I can't believe I'm doing this. As a die-hard Yankees fan I have absolutely no business defending anything within 100 miles of Red Sox Nation.  Unfortunately the responses regarding Manny Ramirez's admiration of his own homerun against Cleveland in the ALCS has brought me the brink of athletic sacrilege.

In case you missed it (or live on Planet Man-Ram which is the imaginary home of Manny as envisioned by Jim Rome), the wildly eccentric Ramirez watched adoringly as his homerun traveled majestically through the night sky over Jacobs Field. Never mind that this only reduced the deficit to 7-3 in the Indians favor. Never mind that this capped back-to back- to back homeruns that included blasts from Kevin Youkilis and David Ortiz. Never mind that it was done in the national spotlight of post-season baseball. Never mind that it was one of the most impressive homeruns that anyone could ever hope to see. Never mind that it was the intellectually challenged Manny that broke one of those notorious "unwritten rules". Rule breakers must be punished (sarcasm alert).

There's a reason those rules aren't written. It's because they're dumb and they typically bother wimps with sticks stuck up their butts the most. Take some other scenarios in baseball that are widely frowned upon. For example, it's been said that a player should never bunt to break up a no-hitter. Oh really now? If a pitcher wants to hurl a no-no then he better "know-know" how to field his position.

 How about the belief that it's improper to swing away on a 3-0 count when your team holds a big lead? That sounds counter-productive to me. The pitcher is probably going to throw a cookie and a batter is supposed to just let it slide by? The pitcher put himself in that hole in the first place. Besides, he'll probably follow the first cookie up with an equally enticing Oreo Double Stuff on the ensuing 3-1 pitch... but it's okay if the batter swings at that one. What an asinine concept.  

Another one I just don't get is the disdain people have for players that make attempts at stealing signs. Maybe a team should do a better job disguising their signals and then they wouldn't have anything to worry about. Hmmm...does that mean I'm sticking up for New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick in a round about sort of way? I think I'm about to make myself sick just considering it. Forgive me New York.

There are several more of these unenforceable standards that many people hold sacred. "Act like you've been there before when scoring a touchdown in football" & "Don't run the full court press with a big lead in basketball" come to mind. Who cares that touchdowns are typically hard to come by or that the full court press helped get the lead in the first place? These acts are totally classless and warrant swift retaliation (sarcasm alert #2).

Which brings us back full circle to Mr. Ramirez. The most commonly held opinion about his elongated homerun trot from the other night is that C.C. Sabathia of the Cleveland Indians should promptly drill Manny with a 95 MPH fastball when he comes to the plate in Game 5 of the ALCS...and preferably right on his ear. How's that for totally classless? See what you get for watching your own homerun. A homerun that made everybody who saw it say "Holy $hit". If I could hit a ball like that you'd better believe that I'd watch it too.  But no...Manny should be sensitive and show compassion for the pitcher's witty-bitty hurt feelings. NEWS FLASH: serving up a meatball to Manny IS NOT a good idea.

Let's not forget that this is Manny Ramirez we're talking about. As corny and tired as the "Manny Being Manny" cliche has become... the shoe does fit...and if the shoe does fit then we must acquit. Hey, if the glove thing worked for O.J. then this defense should certainly work for Man-Ram. Not to make excuses for him but face it people... he's a dimwitted nitwit and his actions over time have been as redundant as the term I just called him.

Keep in mind his oddball track record. He often likes to hang out during pitching changes at Fenway Park... behind the Green Monster. He commented in 2003 that he would one day like to play... for the Yankees. While in left field during 2004 he dove to cut off a throw...from centerfielder Johnny Damon which resulted in an inside the park homerun. He once requested a trade... to Boston's AAA team.  On the day the trade deadline passed in 2005 Manny stated, "Boston was the place to be"...even though it was widely reported that he had been trying to force his way out of Bean Town.

If Manny was a stereotype for Halloween he'd be a ditzy blonde... and ditzy blondes all over America should be very insulted by the fact that I just wrote that.

Maybe I'm crazy or maybe I just have a soft spot in my heart for those whose brains are a wee bit slow on the uptake. My own mind must definitely be slipping if I'm sticking up for a guy who plays for the Chowdah-Heads... but that's not the point.  Just leave the guy alone already. He's not too smart and probably has a mid-level IQ at best. All he did was break a rule that doesn't exist in the first place. A rule by that way that is idiotic to begin with.

As simplistically moronic as Ramirez may seem, he is right about something else. If the Red Sox go on and lose to Cleveland, it really isn't the end of the world. Now go and rip him a new one for that too. It obviously means that he likes losing (sarcasm alert #3).

Man-He sure can rake though. Get it...Man-He instead of Manny? Oh well, the jokes can't all be winners but that sure was one hell of a home run the other night. It was a winner even in defeat... and admit it...you'd have watched it for a while too.