So we're appraoching the deadline for the second NGS contest, and I have a better chance of dating Adriana Lima than winning it. But I may as well give it a go, however due to the fact that I'm working more now than before I'm gonna be going with some "best of" of my stuff. I know that "best of" may be a bit oxymoronish in my case, but bear with me. _________________________________________________________________________________________ From Dec. 21st Part of being a good sportswriter is the ability to interview top athletes. Of course the only athlete I could possibly interview at this point would be the local Beer-league MVP runner-up. But I will now show my interviewing skills by assuming what the answers famous athletes would give me. Matt Leinart Me: My first guest is Heisman winner Matt Leinart. Matt had you left early for the draft you would have been the sure #1 pick, with all the spoils that go with it. Now you will more than likely be only a top 5 pick, certainly not the first overall. Why did you choose to go back to USC? ML: Well for one thing I knew we had a great offensive line coming back. Have you watched any of our games this year? I'm able to take a portable DVD player with me on the field and watch whole movies during the course of games. I just watched "Hide and Seek" during our game against UCLA, DeNiro's the imaginary friend my ass. And maybe most importantly.... well let me put it this way, have you ever been to a PAC-10 school? Me: Unfortunately no ML: Have you picked up a "Women of the PAC-10" issue of Playboy in the past year? Me: Um..... only cuz I'm always in need of dirty party jokes. ML: (Pulls out said issue from his back pocket) Well if you look at page 34, 38, 39.... Well all of them except the one chick from USC that my girlfriend knows. They're the reasons I stayed. Let's put it this way, they don't call them the Wildcats because the wildcat is indigenous to Arizona. (sly laugh) Me: Then why do they call them the Huskies? ML: Um, I dunno. Typo? Me: That's all well and good I suppose, and I'm sure once I'm the next FoxSports.com writer I'll have my pick of playmates too. Um...... yeah. Anyway, a lot of fuss has been made about some pictures of you at a post-Heisman party. Care to elaborate on that experience? ML: Well, Reggie and I were out with some other friends after the Heisman ceremony, and all was going well. Then Mr. Namath showed up and said he could really show us a good time. I don't remember much after that. Me: Sounds like my last trip to boy-scout camp, man I miss it, but I'm not sure what Joe was doing there in the first place. Anyway, this year you came in third in the Heisman voting after winning the trophy last year. Any explanation for the slide? ML: Well, if you didn't notice, I didn't have the strongest supporting cast this year. Me: Wow, it all makes sense now! As for the upcoming game against Texas, do you have any predictions for us? ML: My prediction? Pain. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAcuz you see hah Mr. T said haha that hah in the movie *ahem*. But seriously..... Me: That was a joke? ML: ...seriously, Texas is a very good team, the best we've faced all season. But if you haven't noticed, Big 12 teams lose all the time in championship games. Nebraska, Oklahoma twice, now Texas. And if we learn nothing from history it's that nothing ever changes, ever. Me: One last question for you Matt. Everyone is saying that USC is going for a three-peat of national titles. But 2 years ago LSU won the national championship game, so at best you're going for a two-and-a-half peat. How do you explain this omission on the media's part? ML: East-coast bias Me: Thank you Mr Leinart. Good luck with all your future endeavors. ML: Thanks, I have to go help Reggie pick his agent; Drew Rosenhaus is cleaning our apartment as we speak. Tom Brady Me: My next guest is three-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady. Tom, you've gone from a guy who couldn't start at Michigan in his senior year and a 6th round pick, to the greatest quarterback of your generation. To what do you attribute such a turnaround? TB: Well, I've worked very hard to be where I'm at today. I've had a lot of support from a lot of people; family, coaches, Satan, teammates.... Me: Excuse me, Satan? TB: Yes, you don't know? In 2001 Bill Belichick made a deal with Satan. His immortal soul in exchange for multiple Super Bowl wins. And if you know Bill it's kind of ironic, because speaking with him for any length of time can be a soul sucking experience in itself. Me: So you're telling me that the Super Bowl wins are a result of the Father of Lies, not Charlie Weis? Loki, not Bruschi? The Ruler of Hell, not Romeo Crennel? The Master Deceiver, not no-name receivers? TB: Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Ask Cleveland Brown fans how good a coach Bilechick is, he was so bad they had to move the team! I mean, did you see how we won that first Super Bowl? Kevin Federline's divorce attorney doesn't have as much luck as we did that year. We had a bit of a lull the next year because people were getting all religious after 9/11, but the dark forces have obviously made a come-back. We tried to be less obvious about it the last 2 years by actually being better than the other teams. But if you do doubt that Satan is still on our side I have 4 words and an abbreviation: Deion Branch, Super Bowl MVP. That ain't happening without some kind of supernatural force. Me: Hmm, well that would explain your fascination with goats, among other things. Well, getting onto less sacrilegious subjects, you seem to have an obsession about being seen as a regular guy when in fact you're about as much a regular guy as Paris Hilton is a nun. Why fight the Golden Boy image? TB: Because when you have fame, success, good looks, and wealth the only thing is that you lose your connection with the average fan. And really, would you rather be with Bridget Moynahan sleeping on a big pile of money, or with a bunch of drunk idiots in a bar somewhere? Obviously the bar. Me: Obviously. Tom, people have been making fun of the NFC North all year, but outside of your team the AFC East teams would have trouble winning the Big 12 South. What has it been like playing those teams? TB: Oh it's been great, instead of our usual 20 hours of film study per day we can afford only 16. Coach Belichick does a puppet show, "Sock With Eyes #1 and Sock with Eyes #2" to pass the free time. And we have picnics in the local park. Mike Vrabel gives us some of the drinks that make his head the odd shape it is, or at least that's what he claims they are. Me: Well Tom that's all the time I have for you, think you for being so open and honest. TB: You're welcome. (Silence) Please like me!! Me: Okay, fine, whatever, just let go of my leg. Tune in next time

A little later this week, but oh well I guess I should always mention before hand that this is a recap of what happened during Monday Night Raw on, um, Monday. I watch it once, type or write what I'm thinking, and then I'm done. Usually takes a couple of hours, or about as long as the show. So if you didn't watch the show, or don't follow wrestling in general, this probably isn't for you, go away. So without further ado, let's get started - Law and Order ends, Fonz played an abusive husband - "You don't tell anyone what goes on here Cun-ing-ham or I'll lock youz in the closet again...ayyyy!" - Oh wait, that was "Happy Days moves to Massachusetts when-they-legalize-the-whole-gay-thing" - Raw opening, which sounds disgusting as I type it - Piper shown on bagpipes, Tito Santana shown shoving 15 family members in a car, and SD Jones shown passing a gang initiation. - Okay, I made the last 2 up, but of course it's not bad when you stereotype the Irish - Recap of last week's title match, featuring 20 year old Kenny - Opening, part II - We are live from the Los Angeles Pond of Anaheim. - JR's back announcing - So wait, wasn't he fired? Did he fill out all the necessary paperwork to get his job back? His W-4, his application for employment, his waiver agreeing to a drug test? I must know dammit. It's leaving out minutiae like that that's keeping the casual fan away - Either that or their champion is such a joke that Jamie Kennedy's character from "Malibu's Most Wanted" looks at him and says "Dan, tone it down n-word" - Whichever - Big show on the docket for tonight apparently - Not the fat wrestler, but just a nice looking card for a free show - HHH out first, he must be a good guy now cuz JR's kissing his ass - HHH says he came to Anaheim for one reason - To find out what Lackey said to make Jason Kendall charge the mound last week - No, to get the WWE title back - Close enough - Says he's beaten everyone in that arena - He either means in that ring or he's in Anaheim more often than Charlie Sheen when he gets lost after getting high on peyote, or whatever Denise Richards says he does - HHH calls out Cena - Cena obliges - Boos mixed with high pitched cheers. - We know his fan-base ain't big fat guys I guess, and really is that such a bad thing for him? - Cena gets booed pretty loudly when he starts talking - Cena: "You have 10 titles, the Yankees have like 26" - Seeing how he's from New England, if he ever goes back isn't he subject to lethal injection talking about the Yankees in a good way - "Cena sucks!" chant stops him cold mid-sentence - Harsh, but not unfounded - If you haven't noticed I'm not the biggest Cena fan ever. - Cena calls for a title match tonight - "No chance.... That's what ya got" - Vince to the ring and announces there will be no title match tonight - Asshole chant - Apparently HHH is next ot be the "Austin-du-jour" - Or whatever the word is for "Next 6 months" - Gay joke about the Spirit Squad is made - To be honest most male cheerleaders I've known weren't gay, but the stereotype does live. And quite deservedly so I should add - HHH calls Cena a poser - So Cena "poses" - God he sucks - So it's either a whiney bitch (HHH) or a lame-ass wannabe, nice choices - Vince sez HHH can have the night off - JR: "Triple H wants to fight!" in a tone that made me laugh very hard for some reason - Vince makes HBK/Cena vs. the Spirit Squad (all 5 of them) for tonight - "Fatal 4 Way" IC title match right now though, or so Vince decrees - RVD is the first one out - Uh oh - He's talking - He really does sound like Eugene, only without trying - And it is really frustrating because he could be THE guy very easily if he could just cut a damn promo without conjuring images of Jimmy from South Park - Arggh - He talks about Joe E Styles's comments last week and how he agrees with them - Bet you didn't see that coming - The rest, well I'm not gonna lie, I fast forwarded through it. I'm sure I didn't miss anything groundbreaking - Pot does kill brain-cells kids - Commercials - "When a Stranger Calls" - starring not Selma Blair, but an incredible simulation - RVD's opponents: Haas, Masters, & Benjamin - Generic 4 way stuff to start - Commercials... already? - X-Men 3, Hugh Jassman gets to work again - WWE will be in Pittsburgh June 5th. - What? You think I'm going? Hell no - Announcers playing up the whole RVD/ECW thing - Crowd seems dead, the action's not bad though - Haas has an armband that just says "Russ" - Must be for his dad, Russ Haas - Bet you didn't know, Russ Haas was a boxer, Russ "No Mas" Haas - Yes, I just made that up - Masters gets the Masterlock on Haas - RVD literally out of nowhere (camera-wise) with the pin on Masters - Either crappy camera-work done good or very-much intentional - Commercials - "The blonde boy's a losa!" - Smackdown rundown - Alls I know is Mark Henry cleanly pinned their Heavyweight champion - Dour times all around - Speaking of which, Luke Perry is shown in the crowd with kids, who I will have to assume are his - After they plug his new show and take the camera off him he'll be gone within 15 minutes - With or without his kids. Hey he was Dylan, there ain't no negligence laws for 90210 alums - Billy Gibbons shown next in the crowd, looks about as good a gibbon monkey these days. - The man's lived hard, I can give him a break - Kane movie promo of the week - Not only did these poor actors have to star in this crappy movie, now in the promotional materials they have to pretend that Kane's a real guy. - All you wannabe actors out there take note, that is your future - If you're lucky - So are really stupid fans gonna go to the movie and ask "Who the hell Is Glen Jacobs?" when his credit comes up? - I saw a wrestling writer whom I respect more than any other point out what I pointed out a week or so ago that Kane's probably acting so pissed off about the May 19th date because it means he's opening against "The Di Vinci Code. I suddenly felt like I was doing something right - I mean, why don't they just time travel back to 1996 and open against Independence Day? - Generic Josh with Kane's co-stars - FFing again, can you really blame me? - I guess May 19th was said a few times, cuz Kane attacks the black guy - The black guy who I'm sure dies in the movie, I'll bet anyone $100 on it - Commercials - USA: Characters Welcome - Which is oddly enough the slogan of the Furries Association of America - Google furries if you don't understand - Mr. Peepers (Carlito) out - Is there anything "cool" about apples? Seriously - Stryker out next, which around here is about the most appropriate name for a teacher gimmick you can get - Not too far into the match and Eugene attacks Stryker DQing Carlito - Carlito gives Eugene his unique backbreaker in response, in a skeay way that the crowd just isn't sure how to react to - You can't just beat up a retard and get cheered, I learned that in 4th grade - Commercials - If I'm Dwayne Wade I'm a little upset that Ben Wallace and Vince Carter are pretty much 1 and 1a in that Gatorade Rain (or whatever) commercial, with Wade himself being like 4th behind the guy guarding Carter - Edge out with trashcan and trash, um, Lita - Hardcore match next - Edge talks crap, no surprises - Foley out next - Cuts a short "Hardcore" promo - He brings out Tommy Dreamer (huh?) for a hardcore triple threat match - The crowd reacts like Foley just beat up a retard, (ie they aren't sure what to think either really) - Foley turns on Dreamer (huh?..... again) - The announcers are a tad slow in catching on to the turn - So does this effectively kill the ECW angle before it starts by making Dreamer out to be a complete idiot? Or does it start it off well? I guess we'll find out - Commercials - Poseidon - Using the "black guys don't stand a chance in these types of movies" corollary Andre Braugher doesn't stand a chance - Recap of moments ago - Chick match next - Maria out with Trish - Maria gets destroyed by Mickie - Trish tries to fight even though she only has one arm - Doesn't work so well - Some blonde chick saves Trish - I never care enough to keep track sadly - Wreckless Intent CD, featuring Oscar winners Three 6 Mafia - John Stewart was right, that does sound weird - Cuban guy in the ring - Asks tonight's victim if he has health insurance - To which the guy replies "I work for the WWE, they won't even give us gas money" - Oh it's true, it's true - Umaga fights 2 losers, kills them both - Again I'll say it, I'd like to see him still doing the same moves once he starts fighting the HHH's and HBK's of the world - Commercials - Again the Just for Men commercial that ends with Hernandez and Frazier hanging outside the door of a couple who are clearly doing it is shown - Why would they even show that last shot? - Kane out - May 19th has come and gone for almost 10 year since he's shown up, and this hasn't come up yet? C'mon - Big Show out next - I remember when they sent him down to OVW (the minor league of the WWE) for being too fat. That was about 100 lbs ago - Kane and Show pound fists to start - Simple wrestling move by Show and he's very winded - More wrestling moves by both guys - Well done moves by both, but just veeeerrrryyyyy sllooooowwwwww - Proves why bigger guys should just stick with power moves, this match would put Dave Attell to sleep - Voices come over the PA system, saying stuff about May 19th - Using logic, since it was God who did all the pyro stuff the previous weeks, it must be him doing this to Kane. - God doesn't put people over - Kane beats Show with a chair, a lot - SS getting pumped backstage - Seeds for a breakup are planted, subtly - Commercials - Judgment Day? Judgment is, I ain't getting it - This Week in Wrestling History, the first Saturday Night's Main Event - It touts the "strong relationship" between the WWE and NBC - So long as Vince still has nude photos of Dick Ebersol with OJ Simpson it will remain strong - Lemmy (of Motorhead (of HHH theme song fame) fame) shown in the crowd - Wait, there's gonna be another Saturday Night's Main Event after the last ratings debacle? - I guess there was more than one week of the XFL - Anyway, where does Mitch get off not having a Y at the end of his name like the rest of the cheerleaders. It's like hockey player nicknames, they have to end in Y - SS all in the ring, the middle one's mouth makes it look like he had a stroke - JR's kid? - It would explain the huge push - HBK out next, 50 years old and he still has the same music - Cena out next - Chain gang - Puh - Pfaw - And furthermore - Feh -More talking up of Kenny, er, 20 year old Kenny - Cool spot where HBK and Cena throw 20 year old Kenny over the ropes onto the other SS members - Commercials - Law and Order: CI next. Pyle's much more annoying as a smart guy - King and JR call Cena a controversial champion - If by controversial they mean half think he's a joke and the other half are female, under 10, and/or gay, then yes - Cena in trouble - Continues to be in trouble for awhile - Cena chant? - The hell? Earlier it was "Cena sucks" - Whatever - Just make up your minds dammit - Fat guy in a Jerome Bettis jersey shown in the crowd - Hey, maybe it is Bettis, he doesn't have much better to do - SS continues with the offense - HBK tagged in cleans house - HBK has trouble with the kip-up, getting old's a bitch - HBK hit with tag belt, loses - 20 year old Kenny Delmon Young's the ref and takes his belt - He whips HBK with it, a lot - HHH run-in in 3....2....1 - Hey, I was only off by a few seconds - Cena back in also, he and HHH get rid of the Squad - Cena gets Pedigreed - HHH gets booed for doing it, go figure - Show's over, that's it

Interesting stuff happening in the wild and wacky world of sports, let's get right to it ________________________________________________________________________ Ire Delmon I'm a little late on this story, it happened over a week ago, but I love the Delmon Young incident. Not so much because I endorse violence against officials, nor do I not endorse it it, but just because it was funny to see. I mean think about it, if you're watching that video of the bat flying at the umpire on America's Funniest Home Videos with the goofy ass music and Bob Saget saying in a high voice "Oh no, I just got hit. Bat's entertainment" it would completely change things. Another funny thing, and this was pointed out by Dan Patrick on his radio show, was the reaction of the catcher in the video (or non-reaction as it were). I mean, as the bat comes flying in and hits the umpire the catcher is looking right at it the whole time, and he doesn't react at all, like it's nothing new. He could at least have, I dunno, reacted in any way other than just turning around and putting his mask back on. But the fact that he didn't makes him the coolest person in the world. I have a proposition, the Pirates trade Oliver Perez and his incredible shrinking MPH to the Rays for Delmon "ain't hit for crap above AA" Young. I'm willing to take that risk ________________________________________________________________________ License to Illini A "big" story that broke today was that The University of Illinois won't be able to have any tourney games in their home building for a few years. Why? Because we like you. And also because their mascot was deemed "too offensive" by the NCAA powers that be. Now, if part of Illinois's halftime show is a white guy in red-face makeup scalping people and doing a rain-dance, then it may be offensive. I think something that isn't brought up enough is that if college teams weren't named the Seminoles, Illini, et al, who would know what in the hell they were? It's a light that normally wouldn't shine on those particular tribes, or any Indian tribe. Heck, there's no light that shines on any Indian tribe anymore outside of Cherokee Red pop, and I'm not even sure that exists anymore. I'm much more offended by the Wichita State team nickname, The Shockers (no, really). I think a big deal should be made out of that and protests should be made and parents should shield their children from its horrible horrible connotations. So.... Someone get on that okay? ________________________________________________________________________ No Bush Jokes Before the draft, during the draft, and after the draft, we've been hearing about how dumb the Texans are for passing on Reggie Bush "He's the next Barry Sanders!! How could they not take him?!?!?!" "He's the next Gale Sayers!! How could they not take him?!?!?!?" First off all, Barry Sanders in his senior year rushed for 2,628 yards, had 3,249 total yards, and had 39 TDs. All that on a much worse team than Reggie Bush had, mostly because of NCAA violations by OK State. And teams in the former Big 8 actually, ya know, played defense. Also, he had over 1000 yards rushing every year he played in the NFL, and would have been by far the NFL's all time leading rusher had he not retired about 4 years too early. And he still never even made it to the Super Bowl. Gayle Sayers is more comparable to Reggie Bush in skill set, but he did it back in the days when a 185 lbs linebacker who ran a 4.95 40 yard dash was considered an All-Pro caliber player. It'd be kind of like if you sent Jessica Alba back in time and compared her to all the best looking women of that day. She'd make them all look like crap, much like a player ahead of his time like Sayers made NFL players of his day look. And he never made it to an NFL championship game Conversely, in last year's Super Bowl you had 2 starting running backs, one was not even drafted (Willie Parker), and the other was kind of an afterthought 1st round pick (if there is such a thing), #19 overall. Basically, you can have the best running back in the world, but if the rest of the team sucks you won't be doing much winning in the long run. On the other hand, if the rest of the team is good you can have shlubs and losers in the backfield and succeed sometimes. So, in layman's terms, running backs are the rims to an NFL team's car. If you put $10,000 rims on a '75 Pinto it won't help much. But you can put $50 rims on a Lamborghini and it will still kick ass ________________________________________________________________________ "Ray Lewis? More like Gay Lewis! AHAHAHAHAHAHA, don'tkillmeplease Another interesting development of the draft, at least as far as I'm concerned, was the drafting of Haloti Ngata by the Baltimore Ravens. For one thing, the best defensive players always seem to fall to them (Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, Ed Reed). But also interesting were Ray Lewis's comments about a week before the draft took place. While I can't find exactly what he said, he basically said that he hasn't been as effective the last few years because he's not had big fat slobs taking up blockers and he's actually been (gasp!!) blocked by guys. Then about a minute later he called himself the greatest defensive player of all time. Or the greatest middle linebacker of all time, it's kind of hard to hear when you're laughing as loud as I was. Then I remembered he's not the only "all-time" great who's ever said stupid stuff like that; for example "How am I supposed to score goals if at least 3 guys aren't screening the goalie? Hey Janet, put me down for $400,000 on the Bengals" ~ Wayne Gretzky "Okay, Scottie, Dennis, Luc, you all need to screen my defender for me at the same time, or I just won't be effective. Also, I'll bet any of you $900,000 I can kill a homeless man and get away with it" ~ Michael Jordan "How'm I supposed to gamble if I don't get the winners beforehand?" ~ Pete Rose A shameful look into the minds of big-time athletes ________________________________________________________________________ Big Openings Last weekend Flight 93 got beat in the box office by RV, and almost got beaten by that stupid-ass gymnastics movie. Nice to know we have our priorities back in order So what's on the docket for this weekend? - Mission Impossible III (or: What Just Happened? Part 3): This is the barometer to see just how sick, or not sick, of Tom Cruise the movie-going public is. Last year the whole "Tom Cruise is crazy" thing was just beginning when "War of the World's" came out, so that wasn't a good one to gauge disgust. - An American Haunting: Either a movie where a guy visiting London turns in to a haunting, or a movie where a horny teenaged virgin decides to bang a ghost. Or, it is a generic "based on actual events" horror movie, but my ideas are much more entertaining. - Hoot: I don't know a damn thing about this movie other than Jimmy Buffet is involved. So many people without jobs and multi-colored vomit should be in the movie. Also, in the commercials they say "Directed by Wil Shriner", like we're supposed to know who the hell that is. You don't go to your job and say "These fries prepared by (whatever your name is)", this is because you're a nobody, and so is Wil Shriner so don't mention his name in the commercials until he does something of note. - (On DVD) The Family Stone - Sylvester Stallone should have been the star of this movie just so the tag could have been "Sly in 'The Family Stone'". Also, I'd much rather see him as a single horse-faced female loser than Mrs. Broderick. Can't she get a new role? Or be in a movie that makes a profit?

I recently saw someone comment that wrestling fans were "the bottom of the bucket of society". I beg to differ. Wrestling fans can be anything from drunk rednecks, to fat women, to super nerds, to gay men. And.... really nothing in between. Which I am I'll leave you to figure out for yourself. Anyway, I didn't proofread this at all, find all the mistakes and win a free coke! - Law and Order ends - The blonde DA looks vaguely like the 2 very good looking blonde teachers who slept with their preteen students in the past year or so. The one was so white trashy that she was planning on taking Nancy Kerrigan's other knee out - But they is hot, which makes them automatically better than normal people - Anyway - Opening, if you combined Andre the Giant and Edge you'd have about 100 of the biggest damn teeth you've ever seen - Backlash was last night? I'll be damned, and not out $30 - Vince talks about last night's match - Apparently Vince put himself over God, I can't say I'm surprised - The Spirit Squad are your guest GMs for tonite - Vince looks uncomfortable - First match the make is "20 year old" Kenny vs. John Cena - I'm not sure why they mentioned his age other than to make me feel old - After some general annoyances by the SS we go to - Opening 2 - We are live from Columbus, Ohio tonite. Home of Steelers 1st round pick Santonio Holmes. - Well, it's not his home, once classes are over he's outta there like anyone else who lives in Columbus for any period of time - Sign in crowd "Poop" - Short, simple, to the point - Torrie Wilson out first - Diva Cheerleader match - Torrie's from Boise, Idaho - People actually live in Idaho? - Maria is her tag team partner - Victoria next - Mickie's her tag team partner, also in a cheerleader outfit - Does this make her so fine? So fine she'll blow my mind? - They show footage of last night's shoulder separation by Trish - They needed to show more footage of her outfit - Yummy - And with her bum arm you can do things with it and she won't even know - It's like "the stranger" but with someone else's hand - Look it up, I can't explain it on here - Maria has a small head - Torrie and Maria dominate - Stink face by Torrie - Tuna face? - Hunker down, we're just getting started - Bronco buster on one of the chicks by Maria - Trish out with bum shoulder and costs Mickie the match - Mickie looking confused as we go to - Commercials - Keith Hernandez shows how to woo the ladies as only he can - And he and Walt Frazier listening in on people having sex at the end of the commercial - That's.... kinda creepy - SS out - One of the SS talks about something - The bring out "The Odd Squad" - That is: Eugene, Goldust, and GoddamitIcanneverrememberhisname - Eugene and Matt Stryker are gonna be feuding apparently - Tony Schiavone once sarcastically said "Yeah, that'll put butts in the seats" about Mick Foley winning the WWE(F) title. Too bad he's not still around to say the same thing about that fued, at least it would have been well placed sarcasm - Vince is watching backstage - An arm hands him a drink - It's Candace - She's looking better than usual tonight - Which is a compliment - SS dominates Eugene - Wait, the SS can be interchangeable tag-team champions? - That doesn't seem right - Where'd they dig Dustin Runnels up from? - Oh right, it's Snitsky - I always want to call him Heidenriech - Rock Bottom by Eugene, who wins the award for "Most inexplicably pushed gimmick ever". - Well, until the Spirit Squad anyway - Snitsky in and cleans house - Eugene loses to a kick in the face - Well, he's not getting pushed anymore - Clips of the Foley/Edge match from WM precludes Edge interviewing Foley tonight - Commercials - Season Finale of Nashville Star - So there go 95% of the Raw commercials - During the commercials Mickie beat up Maria - Seems as though the guy who edits Raw was asleep at the wheel there - Yeah, I know it's live so it doesn't have an editor, but that seemed awfully disjointed - Eugene interviewed - Gets beat up by Stryker - I'm just gonna ignore the fact that that's going on - WWE 24/7 This Week in Wrestling History - Literally, as they flashback to last night's Backlash - Oh, yeah, Vince narration just bragging up the fact that he beat HBK and God - Nice bump taken by Vince - "The Father, the son, and the Holy Spirit Squad" - Hah, that's pretty good actually - Spirit Squad tells HBK he'll be reffing the match between Conway and Kane - Someone makes a clucking sound, and I don't think it was Terry Taylor - They give HBK a yellow ref shirt with May 19th written all over it - Big Show reassures HBK as we go to - Commercials - Poseidon, which really is just the same movie as the one from the 70s - Couldn't they have at least made it a plane that was flying upside-down? - Styles and King talk about Kane/Show match from last night - May 19th is the prevailing theme, with voices haunting Kane about it - Maybe it's the voices telling Kane how pissed he should be that they have his movie opening up against "The Da Vinci Code" - I mean "See No Evil" was only on the New York Times Bestseller list for 40 weeks - HBK (w/ custom made shirt) out - Rob Conway next - Is he still French? - HBK gives Conway a low-blow - Puts May 19th shirt on Conway - Clev-er - Kane out - I think it's safe to say this won't take long - Kane does a good intense, I'll give him that - Conway trying to escape through the crowd, HBK stops him - HBK thows crap in the ring to beat Conway with - Chokeslam by Kane - Kane leaves without the pin - HBK starts chanting "May 19th" - Pretends it's Conway even though HBK has one of the more distinct voices in the company - Suspension of disbelief is a wonderful thing - Tombstone by Kane - Pin, over - Commercials - MI 3: Revenge of the Hobbit - Apparently Ric Flair lost badly to the stupid ass Samoan guy - So much for a 17th title run - Ric Flair "arguably the greatest wrestler in the world", per Styles - If by arguably you mean "If you argue in favor of it you're wrong" then yes - Umaga wins in like 30 seconds, including a nice top rope splash - Lose the gimmick and you have something - And the thumb thing - The thumb to the throat rivals the heart punch for "the thing that would legitimately hurt someone badly but is a stupid finisher" award - Vince with Candace - Last week with Viscera, this week with Vince. Who'd she piss off? - Labia jokes are thrown around liberally. - Or labially - Gross making out is interrupted by HHH - I've never been happier to see him - Generic dialogue informs us that HHH will be the special guest ref for the title match tonight - More clips of Foley/Edge from WM - Commercials - Gatorade commercial featuring the US Soccer team - Having thought about it being on the US Soccer is a fairly thankless job. The team is like being on the New York Yankees in that everyone hates them - Only difference is that New York actually cares about the Yankees - And Steinbrenner never bombed Boston - That we know of - etc - Lita (w/ Melina-ish hair) intros Edge - Edge out - Edge has on a studded jacket with a star on it. I wonder if he attempted Disco Stud before that (Simpsons fans think about that one) - Edge calls out Joey Styles - King tries not to laugh after Edge tells Styles he sucks - Edge brings out Foley - Foley chant (naturally) - His ass is still huge - Talks about how well he did at WM - Calls WM match "The best hardcore match in wrestling history" - King can't hold his laughter after that one - Calls Edge to toughest SOB in the WWE - Shows replay of the "defining moment" of his career - Well, that flaming table spot was pretty cool, I'll give the match that much - Edge is shown bloody and looking scared as hell - Foley says that's the defining moment, looking at Edge and knowing he'd never be the same again - Foley wants a rematch tonite - Spine bustered? Spine busterded? - Edge: "You're on......... "You're on crack" - If he were on crack he wouldn't be that big - Edge says next week is fine - It's an hour in and I only just now noticed Coach isn't part of the announce team - Maybe he got detained in Europe, he does look kind of Arabic - Clips of Backlash - HHH is crotch-chopping again - Commercials - Face/Off - Or "Remember when Nic Cage and Travolta were still relevant?" - Still shots from the IC match - Masters out - Apparently Carlito beat him - Masters takes 10 minutes to get to the ring - He says Carlito cheated - Talks about RVD - Uh oh, if they're gonna feud will they have a "Who sounds more retarded when they speak match"? - "Didneyland!!" - Masterlock challenge - RVD chant - Masterlock put on, but Benjamin comes out and starts punching RVD while he's in the lock - Carlito with the chair makes the save - SS member (whichever) comes out and says, er, cheers that there will be a tag match between the 4 tonite. - You can guess the sides I'm sure - Commercials - Flipping I come across a commercial for "Over the Hedge". It's an animated movie that stars Bruce Willis as a raccoon who dates hot female raccoons half his age while loser wrestling recapping raccoons curse him under their breath. - Match in progress as we come back - Vince and Candace shown again - Nice amount of cleavage, but too much old person - Someone hands Styles a note - SS wants to see him for whatever-odd reason - I think Styles's days are numbered - I'm not reading about backstage stuff, but this kind of smacks of a way to get rid of him, I mean JR was calling matches last night - Minutes are numbered - Of course, I've been wrong before - King on play-by-play - Does a competent, if underwhelming job - Back and forth match - Shelton with a chair - Charlie Haas takes the chair, and Carlito gets the 3 - Smackdown Rebound - Rey Jr. vs. Kurtis Angle - I wonder if ReyRey marched today, he needs to show his buddy Juvi some support now that he's probably working for 10 cents an hour somewhere - Mark Henry attacks Kurt Angle? - Okay, whatever - SS with Styles - SS says Styles has no spirit - They tell him to get with the spirit program or he'll have to wear a cheerleading outfit next week - Styles at the moment is thinking "Just count the money, just count the money" - Commercials, not a moment too soon - See No Evil promo - Does have a creepy feel to it - Producer Joel Simon also produced "Looney Tunes: Back in Action", "The In-Laws" remake, and "Wild, Wild, West". So this movie really has n no chance of being any good - But it will look good - Styles back - King laughs at him more, saying that if he were in ECW he'd be showing spirit - Styles: "If I were in ECW, I wouldn't be working with a hack like you" - Oh my - Joel Gertner wasn't a hack? - Well, well, well - King commends Joey showing some spirit - Joey gives him a girly little shove - And another - King laughing, as anyone outside of a 6th grade girl would - Joey with a slap (!) - King sneezes and sends Styles flying - Styles leaves - ECW chant - I remember when you had to go through at least 5 tables to get that chant, how times have changed - Commercials - Burger King is cool - Replay of what just transpired with Joey and King - King apologizes to Joey, sounds sincere enough - Joey out - Says he's gonna shoot (ie, go off script) - And contradicts himself instantly by going with the story hat JR got fired - Oh well - Calls out McMahon - This is actually a nice subtle thing cuz he was acting a little uncomfortable during McMahon's segments with Candace, and mockingly referred to "sports entertainment" earlier. Well done - He quits - King: "We brought Joey Styles up from the gutter, and it looks like he just got homesick" - Heh, I laughed - HHH has a new Motorhead song - Lemmy's mole actually sings backup in this one - Commercials - Lots of Oxy commercials tonite, are they trying to tell us something? - King is now joined by Todd Somethingorother - King repeats his gutter line - 2nd time wasn't as funny - Styles questions the dignity of the Spirit Squad? - Kenny must be in line for a big push cuz they keep saying over, and over, and over, that he's 20 years old - Cena out to a surprising about of cheers - Cena has stigmata of the forehead. Wouldn't that make him King of Kings? - Cena not surprisingly with the edge, but HHH stops that - SS interfering - 20 year Old Kenny gets some offense - If this is an audition for Josh to be the new play by play guy he's blowing it - It's kind of a shame they're male cheerleaders and all, cuz they all seem to have some talent and/or charisma - Of course, Steve Austin was a Hollywood Blonde - 20 Year Old Kenny admonishes HHH's reffing skills and gets Pedigreed - HHH leaves - SS beats on Cena - HHH and HBK pass each other - They lock eyes - And make out like Candace and Vince - Or not - HBK now the ref - Chin Music to Kenny - Crotch-chop by HBK - DX comeback on the horizon - Don't tell me Cena's gonna be part of it - FU to Kenny - 3 count, over - Show's over

It was often said during their playing careers that if Barry Sanders had run behind the same offensive line Emmitt Smith did he would have rushed for 2000 yards every season. Well, there's an opportunity to see something similar to that scenario. It would be very simple and logical to make happen, but there's a less than 1% chance it'll actually happen, follow me though. The Denver Broncos have 2 tradable picks each in the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th rounds in this Saturday's draft. Two of those picks came from the 49ers so they are top 5 picks in the round. They have 10 total picks, but it is very doubtful that they will draft 10 players. So here's the plan, trade the number 15 overall pick, number 37 overall pick (5th pick of the 2nd round), 119th pick (22nd pick of the 4th round), and Tatum Bell to the Houston Texans for the #1 overall draft pick. Heck, even if they go so far as to throw in the number 68 pick (4th pick overall in the 3rd round) they would still have a pick in each of the first 6 rounds. Lowball them at first of course, maybe just offer the15th, 37th, and 119th pick and see where they go with it. But just imagine Reggie Bush running in the Denver offense, barring injury it would be a guaranteed 1,700+ yards rushing per year. And he would automatically become their best receiver. And the topper is that because they released Mike Anderson running back is a definite need, so it makes sense in that way too. Bush is the perfect Broncos back, great cutback ability, great vision. It makes too much sense not to at least attempt, and it's very very doable. You may be thinking "Well, they'll be running the same offense in Houston now so he'll do just as well there", to which I say "Phu", "Feh", and probably "Pshaw". Comparing Houston's offensive line to Denver's is like comparing Barbara Bush to Jessica Alba. That's the elder Barbara by the way. In the 2003 draft the Steelers moved up 11 picks to draft Troy Polumalu by giving up 3rd and 5th round picks. Now, I know moving from the end of the first round to the middle is different then moving from the middle of the first round to the top. But using that info there is no logical reason the Broncos shouldn't at least attempt to move to the top of the draft. If 'm wrong, tell me why, I'd love to know.