"And now, there's a break in the action. Let's send it down to Rick. Take it away, Rick."

"Thanks, Bob. Did you hear the one about the golfer who asked his caddy if he could get there with a five iron? The caddy said, 'Eventually.'

About halfway through the round, the golfer said to his caddy, 'I don't care for this course much.' The caddy said, 'Uh, this isn't the course, sir. We left that a long time ago.'

A golfer wakes up in the morning and prepares to head to the golf course. The closer he gets to leaving the house, the worse the weather gets. As he pulls out of the driveway, it starts to rain. As he is driving on, the rain gets harder and the wind picks up. He finally decides it's not going to work, and turns around to head home. When he gets home, he's chilled to the bone, and crawls in bed with his wife. He says to her, 'Geez, it's really nasty out there.' She replies, 'Yeah, I know. Can you believe my husband's playing golf in this crap?'

A high school football team is playing a team they should beat, yet find themselves down 17-0 at halftime. The coach is laying into his players. He asks one of the defensive tackles why he's not getting any penetration into the backfield. The tackle, trying to deflect any blame, replies that he's getting double teamed every play. The coach then asks the other defensive tackle the same question. 'I'm getting double teamed, too,' he says, attempting to push the attention away from himself.  The coach then turns to a defensive end and asks him the same question. Feeling like he has been put on the spot, the defensive end replies, 'I'm getting double teamed too, coach.' The coach then yells, 'Well, hell, no wonder we're losing. They've got too many damn men on the field!' (True story)

Two guys sneak out of work early one afternoon to play a quick nine holes. The first couple holes go okay. But after they hit their tee shots on the third hole, they have to wait, as a couple of women ahead of them are playing very slow, hacking their way around. After the guys have to wait some more on the fourth tee, one guy says, 'I'm going to drive the cart up there and tell to pick it up or let us play through, anything. This is taking WAY too long..' He gets about 50 yards from the green, stops the cart, and turns around. As he gets back to the tee, his partner asks what happened. The first guy says, 'It's my wife and my girlfriend playing together. I couldn't say anything.' The second guy says, 'Fine, I'll do it." He jumps in the cart and heads down the fairway. He gets about fifty yards from the women, stops, and tunrs the cart around. As he gets back to the tee he says, 'Wow. Small world, ain't it?'

"That's all I have time for right now. Bob. We'll get to more later. Back up to you."

Thanks for taking the time to read.