With a new job, and hopefully one that can last, I don't have much blogging time these days. This'll be a weekly feature from me, thoughts on sports, and whatever else I feel like writing. I may also feature e-mails in future blogs, depends on if I get any good ones. Tell me I'm great, tell me I suck, tell me what's eating you about sports or life, or just tell me whatever. E-mail: heatingbill@hotmail.com NFL Playoffs While we wait for the inevitable Pats Super Bowl win This hasn't been a very interesting NFL playoffs so far; 4 games, 4 bores. Eli does a good impression of his brother in the playoffs about 4 years ago. New England sleepwalks to a blowout. Look for the TB/Washington game in the movie "Hostel"; after watching that for 20 minutes the victims are practically begging to get their eyeballs ripped out. The best game was the Cinci/Pittsburgh game, if only because you got to see the end of Carson Palmer's career (I hope I'm wrong, but it would make it more interesting). So what can we expect this weekend? Washington/Seattle If you think about it the Seahawks are the Kansas City Chiefs of the NFC. Good quarterback, great running back, great offensive line, average wide receivers, average defense, great home field advantage. Washington played both teams this year, won one (at home against Seattle, Seattle's last real loss) and lost one (at Kansas City). So that was a bit of a cul-de-sac wasn't it? You also have a team who hasn't played a game of any meaning in weeks, always a sign that there will be rust. But they're going up against a team that couldn't have played worse and still won the game the previous week. So that doesn't help either. When in doubt, go with the home team. Pick: Seattle New England/Denver Chucking all analysis and stats, just one question: If you really think about it can you see New England losing this game? Yeah, unfortunately I can't either. Pick: New England Pittsburgh/Indy (Warning, the next paragraph is a big rambling mess that may only be of interest to me, pregnant children should not read) Every year the Steelers have made the playoffs since 1994 the local radio stations play this song some guy from around here wrote. And by play I mean run into the ground. It sings the praises of the Steelers and has lyrics that change to reflect rosters every year. However the lyrics that don't change include "this is the year we get that one for the thumb" and part of the refrain is "Pittsburgh's goin' to the Super Bowl". Considering the fact that almost every year they play this song Pittsburgh in fact does not go to the Super Bowl, and still have yet to get that one for the thumb, I can't believe it's taken this long for people to realize this song is the biggest jinx going. I've realized it since at least 1996. Imagine my delight when I turn on the radio yesterday and the local morning show has an e-mail from the song's creator saying that people are starting to catch on and are giving him a hard time for being a big friggin' jinx. Unfortunately right after that to appease the guy the DJs played the 2005 version of the song, goddamn it. By 2008 the stations around here will learn their lesson, so look out then rest of the league (Okay, it's safe again) This is a tougher game to call than people think, because the last game against Indy featured the Steelers in their "Baltimore Raven's offense" mode. Roethlisberger's first game back, rookie left tackle starting against Dwight Freeney, piped in crowd noise, not a good day for an upset. They're as healthy as they could possibly be this time, and are on a good streak. However the Colts are the better team by all accounts, are at home, and will be ultra-hyped to win the game for Tony Dungy. To me this game is the biggest toss-up of the weekend. I'll go with the Colts, if only because their margin for error is less than is he Steelers for the game. Pick: Indy Carolina/Chicago Simple analysis of this game; whichever quarterback plays the better game will win. Which quarterback that will be however is a tougher call. Delhomme has the experience and the Super Bowl pedigree, but he's going up against the best defense in the league. However at their best the Panthers aren't much worse on defense than the Bears, and Rex Grossman has done exactly diddly-poo to inspire any confidence that he can win a game. This game goes to the Panthers, not easily, but by more than a field goal. Pick: Carolina When the Marv Levy Breaks How're you able to coach a game without going to the bathroom? Depends Seems as though Marv Levy may be angling for the head coaching job in Buffalo, and why not? Having been recently named the GM of the Bills all he would have to do is choose himself to be the head coach; kind of like when Dick Chevy was picked to choose W's running mate in 2000 and chose himself. Levy's the guy who gave the Bills their one and only run of good teams in their 100 year (or whatever it is) history. They had OJ Simpson and couldn't win a playoff game for crying out loud. So what if he's 80 years old? Is he really any worse right now than Jim Haslett? My guess would be no. Woody Allen in: Draft Sleepers My favorite time of the year is fast approaching, NFL Draft time. Over the weeks I will introduce you to a few players who aren't being talked about much, but should have long productive NFL careers. Brian Leonard: FB Rutgers I saw another on-the-ball blogger talking up Brian Leanord, and for good reason. 4 years ago Brian was the most highly touted recruit in Rutgers history. Unfortunately he's a fullback, and if you're relying on a fullback to save your team you're in a heapin' helping of trouble. Brian did not disappoint however, and had a very successful career in Jersey. He's a good 235-240 pounds, has very good speed for such a big man, and catches the ball better than a few NFL receivers (Plaxico Burress comes to mind). Imagine a slightly faster version of Mike Alstott. Alan Zemaitas Okay, I know Tamba Hali and Paul Posluszny got all the attention this year, but from what I saw Alan Zemitas was the best player on Penn State's defense. However, for whatever reason (foot-speed?), he's not considered a top five cornerback in this class by most. However, he has great size (6'2, 200 lbs), and certainly has the on-field production against top-flight competition that you'd look for. A good combine should make his stock rise, but will be a good steal regardless. Those're the only 2 for right now. Hey there're like 10 weeks to go, if I gave more than that I'd go through all the eligible players by week 5. Stevie Lottery Team Steve Francis has had an interesting 6 and a half year career. Refused to go to the Grizzlies, which in hindsight wasn't a bad move. Then he was a mediocre at best superstar in Houston for 5 seasons, good enough to warrant All-Star consideration, but not good enough to carry any team. But the problem with Stevie Franchise (Can I call you Mr. Franchise?) is that he thinks he's on a Kobe or AI level, which he is clearly not. He's barely on a Joe-Dumars-at-the-end-of-his-career-level. Now he pulls a Pippen and won't go back into the game when the game winning try doesn't go through him. It didn't kill Pippen's career, but that's only because Jordan came back and he went back to his rightful 2nd banana status. Steve doesn't have such luck, now he'll be shopped around more than likely, but who would want him? My suggestion would be Francis and a throw in (Mobley again? Garrity?) for Artest, it would automatically make the Magic better. And maybe the Magic Kingdom would calm The-Artest-Currently-Known-as-Bi-Polar down a little bit. Bode Miller Time Okay, I read this joke in the "Truly Tasteless Joke-Book" many years ago, be warned it's not for all tastes (duh): How can you tell that the day care you leave your baby with may employ a pedophile? The kid won't use a pacifier unless there's hair on it. Okay, now you know I don't condone pedophilia, or even find that joke funny. But you know it's a joke, and I would hope beyond hope you wouldn't want me to apologize for it. I wouldn't know Bode Miller if he was wearing a sandwich board that read "I am Bode Miller", but he's received a lot of pub for an offhand remark about skiing drunk. He said it in jest, in a joking manor. I'm not sure if he has ever downed a quart of everclear and gone down the bunny-hill right afterwards, but even if he has who cares? Is there a M.A.D.S out there somewhere that demanded he apologize? The day a guy has to apologize for a joke or offhand remark that isn't even remotely offensive is the day I consider a move to Mexico, the nice part. Watching film that won't keep you in the office until 3 AM There's more to life than sports people. As well as being a sports freak I'm also very into movies, so a running feature in this column will be looking at the top movies of the previous week. This way you can know what to see when, and if, you ever talk to a real woman. 1) Hostel ($19.6 million) - Oh I get it, it's set in a Hostel, where the tenants are Hostile! Very good. Basically the movie is half "Porky's", half "Scene in Zed's shop from Pulp Fiction". Which reminds me of the George Carlin joke "If you don't think rape is funny, just imagine Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. Why do you think they call him Porky?" This has been my Bode Miller Moment of the blog. 2) The Chronicles of Narnia ($15.6 million) - The only thing I know about this movie is I tried to read the book in grade school, and made it to about page 6. Of course with my ADD it's hard to read pretty much anything, or write coherently if you haven't noticed. Anyway, this move has also led to the best Saturday Night Live skit of the season, and maybe of the last decade, the "Lazy Sunday" rap. If you don't know what I'm referring to just Google "Lazy Sunday rap", I'm sure there are thousands of sites with it ready for download. The only problem with it is that it's so popular that the people you know who think they're funny (You know them, they're like me but you can't hit the back button) will probably imitate it, a lot. It will get old sooner rather than later. 3) King Kong ($12.6 million) - One thing I can't really figure out about this movie; Jack Black's character didn't give very convincing arguments for any of the bull-dink he put the rest of the characters through, but they went along with it every step of the way, very few questions asked. Why? Well, cuz then there wouldn't be a movie, but could you at least give him a gun to put to their heads? 4) Fun With Dick and Jane ($11.9 million) - Any movie where Jim Carry is a "normal" guy doesn't fare very well at the box-office. He has to have something like the ability to talk with animals, a mask, or an IQ of 24 to have a box office bonanza. Guess what kind of character he was in this movie. The only good thing about the movie is that it'll give ample opportunity for the porno industry to come up with about a thousand pun-filled porno titles from it. 5) Cheaper by the Dozen ($8.4 million) - Movie exec: "Okay Steve, you make the worst movie ever made and we'll make your movie 'Shop Girl'" Steve Martin: "Deal" Local Matters By now you've probably seen or heard Penguin coach Michelle Therrien's outburst after the Penguins recent game. You know, the one where you couldn't tell if he was saying that they "sucked" or were "soft", but knew that either way he was right? Well, he also questioned their effort during the tirade, but I have to think the problem is a little harder to fix than giving 110%. When we last left the NHL before the lockout he Penguins were the worst team in the league, and not for lack of effort. The team was just bereft of talent. Add to that mix 5 or 6 guys who are now too old and slow to play in the "New NHL", not a good combination. They also added Sydney Crosby to the mix, and he's been every bit as good as advertised, but at this rate he'll go crazy with frustration and beat some goon with his stick like Joe Pesci at the end of Casino. Craig Patrick was once a good-to-great GM, and then he made the worst trade in the modern era of sports: Markus Naslund for Alex Stojanov. Since then he's traded Jaromir Jagr, Alexi Kovelav, and probably Rick Nash for guys who aren't on the team anymore. Then he assembled the worst possible team he could for this season. Word is he would have traded Crosby for Anson Carter before the draft, but Mario Lemieux locked Craig in his wine cellar for a few weeks. Now there's word the Pens will be moving to Las Vegas unless some kind of miracle happens. If that happens I may be making the trip too, if my favorite teams leaves I feel almost obligated to go with them. Plus Vegas seems kind of fun As for the Pitt Panthers basketball team, they're good, how good they will be this season remains to be seen. But they're getting something through recruiting that they haven't had the last 4 years, tons of athletic upside. Watch out for them now, but especially in the future. That's it for this week. The games are now starting, so who knows how many people will read this.

And handsome? Don't get me started. This weekend I used the old "Go agains the heavy favoirte" theory of picking football games. I forgot the overriding "Whatever is best for the Patriots will happen" theory. But SoCal had it right, and I give him credit as the single greatest pork picker since Bill Clinton. Hooray for SoCal!! Hope that was good enough, cuz that's about as far as I go. If the Steelers keep winning I'll do this every week, quick thoughts on the game itself. - Bad luck for the Bengals. However, not only was the play not dirty, but the way the Bengals defense was playing even if Carson Palmer had been playing I only give them a 40% chance of winning. - Troy Polumalu is the most underrated stupid player in sports. He's killed the Steelers on occasion this year with just mind bogglingly stupid penalties. Usually stuff like that is done by guys who really are stupid (ie Sean Taylor), but if you ever hear the guy talk you know he's not an idiot off the field. I think that makes it doubley frustrating. Quick note on Sean Taylor: I'm doing something else while the 'Skin's game is on and i hear "Personal foul" and I yell "Number 21 defense" right as the ref says his number. This is an unoriginal setiment, but I wish there were ways you could bet on things like that - Funniest moment of the game, Hines Ward making fun of the way Cedric WIlson caught the TD ball on sidelines. Not funny in of itself, except that Cedric wasn't around, so if I had my guess he was doing it behind Ced's back. Poor Ced apparently is the Screech of the Steeler's WR corps. -I'm betting every available dollar on the Patriots next week. I hate them, but if they're going to win as underdogs, and don't think they won't, I may as well make some scratch on them.

More Simpsony/NFLly goodness, continued from 2 blogs ago 11. Sea Captain: Arr, this be the yarrest river-goin' boat thar be. (boat sinks) Arr ... I don't know what I'm doin'. After the latest debacle in Oakland, where his team not only gave up on him but pretty much openly mocked him, can we promise that Norv Turner will never be given head coaching consideration again? Not even for D-2 West Liberty College? 12. Homer: We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good? Marge: We have three kids Homer. Homer: Maaaaarge, the dog doesn't count as a kid! Does anyone care about the Seahawks? They're the most over-looked 13-3 team in the history of the NFL. Not even half of the predictions I've read have them going to the Super Bowl. But of course the Patriots are the most disrespected team in the NFL. Can Tom Brady be any more unlikable to anyone not rooting for the Pats? At least T.O. doesn't pretend like he's a good guy or anything. 12a. Simpsons guest star Tom Brady: Everyone sucks but me!! D'oh 13. Burns: (As audience boos) Smithers are they.... booing me? Smithers:: Uh, no they're saying "Boourns!" "Boourns!" Burns: (Addressing audience) Are you saying "boo!" or "Boourns"? Audience: Booooooo!!! (Throwing things) Hans Moleman: I was saying "Boourns" The New Orleans Saints as a whole were the most booable organization in sports this last year. Yeah, we know that you guys had trouble because of the hurricane, but did you have to use it as an excuse for your crappy play all year? And Tom Benson, you may not be making any money, but as a good (?) business-man you know that you should maybe wait until, I dunno, more than a week after the hurricane to bring up moving the team? 14. Homer: (singing and dancing as fire burns in the background) I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T... I mean, S-M-A-R-T. This one goes to me, I picked Dante Culpepper and Andre Johnson very high in my fantasy football draft and still won my league championship. Of course, that speaks more to how bad the other people were than to how good I was, but it's my moment so give it to me. 15. Mr. Burns: Smithers, get me some strike-breakers. The kind they had in the '30s. (In Burns's office) Grandpa: We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. (Other 'busters murmur in agreement) One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, sooo I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. So, to take the ferry it cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me 5 bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was, that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions.... because of the war. The only kind you could get was those big yellow ones..... To the old guys still hanging around the league; Vinny Testaverde, Doug Flutie, Deion Sanders, Rod Smith, Jimmy Smith, Brad Johnson, and honorable mention to Jerry Rice who gave a valiant old guy effort in the pre-season. Thank you for warping our sense of what old really is, as I realize I'm older than all (non-Mormon) college players and even Ben Roethlisberger. 16. Homer: The sea forgives all. Not like those mean old mountains - I hate them so much!! The mountains were more forgiving to Cleveland Browns castoffs this year. Gerrard Warren and Courtney Brown both proved that once you leave Cleveland everything gets better. Which means that when LeBron James inevitably leaves the Cavs he'll begin averaging 50 points a game. But we're straying from the subject 17. Stockbroker: Ookay, now before I execute this order, are you sure you understand the risks of stock ownership? Homer: Absolutely! (zooms into Homer's brain, dreaming of a kick-line on a stage singing 'We're in the money'. Curtains open, revealing a King-Kong size ape yelling) Homer: You heard the monkey, make the trade. So the Jets go 4-12, and while not a bad coach I certainly don't think Herm Edwards would be at the top of my head coaching list. But the KC Chiefs want him so badly they're willing to trade a draft pick and pay top dollar for him. Good luck with that one. 18. Nurse: This is Timmy Thomas, he has Timmy Thomas disease. Timmy: Could you do an obnoxious end-zone dance for me today? Pweeeese? I forget who exactly little Timmy is talking to in this scene, but Chad Johnson and Steve Smith sure took it to heart didn't they? 19. Bart : You throw like my sister, man! Lisa: Yeah, you throw like me! Poor Alex Smith. Okay, they were speaking of Mr. Burns, but it still is eerily similar isn't it? 20. Homer: (After seceding from Springfield forming New Springfield) Now all we do is sit back and wait for an NFL Franchise Random Businessman: Sir, I represent the Arizona Cardinals, and I.... Homer: (Interrupting) Keeeep walking (The man walks away, downtrodden). That pretty much sums it up doesn't it? The Cardinals have talent, a decent head coach, and still can't get above 5 wins. The irony being they're the bad team that could use Reggie Bush the most (can you imagine that offense?), but they can't even lose well enough to get a top 5 draft pick. So there you go, with 350+ episodes it was easy enough to find 20 quotes. Now try it with Family Guy (40-50 something episodes), or American Dad (13). Now that's a challenge