In this never ending quest of mine to be recognized as the least unbiased NBA fan in the Universe, a couple of thing are starting to make me wonder.  One is you Michael Kahn. Here's why.

Of all the NBA writers that I read regularly it seems fairly clear to me that you and I agree on most things NBA. At least when it comes to rating players by position. However, and yes there is always that however with you and i, you always manage to make me go Huh?

Last time it was the point guards. Without a care in the world, without a single stat to back yourself up, with what can only be described as an amateur blogging fan of his, you reared back and named Gilbert Arenas as the third best point guard in the NBA. Other than having to be given oxygen after nearly laughing myself to death, I found myself pretty much in agreement with your list. At least nothing worth going straight to brain hemmorage after the shock of Arenas in third.

Had to take a few days off for family business last week and while deep in contemplation of all things sorrowful and sad, I found myself thinking GILBERT ARENAS?

But I'm over it. Thanks to you. You've gone over the edge back to back now. Once more and you're going to hockey to report on the skills required for the hat trick.

Despite being one of the most despised players in the NBA few still have the nerve to rant about Kobe being overrated and those 8-10 people are most likely not allowed to vote. I nodded with you choice of him being the best  talent at shooting guard. Nodded again knowingly at Dwade in second and strolled on.

Grabbed a dog off a cart and watched the girls go by while contemplating TMac over Allen since both are long time favorites and decided to go with you on this despite being a long time fan of both and having more confidence in Allen's health than Tmacs.

The you hauled off and caused me to choke on the dog and had to be given the Hemlich by some woman who was a dead ringer for Rosie O'donnel who kept yelling "call the Donald, ask him how many lives he's saved today?"  Yeah, Yeah, I know I should be grateful I didn't have to have CPR, but really Michael? Vince Carter ahead of Michael Redd? Name me three GM's other than the three stooges (Mitch, Kevin and Isiah) who wouldn't take Redd over Carter?    You justify VC by saying he's an outstanding dunker? After all the years and experience and megabucks as an NBA authority and you come with "hotshot dunker"? That alone is inexcusable.

You also offer up career highs in assists and rebounds. Don't suppose the Knicks lack of front line rebounding had anything to do with that do you? VC had proven his lack of big game ability and you criticize Bryant for attitude then laud VC? The guys dogs it all the time unless everything is going well for the team. At this point in both's career I'd even take Joe johnson over VC.

Do you do this on purpose just to see if I'm still reading?

Got a little something that is on page two honoring a couple of Fox sports bloggers that is just for fun (in regards to them) but thought they might enjoy it and it is used with permission. Give em a howdy.

badlandproductions.com

Man the letters we get around here you'd think we were in trouble with the Lakers. I got 13.00 at the recycling plant for paper and paper don't pay that good. Here's a couple.

Sup?

Gfed. Short for Fedup. Chillin. Freaked on this. Does Jerry make Jim go to the bathroom with you and tell you if you stand up or sit down?

Hi Mitchell,

Your father asked me to write you (they cut the phone lines again) and ask you if you remembered to get the national guard for halloween so they won't burn the house again like last year. We're all hoping you won't come over so we can turn out the lights and wear our Boston Jerseys.

Cupcake,

Britney here. So are we dancing with the has beens or what?

Mitch,

Jerry. What the hell is going on? You call yourself a general manager? Kobe's not coming, Jim tried to trade Odom for a tree sloth making 18 million in Boreno in the High Leaves League , just lucky Phil took a bat to him. Jim, not the kid from Boreno. And I'm over here in Hawaii with the new Laker girls and not a single one of them thinks I'm as cute as Hefner. You better suck it up.

Mitch you ole fool,

Mildred, Kwame's grandmother. He said to tell you he ain't feeling good. His fingers are shrinkin again....KWAME GET OFF THE COUCH. HOW MANY TIMES I GOT TO TELL YOU THE COUCH IS FOR GUESTS. YOU DON'T SEE THE PLASTIC ON THE COUCH?

Uh Mitch?

If you're not busy or doing anything like important or anything I was wondering if you would mind giving me another contract extension. Yours very truely Brian Cook. I'll just tiptoe out, let me know. No hurry. Nice to talk to you again.

HEY MITCH,

SNOW'S UP. GET IT ON DO THE BOOGIE SHAKE IT SHAKE SHAKE IT, SNOW' S UP AND I GOT THE MOVES AND I..........................UH OH.

Mitch,

Listen man I'm not the kind to complain and I'll give you what I got but I got a bad feeling that 0.4 is not going to cover this one. ARE YOU A MORON?

Mitch,

I appreciate you guys bringing me back after a year out with the ankle but I landed here in Hawaii and walked into the terminal and some ref gave me three fouls and it's just as well. My ankle don't feel good at all. Do you have Grant Hills number? Do you know some girl in Hawaii ran screaming thru the terminal. thought I was Chris kamen? I don't look that bad do I?

Mitch,

This had to be the most incredible show of a NBA player coming off the bench in the past 40 years. Two rebounds and a put back in 8 minutes. James Beudreaux is 12' 11' and everyone says he's clumsy. You need to see this....dad? Would you stop? Don't do that. People allready think I'm dumb. Use your own phone. I'm sorry Mitch. That was my dad not Luke.

Mitch,

Lamar Check it out. There are 2,478 holes in every ceiling tile at Staples arena. But I'm gonna count them again this season so don't hold me to this.  You suppose it would be OK if I just super glued my feet to the floor this year so maybe I can get out from under these injuries every year?

Mitch,

You either pull off a shocker and stun the world or we're going from zen to getting a rope. You're slacking. I got two artifical hips and I can play better than most these guys.

Mitch,

Drew. I changed my mind. I want to go to the Nets for Kidd. And if they won't give you Kidd take a second round draft pick. Take their mascot if they got one. I gotta go man. I'm buff and this ain't cool for buff.

MITCHELL,

THIS IS YOUR FATHER.YOUR MOTHER HAS BEEN LETTING YOU GET AWAY WITH STUFF FOR YEARS NOW. I'M GOING TO COME RIGHT TO THE POINT. YOU COME WITHIN 2 MILES OF THIS HOUSE AND ME AND THE NEIGHBORHOOD REGULATORS ARE GOING TO HAVE YOU TARRED AND FEATHERED. WE'VE LIVED IN THIS HOUSE FOR 45 YEARS AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE EMBARASSED BY THE LIKES OF YOU. GET A JOB.

Mitch,

This is Madame Stephanie. I'll expect you on wednesday for your spanking.

Mr K.

Warned you. BWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP

Listen man, we got to talk. How long has it been you and me? I mean we even went to different high schools together. I been a fan of your writing and proven my loyalty time and time again by not going off on you and trying to get a write in campaign to get you tossed. I mean when, have I said a single bad word about you before? You and Shakira about the only two alive I haven't had to take to task.

But buddy you need to give back half your check from this Point Guard column. Let me prove to you how far off you are. While you and all the others over at Fox were laying around in Cancun hitting on the honeys and resting up for the big push to take over when the NBA starts us amateurs were getting no byline but getting stuff posted on the NBA page and I had the Point guards noticed and we're almost right down the line. Now either I know my stuff (which I do and don't mind saying so) or else someone (no names MIKE KAHN) is getting paid to write almost the same thing I write. I know, I know, no thanks needed for holding down the fort (knox) until you get back and they unlock it for you to reap the spoils of war. Whatever that means.

But you got no game with naming Arenas the third best point guard in the game. ARE YOU NUTS? May I remind you we're talking POINT guards here. Arenas with two 20 point scorers on the wing leads the NBA in racing down court and jacking up a three while those scorers are on the baseline 10 feet from the rim and an open lane to it?

Arenas shoots as much as Kobe and Kobe has less shooters. Arenas is both the worst shooting % wise of the top 10-12 point guards and the worst 3 point shooter % wise, one of the very worst assist ppg of the point guards and doesn't play a lick of defense.

What in the name of Wyatt Earp are you rating him this high for? What does he do to get this rating? I'd love to hear it. The guy is a loose cannon, he's up one day down the other, he fights with his coach in the press, granted his quotes rival Yogi Berra's at times but this doesn't make him third in the league. DANG!!!

There is just no excuse for this one. You will report on Monday for a drug test and I'm docking your pay next week.

This blog is posted here because I can't get it to show on the NASCAR section

Didn't really pay much attention to the Miller Lite NASCAR writing contest. In a 5 writer contest about the only sport I much follow anymore I'd get sixth on Fox so naturally being an egomaniac I shrugged it off.

I tried for a minute. Offical sites and unoffical sites and fighting and argueing and whining and sniveling (I even joined in for the fun of it) and it really was a mess in the beginning seemed to me. Then pretty much ever NASCAR writer I "knew" from the past couple of years was dropping like flies so it came down to me either admitting the ones I thought could write actually stunk or I could admit Fox knew more about writers than me. Give you one guess which direction I went with. Fox blows.

Then somewhere around the final eight I started noticing Tvill and Klvaus. I thought Tvill's name might have looked familar but seldom post on NASCAR and it's usually Photo or Forsenic or someone who occassionaly posts on my blog. But I noticed the these two having similar writing styles seemed to me and different that the rest in my opinion.

I thought they seperated themselves from the pack.

Came down to the final vote and I read Klvaus's first just by chance. Voted and went and read Tvill's. I almost gave them the same vote then thought to myself "well how dumb is that? why vote".I couldn't take my Klvaus vote down and couldn't put Tvill higher so I sat there a good oh, say, 15 seconds which is a lifetime for a hyperactive attention disorder know nothing about the sport and irritated another award went by (1,592,482) that I didn't win and said to hell with it and gave Tvill one number lower.

In my mind that's how close that contest was. And I would have not complained if it had gone the other way except for what I'm about to complain now for two reasons.

1.) If I'm not complaining Fox might actually let my hit count back on the rows but since I'm pretty much an institution for being in trouble, that's not a real consideration.

2.) We here in America make a pastime out of declaring second place to be losers and immediately forgetting them. I don't since second place is my first place in history but most do and I don't like it in this case. This was not your usual blowout, not your usual sweep.

I don't know what the prize is, upset she gets it and I get nothing. Heh. But whatever it is, I think Fox and Miller Lite are both wealthy enough to recheck that counting and I got a suspicion this was probably a tie and even if it wasn't they can afford both of them. (and yep, I cheated. I voted 83 times under different names on different computers.) Make this right will you?