Greetings from Dolphin Stadium. The joint is hopping. I'm perched right above the Southeast end zone with the Bears logo. Joe Budden's "Pump It Up" is blasting, and everyone in the stadium is collectively bobbing their head as one. There's no way to properly describe or re-create the vibe moments before a Super Bowl. It's a vibe that just pulsates. Sitting directly to my left is J.A. Adande of the Los Angeles Times. I introduce myself, he points to a guy wearing what appears to be a homemade Walter Payton jersey below us, mutters "Worst throwback jersey...ever", and we're good to go.

To my right, is nobody. Yet. But I see Peter King. And he's on the phone. I'm assuming he's discussing Starbucks or his aggravating travel experiences from the week.

Colts tight end Dallas Clark is the only player on the field, running a 10-yard corner route to the back of the end zone over and over and over again. Don't be shocked if Dallas Clark catches a goal-line pass in the corner at some point.

The wind is picking up and the rain is coming down lightly. Pre-game festivities begin shortly. James Woods just greeted us on the big screen. The Shark!

Taking a look at the inactive list, Ricky Proehl will not be dressing this evening. There goes scoring a touchdown for three different teams in three different Super Bowls. Doesn't mean he can't collect his second ring. We'll see how that plays out.

Vertical Horizon's "You're a God" is blaring now, as the Cirque Du Soleil show gets ready to begin.

Here we go.

Whoa.

There are strange balloons and stuff. There's a referee riding an ostrich? People in Bears uniforms playing the drums. Things are getting weird. I think I'm on mushrooms. No idea what's going on here. Scared. Frightened. Please just give me football. I am so very scared at the moment. I look to Adande. He's in the bathroom. It's just me and this hallucinogenic pre-game show. Did someone slip me a mickey on the shuttle ride over? I'm glad there are no drug tests required for entry to this stadium.

Phew. It's over.

I'm back from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory chocolate river ride.

That was quite horrifying.

Game starts in 30 minutes.