Men, if your wife likes sports, buy her a custom authentic jersey of her favorite team. That way you can have a number put on it of a relevant date like her birthday or your anniversary. (I'm referring to the day of the month here. If you can't remember the month of your wedding anniversary or her birthday, you're on your own.) If she's a baseball fan, that's up to 162 reminders a year. You can thank me later.

It cracks me up that people will say Tom Brady is overrated and then turn around and say the Patriots weren't that good and were lucky to win 3 Super Bowls. Doesn't it have to be one or the other? If Tom Brady isn't that good, he must have had a great team around him to win 3 Super Bowls. And if the Patriots weren't a great team, then Tom Brady must be a heck of a QB, right?

Is there anything that bacon doesn't make better?

I've heard people refer to Johnny Damon's wife as a "hussy". I take offense to that. She's an ex-stripper who married a professional athlete. There's a subtle, yet distinct, difference.

If I ever get divorced, the NFL Network will definitely be cited by my wife in the proceedings.

I'm a die-hard Patriots fan. But I'm rooting for the Colts to win the Super Bowl this year. You know why. If there's anyone to admire in the NFL, its Tony Dungy.

Making sushi is way harder than you would think. I tried it once. It came out like an overstuffed Japanese burrito that was falling apart.

The NY Giants would be better off if they just drafted Ben Roethlisberger at #4 instead of trading everything they did for Eli Manning.

I have a friend that wore a Bernie Kosar Browns jersey into a Steelers bar. Steak-suit in a den of lions. Needless to say, hilarity ensued.

When in doubt in the 1^st round of the NFL draft, pick a defensive player from the University of Miami. I hate the Hurricanes but you really can't go wrong there.

Pete Carroll is insane if he leaves USC to go back to the NFL.

On the other side of the coin, that Nick Saban sure can coach.

Andy Reid isn't as good a coach as everyone thinks. Check out the box score of the NFL Championship the Eagles lost to the Carolina Panthers. Duce Staley was averaging 6.1 yards a carry. But he only ran it 13 times. Huh? The final score was 14-3 . . . it wasn't a huge blowout or anything. Why didn't they let Duce move the chains? Just one of countless examples . . .

You've done it.

You've watched your favorite team and questioned a play call or two. You knew the Defense was looking for a run up the middle. Everyone knew. Except for the overmatched coach of your favorite team.

You look around the league.

How does Jim Haslett still have a head coaching job? How did Mike Tice ever get one in the first place?

And the coaching carousel turns again . . .

Coming soon to a city near you . . . The Norv Turner Experience!

Oakland, count your lucky stars tonight, for you just might be subjected to The Madness of Mike Martz in 2006.

Tired of re-treads? Fear not, your team might have Jerry Gray or Brad Childress on their horizon.

Gulp.

Out of all the masses, is there no one more capable of running an NFL team than the immortal Dom Capers?

I suggest there is. Unfortunately, through no fault of their own, they will never get the chance.

But there is a solution. The formation of the NFL University. A 4 year program where normal people can go and be trained to become elite football coaches.

Let's say they allow 100 people a year to enroll. They could essentially have the NFL version of the SAT's and allow the 200 highest scorers to interview. Then invite the 100 best applicants to the school. The NFL could charge as much tuition as some of the most expensive universities in the United States and make money off this. People would surely pay for this opportunity. (This may be just a rumor, but I heard the NFL likes to make money.)

I even did some of the leg work for them and worked out the curriculum:

NFL 101 History of the NFL

NFL 102 Rules of the NFL

NFL 103 Offensive Philosophies

NFL 104 Defensive Philosophies

NFL 105 Special Teams Philosophies

NFL 110 Evolution of the Pro Game

NFL 120 Penalties: What the Officials Are Looking For

NFL 130 Offensive Play Calling

NFL 140 Defensive Play Calling

NFL 150 Special Teams Play Calling

NFL 201 Quarterbacks

NFL 202 Running Backs

NFL 203 Wide Receivers

NFL 204 Offensive Line

NFL 205 Tight Ends

NFL 210 Defensive Line

NFL 220 Linebackers

NFL 230 Defensive Backs

NFL 240 Kickers & Punters

NFL 250 Special Teams Coverage Units

NFL 301 Play Design for the Offense: Passing, General

NFL 302 Play Design for the Offense: Rushing, General

NFL 303 Play Design for the Offense: 3rd & 4th Long

NFL 304 Play Design for the Offense: 3rd & 4th Short

NFL 305 Play Design for Special Teams: Kicking

NFL 310 Play Design for the Defense: Passing, General

NFL 320 Play Design for the Defense: Rushing, General

NFL 330 Play Design for the Defense: 3rd & 4th Long

NFL 340 Play Design for the Defense: 3rd & 4th Short

NFL 350 Play Design for Special Teams: Punting

NFL 401 Clock Management

NFL 402 The Two-Minute Offense

NFL 403 When to Challenge the Officials

NFL 404 Efficient Practices

NFL 405 Delegation: Managing Your Staff

NFL 410 Breaking Down Game Film

NFL 420 Judging Talent for the Draft

NFL 430 The Salary Cap

NFL 440 Motivation: Managing a Group of Personalities

NFL 450 How to Deal With Being Stuck Coaching the Arizona Cardinals

Paul Tagliabue, you can make this happen. I implore you to do so.

Sincerely,

The Greatest NFL Head Coach Who Never Had the Opportunity