This just in, Patti LaBelle can still bring down the house...

The talk of the sports world this morning came from an otherwise meaningless game between the currently hapless San Francisco 49ers and the distinctly mediocre Seattle Seahawks.

According to the Sacramento Bee, the new head coach Mike Singletary spoke a lot today about Vernon Davis. And he spoke a lot of about cancers in the locker room and how they can damage a team. But he was careful to separate the two. "Vernon is not a problem," Singletary said. "Vernon is not a problem guy. Vernon forgets sometimes that the team is more important. ... You have to be able to separate the two. He is not a guy who's a distraction on the team."

Which is not to suggest that Singletary isn't still steamed over Davis' performance yesterday. To recap: Davis was hit with a 15-yard unnecessary roughness penalty when he flicked the underside of Brian Russell's facemask. Singletary said he saw the whole thing and thought Davis was "kidding when he did it." What seemed to upset Singletary more was Davis' reaction. He tried to talk to Davis as he came off the sideline and Davis was defensive. When he looked behind him a few seconds later, Davis was being demonstrative on the bench.

Singletary said he had a conversation just last week with Davis in which he urged the talented tight end to be a leader on the team. His actions on the sideline were entirely opposed to what the new coach was looking for. "It just hit me the wrong way," Singletary said. He said he hadn't yet spoken with Davis and didn't mention any disciplinary action. He said he was not the type of coach who plays psychological games with players and would not give Davis the silent treatment. "It's not that he's out of my good graces," Singletary said. "Not at all. I don't have a doghouse." Which leads one to believe that Davis won't be subject to any disciplinary action ...

If anyone can get his team ready to play, Mike Singletary will do it after the players hear what he said. And I do mean, as in listen here! Dan Patrick said on his radio show this morning that Singletary sounded like Samuel L. Jackson in "Pulp Fiction" (remember the Ezekiel speech?) after the 49ers lost to the Seattle Seahawks, 34-13, adding "I don't think Singletary was trying to sound tough. I think he simply is tough."

Said Singletary: "... It will change and it will change ... because they want to be champions. ... Our formula is this: We go out and hit people in the mouth, No. 1. No. 2, we are not a charity. We cannot give them the game. That's No. 2. And No. 3 is we execute, from the very start of the game to the very end of the game. That did not happen ..."

There's an old James Brown song,"Talkin' Loud And Sayin' Nothin" -- and I think, after yesterday's rant, we can safely say that ditty does NOT describe the new 49ers head coach.

Meanwhile, back in Seattle, the ax fell this afternoon for UW coach Ty Willingham. Molly Yanity of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reports Willingham and athletic director Scott Woodward made the announcement at a news conference Monday.

Willingham has been under fire for being unable to turn around the Washington program.

Woodward has said he did not want to change coaches during the middle of the season. But he said Monday's announcement ends speculation of what is going to happen with Willingham and lets the team focus on the final five games.

 The World Series could come to an end in Philadelphia tonight, but that isn't even the talk of the town and it's not the Eagles,either. As Ed Moran of the Philadelphia Daily News explains...maybe it's because the World Series is in town, but so far there hasn't been the familiar outcry about the "typical" Philadelphia fans that usually erupts after one of those all too-"typical" Philadelphia sports scenes that become legend and get listed right under "throw snowballs at Santa Claus." In this case it was a flaming smoke bomb thrown onto the ice after a contested goal in overtime in Saturday's 3-2 Flyers win over New Jersey in the Wachovia Center. But can the noise be far behind?

It was an outrageous and dangerous act that covered the ice surface with smoke, chased the Devils' coaching staff from the bench and left the city with another fan-based black eye.  

"We were not happy," Comcast-Spectacor president Peter Luukko said yesterday. "That was as good a hockey game as can be played and it didn't need that. After all the talk last year about how tough our fans are to play in front of, we went to Washington in the playoffs and someone throws a beer bottle that hits Jeff Carter and in Montreal someone threw a beer into the penalty box that hit Mike Richards and nothing like that happened here. We were angry last night."  

So angry, in fact, that the Flyers are conducting an investigation; there is video from security cameras showing two suspects running from the building.

The description being released is of two males about 6 feet tall. One is described as an African-American wearing a white Flyers jersey and a white male also wearing a Flyers jersey, with his face painted.

"We are working diligently to catch the culprit and hope to prosecute the person," Luukko said. "If we find that the person is a season ticketholder, we will permanently cancel their tickets."

As for the National League champion Phillies, the grizzled veteran columnist Bill Conlon opines...Joe Blanton wasn't supposed to be pitching last night. Not according to the army of bloggers, e-mailers and fantasy-team managers who trampled each other deserting Jamie Moyer's corner. Many exhorted me to demand that Pat Gillick, Charlie Manuel, Rich Dubee and all the Phillies' powers-that-be make sure that Moyer was denied his World Series turn in the wake of a brief and ineffective outing in Game 3 of the NLCS in Dodger Stadium.

Give the ball to Joe Blanton in Game 3, for God sakes. Don't send that old man out there again. Please.

Nor was Pat Burrell supposed to be playing left with his ponderous gait. The Bat had to be the DH against the Tampa Bay Rays' Game 1 starter Scott Kazmir. Against the Rays' righties, Ryan Howard had to wear the DH mantle with Greg Dobbs playing first base.

And remember the success Manuel had with the flip-flop of Jayson Werth to No. 6 and Shane Victorino to No. 2 in Game 2 of the Division Series wipeout of CC Sabathia and the Brewers? Shane set the Money Pit ablaze with an epic grand slam. Well, time for the old fliperoo once again, right, Chuck, with the engine room flooded and the Phillies taking more strikes than an Akron bowling alley and abandoning more guys in scoring position than a payday raid on a mining town brothel.

And while you're at it, Cholly, let's stick Burrell in between Utley and Howard to split that inviting left-left arrangement Rays manager Joe Maddon seemed to exploit by using rookie lefthander David Price for an extended Game 2 save. Yep, Manuel said, he had given that some thought when he looked out there and the gifted No. 1 pick in the 2007 draft was going through his lineup a second time.

Just don't expect to see your Honorary Managers Diplomas in the mail anytime soon. You all flunked Double Switch 101, Lineup Chemistry 202 and Hunch-Playing 303.

Jamie Moyer hauled his 45-year-old bones from the cocoon of a 90-minute rain delay and made the latest-ending World Series game in history one of the most memorable. He was amazing, mesmerizing, magicianly, baffling and masterful. The Phillies won an amazingly tense, flawed and quintessentially entertaining Game 3 with a ninth inning that called for a redefining of the word "bizarre."

Joe Blanton pitched on his Game 4 night and authored personal and World Series history. Haystack Joe is reputedly a "contact pitcher." In a 10-2 destruction of the Rays that moved the Phillies into the wind shadow of their second World Series title, Blanton fired seven strikeouts in six-plus electric innings.

But that's not all . . . With two outs in the fifth, Joe put a righthanded version of the Matt Stairs buggywhip stroke on an Edwin Jackson heater and sent a screaming tracer into the leftfield seats. Blanton dragged some impressive records with him running out the first World Series homer by a pitcher since Kenny Holtzman hit one for Oakland in 1974.

Oh, yeah . . . Charlie has played Burrell in left and Howard at first throughout. And when Werth smoked a double and then two-run homer last night, he was batting No. 2 because that's the way Charlie Manuel had it set up, in the thinking he has done since this incredible postseason began. And, once more, Utley and Howard hit back-to-back and the Big Man inside-outed a three-run homer to left and a monster shot, two-run exclamation point, to right off lefthander Trever Miller in the eighth.

A Cleveland writer asked Manuel before the Phillies went 10-3 in the postseason if he is a different manager than he was when leading an Indians team loaded with All-Stars. And has he improved as a manager?

"The same old Charlie," he said. "I'm the same manager I was when I managed in Triple A or Double A, or A ball. I'm the same manager. Just when you win you're better [laughter], and that comes from having better players."

 Now, don`cha hate it when you have to explain your jokes?  It's never funny afterwards, and yet this column is jam-packed on an everyday basis with allusions and pop culture references. Therefore, I was trying to make a funny when I suggested last Friday that Marlo Thomas would have made a better VP pick than Sarah Palin.

The column was called, I Don't Want THAT Girl. Again from wikipedia...That Girl is an American television situation comedy that ran on ABC from 1966 to 1971. It starred Marlo Thomas as the title character, Ann Marie, an aspiring (but only sporadically employed) actress, who had moved from her hometown of Brewster, New York to make it big in New York City. Ann had to take a number of offbeat "temp" jobs to support herself in between her various auditions and bit parts, though she nonetheless was able to afford a spacious Manhattan apartment as well as an extensive wardrobe of mod fashions.

So, I was imagining the next SNL skit for Tina Fey and thought of a parody of the show's beginning, where some talent scout would see her in a crowd and explain, "I want that girl!"

Still, I'd argue that Marlo Thomas would STILL be a better candidate than Palin as evidenced by her exhaustive charity work. One more time from the wiki-folks...

Thomas is the recipient of four Emmy Awards,a Golden Globe Award,a Grammy Award,and the George Foster Peabody Award. She has been married to talk show host Phil Donahue since 1980. She has no children, but is stepmother to Donahue's five children from his previous marriage. The couple lives in New York City and Connecticut, but Thomas travels to Los Angeles for work or to receive donations to her charity, Saint Jude Children's Research Hospital. Producer David Geffen contributed US$1 million by simply writing Thomas a cheque when she was on location in L.A. filming Friends some years ago.

Lastly, I think we can all agree that Patti LaBelle still has some pipes. She sang a stirring,stunning version of the National Anthem before Game 4 of the World Series Sunday night.

Still, many wags were having deep problems with the soul singer's stylings, including Aaron Barnhart of the Kansas City Star.

It's one thing to interpret the National Anthem by injecting new beats and notes -- it's a pregame tradition that has rewarded such superstars as Jimi Hendrix, Marvin Gaye and Whitney Houston with career highlights. But LaBelle took it to the next level with editorial enhancements to the words written by Francis Scott Key.

"Did she just say 'the skylights' last gleaming'?" I said to Mrs. TV Barn as I reached for the remote. Yes, upon further review, it turns out she did sing that very lyric. And "the perilous flight." And "from the clouds we watched" (WTD?). All lyrics, no doubt, that were meant to be overlooked in the course of her soaring unaccompanied vocals, which were, I will admit, impressive.

And after all, everyone can relate to a gleaming skylight and taking a perilous flight and looking down from the clouds, so you can't say Ms. LaBelle didn't make the lyrics more relevant to our modern sensibilities.

But something tells me she didn't do it on purpose.

I admit, she took great liberties and an awful long time, but I'd gladly take that over hackneyed versions of "God Bless The USA" and "God Bless America" at my ballgames any day.

I mean, can't we simply enjoy our freedoms, start the games and leave the big guy out of it? This land is my land too, you know.

See, Palin's even dangerous to hockey players!

With all the hubbub about former Green Bay Packer QB Brett Favre's allegedly sharing inside information with then-Detroit Lions' GM Matt Millen, you may also have wondered to yourself: If the Lions knew what was coming and still lost by several TD's, then the Detroit football team must be -- to quote the esteemed Homer Simpson, the suckiest team that ever sucked.

The Detroit Free Press' NIcholas J. Cotsonika concurs.

• 1. The latest Brett Favre brouhaha would be a bigger deal from a Detroit perspective if, one, the Lions didn't get their butts kicked by Green Bay and, two, Matt Millen were still the Lions' president.
• 
  2. The Lions fell behind by three touchdowns in the first quarter and gave up 447 yards in the game. If Favre helped them prepare, that's just further evidence the Lions stink. And we already knew that.
• 
  3. Millen knows Favre from his days as a broadcaster. They have a lot in common as country boys. It would be no surprise if Millen called Favre to invite him over to hunt and then milked him for some football info.
• 
  4. Think of the Green Bay perspective, though. Imagine if Steve Yzerman had an ugly divorce with the Red Wings toward the end of his career, went to play for the Islanders and helped a lowly division rival like the Blue Jackets try to beat the Wings.
• 
  5. It would do Rod Marinelli no good to comment on the Favre thing if there's any shred of truth to it. If he lies, he's a liar. If he dances around the truth, he's shifty. If he comes clean, he makes everyone looks bad and invites more questions.

Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times checks the pulse of the Wisconsin locals on the subject. (Yeah, I know it's a long way from home, but it's not like he has an actual NFL team in LA to cover.)

On Brett Favre Pass, some folks are wishing he had thrown his last.

"I just wish he had stayed retired," said Ron Enke, manager of Champion's sports bar, located a Hail Mary away from Green Bay's Lambeau Field. "What coming back has done for his image, what it has done for the mood of the town, lots of people wish he had stayed retired."

Eight months after the face of the NFL tearfully announced his retirement, that face is bruised and blushing.

It is the face of an accused liar. It is the face of an alleged cheater. It is a face lost.

The works of a lifetime, tarnished in less than a football season. An American hero, undone by the American way.

That's the thing about freedom. It gives us the right to choose wrong.

The score is now final, and it's not even close.

Brett Favre, New York Jets quarterback, Green Bay Packers traitor, fast-leaking legend, should have quit when he said he was quitting.

The college football season lingers on here in Madison. but the Wisconsin State Journal's Tom Oates suggests that the UW has now become a hoops school.

It may be for this year only, but, as they do at Kentucky, Duke, North Carolina and other basketball-first schools, UW fans have largely pulled the plug on football and are eagerly anticipating the start of the men's basketball season.

So are the Badgers, though it has nothing to do with football.

"We're just ready for basketball to start," junior guard Jason Bohannon said this week, the first full week of practice for the Badgers. "I don't know about everyone else, but we're ready for it to get going."

Why wouldn't they be?

They've won 30 and 31 games the last two years and last season won the Big Ten regular-season and tournament titles. The comparative lack of success in the NCAA tournament is an underlying issue only the Badgers can make go away, but aside from that, the program put together by coach Bo Ryan is rolling merrily along, methodically retooling every year and generally exceeding expectations.

Ryan admits, however, expectations are growing for a program that has averaged 24.7 wins per year during his seven seasons.

Of course, once upon a time, Wisconsin used to be a hockey school, so it's still a big deal when arch-rival Minnesota comes to town.

And when all else fails, says the Badger Beat's Todd D. Milewski,  you look to hockey gods for answers.

Their response to the Wisconsin Badgers on Friday, the way that goaltender Shane Connelly sees it, was that it wasn't yet time for them to get their first victory.

Minnesota rallied from a 2-0 deficit with a pair of goals off redirections in front of the net - the kind of plays that can be considered either highly skilled or highly lucky - and earned a 2-2 tie in front of 13,184 fans at the Kohl Center.

"The hockey gods aren't making it easy for us to get our first win," Connelly said. "At least a positive is a tie, but at the same time, we've got to hold onto these leads. It has to change pretty quickly."

Speaking of gods (or God or whatever), the religion writer for the Washington Post has a perfect explanation as to why the Tampa Bay Rays were able to make their miraculous "worst to first" run to the World Series. And as Dave Barry might say, I'm not making this up.

Devil be gone!

For 10 years, they were a losing baseball team with a fiendish nickname: the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Then the club exorcised the "Devil" from its name, and suddenly Tampa Bay is in the World Series.

The Rays won the pennant less than a year after they put the Devil behind them, and some Tampa pastors would like to think that's the reason why.

Rev. Wayne Newman of Bay Life Assembly of God says the Rays' turnaround may be God's way of saying, "If you get the devil out, you're liable to go somewhere." Rev. Tom Atchison of New Life Pentecostal Church of God says that at the very least, the name change has allowed more Christians to root for the team.

Meanwhile, those Tampa Bay Rays fans (or is it, Tampa Ray Bays fans) are up in Philadelphia for the weekend and the hometown paper, the Inquirer is doing its best to be good hosts.

Just to clarify, we did not boo Santa Claus. We merely pelted him with snowballs. And most of the batteries we heaved at J.D. Drew were rechargeable. So lay off us, mainstream media.

Anyway, you have nothing to fear. As long as you follow these few commonsense guidelines, you should leave here with nothing worse than a fractured clavicle:

Make sure your health insurance premiums are paid up.

Pack heat.

Do not wear Rays gear, assuming there is any Rays gear and, if there were, anyone would wear it.

If you arrive early for Sunday's game, do not, under any circumstances, wander into the Eagles' parking lots. (If you're confused, the Eagles' lots are those where the balloons of nitrous oxide are going for $20 and the tailgaters are grilling Dallas fans.) The last out-of-town baseball fan who made that mistake was cornered, beaten, and forced to watch Eagles Post Game Live.

And since the games aren't scheduled to start until after 8 p.m., you'll have plenty of time to sightsee and partake of some of the city's historic culinary treats, and other items of interest.

Here are a few suggestions from a native: This is where the founding fathers approved the Declaration of Independence, drafted the Constitution, and ordered out from Joe's Peking Duck.

Independence Hall.

Morimoto. If you like sushi - and who among us doesn't enjoy raw fish wrapped in gummy rice and smeared with green paste hot enough for Beelzebub? - this tony restaurant is the place for you.

The fall foliage. Take a walk along beautiful Kelly Drive to see the lovely fall colors before they, like Jimmy Rollins' bat, vanish.

Geno's. The cheesesteaks are good, but the rocket scientist who runs the place asks that customers order in English, as if "Yo, gimme one wid" is the Queen's English.

Any Quaker meetinghouse. Take in a service on Sunday and you'll be amazed. Worshippers just sit there and meditate. They don't talk. They don't move. Sounds a lot like B.J. Upton, doesn't it?

You'll find out pretty quickly that, compared with Florida, Philadelphia is an unusual town.

People who live here actually were born here. There are no beaches, no early-bird specials and, thankfully, no Cuban sandwiches. (For Philadelphians unfamiliar with Cuban sandwiches, think stale Oscar Mayer Lunchables.)

So enjoy yourselves. Before you know it, that Mini Cooper will be here to take you back to Tampa-St. Pete.

Yes, this column has been rather Sarah Palin-centric of late. You might even say it's bordered on the Palin-oxious.

But jeez louise, the woman isn't even safe to hockey players!  As the St. Louis Post-Dispatch's Jeremy Rutherford reports:

The Blues invited Palin to drop a ceremonial puck Friday, and before the game, arena workers laid out a roll of carpet in front of the team's bench. But before Palin came out, the Blues players took the ice and Legace was the first player on.
 
"I was going to ask (the arena worker) to move (the carpet), but he had his foot there, so I figured he was trying to secure it," Legace said. "He's yelling at us, 'Careful, the carpet ... Careful, the carpet.'

"I'm like I can't jump over it. It's too far and my little legs won't jump that far. I just figured he's holding it and the other end is usually secure, so I'm just worried about it sliding (one) way. As soon as I went down, he lifted his foot off the carpet ... I knew I was coming down and I just couldn't catch myself.

"It's not that serious ... we'll just see what happens tomorrow."

Legace is questionable for tonight's game against Florida at Scottrade Center, and if he can't play, Bishop would likely start and Marek Schwarz would be the backup.

As with Tina Fey, Palin is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Still, I haven't been this viscerally angry about somebody on my TV set since Barry Bonds slinked away from Major League Baseball. And he was simply ruining the National Pasttime. (I know, I just said that but please forgive me.)

This woman could bleep up a one-car funeral. Forget Canada. if she's President, we might need to look for a new planet.

I mean, we just went through eight years with an intellectually discurious person in the White House and we allllll know how well that worked out, eh?

And yet, if you asked Gov. Palin if she was intellectually inclined, she'd likely answer, "you betcha."

"And you have to be up on not only current events, but you have to understand the foundation of the issues that you're working on," Palin said in an interview with People magazine. "You can't just go on what is presented you."

Although Palin didn't name a single newspaper or magazine when CBS News anchor Katie Couric asked where she got her information, the Alaska governor told People that she has always been a "voracious reader" and named reading - anything from biographies to historical works - as her favorite thing along with her children and sports.

Besides author Lawrence Wright's terrorism history, "The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11," Palin said she's reading a lot of briefing papers.

"I appreciate a lot of information. I think that comes from growing up in a family of school teachers," she said.

Palin said if she and husband Todd had had a sixth child, they had already picked a name for a boy joining siblings Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig.

"I always wanted a son named Zamboni," she said.

Finally, director Ron Howard would also like to talk to you about this election.  And so would Andy Griffith and Henry Winkler.

You see, even Opie Cunningham is endorsing Barack Obama!

 

Marlo Thomas would've made a better Veep pick.

The nexus of today's column centers on the city of Seattle. Jack Zduriencik, the man who rebuilt the Milwaukee Brewers' franchise, will be introduced this morning as the Seattle Mariners' new General Manager. The teeth-gnashing in Milwaukee is only just beginning.

In what may be a bumpy off-season for the Brew Crew, Zduriencik could be the team's biggest loss. The man who drafted the likes of Prince Fielder, JJ Hardy and Rickie Weeks is leaving the team. As the Associated Press reports, Milwaukee Brewers' general manager Doug Melvin has two big vacancies to fill.

He says he'll choose a field manager before deciding who will run the team's scouting operation.

Yesterday, scouting director Jack Zduriencik was named the general manager in Seattle. Melvin says he's not ready to talk about candidates for the scouting post. The Brewers' Web site says assisting scouting director Tony Blengino may be considered, along with long-time assistant Tom Flanagan.  Flanagan is the director of administration for player development and scouting. Four regional scouting cross-checkers could also be in line to replace Zduriencik. They include Jeff Cornell and Bruce Seid.

Today, Melvin is scheduled to interview his third candidate for the managing vacancy, former Arizona manager Bob Brenly. Melvin says he has already interviewed ex-Mets' skipper Willie Randolph and former Oakland manager Ken Macha. He expects to make a decision on the managing post sometime next week.

Tracy Ringolsby of the Rocky Mountain News believes the M's made a great choice.

Revamping the Mariners will be a challenge, but it's nothing compared to the mess that was the Brewers, where the financial resources are nowhere close to what Mariners ownership has committed.

The Brewers farm system was ranked 30th by Baseball America in 2000 and 2001 but, by 2004, had risen to No. 1. The Brewers ended a 12-year losing streak in 2005, then, this season, made their first postseason appearance since 1982.

A year ago, Zduriencik was bypassed for the GM job in his native Pittsburgh but became the first nongeneral manager to be voted Executive of the Year by Baseball America.

Now Zduriencik will get his chance in Seattle, where those who have worked with him are convinced he will be a success.

"I'm confident in Jack Zduriencik," then-Brewers manager Ned Yost said when asked about the 2007 first-round selection of Matt LaPorta. "If Jack drafted Pee-wee Herman, I'd be feeling pretty good about it."

Funny that you should mention Yost, as the Seattle Times suggests that the recently deposed Milwaukee manager is Zduriencik's first choice for the next Mariners' skipper.

It was six years ago that the Milwaukee Brewers hired Ned Yost to manage a team that had lost 106 games. The guy in charge of drafting and player development for Milwaukee was none other than Zduriencik, and the fruits of his picks were about to be reaped by Yost at the major-league level.

Within three seasons, the Brewers were playing .500 ball. Yost then had them contending for the playoffs last year and again this season before being fired in mid-September with his team in a dreadful slump. The dismissal, an act of apparent desperation by team owner Mark Attanasio, came against the wishes of GM Doug Melvin and his staff.

And now, on the lookout for his next job, Yost would like nothing more than to team up again with old pal Zduriencik in Seattle.

"Definitely, most definitely," Yost said in an interview on Thursday. "The opportunity to work with Jack again is really, really appealing."

This column has already expressed the belief that Brenly is a no-brainer for the field manager's job. Macha was Melvin's first choice when he hired Yost, but it would take too long for the former Oakland A's skipper to get up to speed.

Willie Randolph may be a sentimental pick as he did finish his playing days in Milwaukee, but -- even though I like the man -- I don't feel he's the right man for the job at this time.

The reason I (along with many Brewer followers) are pushing so hard for Brenly is that he's spent the last four years working for their closest rival, the Chicago Cubs. Yes, he was in the broadcast booth, but if there's anyone around who knows how to beat the Cubbies, it's Brenly. And oh by the way, Brenly has something that neither Macha nor Randolph has -- a World Series ring as manager.

The Chicago Tribune is already sensing what could become of the budding Milwaukee-Chicago rivalry under a Brenly administration.

The idea of Brenly managing in the Central Division against good friends Lou Piniella and Dusty Baker, two men he has studied closely over the last four years in the Cubs' booth, is only part of the package of intrigue. The juicy stuff will come at Miller Park and Wrigley Field whenever Alfonso Soriano steps into the box.

Brenly vs. Soriano was just a footnote in a wild Cubs season, but it was one of the more interesting developments of the early going. In May, after Soriano dropped a fly ball to lose a game in Pittsburgh with two outs in the ninth inning, Brenly argued Soriano wasn't a true "superstar." He went on to add the memorable line that you could "throw a dart" in the dugout and hit someone who's a better fielder than the Cubs' $136 million outfielder.

There are two more sports stories of note in the Great Northwest. The NBA season opens up shop next week and for the first time since 1967, it does so without a team in Seattle. The former Super Sonics were allowed to move and become the Oklahoma City Thunder. Still, as was the case with the NFL's Cleveland Browns, the team agreed to release the SuperSonics' name, logo, and colors to a possible future NBA club in Seattle, but retained rights to its franchise history.

As Art Theil and Gary Washburn of seattlepi.com report in today's edition, a new plan to divert a portion of hotel-tax money from the state convention center to a remodel of KeyArena could help Seattle begin pursuing a replacement NBA team as soon as 2010. NBA Commissioner David Stern said Thursday "positive" talks have gone on between the league and a potential ownership group headed by Microsoft Chief Executive Steve Ballmer, who led an ill-fated plan to save the Sonics earlier this year.

Deputy Mayor Tim Ceis confirmed the talks, and said he was optimistic that this time around the city's request for state authorization will meet little resistance when the Legislature convenes in January.

"It should be noncontroversial, because it's a city-only tax that already exists and will not be an increase," Ceis said of the latest attempt to find a long-sought public portion of a proposed $300 million renovation for a building currently deemed financially obsolete by the National Basketball Association.

"If we can get our funding package together this session, we can start to work with the Ballmer group on identifying a team for Seattle, but probably not until 2010."

TNT's Marv Albert made more than 30 years of trips to Seattle to call basketball games, and his disappointment was apparent.

"I would think the NBA is looking eventually to put a team back in Seattle," he said. "It's too good a city and the history of the NBA in Seattle is too strong for it not to be viable in the short time. I bet on it, that they will have a franchise."

Arguably a bigger story in town is the predicted demise of UW football coach Ty Willingham. He was came to Seattle after being dumped by Notre Dame and - wouldn't you know it - the Fighting Irish come to town this weekend.
Also from seattlepi.com, "before Willingham arrived in South Bend in 2002, the Irish had four .500 or worse seasons in the previous 20 years.

Willingham's three-year record was 21-16. After his 10-3 debut season, his teams put together records of 5-7 and 6-6 and never won a bowl game.

What was astounding, though, was how Notre Dame lost.

In 2004, the Irish lost to USC by 31 points, to Purdue by 25 points. The year before, they lost to Florida State, USC and Michigan by margins of 37, 31 and 38 points, respectively.

These losses really got people talking.

"All the stuff that people liked about him changed," Hansen said. "His being quiet and stuff? The first year it was, 'He's introspective.' Then it turned into, 'He's guarded.'

"Then they had these thunderous losses, and Tyrone didn't have an explanation."

Whatever went wrong for Willingham in South Bend seems to have manifested itself at Washington. The UW likely will give the coach a pink slip at season's end.

After three-plus seasons, Huskies fans have joined in the chatter, voicing their displeasure as much with the product the coach has put on the field as with his stoic demeanor and puzzling explanations.

With an 11-31 record and just two home wins against BCS opponents, Willingham may feel the world stacking against him yet again."

The other U-Dub, Wisconsin, celebrates -- if that's the right word -- Homecoming tomorrow with an 11am kickoff versus the Cheating (sorry) Fighting Ilini. Somehow, news of the Badgers' dismal losing streak must not have gotten to Las Vegas, as the oddsmakers have Illinois as a mere 2 1/2 point favorite.

Two and a half?! I'd put the over/under for people getting Tazered at 2 1/2.

In the Big Ten football game that matters, the Cleveland Plain Dealer's Doug Lesmerises has the following assessment:

* If Ohio State wins: The Buckeyes would gain the inside track for the Big Ten title with only three games remaining against Northwestern, Illinois and Michigan. Ohio State might climb to No. 6 in the BCS standings on Sunday, but the Buckeyes would need a lot of help, including multiple Texas losses and a USC upset loss, to get back in the national title race. So the Big Ten champ would almost certainly wind up in its expected home, at the Rose Bowl.
Even if Ohio State loses once after beating Penn State, the Buckeyes would still head to the Rose Bowl as the conference champ because of the head-to-head win over Penn State.

* If Penn State wins: The Nittany Lions would remain undefeated and ranked No. 3 in the country with games remaining at Iowa and at home with Indiana and Michigan State. Texas and Alabama would stay ahead of the Nittany Lions in the BCS standings - unless Alabama plays another close one and Penn State is particularly impressive. Then Penn State could leap to No. 2.
But it's hard to imagine both Texas and Alabama finishing without a loss - there are too many hurdles remaining. When one of those team loses, I don't see another one-loss team jumping undefeated Penn State. So the path is pretty clear to Miami for the Nittany Lions with a win Saturday.
And that would leave the Rose Bowl without the Big Ten champ and looking to pick a replacement. A 10-2 team that could very well be back in the top 10 by the end of the year with a rabid fanbase that hasn't made the trip to Pasadena in 12 years - that would be a pretty good replacement choice for the folks in Pasadena. If the Rose Bowl chose Illinois last year to replace Ohio State, when there were higher ranked teams out there, then Ohio State would definitely be chosen to replace Penn State.
After Ohio State lost to USC, I made hotel reservations for the Capital One Bowl, but it doesn't look like that will be necessary. The easiest way for Ohio State to fall short of Pasadena is for Penn State to win on Saturday and then lose to Michigan State, falling out of the national title picture and then heading to the Rose Bowl as the Big Ten champ.

He also suggests that, one way or another, Buckeye fans start making reservations for Pasadena now.

Finally, this column has received letters that we include too much politics while others have saluted its pulse on the body politic. I'd argue that this election is rather important, doncha think?

In 11 days, it'll be the beginning or the end of the world, depending on how you view these things. Unfortunately, it will not be the end of us having to suffer through Sarah Palin's face on our television screens. As John Kerry might put it, oh that it were so.

Many have suggested that the erstwhile hockey mom has been auditioning for some future job and that scenario was confirmed as the Hollywood Reporter gives us this ghastly news.

As campaign managers for Sarah Palin plot last-minute tactics to get her elected, Hollywood bigwigs are convening strategy sessions of their own. Their goal: finding the ideal on-air vehicle for the vp candidate if and when she exits politics.

Love her or hate her -- there doesn't seem to be much middle ground with Palin -- the 44-year-old hockey mom has captured the public imagination in a way no politician has since, well, Barack Obama.

But as more and more polls cast doubt on the McCain-Palin ticket, producers and agents across the entertainment world are discussing possibilities for capitalizing on her fame, ranging from an Oprah-style syndicated talk show to a Sean Hannity-like perch in cable news or on radio.

"Any television person who sees the numbers when she appears on anything would say Sarah Palin would be great," said veteran morning-show producer Steve Friedman, citing the double-digit ratings gains her appearances on "Saturday Night Live" and "CBS Evening News" generated. "The passion she has on each side, love and hate, makes television people say, 'Wow, imagine the viewership.' "

Although none of the execs has -- at least as far as anyone is admitting -- made direct overtures to the Alaska governor, they are readying their battle plans if she decides to give up her day job.

Of course, even if the McCain-Palin ticket loses, the Tina Fey look-alike still has a job in politics for at least another two years as governor of Alaska. A spokesman for Palin did not return calls for comment.

But the candidate has undeniable onscreen charisma as her "SNL" performance proved last weekend. And though the Palin Express sometimes veers off the tracks -- as it did in her notorious interview with Katie Couric -- Americans enjoy celebrities as much for their contretemps as their talent.

Most industry insiders believe a talk show is the probable route for Palin. Although daytime syndication can be tough sledding, it would take a personality of her stature to break through the clutter, and her folksy red-state persona could be just the thing to connect with this female-skewing audience.

One producer/packager said he has held internal staff meetings about how to best parlay Palin's appeal and skills, with a daytime talk show the likely vehicle. "I see her less as a variety-show host like Ellen (DeGeneres) and more of a single-topic host like Tyra (Banks), or maybe what Jenny Jones used to be," said Chris Coelen, CEO of RDF USA.

However, one syndie veteran who wished to remain anonymous believes Palin would not make an ideal candidate for talk show host or even court show judge.

"I would not put her on the air," the exec said. "I find her a little stiff, and her ability to read the room is not quite fully developed."

Cable news is another possibility, particularly Fox News Channel, if Palin wants to keep her conservative bona fides intact. There's a well-worn path between the Beltway and TV, from Pat Buchanan to as recent an example as former presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee, who just began his own weekly series on Fox News.

So, we can either look forward (NOT!) to the vapid Palin hosting on Fox Noise or becoming the next Tyra.

The thing is, the best political commentary on the joke that is her VP selection has come from Saturday Night Live. While the rest of the press has treated her with kid gloves, the Baltimore Sun gives the show its much deserved credit for going where the conventional media has feared to go.

Watching the Thursday night installment of Saturday Night Live, I was reminded yet again what a profound service political satire serves in this democracy. Again, if the Peabody Awards folks want to retain any sense of relevancy as a reward for socially-conscious programming, SNL has got to be honored first and foremost.

Given the general sense of insecurity and even confusion as to the role of the press in this era of vast economic and technological change, I don't think there are any journalistic voices that could comfortably say what SNL said Thursday night about the performance of outgoing President George W. Bush and the increasingly obvious ambition and recklessness on Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. And yet, I am sure SNL's actions and words spoke to what millions of Americans are feeling (as the record ratings for SNL's overall skewering of the candidates and current administration has shown this year).

The concept of the opening sketch Thursday with Bush endorsing the McCain-Palin ticket was inspired. It cut straight to the embarrassment the president's own party has for his performance and the troubled state in which he leaves this country. Will Ferrell returned to play Bush, with Tina Fey (I had to stop myself from using the words "the brilliant" in front of her name) as Palin.

Here's a bit of it...

WILL FERRELL AS BUSH: "Hello, my fellow Americans.  I have chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night because quite frankly every time I speak during the day, the Stock Market goes in the crapper.  So, sorry, Asian markets.  You take the hit on this one.  I come to you tonight in the midst of a very important election between two very qualified candidates: the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy.  Both candidates are heavily patriotized and display much characterization.  And yes, I did have three Xanax and a Silver Bullet about a half-hour ago.  I'm out of here in a few months, so screw it.  But before I leave I wanted to help Sarah Palin and John McCain by giving them what every candidate wants most: a prime-time heavily publicized network endorsement from George W. Bush.  Hey, don't pinch yourself John, you are awake!"

FERRELL AS BUSH (continues) -- "Now I tried to do this several months ago but somehow it kept getting pushed to a written press release or a shouted sentence as I walked to the helicopter.  I began to suspect that they didn't want my endorsement to be too public.  But now with the country on a big upswing and my numbers on the rise, I thought it was time to give a proper, large scale 'much love' to McCain and Palin..."

(WILL FORTE, playing an AIDE to the president, enters and whispers in BUSH's ear)

FERRELL AS BUSH (continues) - "What? Really? Why didn't you tell me Jeff?  I've just been told by my trusted aide Jeff, that the country is actually in a horrible downward spiral and that my approval numbers are lower than ever.  That one's on me.  Four months ago, I declared the Oval Office a bummer-free zone.  So... You know what, let's bring on Senator McCain and Governor Palin."

(TINA FEY as SARAH PALIN enters smiling and waving and sits next to BUSH on the front the desk)

TINA FEY AS PALIN - "So nice to meet you, Mr. President.  I've seen you on TV."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Where's McRage?"

FEY AS PALIN - "You know, John McCain and I have been so busy travelin' around this great country of ours talkin' about change and energy independence and William Ayers, and doin' a little shoppin', but unfortunately Senator McCain, upon hearing you wanted to give him a super public endorsement, cannot be found.  He was last seen travelin' on foot through the Adirondacks.  But my husband and two of his drinkin' buddies are in pursuit on snowmachines.

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Well, We'll smoke him out.  George Bush always finds his man save for one huge exception."

FEY AS PALIN - "We are gonna get 'er done."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "My God you are folksy."

FEY AS PALIN - "Why thank you Mr. President.  I like to think I'm one part practiced folksy , one part sassy and a little dash of high school bitchy."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "For a little while I was trying to be folksy but after a bit, it just came off douchey.  All right, let me get into my endorsement for you as Vice President.  As you know America, the office of Vice President is the most important office in the land.  The Vice President decides when we go to war, how we tax the citizens and how we interpret the Constitution.  The President can do nothing without checking with the Vice President.  That is why Sarah Palin..."

FEY AS PALIN - "Actually, Mr. President, I don't want to go all Katie Couric on you, but I think it's actually the other way around.  I think the Vice President reports to the President."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Really?  That's not what Dick Cheney told me when he sat me down on the first day."

The press could do better. NBC anchorman Brian Williams had a chance to ask Palin about her "little shoppin'" spree, but chose not to. But here is a group of comedy writers and performers not only riffing on it, but putting it in the context of her look-at-me/look-at-me personality. (She did all but elbow her running mate, John McCain out of the camera shot during the interview with Williams to the point where I was watching a political remake of A Star is Born.)

And SNL nailed it all like no one -- not even the savviest, smartest and snarkiest political columnists -- has this week.

SNL's live primetime Weekend Update Thursday ended its run last night. I will miss it. But what a service to democracy it provided. 

And you know what, John McCain? If you hadn't gotten smitten with Palin in the first place, you just might have won this thing. You put her on the ballot to excite the red-meat "kill him, he's an arab terrorist" crowd, but you instead sent any and all independent voters (and what's left of the moderate Republicans) in droves over to the Obama-Biden ticket.

And for what? The angry white males would have voted for you anyway -- I mean, where were they going to go?

So, you -- a 72 year old man who had already dumped your first wife for a young blonde rodeo queen -- lose your last chance at the White House because you looked across the room and exclaimed, "I want THAT girl!"

And you know what else, Senator McCain?

In retrospect, Marlo Thomas would have made a much better choice.

 

Xmas music in October is just wrong!

At my age, it takes an awful lot to shock me, but something I heard on Mike and Mike In The Morning (yes, THAT show again) shook me to the core. Frequent visitor (and arguably the best football analyst on TV today) Mark "Stink" Schlereth, when asked how many knee surgeries he'd had, matter-of-factly replied, "twenty."

TWENTY?! Yes, of the 29 procedures...wait a minute, TWENTY-NINE times under the knife?!  Well, if that doesn't tell you something about the price people pay to play professional football, then WTF does?

Something else Schlereth said rang true to the bone, too. I'm paraphrasing here, but he added something to the effect of "when it's you on the operating table, there's no such thing as minor surgery."

Don't I know it? This year, I was struck by a hit-and-run driver -- on my bike, no less -- and literally broke my face. It required three plates to reattach the pieces together and I'm still rather antsy whenever anything gets remotely near my head.

So, when I read that Arizona Cardinals' WR Anquan Boldin was going to return to the football field -- just weeks after surgery for his own fractured face -- I just about snorted the morning coffee out of my rebuilt nose.

Football?  You're gonna play FOOTBALL?!  Are you freakin INSANE?!

Yet, in a conference call with Arizona reporters on Wednesday, Carolina Panthers QB Jake Delhomme said, I would be 100 percent shocked if I don't see Anquan Boldin on the field Sunday."

As the Arizona Republic's Kent Somers reports, Boldin suffered facial injuries and a concussion from a severe hit against the Jets on Sept. 28. He underwent surgery on Oct. 2 to fix the damage and cleared a concussion test last week.

On Tuesday, he had wires removed from his mouth and he's eager to sink his teeth into a steak from Ruth's Chris Steak House. He can't eat it yet because he has some numbness in his mouth.

Boldin went through a portion of practice Wednesday and went out of his way to head butt a couple of teammates, including fellow receiver Steve Breaston. "He asked me what I was doing," Boldin said. "I just said I was trying to get a feel for it."

Now, of course, I'm not a football player, but the thought of Boldin playing this Sunday makes my own head hurt all over again.

Still, Mike Tulumello, of the East Valley Tribune adds that Boldin practiced on Wednesday, then said, "I'm going to take it one day at a time.

"Hopefully, everything plays out to my liking. ... Everything felt good. I kind of head-butted some guys to see how it feels. I didn't feel any pressure from it."

Boldin knows he could get hit in the same place after he takes the field.

"My feeling is, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. I can't go the whole game worrying about it. ... Then you haven't played to your full potential."

In making the decision on whether to play, in concert with the Cardinals' medical staff and coaches, "You have to listen to your body," Boldin said. "That's the best indictor.

"The body lets you know if you can go. It also lets you know if you can't."

Boldin said wires were removed from his mouth Tuesday, but metal plates that were implanted are to stay in permanently.

Yeah, I'm walking around with plates in my head too. Yup, me, Anquan and Don Zimmer.

Now, the surgeons assured me that I'd have no trouble walking through airport security, but I haven't tested this theory as yet. Another loyal reader, GS, suggested that I should maybe visit the City-County building here in Madison to see if the plates make the machine go WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP...

Surgeries were the topic of discussion on Mike and Mike In The Morning as many are buzzing about the news that New England QB Tom Brady may need a "do-over" on his own knee surgery.

In fact, Karen Guregian of the Boston Herald reveals that "doctors are so concerned about containing the infection in Tom Brady's left knee they have performed three procedures in an attempt to eradicate it, according to a source familiar with the quarterback's travails on the West Coast.

While Brady acknowledged on his Web site that he had one arthroscopic procedure done to "clean and to test the wound" last Wednesday, the Herald has learned there have been two additional procedures performed since that time, with the same goal in mind.

According to the source, the fear is the patellar tendon graft used to replace Brady's anterior cruciate ligament is in danger of becoming compromised. Should that occur, the entire ACL reconstruction would have to be removed and redone from scratch.

All of which would push back the possible timetable for his return to the Patriots' lineup.

Meanwhile, that's not the only problem in the NFL this morning. Accoring to John Harris of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Ray Anderson, NFL executive vice president for football operations, says the league is investigating a bounty made against Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward by Baltimore Ravens linebacker/defensive end Terrell Suggs, who appeared on the "2 Live Stews" show on Sporting News Radio.

"We certainly are looking into it," Anderson said. "That bounty notion is completely against the rules. We will look into it aggressively."

Of course, Suggs reversed field Wednesday and told Baltimore reporters that there's no bounty on Ward. Don't you just love these people who say stupid things and then claim to be misquoted?  

Uh, dude, you were RECORDED SAYING IT!

In the same interview, Suggs also added that a similar bounty had been placed on rookie running back Rashard Mendenhall and it was widely reported that Ravens' LB Ray Lewis danced over the stricken body of Mendenhall, exclaimed, "HE"S DONE."

Still, the thuggish Lewis also tried to feign some remorse. When asked on Dan Patrick's radio show, if he feels sympathy for opposing players he's injured on the field, "Yeah, I do. Sympathy goes a long way," Lewis said. "Most of the time, as soon as I see somebody seriously hurt, I go into prayer. I don't stop until that person starts to move.

"The last thing you want is to ever injure somebody where there limping the rest of their eyes. ... Nobody should go out there to hurt anybody. If you do, you're in the wrong sport. You may as well go into UFC."

Yes, sirree...never a dull moment while covering the Baltimore Ravens.

Game 1 of the World Series has come and gone. So, what did we learn last night?Let MLB.com's Mark Newman count the ways.

• 1. The Phillies are in this event, too. Many Americans have adopted the Rays. There is no denying it. New York is particularly teeming with Tampa Bay backers right now, and the frenzy has spread in a country that loves a great underdog story. But the Phillies won Game 1, 3-2.
• 2. It is cool to shave all the hair on your head except for a thick racing stripe down the middle, which you spray-paint blue. Rayhawks are everywhere here, and you see them on the strangest of pates. If you have a shiny pate, then a blue boa affixed to the noggin' makes for a nice Rayhawk just the same.
• 3. It is not cool to get out of the way when the opposing team's first baseman is lunging into the crowd to catch a foul ball. Score it E-fans, in Game 1 at Tropicana Field. This isn't the first time that poor foul-ball-catching etiquette was displayed in a postseason game, of course (hint: Wrigley Field). Jimmy Rollins was talking about how they cleared room for Ryan Howard in that situation, and he was asked what would happen if Carlos Pena tried to make a foul catch just like that back in Philadelphia: "Would he come out alive? Yeah," Rollins said. "Bruised? Maybe."
• 4. Be careful what you ask for when you put the shift on for Chase Utley. During the same at-bat in which he tried to bunt for a hit down the unoccupied space at third base, Utley turned on an inside 92-mph fastball from Scott Kazmir and blasted it for a two-run homer in the first inning to set the tone.

"He's different than most left-handed hitters," Kazmir said. "I would say more of a long swing, they don't really know how to get to an inside fastball too well to a lefty. But him, you can just tell he loves to keep his hands in and he likes that short and quick swing. But I knew just from watching video and games here and there he likes a pitch in. He just gets his hands through the zone."

Said Utley: "I guess it turned out pretty well. The third baseman was playing shortstop, I figured with a guy on first and one out, I'd try to create something at that point. It was foul, but it ended up to turn out pretty good for us."

• 5. The NL can play with the AL.
• 6. Cole Hamels is starting to remind you of a young Bret Saberhagen in the 1985 postseason for Kansas City and a young Josh Beckett in the 2003 postseason for Florida. You are wondering if soon you will be seeing postgame notes comparing his 2008 postseason to people like those, listing birthdates and such. He seems unbeatable this month.
• 7. The running game is alive and well in this series, even though both teams come in with reputations for massive power displays. "There will be running this series," Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz said.

"For us 0-1, it's like being down 0-1 in the count if you're the batter," Rays reliever J.P. Howell said. "You're not too worried, but at the same time you saw what they have. You've got to prepare and adjust. They're very aggressive on the basepaths. That's something I didn't know about them. And those guys, they battle, it's a different league. Their approaches are just different. It's a feel thing."

• 8. The in-game music is different here, seemingly younger than many places. Early in the game, it had a club feel. You can tell it's a young team, just by the vibe that permeates into the crowd. There was rapper Too Short, country singer Trace Atkins, an industrial band called Ministry, Aussie band Midnight Oil rings out when Aussie reliever Grant Balfour enters the game, there was the national anthem from the Backstreet Boys -- the only thing missing was New Kids On The Block. By the way, NKOTB drew the largest crowd in the stadium's history. It's not your grandfather's ballpark.
• 9. Both U.S. presidential candidates know exactly how important baseball is to everyone.
• 10. You really can win a World Series opener after a long layoff.
• 11. But don't count on winning often when you are 0-for-13 with runners in scoring position.
• 12. Tropicana Field is a fun place to watch the Fall Classic. In the fifth inning, they were having a great time inside the Centerfield Brewhouse, while down the concourse a boy was wailing on baseballs in the Extreme Zone Batting Cage -- a junkyard motif with a clunker car bearing a sign that reads: "RUNS GOOD".
• 13. Looking ahead is OK as long as you aren't a player. Even though you don't know which of these teams is going to win the World Series, you already can order that team's clubhouse championship gear.
• 14. Dick Vitale still loves the Rays, bay-bee.
• 15. Brad Lidge can do pretty much whatever he wants right now. He remains perfect in save situations in 2008. This time it was thanks to his tight slider. In Game 2? "They're gonna go home and watch video, and tomorrow I might face them again, and they might be on my slider better," he said. "So you have to make adjustments. It's mostly the situation of the game that dictates what's going on. I haven't seen 'em, they haven't seen me. Tonight it's sliders, tomorrow it's fastballs if it requires fastballs."

Finally, I have some terrible news to share with you all. Shocking, ugly, evil, DISGUSTING news that will shake you deeply.

One of my favorite columnists, Gregg Easterbrook has surfaced on ESPN's Page Two with his TMQ -- Tuesday Morning Quarterback. And no, that's not the horrific news I promised you.

The esteemed Mr. Easterbrook has his own loyal readers and one of them, Nicole Zavradinos, was among many to report that WMNV-FM in St. Louis has already switched to an all-Christmas-music format. She heard "Little Drummer Boy" on the radio while driving to work. ARRGHH!

Yet another reader, Ryan Lindhurst of Mount Clemens, Mich., reports, "You might have noticed at your local grocery stores that Pepsi has begun selling Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. It is advertised as a 'holiday drink' and for the last two years has been available from late October until New Year's. This year it hit the shelves shortly after Labor Day." Click Cranberry Splash on the Sierra Mist home page and you will be offered Christmas wallpaper plus Christmas songs containing the word "cranberry."

After reading Easterbrook's column, I saw a display of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash and shuddered visibly. And yes, it's been siting there since freakin Labor Day at  Apollo Liquor too.

Still, Xmas music before Halloween is just plain wrong. Having given up on the holiday several years ago, I can't stand Xmas music EVER!!

The problem is that in our secular America -- and I'm a secular American, so I'm not knocking that -- you can't play the baby Jesus songs, so it means suffering through an entire month of  those blankety-blank chestnuts and rocking around that goddamn Xmas tree. Now, you're telling me that a radio station in St. Louis is playing this crap in October?!

Look, my friends, THIS and not Bill Ayers or Rev. Wright or Sarah Palin's clothes budget or any number of silly meaningless so-called issues..THIS is what we should asking our candidates about.

"Senator Obama, if elected, would you consider a FCC ban on radio stations playing Xmas music before December?"

Only 12 more days before the election...and only 62 more to stock up on the Cranberry Splash!

George Hamilton?! I mean, really...

When West Virginia head basketball coach Bob Huggins -- coaching at his third school in four years -- was given a 11 year extention on his contract, I was incredulous.

"Eleven years?!," I remember thinking, "Hell, my first wife only gave me eight years and that was supposed to be forever and ever amen!"

Let's face it, breakups are hard. As Elvis Costello once sang, all your friends must choose who they will favor, who they'll lose.

You spend so many years loving someone that often your first thought is, I'll show them. Things that were said and shared in confidence are suddenly spread around.

Breakups don't get much more bitter in these parts than the very public split between future Hall of Famer Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers. Many in the state of Wisconsin have sided with Favre's side of the story (indeed, nearly every CBS affiliate is broadcasting New York Jets this fall) while others have said good riddance and bought the Packers' version of things.

It is in this context that we view FOX Sports' Jay Glazer's story last week of Favre briefed Detroit Lions coaches for over an hour on the phone about the Packers' offense prior to their Week 2 game.

Several sources have told FOX Sports that Favre earlier this year phoned the Detroit Lions prior to their battle versus Favre's old team, the Green Bay Packers, and gave them a rundown of the nuances of what Green Bay does on offense. According to the sources, Favre actually spent over an hour on the phone with Lions coaches, who were connected with Favre by then-team president Matt Millen.

While the Lions still lost and the Packers and Favre's replacement Aaron Rodgers played well, it's still baffling that the Packers legend would spend such a significant chunk of time giving tips to an opponent of his long-time franchise.

Other teams the Packers have played had also heard about the Favre coaching clinic with Detroit. In addition, there have been rumors that Favre has spoken to other teams giving them information, but most of those teams insist they have not heard from the famed gunslinger.

However, another team says it has had casual talks in the past with Favre and talked about some of what Green Bay does, but it was nowhere near the details he let loose to the Lions.

Still, Favre has the right to do whatever he pleases. If he wants to help other teams there is nothing in league rules that prevents him from doing so.

Well, did he or didn't he? How you see this depends on how you viewed the Favre-Packers breakup.

Favre tried to cover his tracks by texting Sports Illustrated that the story was "Total BS" and that version of the events got plenty of air time during Sunday's pre-game TV shows.

For his part, Glazer stand by his story "1000%" and told the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel,

"I do find it disappointing some of the denials...Peter King gets that text message from Brett saying, 'Total BS.' And I've gone at it a little bit with Peter, let me...This is the same guy (Favre) who when reports originally came out saying he was going to come back, called one of his best friends in Biloxi (Al Jones) and said, 'It's all rumor. It's all rumor.' I will say this, Jim, I stand by my story 1,000%. 1,000%....These are strong accusations (against Favre), damn right you have to be 100%, are you kidding me?...You have to get it straight from the horse's mouth on this, you have to get it from people who know the situation and who've been involved with the situation. That's why I stand so strongly behind my source. My sources I should actually say because it was from more than one person. I had actually gotten a hold of this several weeks ago and I kind of was waiting for the right time. Then obviously when his conversation happened with Tony Romo, one of my guys in Dallas called me and said, 'How about this  guy (Favre)? You know, bug off our team. Leave us alone.' It just seemed like a natural time to do the story."

Is there any possibility that Glazer was misled by his source? Negatory, he replies.

"No. They didn't care one way or the other. And it didn't help them. There was no reason for the sources to mislead me. It didn't come from Packer sources. Although it was interesting when I talked to the Packers they had known about it -- they didn't know about the Lions. They had actually heard about another team and the Packers, when they heard about it originally, had switched up a bunch of stuff supposedly for this happening. My sources, there are zero...there's nothing for them to gain or lose."

So, how did it all happen in the first place?

He called Matt Millen, Matt's been trying to get in touch with him to go hunting and this is the part that hasn't really been out yet. But Matt was trying to get him to go hunting, Matt has a house down in Pennsylvania and Brett's up there in New Jersey, so Brett just happened to call back the week that they were playing the Green Bay Packers. Maybe it was coincidence, maybe whatever it is. Brett said, 'By the way, who are playing this week?-type of thing.' (Favre said) 'Oh, you are? You guys want any tips?' And then Matt hooked him up with the coaching staff and Brett...When Brett talks, he doesn't do anything in snippets. Brett talks...I've always said he's my absolutely my favorite person to ever sit down with in production meetings where I had done games at Fox because it's the world according to Brett and it's phenomenal. You sit in there and he just goes. That's what he did with the Lions' coaching staff."

Now, there was a time when the good people of Wisconsin would take each and every word out of Brett Favre's mouth as the gospel truth. That time now seems firmly in the rear-view mirror.

Long-time colleague Andy Baggot of the Wisconsin State Journal captured the feelings of many around here when he opined, "the point has been made that Favre didn't break NFL rules by calling Detroit coaches and giving them a prolonged glimpse into the Green Bay playbook. There's no law against adultery, either, but both are crimes against character."

Meanwhile, another of the Madison writing fraternity, Doug Moe -- with a Favre book just hitting the shelves, no less -- wonders aloud, what's next?

"Now when the columnist goes to bed at night, rather than falling asleep dreaming about the oceanfront home in Maui he was planning to buy, his eyes snap open with nightmare headlines that might be coming any day.

"Favre: Deer hunting for wimps."

The story begins: "Brett Favre, quarterback for the New York Jets, today denounced deer hunting in Wisconsin and questioned the manhood of anyone who participates in the annual ritual.

"'Stalking the ferocious white-tail deer,' Favre said, his voice dripping sarcasm. Are you kidding me? They'd look dainty in those orange suits -- if their butts weren't so big.'"

Another headline:

"Favre buys condo in Chicago."

The story: "Former Packers quarterback Brett Favre has purchased a condominium in the trendy Lincoln Park neighborhood and announced he will join former Bears coach Mike Ditka as co-owners of a new Chicago restaurant called Titletown South.

"'Chicago is the real Titletown,' Favre said in a statement."

On bad nights, it's just swirling headlines, one after another:

"Favre, Moss to star in buddy film: 'Moon Over Cheeseheads.'"

"Favre speaks out on 'The View,' claiming, I never liked bratwurst.'"

"Minnesota Metrodome renamed for Favre."

"Favre: Vince who?"

I argued in this same space a couple years back that the beat reporters were sick of the "is he gonna retire or won't he?" circus and had pretty much turned on the famed Packer QB. Now, that Favre's character or lack thereof has been exposed, I can't find a single sportswriter in the state has anything good to say about him anymore.

Some people say that hard times build character and I'd say those people are idiots. Hard times, like a messy breakup, don't build character, they expose it. And this sorry episode leaves Brett Favre looking less and less like Mr. Packer Hall of Fame each sad day.

Even though he picked a poor week for alleged truth-telling, Jose Canseco would like everyone to know that he's really, really sorry. No, really.

I can imagine Mark McGwire is somewhere saying to himself, "yeah, I bet he's sorry...he's the sorriest SOB I know!"

Still, the former Oakland A's slugger gave his mea culpas on a documentary, Jose Canseco: Last Shot, running this week on the A&E network.

If the now broke former steroids shooter thought he'd catch a break from the media, much less the American public at large...well, he's got another thing coming.

Michael Rosenberg of the Detroit Free Press expressed these views when he told FOX Sports, "maybe there has been a more clueless, more self-serving big-name athlete in the last 20 years, but if so, I don't want to meet him. Canseco has the self-awareness of a porcupine who keeps licking his skin.

Canseco is a career steroid user. I don't mean he used steroids for his whole career. I mean using steroids was his career. He juiced his way to 462 career home runs, The New York Times Bestseller List and brief fame as the only man in baseball who would tell the truth.

"I never realized this was going to blow up and hurt so many people," Canseco said.

I hate to write like a eighthgrader's text message here, but: WHAT?!?!?!? You never realized this was going to blow up and hurt so many people? Jose, are you on drugs?

Oh, right.

Cedric Golden of the Austin Statesman adds, "sure he's a rat that outed a lot former colleagues and now he's broke with no prospects of earning money in the future, but he still doesn't come across as sympathetic. Canseco created his problems. Now he has to deal with the fallout.

One scene has him standing outside his mansion, unable to get inside because the bank has foreclosed on the property and changed the locks on the doors. It's almost a metaphor for Jose's lot in life. He would love to return to baseball in some fashion, but writing that book killed any chance. Just like his house, Jose is on the outside of baseball looking in. He's a sad story but I'm not sad for him.'

To use the old Woody Allen joke, you get the feeling that if you looked up the word pathetic in the dictionary, you'd find a picture of Jose Canseco.

As if to confirm this analysis, Dan Gross of the Philadelphia Daily News reveals that Canseco plans to battle Broomall-born Danny Bonaduce in a Jan. 17 bout at a location to be annouced, promoted of course by Damon Feldman's Celebrity Boxing outfit.

Bonaduce, who we recently reported was being considered for the morning gig at 94 WYSP, has fought at three earlier Celebrity Boxing Federation bouts. The 5-foot-7 "Partridge Family" star can be seen Saturdays on CMT's "Hulk Hogan Celebrity Wrestling," which also features Northeast-raised Frank Stallone.

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall," boasts Bonaduce.

"Think of what Mike Tyson used to do to bigger guys. That's what I'm going to do to Canseco."

Canseco was charged last week in federal court in San Diego with misdemeanor possession of an illegal fertility drug he allegedly acquired in Mexico. The bad boy of baseball, an admitted steroid user, was caught with human chorionic gonadotropin, which helps produce testosterone in steroid users, reports the San Diego Union-Tribune.

Canseco claims to have had food poisoning when defeated by Sikahema, and says he didn't train, either. This time, Feldman says, Canseco swears to flatten Bonaudce in Round One.

In his column, Gross also notes that the last time Canseco stepped into a boxing ring, former Eagle special teams whiz Vai Sikahema laid him out in a minute.

Meanwhile, Evil Empire 1.0 (the New York Yankees) and Evil Empire 1.1 (the Dallas Cowboys) have entered into a partnership, combining their evil powers and subsequent marketing possibilities.

Rachel Cohen of the Associated Press reports "two of the most recognizable franchises in all of sports - and two of the highest-profile owners - are forming a company together. Legends Hospitality Management will handle concession and merchandise sales at the clubs' new stadiums, with the goal of eventually doing the same for other pro teams and college programs.

"Mr. Jones and my dad have had a mutual respect for each other for decades," Yankees co-chairman Hal Steinbrenner said at a news conference Monday. "So it made perfect sense for us."

Each franchise moves into a new stadium next year.

Gerald Cardinale of Goldman Sachs, who has worked with the Yankees and their YES Network, first pitched the idea more than a year ago. The Cowboys already manage their own concessions and merchandising.

Yankees president Randy Levine said his team will have a "market-rate" rights agreement with Legends, and that money will be subject to Major League Baseball revenue-sharing. But the company's profits will not.

Former Pizza Hut president Mike Rawlings will serve as CEO. He said teams and fans alike aren't happy with the current quality of stadium concessions.

Food and drink prices have yet to be set for the new stadiums, Rawlings said. While he insisted the goal wasn't to raise prices, he said increasing "value" was the main objective, from shortening lines to offering fresher food and a greater variety of options.

Legends could eventually expand its services to handle areas such as sales of seat licenses, Jones said.

"We are the No. 1 television team in the NFL. We have that kind of visibility. The Yankees have unparalleled visibility," he said. "That should, if we perform and get the job done, create inordinate interest in where we rank in this business."

There's no confirmation as yet that the Cowboys' new stadium, as part of this agreement, will be known as the Death Star.

With the World Series opening in Tampa tonight, many folks in the media are being asked about their own favorite memories of the Fall (now almost winter) Classic. Depending on your age, in Wisconsin, you might recall 1982 when the Brewers' Paul Molitor got five hits and Mike Caldwell shut out the Cardinals, 10-0.

Still, if you're old enough, you might fondly remember the name Nippy Jones. As the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel wrote a couple years back...

Jones, whose given name was Vernal, was 32 and had not played in the big leagues since 1952 when the Braves purchased his contract from Sacramento of the Pacific Coast League July 6.

He was batting for Spahn when he walked to the plate to lead off the bottom of the 10th with the Braves trailing, 5-4. The Yankees had gone ahead on a single by Milwaukee native Tony Kubek and a triple by Hank Bauer after Spahn had gotten the first two outs in the 10th.

Jones, a right-handed batter, stepped in against left-hander Tommy Byrne. In a 1978 interview, Jones recalled what happened.

"Byrne started me off with a curve ball," he said. "The ball hit me on the foot and I dropped my bat and started toward first base. But (umpire) Augie Donatelli said, 'Come back here. That's ball one.' I couldn't believe it."

Meanwhile, the ball had hit the base of the concrete grandstand and was rolling back toward the plate.

"I went right for the ball," Jones said, "and (catcher) Yogi Berra was pretty smart, so he did the same thing. I got there first, and there was a spot of shoe polish about a half-inch in diameter.

"The kids in the clubhouse shined the shoes after every game, and they were spotless. There was no question about the shoe polish, so I took the ball over to Donatelli and showed it to him.

"Just then (Yankees manager) Casey Stengel came out and said, 'What the hell is going on here?' Donatelli told him and I went to first base. Yogi said something or other, but he knew it had hit me."

Braves manager Fred Haney sent Felix Mantilla out to run for Jones. Meanwhile, Stengel summoned Grim to replace Byrne.

Red Schoendienst sacrificed Mantilla to second, which prompted Stengel to pull an outfield shuffle. He removed centerfielder Mickey Mantle, who had a sore right shoulder, shifted Kubek from left to center and put Enos Slaughter in left.

Up stepped Johnny Logan, playing on an injured ankle that had to be drained of fluid before the game. "All I could think of was base hit, base hit, base hit," he said. "I kept telling myself not to go for the long ball."

Logan took two balls, then cracked a double into the left-field corner to tie the score. Slaughter misplayed the ball and Logan was tempted to try for third "so Eddie could drive me with a long fly, but I couldn't take the gamble."

Mathews was 1 for 11 in the Series and was using one of Adcock's bats because the knob of his own had given him a blister. The count went to 2-2 and Grim threw a hip-high fastball that Mathews belted to right.

"I was pretty sure it was going over but I was worried for a second when I saw Bauer up against the fence pounding his hand into his glove," Mathews said after the game.

"How did I feel? I felt about 10 feet tall."

The victory kept the Braves from falling into a 3-1 hole in the Series, which almost certainly would have been fatal against the Yankees. The Braves went ahead the next day with a 1-0 victory by Lew Burdette, and on Oct. 10 Burdette shut out the Yankees again, 5-0, in Game 7 at Yankee Stadium, giving Milwaukee its only World Series championship.

Sure, Burdette was the biggest hero, with three victories in the Series. And sure, Mathews and Logan had the biggest roles in the Game 5 comeback. But who knows what would have happened if Jones had led off the 10th with an out instead of reaching base?

"It's funny," Jones, who died in 1995, said in the 1978 interview. "The importance of the event seemed to grow as time went on. The main thing to me was winning, and I didn't care how we did it."

Five days after the Series ended, the Braves assigned him to Wichita in the American Association. Jones refused to report, got his release and returned to the Pacific Coast League. He played through 1960, but never appeared in a major-league game again.

Finally, since Hollywood seems to have run out of any and all original ideas -- bringing dozens of old TV shows to the screen - why not remake a few movies than could truly use a decent retelling.

At the top of the list, I'd recommend Your Cheating Heart, which starred the hopelessly miscast George Hamilton as Hank Williams Sr.

George Hamilton? I mean, George freakin Hamilton?! What were you smoking?!

I love the guy, I do. He made a super consigliari in The Godfather III and I enjoyed his Toasted Chips commercials with the tag line "I know toasted". And I giggled my way through Love At First Bite.

But the idea of him as country music's greatest song writer is beyond the pale, It's just another example of the Hollywood mentality that a bunch of moguls sit in a hot tub and do enough cocaine until The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island sounds totally plausible.

Oh, you think I made that last one up, Guess again, my friends. Read and then weep over this wikipedia entry.

In the film, the Harlem Globetrotters, a traveling troupe of merry basketball players, are on a plane ride over the Pacific Ocean when it has engine trouble and they are forced into an emergency landing onto Gilligan's Island. After a brief time struggling in the jungle, they are discovered by Gilligan and Skipper and welcomed to The Castaways. Meanwhile, a corporate raider has a plan to bamboozle the owners of The Castaways (Gilligan and his friends) into signing over ownership to him, as the island contains ore which provides large sources of energy. Eventually Gilligan and the Skipper uncover the conspiracy, and it results in a basketball game between the Globetrotters and the doctor's robots.

The original script was going to be known as The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders on Gilligan's Island, but was changed to have the Harlem Globetrotters star instead. On the original series, the Howells are childless (in fact in one episode they adopt Gilligan). Despite this, a new character of Thurston Howell IV (the Howell's never previously mentioned son, portrayed by David Ruprecht) was added due to the ailing health of actor Jim Backus, who appeared only briefly in the movie's final scene. Thurston Howell III was written out of the script by saying he was tending to business on the mainland United States, and ordered his son, Thurston Howell IV, to manage the island resort. Although Backus was not in the cast, at his insistence to keep up the series canon he made a cameo appearance at the end and is thus credited.

 

This is specifically the kind of sports news that you can't, don't or won't find anywhere else. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to look for funny cigarettes so I can forget all the above.