So I broke up with my new boyfriend Chaz and got back together with my old boyfriend Trey, which makes him my new boyfriend again.  Whoa, that's really deep!  I just got a headache trying to make sense of it all!  Unfortunately, a headache is the least of my worries right now, because ever since I broke up with Chaz, Ashley has been going around behind my back and telling people that I had an abortion.  Yes, Ashley, as in my ex-BFF Ashley Nagel!  And I know it's true, too, because Kylie is my new BFF, but Ashley doesn't know it yet, and Ashley told Kylie right to her face and then Kylie told me!  This is like, the worst thing you could do to somebody- and you know what else?  I can't believe she even would spread a rumor like that when she's the one who went down on Coach Snyder!  I could sooo ruin her reputation!  If ever there were a time when I needed an outlet for my frustrations, it's now.

 

And that's why I have you.

 

Oh Sports Diary, someday it won't be considered weird for a teen princess to be crazy about sports.  Until then, we'll just have to make do- and that's not a bad thing, either, because you make me feel comfortable when I'm sharing my innermost thoughts on random sports topics.  Topics like...  

 

 

  COLLEGE GAME DAY'S EARLY START TIME

 

It's not fair!  Kirk Herbstreit is completely dreamy, but I live in LA, which means that College Gameday starts at like, 7 AM!  Plus, on Friday nights, after we cheer at the football game, all the girls get together and have a sleepover party- and once we've stayed awake all night talking about boys, I end up sleeping right through it!  And on those days when I do get up in time, I'm all bleary-eyed, so I can't appreciate him in his full glory.  I wish it didn't have to be this way, but hello- girl tradition!  God, why does that Tebow thingy have to be so confusing?

"He's so dreamy..."

 

 

 

THE "QUICK SPIKE"

 

I totally thought about it for a while, but after watching football last season, I've decided not to become an offensive coordinator (although I do coordinate a mean wardrobe ROFL!).  Basically, some of the plays they call just don't make any sense.  Case in point, for example, I saw this one play where as soon as the quarterback got the ball from the hiker, he threw it into the ground in front of his feet- and it looked like he did it on purpose!  Of course, then they had to line up again for a do-over.  I mean, why not just get it right the first time?  Also, by my calcutations, there is a zero percent chance of getting the ball to a receiver when you throw it directly into the turf.  No pun intended, but I could throw a better pass than that!

 

 

STIRRUPS ON BASEBALL UNIFORMS

 

Excuse me, but why have the fashion police not issued a citation to the sport of baseball?  The players are still running around in stirrup pants!  Has no one informed them that those went out of style like, 20 years ago?  (Not that they were ever stylish to begin with...)  In fact, I laugh my butt when I see pictures of my Aunt Kelly from the 80's, or as I like to call them, "The Dark Ages of Fashion".  There she is with her big New Jersey mall hair, wearing an oversized, multi-colored sweater (complete with Izod collar sticking up from below), and of course, a pair of those ridiculous, semi-baggy stirrup pants.  Hey, baseball guys:  It didn't look good then and it doesn't look good now!  Don't get me wrong.  It's cute that you have your little traditions and all, but some things are just more important- like looking fab!  And right now, you're about as far from fab as a group of people can be.  Put it this way- if I wanted to create a dress code for Loserville, stirrup pants would be the first requirement.

 

Equally atrocious?

 

 

  PRODUCT PLACEMENT ON NASCAR VEHICLES

 

OK, sometimes I watch NASCAR because Jeff Gordon's really cute, but I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it.  I mean, should I honestly be expected to sit through a 500-mile parade of mismatched color schemes and corporate logos?  Can you say "eyesore?"  You guys!  There must be a way to get the point across without so many decals.  Could you maybe limit it to like, one sticker per company?  You're good drivers and you have lots of sponsors.  I get it!  But do you really have to make your cars look like my nerdy little brother's Trapper Keeper?

Trapper Keeper on wheels?

 

 

  SIDELINE MOTIVATION

 

Can somebody please tell me why teams don't keep a designated butt-slapper on the sideline?  You know, someone like um ... me?  I know, I know- I'm such a horndog, but if you think about it, when players don't have to slap each other's butts all the time, they can totally conserve energy for the game!  All those cute guys in need of encouragement... I would sooo do that job if it existed!

 

 

  TRADE RUMORS INVOLVING KOBE BRYANT

 

FYI:  If the Lakers trade Kobe Bryant, I'll be majorly bummed!  I'll stop watching them, I swear!  He's like the only player they have who's not a total dweeb.  Seriously- if I could shoot like him, I wouldn't pass the ball either.  Of course, I'm no rocket psychiatrist, but how does trading away the NBA's best player make them a better team?  It would be like going to Starbucks one day, and all they have is black coffee, but you super want a Caramel Macchiato!  (Fat-free, of course, 'cuz who wants to look like Angie Dobbins, that cow from the Geography Club?)  Besides- I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about Kobe that reminds me of myself...

"Drama, anyone?"

Copyright 2007, Aidan Acuff