Most of us can be thankful that our job performance will never make headlines.  Nobody in the world of sports is above scrutiny, and employers are taking swift action.  "Shock-jock" Don Imus and NBA referee Joey Crawford were among the most recent casualties...but this growing trend doesn't end there.  All of a sudden, reading a newspaper transforms the average joe into The Terminator.  If you want to get someone fired from their job, well...just write about it, and watch the marketing campaign spread like a wildfire.  Soon you'll have the severed head of choice resting on your dinner plate.

Just imagine if our job performance was under the microscope like these other media magnets.  No more missed deadlines.  No fake sick days.  No more flipping off your boss.  It would be "one-and-done" for all of us...

So what is this trend all about?  Are we really that demanding as a society?  The same society that elected...eh, never mind. 

Well, here's your chance...let's handle some mass layoffs right here and now.  Who would you like to send to the unemployment line?  An underachieving player?  An unsuccessful coach?  An idiot broadcaster?

I suggest that we just all get it out of our system right now, so we can get back to being reasonable.  And give those in the media spotlight the same job standards that we set in everyday society.

So with that...let me get it started.  Here are a few people that probably don't deserve to be fired, but since they annoy the hell out of me...I'm going to can them anyway.  And considering that most of them don't have the foggiest idea what it's like to be a member of the working class...I won't feel too bad.  Let's go:

Joe Theismann - If I had to choose between a root canal, or an hour of listening to Theismann...I'd probably take a shot of Maker's Mark Bourbon and head to the dentist's office. 

Joe, you're fired!

Jose Canseco - I don't know that this guy is currently working, but I'd fire his ass anyway.  He was a good ball player for a short time, but other than that...he's a disgusting human being.  Canseco is the very reason that you shouldn't be allowed to write a book unless you've read a book.  Excuse me if I don't rush down to Barnes & Noble to spend my hard-earned money to find out who he poked in the ass.  Wait, that probably didn't sound right...oh well.

Mr. Canseco, grab some bench!

Terrell Owens - T.O. supporters, gather 'round.  Let me ask you this.  If you have a talented co-worker, say that he's a star salesman, and he single-handedly destroys the morale in your office with his outlandish behavior and selfish attitude...should you keep him?  Normal people can't survive in normal jobs without working effectively with other people, so why would it be OK for an athlete?  Nobody likes working with a glory hound, especially when they drag your name through the mud with no provocation.

Mr. Owens, the unemployment office is that way!

Roger Clemens - OK, here's another guy who isn't exactly working either.  But what other job allows you to sit at home for half of the year, and then show up when you want and still earn more salary than most of your co-workers?  Does he get a pro-rated salary?  Hell no!  If only we were lucky enough to:  not look for a job, still earn big money when & where we wanted...arrive with little or no notice...and sit on our ass for 7 months.

Dear Roger, let me tell you a little story about...YOU'RE FIRED!

George Steinbrenner - You could argue that this guy really can't be fired, since he's more like royalty.  In that case, overthrow the son of a bitch.  If he were running a small business, it would have tanked before the doors were open.  King George is an example of micro-management at its finest.  He doesn't do everything himself, but he gets involved just enough to screw things up.  Either sit back and shut up, or figure out how to do things efficiently.

King George, the state of Florida wants you!  Buy some white shoes, a white belt, and get to work practicing your shuffleboard.

Bobby Knight - His behavior is a disgrace to humanity.  Yes, he knows basketball...very well.  But is that knowledge enough to overlook his lack of respect for every other human?  He treats his players as if they were in boot camp.  Instead of independent thinkers, he creates a band of frightened basketball soldiers.  Many of which probably don't even enjoy the game that they learned to love as children.  He doesn't respect officials, fans, reporters, or anybody else.  And if you watch some of his bloopers,(be warned - contains excessive profanity) you'll see that his temper extends beyond basketball.  Call Jack Nicholson, we have a code red Anger Management situation.  Gooz fraba...gooz fraba...

Mr. Knight...perhaps you could find work as an angry cab driver.  Why don't you make like Paris Hilton, and go find a new position.

Adam "PacMan" Jones - Oh, wait...too late.

So that's my Terminator list.  Anyone else want to get out the ole' axe?