10) How can a former Mennonite-turned world renowned cyclist be caught doping? For a guy who grew up without electricity and worked the earth as a farmer, maybe he really does have naturally high testosterone from the lack of estrogen in his home environment. Then again, he was smart enough to leave Pennsylvania and join the modern world...maybe he's like those crazy Amish kids you hear about who get two weeks of freedom from the compound and all they do is drugs and have sex before they return to the life of propriety.   

7) I have entered a Foxsports.com college football fantasy pool and I'm thinking about taking up Mr. NFL and joining his shin-dig...but I am a fantasy football virgin! I'm afraid I might be raped if I attempt the NFL. Guess it's worth the shot, even if I do make a fool out of myself.

6) Team USA defeats China 119-73. Thank goodness, considering the average American male is 5'9" (and African-American men are taller than any other racial group in America), with the average Chinese male ringing in at 5'6", I would think Team USA had some advantage.

5) Did any of us ever ask our athletes to take drugs to perform stronger? Do we expect them to be modern-day Hercules? I didn't think so.

4) I already have my DVR set for the television version of "Friday Night Lights."

3) I am so ready to quit my day job and just talk and write about sports.

2) After hanging out with my cousin, his wife, and their gorgeous toddler who is half-American, half-Japanese, and fluent in both languages, I have decided that I will move to Europe and find some handsome non-English speaking man to have children with so my kids will be bilingual as well. Brilliant!

1) Being ranked number 1 in the USAToday Coaches poll is more like wearing a massive target on your chest, but thank god we'll only need to wait until September 9th to see the national championship game this season with OSU and Texas meeting in Austin.