This is Part 3 of a 4 part conversation with NGS II Winner Brandon Vogel.  Check out Part 1 and Part 2 if you haven't already seen them

Ty Hildenbrandt:  Wow, it's possible you have me at a loss for words with that list.  You're right on the money with John Henry Williams.  I think Luke Russert is in the hunt for this honor, but as you so aptly pointed out, only time will tell.  He'd be one of those guys showing up on an Upper Deck "Future Offenders of the LOTC III" baseball card.

I'm not gonna lie, this is a tough list to crack, but here are a few you left off in no particular order:

Beau Bridges - The son of Lloyd and the brother of "Harry" from Dumb and Dumber.  Check out this guy's filmography if you're looking for some evidence as to why he's on my short list.  His dad was a huge star.  He, on the other hand, starred in the 1998 show Maximum Bob, a show that lasted a whole two months on ABC before it was canceled.

Colin Hanks - Here's another guy that Upper Deck would put on its "Future Offenders of the LOTC III" baseball card series along with Luke Russert.  Obviously, his old man is a legend in Hollywood.  And unless Colin gets moving, it doesn't seem like he'll ever be able to live up to his dad's standards, seeing as how he'll be 29 at the end of the month.  To date, his biggest film was Orange County, a movie that was more popular because of the movie poster (with two orange slices over his eyes) than the actual film.

Lisa Marie Pressly - We here at Quick Slants do not discriminate based on age, race, or gender.  Hence, Lisa Marie needs to be on this list in some capacity.  To form a lame analogy to the BCS, her marriage to Michael Jackson earned her an automatic bid to appear on this list.  And, her dad was the King of Pop, so there's no conceivable way she could ever fill those shoes.

Jay Paterno - See above conversation.

Jeff Bowden - For lack of better terms, he's "Jay Paterno South."  And also, he's the butt of this joke, which might just be the most cleverly conceived Photoshop image I've ever seen.

Todd Marinovich - Though not technically the son of an "icon," we heard so much about this guy's pedigree and, at one time, believed that he'd grow up to be the "perfect quarterback."  Now, six arrests later (four of which have come since 2000), I think it's pretty clear that things didn't work out for Todd.  At last check, he's promoting the legalization of marijuana and steadfastly claims that he'll move to Holland before anyone in the U.S. tells him he can't smoke it.

Anyway, enough of that for now.  Talk to me about your newfound writing career.  How did you react when it first hit you that your writing hobby would now be published on the internet and promoted to millions?  To be honest, I was deathly afraid of becoming the blogging version of Ryan Leaf, flipping out at a few hecklers, and relegating myself to typing up boxscores for the local paper.  Thus far, I don't think that's happened, but I suppose I could still go in the tank over the next couple months.

Brandon Vogel: How could I miss Beau Bridges? Jim Rome makes the Bridges-Bill Callahan comparison at least once a week!

As for the writing career, I guess my first actual gig was writing for a small, on-line newspaper while I was still in college. It was called Xpressnews.com and is now defunct (although not my fault, I don't think) and I was the sports correspondent covering American Legion baseball and high school all-star games, the typical newbie beat. It ended when I went back to school in the fall. I begged my editor to let me do a column and, probably to her and the readers' benefit, she continually said no. But when I attended the Nebraska - Notre Dame game in 2000 in South Bend, she actually approached me about doing a sort of reaction piece and that's basically when everything clicked for me.

After that brief stint doing "real" journalism, and a three-year break for graduate school, I started up a site on blogspot, was doing that for about two months and then my friend and sole reader forwarded me along the NGS contest link. The FOXSports blogs provided me with my first real readers who weren't either a) directly related to me, or b) a college classmate.

But in the moments after my first article for the main site was published, it was a mixture of elation and unease to think that anyone could just be surfing the Internet and come across something I wrote. It was definitely my Navin R. Johnson moment and I've been waiting for that for years.

Ty Hildenbrandt:  Egregious on all counts for missing Beau Bridges.  That one was on a tee and you whiffed.  But then again, I never would have thought up John Henry Williams, so I'm willing to call it even.

It sounds like we both were thrown right into the mix after NGS.  Personally, my only writing experiences before winning the contest were a few letters to the editor, a few witty emails to my friend Feldman, and a few months of blogging over on AOL.  That's pretty much it.  Likewise, I was told about the NGS contest from a good friend, and decided to give it a whirl.  I'm thoroughly convinced that my friends still don't consider me a writer.  They still think I'm the guy that plays Madden NFL Football online.  (Okay, who am I kidding... I still am that guy.)

Indeed the whole "there-are-people-reading-this-that-I-don't-know" feeling is pretty momentous.  I think that's what I've enjoyed most about the whole experience.  I realize people will say "HEY! They told him to say that!" when I bring this up, but that's the best part about this community on FOXSports.com.  Granted, it won't take you more than five minutes to find a blogger offering critical words about the community, but you really can't find a setup like this anywhere else.  It's a great place to gain exposure, grow as a writer, and learn how to take negative comments with a grain of salt.  And believe me, that's an important skill.

Since writing my first column back in March, I've been continually amazed by the intense hate mail I've received.  I'm told this comes with the territory.  At first, I was taken aback.  Now, I'm almost alarmed if I don't get any.  I think it keeps me on my toes.  Plus, the creativity is top notch, giving me the chance to learn new curse words everyday!  Right now, I am apparently at odds with the token Irrational Drew Bledsoe Supporter, seeing as how I slammed him two columns ago.  My letter bomb should be arriving anyday now, postmarked "Irvin, TX."

The bottom line is that there will always be haters.  Doesn't matter what you write, there's no way around it.  As a normal guy, like me, thrown into the fire, did you have any Roberto Duran moments when you felt like shouting out "no mas!" and throwing in the towel?  During NGS I, II, or now?

And all kidding aside, have you gone to your local McDonald's yet and inquired about receiving free Spicy Chicken Sandwiches as part of our loose affiliation with the restaurant chain?

Brandon Vogel: Madden On-line, huh? The concept of on-line video games is perfect. Play against live competition anywhere in the world from the comfort of your own couch. A few months back, I finally took the plunge and linked up the PS2 only to find that playing on-line is one of the most humbling experiences a grown man who should've dropped video games years ago can have. A lot of those guys are real pros, and, at least for me, trying to compete with them is like trying to take the Astrophysics category in a Jeopardy match against Stephen Hawking and the ghost of Carl Sagan.

Back to the contest, the only real "no mas" moment I had was immediately after the announcement for NGS II. I think I had written maybe three posts since the end of NGS I and I wasn't really sure about going through it all again. For at least a few days after the contest opened, I was certain that I'd be sitting this one out.

But then I kind of took a look around and realized I was really excited about some of the major events on tap in the sporting world. Baseball had just started which meant the Cubs were theoretically still alive in the race, the NBA playoffs were forthcoming, which meant it was time to pay serious attention, and, the biggest for me, the Kentucky Derby and my first real World Cup as an avid follower. After all that, I was excited again.

Now, I don't know about you, but I found the most anxiety inducing moment to be the hours and days following the weekly assignment announcement. As soon as the judges posted the new assignments, the pain began. I would sit and wrack my brain for a unique angle, come up with a few different ideas and look around to see what else was out there, and then finally, with a lot of doubt still in my mind, start on one of them.

Once the writing started, that was the easy part, but I hated the brainstorm part of it.

This is Part II of a 4 part conversation with Brandon Vogel, the winner of NGS II.  To view Part I, click here.

 

Ty Hildenbrandt:  Ahh... Did I hear something about a playoff system in college football?

 

The "should we or shouldn't we" argument over having playoffs in college is a lot like asking if you prefer the pre- or post-Don King version of Mike Tyson.  Sounds funny, but it's oh so true.  Do you prefer a mix of stability with controversy, or just plain controversy?  With a playoff system, I think we'd have the best of both worlds, if implemented correctly -- perhaps a "plus one" format.  A four-team system wouldn't render the regular season meaningless and would, mathematically, have a better chance of "getting it right" than the BCS, simply because more teams would be involved.  Right now, the system in college football is totally, "post-Don King" Tyson.  It's hanging on the coattails of last year, when everyone claimed it "worked," but it's still violently unstable and ready to explode if the wind blows at just the wrong angle.  Meanwhile, we've got the Big Ten laughing its way to the bank, the Big East throwing haymakers in broad daylight, and the outside chance that the SEC will start eating children if it gets left out in the cold, yet again.  It'll be interesting to see what happens.

 

In my mind, all of this controversy takes a backseat to what's going on at Rutgers.  I mean, we're talking about a team that was Prairie View and Temple for the last decade, and now it's unbeaten?  (It's downright egregious that Steve Cyphers hasn't done a human interest spot on the Scarlet Knights.)  I think that speaks volumes about what a good leader can do on the college level.  It's about changing mentalities and utilizing your resources.  That's how you resurrect a dying, or dead, program.

 

To a degree, I think we've seen that at Nebraska.  The "cloud of dust and two yards" offense was buried in a time capsule to make way for a more modern way of thinking.  And it's worked.  Today's skill players want to play in an offense that can catapult them into the NFL, not a one-dimensional system that only benefits running backs and offensive linemen.  I think Nebraska is starting to learn this concept, though it's been a slow and arduous process.  Sometimes, "tradition" needs to evolve.

 

On the complete opposite side of the spectrum is my alma mater, Penn State, which seems more dedicated to maintaining the same coaching staff than any semblance of a top 15 program.  Look, I went to school in Happy Valley for four years -- if not for Joe Paterno, the place would be a cow pasture.  I shook his hand on my way home from class one day.  My friends and I used to drive around on Sunday mornings and see if we could find him during his weekly walk (and not in a crazy, "stab you in the back with a steak knife" stalker kind of way).  And I have no problem with him sticking around for as long as he wants.  But, the times, they are a'changing, and it's time to re-evaluate the way things work.

 

Last year's 11-1 finish might've been the worst thing to happen to this program since it created the illusion that all was well and that everything was on the upswing.  The real reason PSU did so well last season?  The offense was a perfect fit for Michael Robinson.  For the first time in his college career, they figured out how to tap into his talent.  And that worked.

 

But now, we're witnessing an ongoing chemistry experiment titled "Run the same Michael Robinson offense with a slow, pocket-passer and see what happens."  The result:  a 6-4 team that has been as predictable as gravity.  Needless to say, this plan is NOT working.  And it won't get any better until Penn State learns to fit its offense to its players, not vice-versa.

 

Brandon Vogel:  After seeing the hit Paterno took last week, I'm thinking it's a good thing you weren't interested in the "steak-knife-in-the-back" route. This probably only would've made JoePa angry, and, as we've seen, he will run down anybody when he's angry.

 

I think part of the reason I have such difficulty deciding the playoff v. non-playoff question is that it's tough to imagine college football without the controversy. To your credit, the Tyson-King analogy helps clear thing up a bit, but if college football did become "pre-King Tyson" and started mowing down title hopefuls with cool efficiency, I'm not sure we'd know what to do with ourselves.

 

But let's try it out. Give me a season or two to see how it works. I've always imagined that sometime in my 80s I'll relate to the young whipper-snappers how we used to decide the national champion and it will border on the unbelievable. Like hunting whales in rowboats with an iron spear or getting only one NFL game a week on television.

 

And on the topic of the outmoded, seeing The Option die at Nebraska saddened me greatly but it was a necessary evil. As you noted, if you want blue chip skill players, you have to offer them the chance to move on to the League.

 

Penn State has those skill players now but they're struggling under a first-year QB. That's not shocking to me as I looked at this season as a transition for the Nittany Lions coming in. The bigger question in my mind is what happens after Paterno? (And I agree, let him stay as long as he wants.)

 

Do you think Penn State will stay "in the family?" Will Paterno have a say in his successor? That happened at Nebraska with the Osborne to Solich torch passing and, well, Nebraska still hasn't recovered fully. When Joe finally hangs up the high-waters, are you ready to close the book on the Paterno era at Penn State?

 

Ty Hildenbrandt:  I think it's a foregone conclusion that defensive coordinator Tom Bradley will be taking over when Paterno finally decides to call it quits in 2049 at the youthful age of 143.  You can already see the writing on the wall, as Bradley has been giving command on two separate occasions this season when JoePa had health issues to take care of.  Plus, he's been the catalyst behind signing some blue chip recruits like as Justin King and Derrick Williams, and is the logical successor.

 

To be honest, I think most Penn State fans couldn't care less about the in-house / out-of-house debate, as long as it's NOT Jay Paterno.  The disdain for Jay Paterno in State College has been one of the best kept secrets in all of college football.  People respect him the way the citizens of Rome respected Commodus in Gladiator, and that's not saying much.  Granted, Anthony Morelli is still in his first year as a starter, but fans are questioning whether or not their quarterbacks coach (JayPa) has any idea how to groom him into the five-star player he was supposed to be.  So far, they've got a pretty strong point.

 

We see this all the time in sports and politics, though.  Why do we inherently assume that the child of an icon will be just as good in the same profession?  [Insert obvious George W. Bush joke here.]  Why hasn't anyone done a study on this?  Think about all the people who have gotten free boosts of credibility simply because of their heritage.  Let's call this the "Law of Tommy Callahan III'," in honor of the timeless Tommy Boy movie, from here on out.  Somewhere in the fine print, it means that if you're the child of an icon, you're more prone to failure, be it because of added exposure, an augmented sense of entitlement, or just lack of actual skills.

 

On that note, who are you all-time favorite "Law of 'Tommy Callahan III'" offenders?

 

Brandon Vogel: Great question and an even better title. Here we go:

 

5) Luke Russert - The kid is only 21-years-old, still a student at Boston College and he already cohosts a sports talk show on XM Radio with James Carville. (My dream job really, and that has everything to do with indiscernible Cajun accents and nothing to do with political ethos.) But his father is Meet the Press host Tim Russert, and when you have your own show at such a young age, people are always going to wonder if you got there on your own merit. I won't call him an "offender" just yet, but it's going to be a while before he escapes the shadow.

 

4) D.J. Strawberry - Every list needs a sobering reminder, and young Mr. Strawberry is it. D.J.'s made a pretty good name for himself. Earning a basketball scholarship to Maryland is no small feat and that high school game where he held LeBron in check would've made the career of a kid whose dad didn't happen to have one of the sweetest swings in all of history. Instead of being the guy who locked up LeBron James and one of the best defenders in the ACC, he's still just Darryl Strawberry's son. Forget Darryl's problems, that's the real tragedy.

 

3) Shooter Jennings - When your dad is Waylon Jennings and your name comes from the fact that you peed on your nurse immediately after birth, you're already in a pretty deep hole. But Shooter was doing fine when he was an LA rock'n'roller. Then he decided to take up the country mantle. He's put out two forgettable albums since and not so famously portrayed his father in Walk the Line without changing his appearance at all for the late-60s setting.

 

2) Emilio Estevez - This is like a Tommy Callahan exacta here, as not only does he have to compete with his dad, he also has to compete with Charlie Sheen. In terms of sports movies alone, the brothers aren't even close. Eight Men Out and Major League versus the Mighty Ducks franchise? No contest. While Emilio was doing press for Maximum Overdrive, Charlie was getting ready to work with his father and Oliver Stone on Wall Street, resulting in one of the greatest movie names of all time: Bud Fox. We won't even bring up Martin's filmography, it just gets uglier. And to think, the future looked so bright after The Outsiders.

 

1) John Henry Williams - Ummm, he froze the greatest hitter of all time. Can there be any argument?

 

Part III tomorrow...

As I said last week, in honor of the upcoming one year anniversary since the Next Great Sportswriter contest, I'll be trading emails with some of the people that helped make NGS I and NGS II successful.  Below is part one of a three-part email discussion I had with NGS II winner Brandon Vogel (otherwise known as "HiPlainsDrifter).  Enjoy...

Ty Hildenbrandt:  Brandon, let's dive right into it.  You've now been the Next Great Sportswriter for a couple of months and I'm guessing you've had ample time to sit down and think through what a remarkable experience it was.  As expected, your work has been top-notch, and I thoroughly look forward to your upcoming articles.

 

So, now that we can both look back and reflect, I'll ask a very obvious, very timely question:  Which three letters have caused more controversy within the FOXSports.com community over the last year, 'NGS' or 'BCS'?  (I think it's a fair question -- actually, the analogy is so fitting it hurts.)  And, in your opinion, if we found some Einsteinian method to retrofit college football with an NGS-like system, would we really be looking at an Ohio State/Michigan vs. Louisville BCS Championship game?

 

Furthermore, if we were to reverse things and apply BCS-like logic to NGS, which one of us would have the stronger rating and be in better position headed into bowl season?  I think you've got me in the Harris Interactive Poll, but I'm told from the powers-that-be that I've got a stranglehold on both the Billingsley and Sagarin computer rankings.  If we ran the numbers and discovered identical .9924 ratings, would you be opposed to scheduling a 'Dancing With The Stars'-type referendum contest to settle the score?

 

Brandon Vogel:  Good question, within the FOXSports.com community I would say that NGS probably stirred the greater controversy. Plagiarism, age-verification, ballot-stuffing. The two NGS rounds were political-thrillers/reality shows/sports debates all rolled into one. The BCS is the yearly hot-topic, and the criticism starts as soon as the first poll is released, but the difference is that the users of FOXSports.com had a direct say and, if they were participating, a stake in NGS. I think it's safe to say that neither you nor I will ever win the BCS Title but we, and quite a few others, had a shot in NGS.

 

If the BCS were to go to the NGS format, either with or without judges, I don't think there's any way that Louisville is getting a shot at the title game. It's mostly an entertainment issue and when we got down to the last week of the season, I don't see the readers of FOXSports choosing to watch Louisville vs. OSU/Michigan. Floriburnsas or Texas is the more intriguing match-up, but I could be wrong. As I look at it right now, Louisville is leading Michigan in the FOXSports Fan Poll. I just hope that the people who are lauding Louisville now will be willing to lobby for Rutgers should they win out. I want the Scarlet Knights in the desert night on January 8th.

 

Now I hold few firm beliefs when it comes to sports and the Internet, but one of them is that if something can't be researched in under five minutes it is either a) an urban legend, or b) not worth knowing. Finding the methodology for these BCS polls clocked in at 4 minutes 44 seconds. So when you said I was leading the Harris Interactive Poll, I had to look it up and find out exactly what it was and why I might have the advantage in that particular ranking. I found my answer. It turns out that Brad Muster is part of the Harris panel and I always gave him a ton of carries on NES Play Action Football, so I'm not totally surprised. At the age of 11, I was still very much a player's coach.

 

And since it was the Harris Poll that replaced the AP Poll in the BCS rankings, it's almost like the different judging methods between NGS 1 and 2.  But with you taking the Billingsley and Sagarin rankings, I think a rematch is inevitable. As Pat Hill says at Fresno State,"anytime, anywhere." (They're 1-7 right now.) It might be a bit like an OSU-Michigan BCS Championship game should that happen this year as you've already beaten me once, but if extended an invitation I would definitely show up.

 

Early word out of Vegas is that you're a 1.5 star favorite based on past results.  My question is:  What's in the mythical NGS Bowl gift bag?

 

Ty Hildenbrandt:  Without question, the inaugural NGS Bowl gift bag would include five free tokens to be the FOXSports.com "Blog of the Day," immunity from negative comments for no less than one (1) calendar year, and a 40% discount on all carpal tunnel surgeries performed by Dr. James Andrews.   We'd also need some kind of trophy that is symbolic of our cause.  So, perhaps we could contract Rush Limbaugh to find us some under-the-table samples of Lunesta or another such sleeping medication to help us recuperate from the countless hours of rest we missed out on while pursuing blogging superstardom.   The winner could hibernate until 2007.

 

(And for what it's worth, I think Vegas' 1.5-star line will come down once news breaks of your timely Brad Muster / NES Play Action Football reference.  That one killed me.  Muster ranks right up there with the some of the great, white, video game running backs in history - I'd say right behind Tom Rathman and Merrill Hoge from Tecmo Super Bowl.)

 

I think you bring up a great point about supporting Rutgers.  My question:   Would Rutgers be higher in the polls if not for starting out the season unranked?  It seems like we put more credence in preseason polls - published before anyone even plays - than we should, and you'd have to think that it hurts some teams more than it helps.   It's conceivable that Rutgers could go unbeaten and not crack the top 10.  Granted, their out-of-conference opponents have been tomato cans, but still.

 

And while we're on the topic of teams on the upswing, what's your take on the Bill Callahan Era in Nebraska?  I know you hail from the Cornhusker State, so you're probably a good person to ask about this - was I the only one that asked myself, "Why are they hiring Bill Callahan?" when the announcement was made?   It just didn't feel right to me.  Now, a couple years later, it seems like the Huskers are building a program again, but I'm on the outside looking in.

 

Brandon Vogel:  It would be an honor to be under the knife of the skilled Dr. James Andrews. I've always wondered why he doesn't hold some sort of former patients-only celebrity golf tournament. It would be the biggest thing to hit Birmingham every summer, and I think there's a good chance the current NGS winner could provide the coverage. So we can toss that in the gift bag, and an iPod -- can't have a gift bag without an mp3 player. I think Apple actually invented the celebrity gift bag 20 years ago simply so they would have a platform for the iPod, and it worked.

 

Now, in terms of the great white video game running backs, I tend to give Rathman the nod, but that's probably because he's a Cornhusker. His high school jersey actually hangs at Fonner Park, the prettiest little horse track in Nebraska, and perhaps the oddest place for an athletic tribute that I've ever seen.

 

Going back to the Big East, I think Rutgers current poll position is entirely a result of starting out unranked. I've always been a bit wary of a playoff system in college football because as it is college football has the best regular season of any of the major sports and the postseason, while not great at crowning an undisputed national champion, is pretty entertaining as well. But as the years of BCS criticism start to build up, my stance is weakening. Pro-bowlers (and I don't mean NFL all-stars or current PBA stars) say that the entire season is a playoff, but if that's true, how can we seed the tournament before it even starts?  For example, if Louisville wins the Big East and goes undefeated, they will at least be in the picture for the BCS title game. If Rutgers does the exact same thing, they're not in the picture. What's the difference? Louisville's one big non-conference win over Miami? No, it's the fact that the Cardinals started in the Top 10. Unlike the men's basketball tournament, it doesn't seem like people want to see a Cinderella squad on the gridiron. We want tradition and fightsongs we can actually hum along to and slobberknocking...

 

...which, incidentally, Nebraska is starting to achieve with a bit more regularity in Callahan's third year. While I could (and actually hope to) write a book on the current state of Nebraska football, I'll give you the condensed version:

 

In 2003, Frank Solich was fired after going 9-3, Bo Pelini coached Nebraska in the bowl game, got a token interview and then was politely dismissed, a bunch of other candidates turned down the job and Bill Callahan was the first to accept. I was firmly in the Pelini corner, but for the most part I think people were excited by the hire. (Realize that NFL football is about fourth on the sports to pay attention to list in the state, behind 1) Nebraska football, 2) Nebraska recruiting, and 3) the Nebraska Spring Game, so it's entirely possible that a large portion of us had no idea Bill had destroyed the Raiders only one season earlier.)

 

At this point, I will say this for Callahan, the talent level at Nebraska has improved drastically. They're getting recruits and that's at least 60-70% of college football success. As for the actual play, the jury is still out. Nebraska has had some bad losses under Callahan, but they still don't have that one great win. They haven't beaten an opponent ranked in the Top 20, Callahan is only 11-11 in the Big XII and 2-8 on the road. (Yes, I carry these numbers around in my planner.) At home, the West Coast Offense looks great, mixing the pass and the run, being devious and taking chances. Nebraska motions about four guys per play, but it seems to be working this year so I can finally retire my "Cloud of dust and two yards" nickname for the offense. Nebraska is getting better, but ask me or any other Cornhusker fan this question after a loss and you'll get a much different answer.

 

 

(Part 2 coming tomorrow...)

Hey there, everyone.  Since next month will be the one-year anniversary of FOXSports.com's first Next Great Sportswriter contest, I'd like to do something to give back to the community that has given me such an incredible opportunity to write on a national level. 

So, over the next couple weeks, I'll be pulling some of you aside to talk about sports, pop culture, and everything in between.  I'll try to get a nice mix of opinions and post all the discussions right here.  I'm looking forward to it.

Next week, I'll be talking with the winner of NGS II, Brandon Vogel... or "HiPlainsDrifter" as he was once known in these parts before achieving blogging superstardom.  We already know that Brandon has compelling thoughts regarding the world of sports, but he'll undoubtedly have some great stories to share with us about NGS, seeing as how he was one of the elite few to take part in both contests.  Should be a lot of fun.

(Yes, I realize that I'm technically the "Next Great Sportswriter" and that I'm trotting out a hokey, Halloween-themed entry that'll be used approximately 748 times between now and Friday.  But I just couldn't resist.)

 

Back in college, Halloween always qualified as one of those unofficial drinking holidays -- you know, the kind of day that felt like it died once you got to high school, but re-emerged a few years later with the presence of alcohol and female co-eds looking for a reason to dress like hookers.  Unfortunately for me, the college experience expired two and a half years ago, and it's probably not coming back unless I re-apply and roll back my age like Orlando Hernandez.

 

(Sidebar question from this week's angry emailer, Jim in Georgia:  "Ty, are you dressing up as a sportswriter with actual talent for Halloween?"

 

ZING!  Looks like Jimbo's playing hardball, and I gotta say... I'm kind of impressed.  Well done, my friend.  And for those of you playing the home game, I am officially donning my traditional "Single Guy In His Early-to-Mid Twenties" costume this evening.  Seeing as how I'm typing this from the doldrums of east-central Pennsylvania, where the atmosphere is almost as stodgy as Art Shell, there's an above average chance I'll be wearing this garb for quite some time.  But hey...  Happy Halloween, buddy!  Seriously.  Happy frickin' Halloween.  Back to the blog...)

 

In terms of the NFL, I like to use Halloween as a time for reflection and discovery; a time to realize who's masquerading as something they're not.  It's true, not everyone is who we thought they were.  With my official NFL Midseason Awards column set to run next week, I can't give too much away, but here are some of the storylines that have grabbed my interest:

 

THE PHILDELPHIA EAGLES ARE NOT A SUPER BOWL CONTENDER...

 

After blowing the doors off teams like the Texans, 49ers, and Packers, it appeared as though Donovan McNabb was well on his way to re-caputuring the fervor that landed him in the Super Bowl two years ago.  Unfortunately for McNabb, his team, as a whole, has looked listless since losing to New Orleans two weeks ago.  Sunday's performance against Jacksonville underscored some of the team's major weaknesses:  too many dropped passes; too porous of a rush defense; too tenative of a rushing attack.  Maybe Philly will eventually eek its way back into the hunt, but it's not a Super Bowl contender.  Sorry, Philly

 

...NEITHER ARE THE MIAMI DOLPHINS

 

Where, oh where, have the Miami Dolphins gone?  Touted by many as a sleeper Super Bowl selection, it's growing increasingly obvious that Miami never woke up.  The team now finds itself at the bottom of a lackluster AFC East with a record of 1-6, in the midst of a quarterback controversy (involving Joey Harrington, no less), and with a group of core players that couldn't guard a lead with a machine gun.

 

DAUNTE CULPEPPER IS STILL A CROOK

 

Never in the history of fantasy sports has one man gone so quickly from stud to dud, back to stud...and then back to dud.  Just a year ago, Culpepper could've been convicted of highway robbery for his underachievement and subsequent knee injury.  Upon changing teams this offseason, Culpepper miraculously seemed to regain some of his luster.  Admittedly, I took the bait.  And admittedly, I'm now in last place.

 

MARIO WILLIAMS... FIRST OVERALL PICK...  TEE HEE HEE...

 

[Insert over-obvious joke here].  [And here].  Reggie Bush.  Reggie Bush.  Blah, blah, blah.  Charley Casserly.  [Over-the-top joke goes here].  Houston.  Texans.  [And here.]

 

You get the picture.  Six months later, it's still a bad decision.  We get it.  Even with a bum ankle, Bush was still the better pick because of his versatility, and to make matters worse, Domanick Davis went down for the year before the season even got rolling.  Wali Lundy's a nice player in his absence.  But he's still Wali Lundy.

 

B-GRAD COULD BE M-APPLE IN DISGUISE

 

There's no way I'm the only person that thought of this, but has anyone else noticed that Bruce Gradkowski's vitals are noticeably similar to those of Major Applewhite's from back in his days as starting quarterback of the Texas Longhorns?  An inch or so taller, a few pounds heavier.  I smell conspiracy.  You'll remember Applewhite as the Longhorn quarterback who was pulled in favor of Simms, despite no real dip in performance.  Actually, it was quite the contrary, as Applewhite set (and still owns) numerous passing records, including yards in a season and career, completions in a season and career, TD passes, consecutive passes without an interception, and consecutive games with a TD... among others.  Is it possible he has returned under an alias and with a shaven head to make up for lost time?

 

TONY ROMO IS BEING PUMPED INTRAVENOUSLY THROUGH OUR BODY WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT

 

My favorite Al Michaels - John Madden moment so far of 2006:  the suspicious reference that Al Michaels made to Tony Romo's recent breakup while on the air this past Sunday night.  It was so perfect; it almost seemed scripted - almost as if Romo slipped them a few Benjamins to make it happen.  For a few minutes, Michaels and Madden laid it on pretty thick; how Romo's girlfriend apparently broke up with him last Monday before he was named the Cowboys' new starting quarterback, how Romo waited by his cell phone for her to call during his meeting with the duo, and how Romo could now go out to bars and say, "I'm the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys."  Talk about picking the wrong time to cash out your chips - that's like selling off your Google stock before it splits and quadruples in value.  Gotta love that womanly logic; rarely is it logical.

 

On a brighter note, the odds that this nationally televised jab sparked a phone call from Romo's ex:  3 to 2.

 

Feel free to submit some of your own favorite storylines to my inbox at tyhildenbrandt@gmail.com or by posting a comment below.  Likewise, if you have any potshots that you'd like to take at a player, team, or personality, I might just consider including it in the upcoming column.

 

Happy Halloween!