Here at Quick Slants, we're far too rebellious to endorse standard, Vegas-sanctioned Super Bowl proposition bets.  Nope, we're not interested in wagering on the point spread (Indy -7), the conventional over/under (48.5) or the sobering long-winded possibility of Billy Joel's national anthem exceeding 1:44.  That just doesn't grind our gears.

Indeed, there is plenty of action for the compulsive bettor to examine headed into Sunday's game.  But, quite honestly, we feel the creativity of these cookie-cutter propositions is sub-par and lacking the gusto needed to truly enhance your Super Bowl Week experience.  That's why we're intervening.

In an effort to provide you, the hungry viewer, with the adrenaline rush you've been craving, Quick Slants has compiled a short list of propositions for your consideration.  Hell, we'll even be accepting bets if you're up for it.  Our friends in law school have informed us that all winners will be paid a crude form of money constructed of teal Post-It notes and Elmer's glue.  Though said currency has only intrinsic value on the open market, we're at least slightly confident that it's more stable than the Japanese Yen.

Please submit all bets by February 4th at 6:00 pm ET.

Jim Nantz uses pet quote at the conclusion of Super Bowl XLI.  (3:1 odds)

You might recognize him from such gushing lines as "What a moment!", "A win for the ages!", "There's a new Dean in college basketball!", "You can leave it to Cleaves!", or "Just when you think you can't, you can, and UConn has won the national championship!"  Yes, the always-delightful Jim Nantz will be on the call Sunday, and you can feel confident that he'll bring his own brand of flare to the broadcast.  In the event of a Colts victory, the smart money is on Nantz saying "It Peys to be a Manning!", "It was do or Addai!" or "It's a photo finish for the Colts!"  If the Bears win, the most likely Nantzisms are "It's the key to Urlacher!", "The Bears have struck Gould!", or "Tyrannosaurus Rex!"

Rare stock footage of Manning brothers shown during Super Bowl telecast.  (6:1 odds)

We've all see them; the grainy, old, home videos of Peyton, Eli, and Cooper playing in the backyard that look like they were shot by the same guy that recorded Bigfoot wandering into the forest.  Astoundingly, there seems to be an endless supply of these tapes, as if the Manning brothers were secretly tracked from birth by Kristof from The Truman Show.  If news breaks of a recent security breach at the official Manning Archives -- by petty thieves or G. Gordon Liddy -- you shouldn't be surprised.

Daunte Culpepper arrested; charged with armed robbery; thrown in jail forever (10:1 odds)

Honestly, we didn't judge poor Daunte for his role in the Lake Minnetonka "Love Boat" scandal - he was just being hospitable.  Nope, our minds were made up long before that, perhaps when he hijacked millions of dollars in fantasy entry fees in 2005 like a thief stealing into the night.  To top things off, he did it again in 2006, convincing the Dolphins (and fantasy owners) that he was a better fit than Drew Brees.  Yeah, that worked out.  So, there's no question that Culpepper has plenty of time to kill this Super Bowl Week, and for the thousands of people out there that lost their shirts because of this guy, we're hoping he gets nailed for something, anything.  And with all due respect to the Miami-Dade Police Department and its lightning-fast marijuana tests, if it doesn't happen, we're exploring the use of vigilante justice.

Dan Marino and Boomer Esiason engage in fisticuffs on national television (30:1 odds)

It has to be grating on Dan.  Week in and week out.  Boomer Esiason, that smug little analyst, and his snappy analogies.  Real, frickin' funny, Boomer.  Well, Sunday could finally be Marino's day of reckoning.  We already know he's got some pent up aggression from never winning a Super Bowl and being reminded about it on a regular basis, not to mention being kidnapped by Ray Finkle back in the day. 

When all is said and done on Sunday, we're looking at roughly 12 hours of having these two guys within a 10-foot radius of one another.  This can't miss.

Fans riot as 60 Minutes postponed until next weekend (10,000,000:1 odds)

We feel this is self-explanatory.  Nobody gives a damn about 60 Minutes.

Peyton Manning misses game due to sun poisoning.  (45:1 odds)

Consider the following...  despite being raised in a southern climate, Peyton Manning has spent the last nine seasons in tropical Indianapolis, a place shielded from UV rays by both the protective bubble of the RCA Dome and the rampant cloud cover than blankets most of the Midwest during the winter months.  Even when the sun does make a cameo, its intensity rivals that of a nightlight when compared to the strong beams that cook South Florida on a daily basis.  In other words, unless Manning is wearing industrial grade tar as sunscreen, his pasty white skin could be dangerously vulnerable.

Reflective intensity of Michael Irvin's gameday suit.  (+/- 1,000,000 candlepower)

Originally, we had planned on associating Michael Irvin's token line with his abnormally short neckties.  (The over/under for length would've been 6.5 inches, not counting the bulbous knot.)  However, we came to the conclusion that high-powered welding glasses would have been needed to visually confirm the length of said tie, given the luminosity of his shiny suits.  So basically, that would've ruined the whole thing.  Now, we're just focusing on the "gleam" of Irvin's suits.  What started out as a rogue fashion statement has quickly snowballed into a weekly gag.  Quite frankly, we wouldn't be surprised if Irvin showed up wearing tin foil and were launched to the Moon. 

(Oh, and for the record, 1,000,000 candlepower is roughly equivalent to one of those handheld, halogen spotlights that you can buy at any local sporting goods store.)

David Caruso over-acts, again; destroys all credibility of pre-game show (2:1 odds)

It happens every year... the awkward combination of celebrities, Super Bowls, and pre-game coverage.  Last year, it was Harrison Ford's dramatic reading of Oh! The Places You'll Go!, while wearing a diamond stud earring and sporting a patchy, gray beard.  This year, we sort of resigned ourselves to the fact that Shaq would be featured in some way, shape or form (hopefully not as part of a Kazaam re-enactment) - that is, until we remembered that CSI: Miami is the top show on the CBS Network!  Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for an overdose of David Caruso...  walking...  slowly... to a car.  He's taking off his sunglasses.  He's giving you a smart aleck dissertation.  He is the law.  And, he still sucks.

Speaking of which...

CBS opts for CSI: Miami-themed pre-game show (12:1 odds)

We've racked our brains long and hard here; the only two possibilities for CBS's pre-game show - besides Boomer Esiason joshing Dan Marino - are Will Smith's "Miami" song and That Stupid Show With David Caruso.  Since we're not aware of any affiliation between Will Smith and The Eye, our money is on "the most watched network" shamelessly promoting the only show that people actually watch.

Archie, Eli, or any other member of the Manning family shown on national television (+/- 8.0 times)

Inside sources have informed us that CBS will be sending a dedicated, high-definition camera to follow the Manning family from start to finish of Sunday's Super Bowl.  While we appreciate the extra effort from CBS, we feel deeply for the poor schmuck that will be relegated to watching Archie instead of Peyton -- that's like being Stifler's younger brother in American Pie II.  Trends would indicate this bet to be a surefire OVER, though our oddsmakers feel the allure of the actual game could curb the final tally.

Quality of Super Bowl XLI (+120) versus quality of commercials (-150)

Uninterested wives and girlfriends around the world have been banking on Super Bowl commercials to pull them through the ordeal for years, so being the equal opportunity bookies that we are, we've decided to give them a stake as well.  Quite frankly, we could go either way on this one, but since the official line is seven points and since we've already seen Kevin Federline's Super Bowl spot, we're giving a slight edge to the commercials.  And yes, this will be the last time Kevin Federline is allowed to sway our opinion.

More later this week...

Listen up, folks...

As part of my ongoing crusade to prove that bloggers have voices, too, I'll be trolling the blogosphere between now and Super Bowl Sunday in an effort to take the temperature of the FOXSports.com community, formulate an article, and give some of the best a little press in the process. 

So, if you've got some free time and an opinion on the big game, it's worth your while to sit down and hammer out a few thoughts to your blog!

Happy Blogging!

As we close out 2006, I just wanted to thank you all for your support. Those who have trolled the blogs for the last year know just how much has transpired, namely two Next Great Sportswriter contests. People have come and gone, but many of the originals remain.

Though I've now officially written 21 columns for FOXSports.com, my favorite piece was posted one year (and one day) ago while attempting to solidify a spot as a top 16 finalist in the first NGS contest.  Ahh yes, those were stressful days that I will never ever forget.  And I could think of no better way of celebrating the one year anniversary of the Quick Slants blog than re-posting a link to it. Ladies and gents...

December 28, 2005: Why I Should Win This Contest

Thanks, everyone. Thanks for giving me the opportunity of a lifetime!

Happy New Year and see you in 2007!

--Ty

It's not often that we get to recognize the good guys in the sports world.  It's even rarer that it's someone we can relate to.

I was saddened yesterday to learn that Jamie Mottram and the other fine folks who've manned AOL's Sports Bloggers Live since its inception will no longer have the opportunity to do so, as the show will move from its former home in Dulles, VA to AOL Studios in New York, NY and be re-launched with a new crew and new format in early 2007.  The show, found at SportsBloggersLive.com, has been at the leading edge as sports blogs and podcasts have exploded in popularity over the last two years.  More importantly, Jamie was the pioneer who saw an opportunity to let everyday sports bloggers go on the air, promote their blogs, and be heard by a nationwide audience.  And to a good chunk of the blogging community, that exposure has been extremely rewarding.

On a personal level, I credit Jamie and the SBL crew with getting me hooked on sports blogging some two-and-a-half years ago.  It was on AOL that I first started blogging (sorry FOX), and Jamie (then a leader of the AOL Sports Community) who gave me my very first comment.  Looking back, my writing was completely irreverent, nonsensical, and totally off-base, but I never forgot that the fact that someone actually recognized what I wrote, and decided to keep it up.  Man, am I glad I did.

In late 2004, around the same time that I first started dabbling in internet radio, Jamie launched and served as the primary host of Pigskin Bloggers Live, which -- you guessed it -- gave football bloggers a chance to voice their thoughts.  The format was so successful that PBL quickly grew into SBL to accommodate other sports and opinions, helping a number of everyday bloggers reach new heights with their own writing, including myself.

As SBL continued to grow, it attracted more and more star power.  Just about anyone who's anyone in the sports world graced the airwaves (and podwaves) at one point or another on the show.  And from the humble beginnings from which I know SBL came, I think that's pretty damn impressive.  Regardless of being affiliated with AOL, SBL and its crew did a fantastic job of bringing the everyday fan's perspective to life. 

So, while SBL may live on in 2007, there's no question that it'll be without its founding father -- the guy that brought everything together and had the foresight to recognize sports bloggers as people with voices, not just keyboards.

On behalf of bloggers everywhere, Jamie (and everyone else at SBL), I thank you for your efforts and contributions to the sports blogosphere.

But keep at it.  There are more and more of us with each passing minute.  We're counting on you to come up with something else!

After writing this scathing article about the Dallas Cowboys and receiving all the requisite hate mail, there was no bigger fan of the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday than myself.

But, I just knew something like this was going to happen to make me look like a horse's behind.  In fact, I responded to Victor A. from Waxahachie, TX on Friday with the following line:

"Now that I've officially jinxed the Colts, it's a MORTAL lock the Cowboys will be winning on Sunday.  Bet your savings."

Well, well, well...

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

I was wrong.

While there are a lot of people out there who I think are overestimating the Cowboys, it's clear that I underestimated them.  Like, a lot.  Tony Romo is the real deal.  Terrell Owens is always a weapon.  Julius Jones and Marion Barber III are a solid 1-2 punch.  The Dallas defense proved it can contain a top-notch offense.  The Dallas offense proved it can come through in the clutch.  And most importantly, Dallas proved that it should not be counted out.

There's really nothing more I can say.  To all the Cowboys fans that wrote in, you guys were right.  I was wrong.  Sigh.

I'd write more, but I have to finish eating my shoe.