Hanging tough with the Insane Forced Balloon Posse...

January 5th is

(A) the day you go back to school after Xmas vacation,

(B) the day you throw your Xmas tree out or

(C) the lousiest day of the year to have a birthday.

At least, in much of North America, as it's usually the coldest day on the first Monday after the holidays. Everybody is broke and cold and miserable. And it's the date I've been fated to celebrate my birth.

It used to be the first date in the Big Ten men's basketball schedule, for some reason they keep moving it up to where it began this season in December 2008.

Of course, it used to be that all of the college bowl games were over with, but again for some reason they scheduled the Fiesta Bowl for January -- giving the Big Ten another chance to lose a bowl game.

Not to get Orwellian, but some birthdays are more equal than others. And mine flat sucks!

My lifelong dream is to celebrate it one day at the ballpark -- either, Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic, which ever is cheaper -- and call everybody back up in Wisconsin on my cell phone.

"Hey, what's the windchill today?  Well, it's the third inning here, so I've gotta get another beer...see ya!"

Instead, back in glacial Madison, Wisconsin...we are forced to celebrate at the city's Birthday Palace, the venerable Nitty Gritty. On your special day, you are asked for your ID, they ring a bell, scribble your name on the board below the celebs with your sorry excuse for a birthday and give you a mug for free beer.

It used to be just certain entry-priced brews, but now they splurge and let you swill on the finer stuff. The only caveat is that this year, the bartender insisted that a balloon must be kept tied to the mug.

You're kidding me, right? Forced balloons? I can lose the balloon, right?

Nope, lose the balloon and lose the free beer privleges.

Wait a minute, I thought we just had an election to end this kind of tyranny. What the hell did we just vote for, if an American can't enjoy a lousy birthday's free brewskis without FORCED balloon?

And so, a sad, cold mostly friendless night becomes even more sad as we slurp with our balloon along for the ride. We men just looked at each other in sorry resignation -- fated to our balloon bondage.

One suggestion from a loyal reader was to create a half-Birthday date during the baseball season. So, should it be six months ahead on July 5th?

And what about that alternative Jan 5th? Would PR or the DR be a better place to enjoy a beer in the bleachers -- WITHOUT BALLOONS -- at a ballpark somewhere?

Well, that, my friends, is up to you. I'm asking your opinions on this.

1. Should I "move" my birthday to July 5 or

2. which is the best place to watch a baseball game on Jan. 5th?

Please reply with your thoughts and keep the balloons to yourself