You know you've watched too much football when the bartender asks "why are you leaving? It's only 7PM and you didn't come in until 3!" The fact that I am a known regular at three different bars here in the city in less than 6 weeks is a little scary. Here is a girl who used to spend her days running twelve miles around Central Park every weekend. Now she spends six hours consuming beer every Saturday. Luckily, my hardcore Pilates classes have helped to combat the beer gut...but I can't say my bank account is as happy about my football obsession.

     Let's face it, if you can't go to the game, you have to make the most out of it and bring the game to you. Bar-hopping football Saturdays can take a toll on you in many ways. First off, you quickly discover that going the pitcher route is far more economical than the bottles or drafts. The problem is, Bud Lights quickly starts to taste like water, and goes down as quickly when you're screaming your lungs out with the other 200 crazed fans.

     Secondly, when Joe Schmo orders hot wings on your right and Bill Smith orders nachos on your left, a nibble here and a nibble there inevitably turns in to you ordering chicken tenders and waffle fries (two foods that you haven't eaten since grade school.) Not only did I used to be the queen of exercise, I was also the war general of healthy eating. Now it just doesn't seem possible to sit in a bar and NOT eat fried food.

     Finally, nothing is worse than vacating your prime barstool at the conclusion of the 3:30 game and getting a text message from friends 30 minutes later saying "Holy crap?! You're missing the biggest upset in football history!!!" Of course I promised myself that I wouldn't be caught dead in a bar for longer than 4 hours, but recently it seems like Saturdays involve 8-12 hours of football madness.

     Lately I have taken a foreigner under my wing and have done my best to introduce this non-native to the pleasure of American football. Being from "the land down under," he appreciates sports like cricket and people like the Crocodile Hunter, but I am proud to say that I have quickly taught him the delight and honor that is NCAA football. I'm no sure what I'm more proud of, having passed on the traditions of beer pong to this Aussie, or the pleasure of watching him sing "Hang On Sloopy" and do all the arm movements that a veteran Ohio State alum would only know. Regardless, I feel that I have contributed my part to society and humanity by passing on the great tradition of college football to other cultures of the world. He really seems to enjoy it, but the real test will come on October 28th when I take this boy out of the Land of Oz and to the land of Ohio for his first-encounter with 105,000 rowdy fans. (I'll let you know how it goes and if he is still speaking to me by the end of the game.)

     Yea, it's a closed case: I am an obsessed football fan who is slowly making her mark in life by sharing her passion with others. Perhaps it could be a new peace-keeping movement. Hey, Angelina Jolie is saving the world one African baby at a time, maybe if I keep taking one non-American at a time to a football game, they'd come to understand why our country is run by a man from Texas.

     Then again, maybe not.

10) How did I manage to go 12/13 on my pro football picks this last week and 8/17 on my college picks? I am normally 90% correct on my college games and 90% wrong on my pro picks. My how the tables can turn!

9) Michigan State University is hurting...and they are hurting bad. Nothing is more dangerous than a wounded team. While John L. Smith's world might be in a freefall, all that could change if he defeated the No. 1 team this weekend with Ohio State coming up to East Lansing. Is that too hard to imagine? It's been done to Woody's No. 1 OSU team in 1974 and John Cooper's No. 1 OSU team in 1998.

8) Joe Torre is out. Joe Torre is in. Joe Torre is in a tough place. The guy has won 4 World Series titles in 11 years but his most recent assignment looked like it might be forced retirement. Is the problem really Joe? I think not...I think the problem is the mentality that just because you can afford the best players in the league doesn't mean you're guaranteed or entitled to anything.

7) Choking. The Yankees choked. Auburn choked. I choked on a huge audition this past Monday that was money in the bank. Why is it when we think we have all the ducks in a row, somehow they manage to slip between our fingers? 

6) The Maize and Blue should be number two!

5) WARNING: The new film, School for Scoundrels, is horrible! I know it is Billy Bob Thornton and John Heder (that cool dude from Napoleon Dynamite) but the movie is horrible and a waste of 2 hours of your Saturday night. Why the Weinstein brothers decided to produce that movie is beyond me. They should go back to their Miramax roots and bet on the arty projects. 

4) How funny would it be if the latest Big 12 tour-de-force, Baylor, beat Texas by 1 point?! Isn't it ironic, don't ya think?

3) Graduate school applications are looming over my head. I'm not sure what I feel guiltier about, neglecting my blog or neglecting my essays for school.

2) You heard it here first: in the next three years, Northwestern will be a big dog in the Big Ten. Pat Fitzgerald has the ability to continue the work that Randy Walker left behind. They might not have been able to turn water in to wine this season, but as Tyrell Sutton said, they've hit rock bottom and the only way to go is up.

1) It would be awesome on November 18 if Ohio State and Michigan met in the 'Shoe as No. 1 versus No. 2, but what does it really matter? Whoever looses still looses, regardless of rank and that would screw any hope for the BCS Championship.

I have two tickets to that game, and while I could sell them on eBay for $1000 a ticket, there is no way I'd sell out to a rich yuppie who wouldn't value the tradition of the greatest college rivalry in football.

Bonus: The Heisman Trophy is awarded to the greatest player in college football for that year. While Troy Smith has been a front-runner all season, Garrett Wolfe is the true candidate who has run all over his competition. Unfortunately, is it possible to give the Heisman Trophy to a player who has no impact on the national title picture? Some would argue that the trophy should go to a player who contributes to his team winning a major title. While I might agree with that opinion, is it appropriate to overlook a true player who has succeeded to the greatest of his ability in his conference that might be of lack-luster value? I mean, he did gain 200+ offensive yards against the number one team in the country...on his first game of the season.

I love the way marketing think-tanks comes up with catchy titles like "Separation Saturday." Ironically, while the alliteration gives such a title its cohesiveness, the idea of one whole violently tearing in to two separate parts is really what characterized Saturday's college football action. It wasn't two teams breaking up; it was one team being severed from the dream of the BCS championship.

Perhaps a new title should be added to the roster of football Saturdays, that being "Out With the Old, In With the New." The dominate teams of yesterday (Florida State, Nebraska, Oklahoma, and, Miami) have their swan song on repeat. Even teams like Tennessee, who look poised to have a comeback season, misfired in a deadly way yesterday. A few of those classics like USC and Ohio State still remain dominate in their quest for the national championship, but a few newbies have emerged on the radar to really shake up the national picture.

 To further prove how misguided the entire BCS championship is, teams like TCU, Louisville, and even Rutgers are starting to show that the little man can triumph among the larger programs that barely keep their heads above water. Louisville manhandled Miami (see, I can make up catchy alliterations too, ESPN) and with Rutgers, Louisville and West Virginia rolling to 3-0 starts in the Big East, that comedic conference isn't looking like such a joke.

To be fair, I visited the land of the Scarlet Knights in New Brunswick, New Jersey on Saturday to see if Rutgers was the real deal. While they do have one great running back in Ray Rice, it was only thanks to the drunken mistakes of Frank Solich's Ohio University football team that made the 24-7 score possible. The entire second half of the football game was scoreless, and if it wasn't for the four forced turnovers and blocked punt, this game would have been a sleeper.

Honestly, on Thursday night I turned off the West Virginia game after the first quarter and went to see Invincible. Steve Slaton's 195 yards was enough for me to know I didn't need to worry about Maryland staging a comeback. (Besides, it was a little more entertaining watching Mark Walberg run up and down the field on the big screen.) Is anyone else as terrified as me that Slaton is only a sophomore? Hopefully he won't fall victim to the Adrian Peterson disease and be a minor blip on the radar screen for the rest of his career.

I felt like a proud mother watching her kid's first piano recital when I caught the Louisville-Miami score, 31-7. (Thank god I listened to my gut when I picked Louisville to win that game!) But then that gushing parent glow quickly drained from my face when news that QB Brian Brohm dislocated his right thumb and will be out for the next four to six weeks. I suppose the good news is that Louisville still managed to maintain Miami for the last quarter, but what does this mean for the big picture? It means Hunter Cantwell, backup QB, will have to continue playing like a beast and prove that Louisville has the depth in their roster to play for the big game. Next week the Cardinals will be flying in to Kansas State, who is also 3-0 and Manhattan, Kansas is no prairie town. If the Cards can get the "W" on the road...be prepared to TiVo the Big East season for October and November.

I like seeing the little guy win, but I was more than happy to see fellow Big East member Cincinnati stumble against Ohio State. Yea, OSU is my team, and I'm biased, but I would have been one cranky mother-mucker if OSU fell against a mediocre team one week after defeating Texas and one week before taking on Penn State.

Speaking of Penn State, after getting spanked by Notre Dame one week and then watching the Irish get punched in the stomach by Michigan, what does it all mean? Is Michigan finally back from their 7-5 2005 season or is Penn State really not good? The Big Ten is finicky like that, and when they open up their season next week with Penn State at Ohio State, Notre Dame at Michigan State, and Wisconsin at Michigan, I guess we'll all see what the Big Ten is made of.

 Big Ten? Big East? It's all a bunch of BIG QUESTION MARKS!

Honestly...I've never been prouder to be a Buckeye. It was one thing to witness the 1997 Rose Bowl and be in the end-zone that David Boston caught the game winning catch from Joe Germaine to beat Jake "the Snake" Plummer and steal the title from Arizona State. It was another thing to watch Craig Krenzel and the 2002 team take the National Title from the University of Miami. I never thought I could stand more proud than I did in the sports book of the Mandalay Bay Resort as I watched OSU demolish Notre Dame...until tonight!

As I sit on my living room couch, absolutely inebriated from all the pitchers of beer that I indulged in from 7PM until 1AM, I have never been more proud to be a Buckeye than I am at this moment. Perhaps it was the utter domination I feel from embarrassing a team on their home turf 24-7. Or perhaps it was the inner glee of knowing that 80,000 people in Texas Memorial Stadium were speechless, including one exboyfriend who threw last year's Texas victory in my face as I sadly exited the 'Shoe.

Not tonight baby! Blondies and The Big Easy was as close to the Varsity Club and undergraduate nirvana as I could have gotten in New York City on a Saturday night. Up on the Upper East Side the Buckeye fans were packed to the rafters. As "Hang on Sloopy" played from the stereo and the drunken masses witnessed The Ohio State Buckeyes demolish the Longhorns of Texas, I stood my ground and screamed loud and clear. I never imagined that Ohio State could finish the game holding the Burnt Orange to 7 points! I hardly know where to begin! How does Kirk Herbstreit stay so "unbiased?" Isn't he sitting up there in the booth ready to burst because he's so happy?!

To be perfectly frank, it is a double victory for me. Last year, the man I thought I'd marry (who is a Texas Longhorn) broke my heart weeks before the Texas-Ohio State game by putting an end to us. He was smart enough to not expect his tickets to the game, but watching Ohio State get beat by Texas on my home in 2005 only made that wound more personal. Tonight, not only did my team need to redeem their reputation, my own personal honor needed to be amended. For Texas to win two years in a row, it would have been like getting dumped all over again!

 By the way, what heterosexual male dumps a girl who loves football so much that she schedules her life around it? Secondly, what guy dumps his girlfriend weeks before the big game that she has tickets to?

 Tonight was the equivalent to adding salt to the wound. Not only did my team redeem their honor...I redeemed my glory and solidified my strong position that I am superior in the grand scheme of life. Never again will that Texas turd have the pleasure of dating someone like me, but more so, my team ended UT's winning streak and proved that things really aren't better or bigger in Texas! 

 DOUBLE VICTORY!!!! (not that I'm bitter!)