Don Imus is not a racist, he just plays one on TV.

Look, I happen to like the guy and I often enjoy the cranky attitude he brings to skewering the pompous and powerful on his show.

I also happen to like C. Vivian Stringer and I enjoy the fearless, "never say die" attitude she brings to her basketball teams.

And there's the rub.

When a friend says something bigoted, mean, ugly and insensitive, you feel wounded, too. You feel somehow personally betrayed that someone you've invited into your home could abuse that trust and respect.

No, I've never met the man, but I (along with millions of listeners) have invited him to be part of my mornings for years now. And I feel the same kind of hurt and disappointment I'd have for any other friend who let me down in such a brutal and thoughtless manner.

Of course, I'm not C. Vivian Stringer nor the Rutgers women's basketball team -- and neither are you. It's not my place (much less, yours) to tell them what to feel or not feel towards Don Imus.

Still, as an African-American (and former member of NABJ and WBMA), I feel there's a big difference between Imus' admittedly clumsy and disgusting attempt at humor and a Michael Richards' screaming "nigger, nigger" at people heckling him in an LA comedy club.

I'd like to take the I-Man at his word, when he promises changes in style and content when his show returns from suspension. Still, he must back up his words with deeds. His accomplices in this matter have to go, he simply must clean up shop, if we're ever to believe him again.

Go back to the transcript. Who first uttered the word "hos" which precipitated the rest of the harangue? Producer Bernie McGwirk.

Who also uttered the word "jiggaboos" and added homophobic insult to injury by comparing the Rutgers' women to the NBA Toronto Raptors? Producer Bernie McGwirk.

I know some will compare this suggestion to an embattled coach, pressured to let a few assistant coaches go to save his own miserable hide. Still, I'd like to put it in a context that some of us (including Imus and this writer) can understand -- rehab and recovery.

You know the mantra, "people, places and things." That is, if you're serious about changing your abhorrant behaviour, you have change that equation. If you go to the same places with the same people, the same bad behaviour will arise.

McGwirk and the other male malevolant, mean, mouthy "bad boys" in the Imus posse have to be thrown overboard. Tuesday morning's Imus edition (the suspension was moved up to let a radio telethon be completed this week) was something like a wake with a contrite Imus taking sympathy calls from admirers. But a cursory look revealed McGwirk was still producing the program.

If Imus refuses to jetison McGwirk and others, claiming loyalties, I'd remind him that he also has loyalties to his listeners, his employers, his sponsors, his wife (whose book release has been nearly scuttled and polluted by his repugnant comments) along with his charties like the famed Imus Ranch.

What about all of those people you let down last week, I-Man? Is it worth throwing all of us under that proverbial bus (and what's left of your career) for loyalty to one man -- who has admittedly let you down?

If Imus comes back with the same managerie of woofers, bad boys and surly mouthed cretins, he will have shown us that his promise to change is just so much talk.

The clock is ticking, I-Man. Change or be changed. All of the above deserve as much from you.

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POST SCRIPT

Obviously, the above column was written before Imus' firings from both MSNBC and CBS Radio. Still, I must admit to coming full circle on this matter and my thinking has changed quite a bit.

There was a confluence of events and realizations that left me much less sure of myself. I didn't want to seem as if I was piling on, but I have my own mea culpas to hand out.

The first moment came when I read the transcript of that sad morning. I had to wonder how I could have missed it. Was I that tonedeaf, numbed, dumbstruck...have I heard so much of this level of discourse that I've been dulled to its effect.

Then, I saw an interview with Ana Maria Cox, a journalist I'd seen and enjoyed on Imus' program, and she admitted that although she'd been on the show many times, she also knew that it was entirely likely that when she left the studio, they'd be saying nasty things about her too.

And that's when it hit me like a drink in the face. It's not enough that the guy had demeaned young black women? Every woman who's been in that studio has been made uncomfortable and I'M still defending this guy?

I work in a radio studio right now and the thought of working with someone who made the women here uncomfortable is unconscionable.

The one underlaying intent of humor is, who is the target, who is the victim. Imus' target here was a group of successful young black women.

And then it really hit me. In my own selfishness to continue listening to the Imus program and in my haste to defend the 1st Amendment a little more than I did successful young black women, I had also marginalized the Rutgers women's basketball teams.

I thought of the strong black women in my life -- people like Dr. Doreatha Mbalia, my professor friend confidante at the UW-Milwaukee...like Ms. Roxanne Allison, whose vocation and avocation is guiding successful young black women through a UW-Madison education. And I said to myself, go ahead, John. Tell these people how it was all just a poor attempt at humor. I couldn't look them in the eye.

We all know better. I know better. I know successful young black women, I see them everyday, I work with them. And so, I would opine that we could all use this episode for self-reflection.

I joke a lot on the air, but I mean it this time, all women are my sisters. Fellas, like the song goes, remember you all had mothers.

And like another song goes, there's no way I can pay you back but the plan is to show you that I understand.

You are appreciated.