This one is for all you Michigan fans out there.  May all your Christmas wishes come true!

Driving home from work today while stuck in traffic, the late John Lennon's Christmas song, Happy Christmas (War is Over) came on the radio.  As I pondered my fate in that four lane parking lot, it hit me!  So this is Christmas.....So Rich Rodriguez........and another song parody was begun.

 

Rich Rodriguez (Search is Over)

So Rich Rodriguez

Let's see what you've done

A Maize and Blue lover

Offensive spread and the run

And so Rich Rodriguez

I hope you have fun

A Michigan man now

Just please everyone

 

A happy coach Rodriguez

Joins the mighty Wolverine

Let's hope he's a great one

With drive to be mean

 

And so Rich Rodriguez

Left weak to join strong

Coach Rich left the poor ones

This world can't be wrong

And so Rich Rodriguez

For Maize and for Blue

Beat Buckeyes and Spartans

You'll pound them won't you?

 

A happy coach Rodriguez

Joins the mighty Wolverine

Let's hope he's a great one

With drive to be mean

 

And so Rich Rodriguez

Just what have you done?

Another search over

And a new one just begun

And so Rich Rodriguez

Do pass more than run

The Big 10 is better

Than Mountaineer dung

 

A happy coach Rodriguez

Joins the mighty Wolverine

Let's hope he's a great one

With drive to be mean

Search is over...over

If you want it

Search is over

Now...

Rich Rodriguez, newly annointed savior & coach of the Maize & Blue Michigan Wolverines, late of the West Virginia Mountaineers is the newest inductee into the Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute Hall-of-Shame.  He is the first Hispanic to win the award.

Unbelievably, Rodriguez left his alma mater to take on the task of bringing Michigan back to respectability in the Big 10 conference and in the national rankings. 

According to Coach Rodriguez, "It was a very difficult decision to leave a place where I grew up.....It was going to take a very special opportunity and a very special place and I think that's what this is.....Unless you're a Hatfield or McCoy, Michigan is defintely a better place to be than West Virginia."

Let's hope that there are no home games scheduled against Division 1AA teams in the "Big House" in the foreseeable future.

Apparently Rodriguez was Michigan's third choice after both Les Miles (LSU) and Greg Schiano (Rutgers) turned down the Maize & Blue's attempt to replace the retiring Lloyd Carr.  I guess the third time's a charm!  Hopefully he won't end up like Ty Willingham at Notre Dame.

"[I] might have been my wife's third choice, too," Rodriguez quipped.

Rodriguez met five of the seven criterions needed for induction into the Male Prostitute Hall-of-Shame notably:

1) Accepting coaching positions that either moves them from Division 1AA or a lesser Division 1A program to successively bigger Division 1A programs, culminating in a job at a traditional BCS power.

2) Significantly improves his financial compensation package.

3) Taking his next job (Michigan) after his former team (West Virginia) made it to a bowl game, but before the bowl game is actually played.  

4) State that the school he was at (WVU) was his dream job, or deny rumors that he is looking at other opportunities.  

According to West Virginia Governor Joe Manchin, Rodriguez, is a native West Virginian  "whose only wish was to play football at WVU" and as "a young man whose only wish was to coach at WVU!"  So much for loyalty in this day and age!

5) Generate controversy.  Rodriguez barely skates in under this criterion, as his only controversy involves the handling of the buyout clause in his West Virginia contract and whether or not he will coach the Mountaineers in the upcoming Fiesta Bowl. 

Rodriguez is no stranger to success, having served as Tommy Bowden's offensive coordinator at Tulane, where the Green Wave went 12-0 in 1998 with quarterback Shaun King (who?) running his spread offense.  After following Bowden to Clemson, Rodriguez was selected to lead the West Virginia Mountaineers out of obscurity and into the upper echelon of the Big East conference. 

His penultimate accomplishment of the 2007 season was leading his then #2 ranked West Virginia team to a devastating & demoralizing loss against an underdog Pittsburgh Panther team (led by a crippled coach) in the backyard brawl.  The loss eliminated any possibility that the Mountaineers would play in the national championship game.

Good luck at Michigan Rich!  Let's see if you can do any better than Lloyd Carr against Ohio State!

Charles Barkley, who was known as the "Round Mound of Rebound" during his basketball career, announced the winners of his 2007 "Barkley" awards that honor coaching ineptitude in the National Football League.  

Barkley, a diehard college football fan stated, "I don't know why so many coaches at the college level think they can go pro!  Too often, they fail to realize that in the pros, you're dealing with men, not boys, and success doesn't always translate."  

'Sir' Charles created the "Round Mound of Rebound" or "Barkley" awards in 1999 to recognize those successful college coaches who fail miserably in the NFL.  These coaches, in a fit of ego inducement, take their success at the college level and attempt to make it in the NFL. 

More often than not, these coaches fail.  Barkley, sensing their despair over failing at the top, felt it only fitting to use his "Round Mound of Rebound" moniker as the name of the award since failure in the NFL has not impeded their ability to "rebound" in the college ranks, restore their self-esteem, and renew their winning ways.  

A panel, consisting of one FoxSports blogger, chose this year's winners.  The awardees include the first two-time winner in the history of the Barkley's, Dennis Erickson.

DENNIS ERICKSON

Coach Erickson is now a two time winner of the award, having previously won in 1999 while with the Oregon State Beavers to their first winning season in 28 years.  A successful college coach with stints at Idaho, Wyoming, Washington State, and Miami, Erickson parlayed his two national championships into a job with the Seattle Seahawks in 1995.  Erickson spent four seasons in the NFL amassing an impressive 31-33 record of mediocrity.  

Like a drug addict, however, the need for a "fix" was too great for Erickson, who skipped town on the Beavers in 2003 to take on a rebuilding project with the San Francisco 49ers.  But, his eyes were bigger than his stomach and Erickson only managed a 9-23 record over two seasons.  Consequently, Erickson returned to his true love, the college game, first at Idaho for a season, and then with the Arizona State Sun Devils, barely missing a spot in a BCS bowl game.

NICK SABAN

Saban parlayed success at three schools (Toledo, Michigan State, LSU) into the top job with the Miami Dolphins.  Becoming more successful at each stop along the way, Saban landed in Miami with great expectations.  With Dolphins, however, he guided the team to two less than stellar seasons and no playoff appearances!  Apparently, he came to the dismal realization that success at the college level does not always translate to a successful NFL career.  This astounding piece of insight on his part resulted in Saban's sudden, secretly announced return to the college ranks as the ninth heir to the great Bear Bryant at the University of Alabama.  Roll Tide!

 

 

BOBBY PETRINO

Petrino after a successful stint leading the Louisville Cardinals into the Big East Conference, jumped at the chance to be an NFL head coach with the Atlanta Falcons.  In his four years at Louisville, Petrino led the Cardinals to two one-loss seasons and one BCS bowl appearance.  With his ego fulfilled, Petrino sought to improve his stance as a hot, up and coming coach, by guiding the Vickless Falcons in 2007.  Sadly, he only lasted 13 games into the season before resigning with a shameless 3-10 record, in order to take the top job at the University of Arkansas!  His excuse for leaving, "At Louisville, I had Brian Brohm.  I was expecting to have Michael Vick as my starting QB with the Falcons, but Vick just couldn't stay out of jail!" 

 

The University of Arkansas has high expectations for Petrino.  More like wishful thinking on their part!  Razorback fans are seeking to improve upon their 0.620 historic winning percentage, which equates to an average 7-4 season record (a middle-of-the-road team in the SEC).  Aren't they all?  Former coach Houston Nutt only managed to eek out a 0.610 winning percentage, which cost him his job.  Coach Petrino's task is a tough one, and should be well aware that meeting the overzealous expectations of clueless Razorback fans is a daunting task itself.  Hopefully, some day soon, these fans will realize that the Hogs are not the cream of the SEC!

 

Who will be the next winner of the "Round Mound of Rebound" award?  Submit your nominees and find out!