I don't normally post emails due to confidentiality concerns, but these questions were just too good to pass up.  Over the past several days, I've received (maybe only in my mind) many inquiries regarding NBA issues.  And though I'm not exactly Alfred Einstein, I'll do my best to answer them:

Who is worse at acting, Eva Longoria or Tony Parker?
- Rod Leeks, California

That's a tough call, Rod.  Eva Longoria isn't exactly Katherine Hepburn...but her acting prowess isn't limited to just the small screen of television.  Tony Parker was recently stunned by news that his girlfriend regularly fakes orgasms.  Strange, I guess Tony and Eva really are alike.  The only real difference is that Eva requires some sort of contact for her faking.

Is there any possibility that Kobe could be traded to the Denver Nuggets?
- Rusty Pickle, Idaho

Well, nobody knows the mountainous peaks of Colorado better than Kobe.  And his knowledge of the local judicial system is a definite plus.

Are the San Antonio Spurs really the hardest working team in the league?
- Rich Kodger, Texas

Actually, yes they are.  The fact is their practices last longer than everyone else's.  Lay-up drills alone take up to 4 hours, primarily because Tony Parker falls to the ground every time it's his turn.

Are the NBA playoffs really fixed?
- Pete (unwilling to disclose last name), Ohio

Sorry, Pete.  You should try boxing.  If the post-season results were in fact a sham...they would probably want someone a little more attractive than Manu Ginobili broadcasted in high-def.

Is it just me...or is former TV star of Perfect Strangers, Bronson Pinchot, a shooting guard for the San Antonio Spurs?
- Olev Balki, Nebraska

I was wondering what happened to that guy.  Now that we've found him, let us do The Dance of Joy...

What's up with the NBA officials, and why do they call games so inconsistently?  Are they biased?
- Dusty Raker, Rouisiana

I don't believe so, Dusty.  But with all the flopping going on, it's really difficult to tell what the correct call is anymore.  The word is that David Stern is addressing the issue for next season.  All NBA officials will be required to watch extensive video of Vlade Divac for the sake of "research".

Does anyone else wonder why the Pussycat Dolls' "Right Now" is the official song of the 2007 NBA Playoffs?  What kind of "benefits" do you think David Stern received for pimping their lame-ass tune?
- Jim Onnitt, North Dakota

I'm really not sure about that, Jim...but it's funny that you ask about that song.  I recently received an alternate version of America's most-hated jingle.  It comes all the way from Salt Lake City, take a look:

Right now...(bomm bomm butadaba)
Gonna even up the score...
Right now...(bomm bomm butadaba)
Steve Jabby is a whore...

Is there a conspiracy against the Boston Celtics, which resulted in the questionable NBA lottery results?  Or is it perhaps a curse?
- Larry Joe Craniate, Indiana

Yes...and yes.  Next question...

With the top two picks going to the Western Conference, how will the quality of the Eastern Conference be affected?
- Skip DaFinals, Illinois

Clearly, Skip...the East is in big trouble.  You know it's bad when Spike Lee is inquiring about Clipper season tickets.  But never fear!  If it gets too bad...the league will mandate that Isiah Thomas take over for one of the Western Conference franchises.  Problem solved.

Is there anything that can be done about the excessive flopping, constant whining, poor sportsmanship, and generally disrespectful behavior from NBA players?
- Ty Urdofit, New Mexico

Yes, there is a solution.  They can stop.

So that's it folks, thanks for reading.  As always, feel free to give your feedback...and send all questions to parishiltonisatramp@duh.com