The annual mid-summer waste of time has commenced. Every year at this time, the Major League Baseball All-Star teams are announced. And every year at this time, the talking heads debate who should have/should not have made the team, which manager did a good/bad job picking the teams, and how the whole process should be changed/fixed. (Heck, even I joined in on the fun last year: Building a Better Baseball, Part 2.)

But I've decided to use a different tact this year. With all of the questions swirling around who's used steroids in the past and who's on something now, I've decided to form the first ever "Drug Free All-Star Team." How do I know who isn't using steroids? As the great (although sometimes only in his own mind) Joe Morgan once said, "If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it must be a duck." Or something like that. I think I've successfully figured out who isn't using. So they're getting my All-Star votes.

The Drug Free All-Star Game will be played in Pittsburgh, home of this year's Major League All-Star Game. No need to spend any extra money-everyone will be there already anyway. We'll play the game next Wednesday-the Drug Free team vs. the Minor League Drug Free team (sign up here to be the one to figure out that roster). Corporate sponsors will include The Partnership for a Drug Free America and Pfizer. Instead of the Home Run Derby, we'll have the Bunt, Field, and Slide Competition. Our Old Timers' Game will include everyone who retired before 1992 and was just as thin at the end of their careers as they were at the beginning. We'll give them all amphetamines and they'll be good to go.

Without further ado, I'm happy to present the First Annual Major League Baseball Drug Free All-Star Team:

Catcher: Paul Lo Duca, New York Mets

The every day catcher for the Mets has just 3 home runs. If he's using something, he needs to ask for his money back. Because it's not working. Although he did show a little flash of "roid rage" the other day when he yelled at A-Rod after the Yankees' 3rd baseman hit a grand slam, I'm going to chalk that one up to plain old-fashioned frustration. Besides, Lo Duca should feel good knowing that A-Rod won't be on this team with him.

1st Base: Conor Jackson, Arizona Diamondbacks

(Toughest category in which to pick someone, what with names such as Albert Pujols, Jason Giambi, and Jim Thome in the mix.) I'm going with a virtual unknown: Arizona's Conor Jackson. His 6 home runs pale in comparison to the bigger name players. His physique also pales in comparison-at 6'2", 225 pounds, he looks like an average 24-year-old (i.e., one who isn't on steroids).

2nd Base: Brian Roberts, Baltimore Orioles

Roberts went crazy last year, hitting a career-high 18 home runs, which was 6 more than he had hit in the previous four years combined. This year? The 5'9", 170 pound Roberts has just 1 home run. We'll forgive him his bizarre power outburst of last season and add his solid average and defense to the squad.

Shortstop: David Eckstein, St. Louis Cardinals

Have you seen David Eckstein? He's the shortest baseball player since PT Barnum's publicity stunt. You can have your Jeters, Garciaparras, and Tejadas, I'll take Eckstein and his 1 home run any day. (I almost went with Yuniesky Betancourt here-just because I liked his name. And I passed on Royce Clayton because he has 0 home runs. Zero? Come on, Clayton, I think even I could hit 1 home run in 200 at bats.)

3rd Base: Freddy S