Thursday morning started bright and early with the production of the "Super Bowl Roundtable."
Hench and Schein have both done hundreds of TV appearances in their lives. Adam's on SNY's Daily News Live, offering expert analysis once a week during the football season. Hench is on "Best Damn Sports Show" all the time. He's the mastermind behind all those top ten lists they've been running in the past year. Me? Well, I once hosted the Camp Lokanda 2001 summer video yearbook. That's the extent of my imdb.com page.
So was I nervous? Surprisingly, no. I've seen so many unbearable sports "talking head" shows in my life, that I had the routine down pat going in. I thought about all the things I hated about the guys on those programs, and decided to do everything they don't. What'd that mean?
1. No screaming. This is sports. There's no reason to ever scream over sports.
2. No interrupting anyone. Just be civil. People appreciate that.
3. Don't laugh at something that's not funny. I hate unnecessary laughter. HATE it.
4. Don't rush.
Minutes before we went on air, our moderator, Charissa Thompson, takes out some sort of strange brush apparatus. I'd never seen one of these before. Within seconds, she's dabbing it into some bizarre powder substance, and patting it all over my face. What was going on? What was this strange process? Then, it hit me.
For the first time in my life (besides that brief confused stage in 9th grade), I was wearing makeup!
"You're schvitzing," Schein tells me. "Calm down, Schrager. You'll do fine."
He's incredible. That voice - that remarkable voice - well, it's no act. That's his real voice! We're talking about his upcoming wedding - "Just had a cake tasting - went with the chocolate mouse. It's good stuff." We're talking about South Beach - "Jogging on that strip is just a delight". Even the nightlife - "The Clevelander's my spot this week". He says it all in that incredible, unmistakable voice. I want to hear him narrate an episode of E! True Hollywood Story, or do a movie trailer for a summer blockbuster film. Hell, I'd pay to hear him read the Forum section of this month's Penthouse. I couldn't think of anything funnier. The voice is that good.
As we're getting ready to get on the set, I realize something - I'm afraid of three things: heights, sharks, and the bad guy from the movie "Candyman". Considering the set is set up 300 feet above shark infested waters, I'd have to get over the first two awfully fast. For the hell of it, I just said "Candy Man" five times into the bathroom mirror, too.
The video went fairly well. Schein played the X's and O's guy, Hench played the contrarian, and I played the Vin Diesel role - strong, good looking, respected by guys, loved by women. I didn't scream, I let everyone else finish their thoughts, I never once bellowed in laughter, and I took my time. Four for four. All in all, I'm happy with how it turned out.
Now, I just need to watch out for the Candy Man everywhere I go.