Post-game reaction from two head coaches who are now under fire:

Philadelphia Eagles 3, New York Giants 16

Notable game stats for Philly:  15 penalties, 12 sacks allowed, 3 measly friggin' points, 1 ugly loss 

Here's what Andy Reid had to say about his team's performance:

"Well, we went in at halftime to analyze what was working for us...which took less than a minute.  The other 14 minutes we spent talking about those ugly throwback uniforms we had to wear last week, while several players helped Donovan clean the chunks of grass out of his facemask."

After the game, Reid gave the prestigious game ball to tackle Winston Justice...who allowed more than just a few sacks on McNabb.

"Winston did everything we asked him to.  Unfortunately, the coaching staff forgot to ask him to do anything at all.  We're thinking of possibly giving him a different assignment for the next game."

Coach Reid also didn't seem very concerned about the plethora of penalties his team committed.

"We ended up with 190 total yards of offense, and only 132 penalty yards.  I'm no Alfred Einstein, but I believe that still leaves us with positive yardage.  Sure, 15 penalties sounds like a lot, but...hey, are there any of those Krispy Kremes left in the media lounge?" 

So where do they go from here?  That's anyone's guess, but a determined coach already had his sights set on next week's opponent - the juggernaut that is BYE WEEK.

"I feel strongly that we can improve for a win next week against BYE.  They haven't beaten us since I've been coaching, and I think that historic advantage should give us the edge again this year."

Chicago Bears 27, Detroit Lions 37

Notable Chicago game stats:  14 penalties, 3 interceptions, a multitude of pissed-off fans

Head Coach Lovie Smith took all the blame for yet another dismal performance from his beloved Bears.

"Rex Gross...I mean Kyle Or...no, I mean Brian Griese is our quarterback.  I really mean that.  Before the game, there was just a slight miscommunication on my part.  I told Brian to go in there and just do what Rex does.  Unfortunately, he misunderstood and threw 3 interceptions."

Coach Smith was annoyed about the implications of a lingering quarterback controversy.

"Like I said before, I think...Brian Griese is our quarterback.  By the way, does anyone know Kordell Stewart's phone number?"

One ugly week

** Disclaimer:  I think the above statements were purely fictional, but hell...after watching these two humorous games, I'm not even sure anymore.  However, if you did take them seriously...send me an email, and I'll have someone come to your house and drop an anvil on your cranium to put you out of your misery.