Here we are again.  The NFL season is over and this fan is already bored to tears.  I have time on my hands and am afraid to open my broker statements.  The $3000 maximum loss clause has been lapped in the down market.  What to do, what to do!   Let's see, there's plenty of strange going on.

I can now watch an entire episode of rhymes with "Warts Center" in 14 minutes, courtesy of the DVR's skip button.

It's time to speak to the spouse or girlfriend, but not both.

There are short people living in the house that I was unaware existed.

The NBA Slam Dunk festival has officially jumped the shark and insurance carriers are getting nervous.  Any competition involving a fork lift without a union guy is just plain dumb. There was a one hour lead-in featuring past contests.  I think I just threw up in my mouth.

The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is now officially lame compared to other items on the news rack and cable.  Stop protesting, people.

Of all the All Star games, only MLB means anything.  This should be hint to the NBA.

John Smoltz in a Red Sox uniform is kind of an disheartening.

The Duke/NC halftime score was higher than most other final scores.

The PGA's Pebble Beach Pro-Am will be boycotted by me until the professionals are the only players.  I'm not interested in Ray Romano's pre-match preparation or Kevin Costner's comb over.

The Daytona 500 marks the beginning of the Left Turn season.  I'm not saying these drivers aren't smart, but three drivers got lost and two of those had Garmins.  At least the drivers talk smack and have the 4000 pound tool to back it up.  I have a suggestion: souped up bumper cars.  I'll watch all day long.  Better yet, make it a Pro-Am.  I'd pay to see Kid Rock and Puff Daddy put into the wall @ 200 mph.

Catchers and pitchers, you're late to report.

Manny Ramirez is still unsigned.   Hmmm...it's a Boras free day.  I like it.

Since it's slow this time of year, the media goes completely tabloid.  A-Rod, this is part of the reason you've knocked T.O. off the front pages.  Texas Rangers fans already knew A-Roid was dirty.

Michael Phelps and the bong picture have been blown out of proportion.  A hack writer claimed that if "Phelps were black, the public reaction would have been much stronger."  Get real you hater.  Write about reality, not skin color.  If this were a major sports league, the player would receive counseling and an endorsement contract from a rehab clinic.  Scott Boras would have negotiated the deal.

Elgin Baylor claimed the Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, has  a "plantation mentality" and sued after being fired.  Could this termination have been due to the terrible record since Baylor has run the team!  Ty Willingham could have done better.  I think the over use of Grecian Formula has gotten to what's left of Elgin's brain.

Did you know the NHL is still in business?

The Big Ten Network actually has an 11 built into the logo.  I guess they actually can count.

Tiger Woods and his hottie wife have a son, Chuck Axel Woods.  That kid will have more media pressure than Michael Jordan's kid, who stinks up the hard wood.  Axel?  What's wrong with a nice American name, like D'Brickeshaw!

In Columbus World Cup qualifying, the U.S. team beat Mexico 2-0  The stadium actually had U.S. fans.  I always thought Columbus was a hot sport for Mexicans.  My bad.

Friday night was so sports boring that I ended up in an Oklahoma casino.  There's a story in that, but I'll skip it.  The summary of my night was my final hand where I had split Aces to the dealer five.  Of course I received a three and four while the dealer had a five card 21.

We now resume 24/7 Yankees reports on A-Rod and the chase for the pennant.

I now yield the floor to Lisa H and the USC song girls who will sing a medley of Boomer Sooner and Rocky Top.