before every Saturday and Sunday? Last week, it was "Separation Saturday." This week, it's "Showdown Sunday." If this trend catches on, it could totally ruin the allure of "Thirsty Thursday" and other such gimmicks that have been so successful. Enough with the names, ESPN...

 

Fun With Photoshop

 

Being an IT guy by trade, I appreciate the laughs that a nice Photoshop'ed image can generate. You know, put your friend's face on Katarina Witt's body and start an inside joke that lasts for weeks. All in good fun, right?

 

Well, apparently the folks at The Dubliner, an Irish magazine, shared the same sentiments and decided to take shots at Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren. However, instead of starting an interoffice email chain, the Irish Star took the story and ran with it, subsequently plastering a doctored picture of Nordegren on the front page of its publication, and "satirically" stated that she was tied in with a bunch of adult websites:

"Most American golfers are married to women who cannot keep their clothes on in public," the magazine wrote. "Is it too much to ask that they leave them at home for the Ryder Cup? Consider the evidence. Tiger Woods' wife can be found in a variety of sweaty poses on porn sites."

 

Umm... yeah. Great idea, guys. Go after the wife of the most popular athlete in the world. Sheer brilliance. After Tiger takes all your worldly possessions in an international lawsuit, he's going to snap a titanium driver over your heads and beat you into a bloody pulp. And in all honesty, I wouldn't blame him if he did.

 

If A Tree Falls In A Forest...

 

...everyone in the greater Philadelphia metro area would've heard it, at least last Sunday evening.

 

After a fourth quarter gutter ball against the rival New York Giants, the Eagles triggered a kind of eerie pandemonium that's been native to the Philadelphia region for, well, my entire life. You'd swear an important diplomat was kidnapped by henchmen from Colombia with the somber state of every local news program. The city was socked in the stomach and collectively trying to catch its breath. And I must say, it was pretty funny to witness.

 

I took three big things away from last Sunday's Giants-Eagles game:

 

 

1) Even though they lost, the Eagles are going to be fine. For the most part, they dominated a tough defense and passed the ball at will against a revamped New York secondary. They're going to win a lot of games as long as Andy Reid takes his medication and doesn't turn back into Marty Schottenheimer again for the rest of the season.

 

2) Eli is the Anti-Peyton. Think about it, while big brother Peyton plays his best football in seemingly meaningless game situations, Eli performs best in the fourth quarter with the game on the line and all the pressure in the world on his shoulders. As Troy Aikman said, Eli was "ordinary" for the first three quarters of last Sunday's game and rose to the occasion with a bunch of big throws in the closing minutes. Give the guy credit, he looked like a franchise quarterback.

 

3) The city of Philadelphia couldn't care less that its Phillies are involved in a playoff chase. The Eagles are such a priority that the Phillies have essentially become an afterthought in their own hometown. That's about right.

 

Like I said last week, this feels like the kind of year that both teams will beat each other on the road. So, we'll see.

 

From the News Desk

 

Apparently, Peyton and Eli Manning are related! Believe me, I was just as shocked to learn this as you. I'm really surprised that this hasn't gotten more coverage..... arghhhhhhh!

 

The Quiznos "Toasted Cornerback" of the Week Award

To Notre Dame senior cornerback Ambrose Wooden who surrendered a 70-yard touchdown pass after falling hook, line, and sinker for an out-and-up route by Michigan receiver Mario Manningham. After a dismal showing in the Fiesta Bowl earlier this year, and now this, Wooden is making a strong push to have this award permanently emblazened with his namesake.

 

Welcome To The Party...

Congratulations to NGS II winner Brandon Vogel on having his first column published here on FOXSports.com last week. Check it out. If you're like me and looking for reasons to ignore Texas as an actual state after that whole Reggie Bush debacle, this gives you more ammunition.

 

Rule I'd Like To See Implemented

Shouldn't it be required that employees of Victoria's Secret stores must better looking than the dressed-up manikins that are displayed in the windows?

 

Props For A Blogger That Doesn't Know It's Coming

Let's give a shout out to cuziffer for his dedicated blogging here in FOXSports.com community. Lately, this guy's been pumping out posts like Britney Spears does kids. Keep up the good work!

 

Fearless College Picks

Notre Dame -3 @ Michigan State

 

The Irish may be overrated, but after last week, the smart money is on Brady Quinn throwing for about five touchdowns and 400 yards, give or take.

 

Cincinnati @ Virginia Tech -27

The only reason this line is under 30 is because Cincinnati hung with Ohio State last week for one half.

 

(LAST WEEK: 2-1)

Fearless NFL Picks

 

Philadelphia -6.5 @ San Francisco

 

ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE! ALEX SMITH VERSUS AN ANGRY DEFENSE!

 

Denver +7 @ New England

 

The Broncos have scored 19 combined points against two mediocre defenses. And to be honest with you, I started off really really REALLY liking the Patriots here. But the more I think about it, I just don't feel New England has the firepower to pull away from the Broncos. Plus, Denver can't really be that bad, can they? Shame on me for siding with Jake Plummer, but I'm taking the points.

 

New York Giants +3.5 @ Seattle

 

While last week's win may have fallen off a truck, the Giants are a legitimate threat to win the NFC East and advance deep into the playoffs. Seattle's line minus Hutchinson will be tested against a talented front seven.

 

Cincinnati +1.5 @ Pittsburgh

 

Sorry, but I'm not sold on Ben Roethlisberger being 100%. Palmer will be poised to take down the team that shredded his knee.

 

(LAST WEEK: 3-1)

..........

 

Hit up the inbox at tyhildenbrandt@gmail.com