Ok, it's time to rant about what pizisses me off again.

This should cover my 2-per month quota, set by my probation officer in Tijuana.

Now stop peeing on my rug!

NFL prognosticators-Shaddup!  We all know that all 16 games matter, so these weekly talking heads are beyond annoying!  Don't tell me  you know what will happen unless you'll cover the vig with the bookie.

CFB Bowl Game Point Spreads - Once upon a time, in a year, long, long ago, I bet the entire NFL season and the CFB Bowl games.  Thank god for the bowl games!  I had a net gain of $40 after the entire year.  Since that time, I've laid only ONE bet and won.  It's not worth the stress and bank busting.  The black jack tables in Oklahoma are more forgiving.

NFL Playoff Teams Without Winning Records - I mean you, San Diego Ahogas!  When I'm king, no team without a winning record will advance to the playoffs.  The next best wild card candidate advances.  If no one else qualifies, tough, the conference plays seven playoff teams.  Why in the H is Indy playing at San Diego this week!  Shad's f'd up!

NFL Lazarus teams - I hate Philly, just because their unis aren't a real color.  It's like someone milked a sick pine tree and shot up the color instead of heroin.  This Vikes fan can't cheer for Philly this week, but it's still damn funny the way these unlovable lIggles losers rose from the dead and exalted their year busting tie!

The Rose Bowl's self-serving and joke title: The Grand Daddy of them all.  Get beyond real.  Raise your hand if you grew up fan of the Big Eight, SEC, Southwest or any other non-Rose Bowl conference.  In my house, the Rose Bowl game meant it was time to take the Christmas Tree to the curb.  We didn't watch the game.  It was time for food and beer runs before the Orange Bowl.  SEC fans have similar memories about the Sug'ah Bowl.  The Rose Bowl has rarely mattered since 1975 and the creation of the BCS in 1998 meant the Rose Bowl was past tense.  The only bowl that matters is the Big Dance between #s 1&2.  The arrogance of the Rose Bowl is similar to Yankees fans' ego problems.

Game 16 for teams that already clinched their playoff berth and position - This drives my nuts.  Every year, a great match up is hosed by a team that locked up its playoff berth.  Yesterday, da G-men pulled starters in the third quarter.  Minnesota barely tap danced into the playoffs.  Yes, Chicago was b-slapped by the New Oilers, but still, it's total cr-ap to have a team pull starters.

Emmitt Smith in the booth - Please get this fool out of the booth.  It's painful to listen to the chowderhead attempt to complete a sentence.  Ready, "They be, he be, dey gots to...."  How did he escape the great U of Florida without being able to speak a language?  Oh!  He played f'ball.

The NFL Network - This bunch of clowns has about eight games a year.  After that, they replay weekly highlights and 1968 Packer tryout camp highlights.  Calgon take me away.

Christmas and New Years during the week:  Ok, it's time to get liberal with the calendar.  Move Christmas and New Years to Friday!  Ok, it won't happen, but going to the office on Friday really bites after a Thursday holiday.

Mizzou Tigers Football - What happened to these dudes.  They started out like they'd challenge for the National Championship.  Now, these unlovable chokers may give up their cherry to Northwestern.  Isn't that an Ohio Juco?

The Big Ten Network - First, this conference can't count, so what credibility do they have here?  The content is boring, since it's NOT my conference.  I don't want to see a Michigan football game here in Big XII country. Ooh, Indiana is playing hoops at Wi-LaCrosse! This is a population base issue.  The Big Ten+PennState has a big base.  I challenge the SEC and Big XII to set up their own networks.  The SEC can add cajun cooking shows and the Big XII can slip in painting shows by Bob Ross.  I'll be glued to the tube.

NBA before spring - Ready?  I don't care about the NBA till after the NFL is over.  Really!  There are 82 games, so I don't care till the playoffs are coming.  Sure, some of you line up to give Kobe and LeBrick a reach around.  That's your right.  I just don't care till spring.

Fantasy Sports - You dudes and dudettes need to get a life.  I don't get it or care and never will.  It's like cricket.  What's the point.  What's next, fantasy soap operas?   And to DragonMaster512, drop dead.  I'm not joining your Dungeons&Dragons argument.  Have you ever tried to kiss a girl or at least bought one a few drinks?  Try it, you'll like it.  Just make sure it's a girl.  Beware the tuc-kunder!

Proof there is a God -  The 11-5 Video Patriots didn't make the playoffs!  Millions of fans are rejoicing.  This is the second time an 11-5 team has been 'faced' by the playoffs.  The other team to be hosed was Cleveland.  Well, there's a joke there, but I'll leave that one alone.

That's it, next up is Lisa H to sing "USC is my life."

Tip your servers and drive home safely.