For about 2 days there was the catch phrase from a cheesy nike commercial called "chicks dig the long ball". I was in this commercial. And ended up calling 2 future hall of fame athletes a curse word.

It was supposed to be in Philly and it was supposed to be with Heather Locklear, Mark McGwire and 2 pitchers named Tom Glavine and Greg Maddux (don't worry non-sports fans, this isn't one of those hard to follow sports stories). So we're filming at Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia. and I'm pretty glad about this job because a bunch of my buddies were in it with me....especially these guys....anthony and kenny....for some reason for about a year or 2 we were worked on some pretty decent sized project...like this structure campaign....

From left to right...The Vitamin T, "What's the frequency" Kenneth James and Anthony Phillips on the far right. We single handedly ruined STRUCTURE.

I blame myself. I should have excercised my "veto" on the boots and shorts combo.

However the campaign ended and then structure changed it's name. So I believe we single handedly took down Structure. Sorry to anyone who really loved spending 80 dollars for a pair of jeans or 65$ for a polka dot shirt. My bad. However the funny thing about that picture is we'd always mock anyone at any function that wore sunglasses indoors...and low and behold....there we are, with sunglasses on indoors.

So, getting back to the Nike Commercial. We get there and Heather Locklear is there. And I was actually very early getting to set, and that was great because every guy in my family told me to make sure I was there on time and to get her number if I could. (sorry guys, I couldn't) and Mark Mgwire's stunt double was there...which basically means a big guy with red hair was wearing a Mark McGwire Jersey. And then Tom Glavine and Greg Maddux of the Atlanta Braves. I don't like the Braves anyway, because everytime they play my Phillies, the beat us like we just stole their wallets. But keep reading and hopefully you won't like those two schmucks either. So I don't have much to do in this commercial, we're on camera but all the closeups are on Heather Locklear (I don't blame them, she's prettier than I am) and Kenny got so bored, that while cameras were rolling he actually started taking cell phone calls. Which is funny to me because when he answers the phone he doesn't say "hello" it sounds like "all ah?" and it's funny every single time. And Anthony was telling me about an idea he had for a movie where he'd play the lead role in a bio pic on rapper SILKK THE SHOCKER. I would actually pay for a ticket to see Anthony play Silkk The Shocker on the big screen.

Movie?

So the commercial is filming and "Heather says "HI MARK" and fake Mark McGwire hits a home run and Fool Glavine turns to Fool Maddux and says "Chicks dig the long ball" but he had to do it a bunch of times because he sounded like a pervert everytime he said it. Seriously. Glavine sounded like someone who'd be a featured on a two part episode of LAW & ORDER SVU. It was that creepy and perverted. The day is over and Heather Locklear goes over to sign autographs for fans and take pictures. And I see a child walk over to Fool Glavine, no cameras or anything it's just a child about 9 years old, the two fool pitchers and I'm 10 feet away. The child says "Mr Glavine, may I have your autograph?" and Glavine turns to Maddux and says "Mr Maddux, should I sign?" and Maddux laughs in this kid's face and says "sure Mr Glavine, sign it" and they laugh and call each other "Mister" a few more times. And they're laughing at this kid...I watch, just appalled, who mocks a kid? Especially when they're showing respect. And they're laughing and they look over at me... kind of like "you should be laughing with us because we're funny" and just automatically I look at them both and say "D I C K S". I put pretty heavy emphasis on the "D" and the "S" of the word. I walk away. I didn't care if I got fired from the commercial. The morale to the story? Both of these guys will be honored in the hall of fame. There'll be glory, honor, celebration and talk about how great they are. But you know what? They made fun of a kid. They mocked him and laughed in his face. Please everyone do me a favor and next time you hear their names. Boo 'em. And Boo 'em loudly.

Both of them wrote this book. I bet there's a page that says "Chapter 12: How to Mock Children"

I have a snap shot of them mocking this kid. I need to find that box and scan it for all of you to see. There was no way I was letting that opportunity get by to get two hall of famers mocking a child.

And really, and more importantly, whatever happend to Silkk The Shocker? I think the guy may need his oscar winning bio pic.