Arkansas Dissed: Dana Altman, basketball coach of Creighton, backed out of his hiring at Arkansas.

After the introductory  press conference, Altman announced he's returning to Creighton.

This turnaround occurred after Altman told the Hog crowd, "I hope to retire here."  Apparently he didn't like the hotties or the Arkansas lottery payouts.

The official reason:  "It was a family decision."

This is a smoke screen.

My source in the NCAA, Eric Cartman, has told me Creighton University, a fine Jesuit-Catholic Institution, didn't like the thought of Altman leaving and appealed to a higher power.

I checked in with Sister Mary of the Our Lady of the Perpetual Jump Shot and she led me right to the Vatican.

If you were in Rome last night, you saw the light on all night in the Pope's residence.  It is now reported that Pope-a-palooza IX is a big Creighton fan.  His Vatican name is Biggie P and he's rumored to have mad skillz on the Vatican hardwood.

When queried by the Italian media, Pope-a-palooza said,

"I was a Notre Dame fan until they hired Gary Moeller.  I've been a BlueJay ever since, boy-ee!  Besides, have you seen Notre Dame play.  Holy Cross is my backup school.  Hell, I cheer for Rutgers, too.  Big ups for their football and ladies basketball this year!"

Altman will meet with the Pope upon returning to Creighton.

Arkansas will now focus on hiring Pokey Chatman, former LSU womens Basketball coach. 

Frank Broyles said, "By hiring her, we're guaranteed media coverage."

Altman's reversal is a laughing irony for Nebraskans, Creighton's home state.  (Since no one knows where the heck Creighton is.)

Four years ago, a University of Nebraska jet sat on the Fayetville runway, waiting to pick up Houston Nutt and announce the Razorbacks Football coach as the new Husker coach.  Hey Nutt, I bet you wish you made the move now.

We now resume our regular news cast, covering Anna Nicole, 24/7.

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