Confucius say...  

 

...Player who eat Mexican food during training camp run wind sprints to toilet.

 

 

...Athlete who inject steroids soon have pain in the ass when random drug test is administered. 

 

...Man who spend all his time polishing old bowling trophies miss out on trophy wife.

 

...Tour de France cyclists full of carbohydrates, but short on moral fiber.

 

...Only thing more repressive than Communist China is coaching style of Bob Knight.

 

...Careless participant in lumberjack competition get buzz cut.

 

...Man who lacerate hand during rowing event get crew cut.

 

...Jittery top fuel drag racer get dreadlocks.

 

...Bungee jumper who misjudge length of cord get flat top.

 

...Miami Dolphins like aluminum at recycling plant- undergoing meltdown.

 

...Kobe Bryant like Playboy Magazine- many issues.

 

 

...Championship days of Lakers like Ming Dynasty- ancient history.

 

...Mike Tyson like uranium 238- highly unstable.

 

...Philadelphia fans like Mike Tyson- bipolar.

 

...NHL like woman who no use birth control- always going through labor pains.

 

...Performance of Roger Clemens like stadium beer- flat and overpriced.

 

...Home run record of Barry bonds like children of Shawn Kemp- illegitimate.

...When line drive approaches face of Angels pitcher, Scot Shields.

 

...When #1 golfer watch porno, Tiger Woods.

 

...When Japanese home run king reach sexual climax, Sadaharu Oh.

 

...When Brewers phenom got to 2nd base with girl on date, Prince Fielder.

 

...When Bills running back find out Fielder's date was his sister, Marshawn Lynch.

 

 

...When Colts receiver mate with Sasquatch, result is Marvin Harrison.

 

...Open window in home of Saints quarterback Drew Brees.

 

 

...Poker player with many women is five-card stud.

 

 

...Seatbelt in car of franchise player is jock strap.

 

 

...Testicle of San Diego Chicken is fowl ball.

 

 

...Competetive eating on Tivo is re-gurgitation.

 

...Swimmer focused on Olympics have wet dreams.

 

 

...Baseball player involved in threesome turn double play.

 

 

...Softball coach with busy hands receive pinch-hit.

 

...Football player who walk in on wife receiving oral sex from tennis instructor find ineligible man downfield.

 

 

...Baseball player who have sex during picnic hit inside the park home run.

 

 

...Pitches from Johan Santana like limblesss man in swimming pool- both quickly sink.

 

 

...Notre Dame football program like hemophiliac on aspirin- unable to stop bleeding.

...Agent of Pacman Jones like man walking dog in park- must follow closely to clean up messes left behind.

 

...Minnesota Timberwolves like underarms of French woman- much stinky.

 

...Feet of Shaquille O'Neal like toys made in China- filled with lead.

 

...Bill Belichick like urine of dehydrated man- needs to lighten up.

 

...Play of St. Louis Rams like author's portrayal of Confucius- offensive.

 

...Sword of Samurai not as sharp as angles in eyebrows of Herman Edwards.

 

 

Copyright 2007, Aidan Acuff