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All Star**Please excuse the lame writing. All of my writers are on strike.
Congratulations to the winner of the "Kiss of Death Invitational." Before I announce the winner, I would like to thank all the participants of this epic competition. It has been a dream of mine to be a part of something that will go down in the history books as an event that will have grandchildren hanging onto every word that 'ol pappy is mumbling through his loose set of false teeth.
It was truly an honor to be in the same field of competition as I was. It was humbling and exciting at the same time. (Kind of like being paired up with the hottest girl in class as a lab partner that you have had a crush on since the 7th grade, but she keeps calling you by the wrong name. It's like you don't really care if she gets your name right. You just can't believe that she is actually speaking to you.)
This year's crop of games may not have been as good as they could have been...Ahem...Missouri...Ahem...but there were some great performances by teams that could have mailed it in. Michigan's win over a young Florida team was phenomenal. West Virginia's woodshed-like beating of an Oklahoma team, that many thought had a legitimate gripe over not being in the National Championship Game, was a testament to the will of young men. Overall, I would give this year's bowl season a grade of ML (mildly lame.) That is not a bad grade, but there is definitely room for improvement...Ahem...Rose Bowl...Ahem.
Just in case you are not familiar with the "Kiss of Death Invitational," I will give you the back story to this monumental event of epic proportions. It all started, years ago, with my bookie, Guido, and me. After I had taken a beating that would make the Tyson fights of the early 90's look like a fight between two over-caffeinated 12 year-old girls at a Hannah Montana concert fighting over who is the bigger fan of "High School Musical." (Actually, that could get pretty bad. Maybe I could have found a better comparison. Anyway you get the idea.) Guido said that some of the teams that I picked shouldn't have lost. I said "Tell me about! It seems that if it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any at all." Guido then reminded me that if I didn't have his money by Wednesday at 12:00 PM, then the beating I took over the games will look like a walk on the beach compared to the beating I was going to get from him. I thanked him for being so supportive.
The next week of games showed me no mercy. It was as if I was the best prognosticator in Bizzaroland. It was one of those colossal weeks where you have to say to your self "When did I get the idea that laying money down on games that I pick was a good idea?" Yeah, I'm having fun now! As much as I complained to Guido, he should have sent me a therapy bill. I was finally wearing him down a bit. I believe that he may have been starting to feel sorry for me, if only he had feelings.
Week after week, if I went only one or two games under .500, I saw it as a success. Then it happened, the week that changed my life forever. The unthinkable happened. What every sports gambler is always thinking of, but never speaks about. The ever dreaded "O'fer." Granted it was a light week of games, but I missed on every single one. I should have been more embarrassed, but I was kind of proud. I mean, my friends actually know someone who picked more that 5 games and went O fer. I forget the exact number (yeah right) but I will tell you it was more than 5 and less than 13. 12 there! Are you happy?
Anyway, while I was on the couch with Guido we both came to a realization that my luck was so bad that I was actually affecting the outcome on some of these games. Could that be? Was it even possible? My picks were contributing to the end result of these games. It seemed logical. The odds of going 0-12 in football betting have to rival that of getting 5 out of 6 numbers on a Lotto ticket, right?
From that week on, I was asked my opinion on upcoming games by Guido himself. I was a bit surprised, but I like to talk so I obliged him. I went into the things I take into consideration when making a pick. I would go on about how some stats are for chumps like conference rival records, injuries, and short-week preparations.
After a while, my curiosity got the best of me and I had to ask Guido why on Earth he was asking me my opinion. Then, he said it. I can still hear his words echoing out of the telephone into my ears where my brain interpreted the tympanic reverberations. He said "You are the most consistent player I have. Everything you bet on goes south faster than a flock of geese in December." "When I am unsure of a game, I just ask you and go the other way." "You are the Kiss of Death to any team you bet."
Without further ado, here are your final results of the KODI 2007. The following records only include the final 24 bowl games. The competition was originally for Husker fans, but when asked we couldn't in good conscience not let anyone who wanted to play, play. (I really need my writing team back from the picket line.)
Last Place:
bobn12
dmw1216
MoonDogLeft with a record of 15-9. All three of these contestants were never really in contention for first place. They kept a winning record throughout the tournament.
Sixth Place: 
HSKRSPAZ with a record of 14-10. HSKRSPAZ was in last place up until after the BCS games. He went 0-2 on the two games between the KU/VT game and LSU/OSU game. Congrats HSKRSPAZ on not coming in last.
Fifth Place: 
FlatulentOne with a record of 13-11. Flat dropped below me at the end of the National Championship game. We were neck and neck the entire way. Neither of us were more than a game apart.
Fourth Place: 
OldSkewler and 
Redburr with a record of 12-12. Redburr started out like he was going to be in contention for the title, but unfortunately he went on a late winning streak and ended up in the middle of the pack.
Third Place: 
Avsfreak24 with a record of 11-13. Avsfreak24 was the early favorite. I believe he was 1-9 at one point. Once I told him that I thought he was going to win this thing, he went on a winning streak of epic proportions (10-4.)
Second Place: 
DWINDY1 and 
mattp908, with a record of 9-15. DWINDY and mattp908 were flirting with taking this thing outright, but a couple ill-timed winning streaks put the kibosh on that quickly.
Honorable Mention: 
nostradomus with a record of 9-13. *nostradomus probably did not know he was playing. I extracted his picks from an earlier posting on his blog. He ended up strong, but he never really threatened first place like mattp908, DWINDY1, and Avsfreak24 did. Nost, gets the honorable mention because I couldn't find his picks on 2 games.
Drum-roll please.
The out right winner of the "Kiss of Death Invitational 2007" is...bc525 with a phenomenal record of 8-16. It was a long and windy road, but after staving off late runs and close calls, bc525 has persevered through the competition and secured his place in "Kiss of Death" history. As the winner of the KODI, bc525 will be known by the moniker "Kiss of Death." Congratulations bc525, you have earned it.
I was a little surprised to see the Mountain West conference up there at the top, but you have to consider who they played. They have wins over Navy, Nevada, UCLA, and Houston. I would consider Nevada and Houston to be in the lower end of the pack of bowl teams. UCLA lost their coach, and Navy is quality but not great. I don't want to take anything away from the MWC. I love to watch all the offense and they have some of the best stadium settings I have ever seen. My hat is off to the MWC for a great bowl season. With teams like BYU, Air Force, and TCU this conference has modestly good level of competition. Not as much as the PAC 10, but certainly more than the MAC, CUSA, or the Sun Belt. Hopefully, these teams can ride this momentum into recruiting and next season. 
The SEC is 2-0 over the ACC, 1-0 over CUSA, 1-0 over the WAC 1-1 against the Big 10, and 1-1 against the Big 12. Alabama and Colorado proved that just because you are bowl eligible doesn't mean that you should be in a bowl. Kentucky's win over a decimated Florida State was under-appreciated. I think that if Florida State was at full capacity, then the score wouldn't have been as close when Bowden's boys took the loss. Unfortunately, the mismatch of Arkansas and Missouri was a finger poke in the eye for McFadden. The SEC was very impressive overall when you consider that the best any conference has done against the SEC is .500, but, that is what we have come to expect from the SEC. So there is no real surprise there. Only the Big 10 has a chance to get one over on the SEC this year. 
The Big 10 has to be disappointed with how they have performed outside of Michigan. Penn State did what they should have and Purdue just barely beat an "ok" Central Michigan team. The mismatch of USC and Illinois was pretty hard to watch, unless you are a USC or PAC 10 fan. Wisconsin held tough against the #2 team in the SEC, but Indiana got trounced by a mediocre Oklahoma State team. Ohio State has a chance to redeem the conference. 
The Big 12 has had a pretty good bowl season outside of the always ill-prepared Sooners. What has to be done to get a reality check on Stoops. I think he is a great coach, but there is something wrong with how he prepares his teams for the bowls. I'll give credit where credit is due. WVU was wicked fast on offense and they proved that they deserved all the preseason hype that surrounded the program. How they lost to Pittsburg, I will never figure out. Mizzou and Kansas proved that there are, at least two, quality teams in the Big 12 North. Texas' Holiday Bowl win over Arizona State was huge for them. After the year they had ending up the Big 12 #4, they now have something to build upon beating the PAC 10 #2 in a decisive fashion. Next year looks to be a bright one for the Big 12, especially in the North. 
The PAC 10 did very well outside of Arizona State. UCLA lost to BYU, but give them some credit. They went without a head coach and BYU has had a special year this year. USC proved once again not to ever count them out. Oregon showed that even with out Dixon, they are able to score a ton of points. I was very surprised the vaunted South Florida defense didn't put up a better fight against Oregon. Cal's performance was a bit disappointing against and undersized Air Force team. Cal did show that they could come from behind, but they should never had been that far behind to begin with. 
The Big East has emerged as a good conference. When the ACC and Big East realigned, the ACC was supposed to be made into a power conference and the Big East was supposed to fade away into oblivion with the MAC, Sun Belt, and CUSA. Well I got some news for you so called experts; you were way wrong. There is some talent and quality coaching going on in the Big East. West Virginia is a great team. Rutgers, South Florida, Cincinnati, and UConn are all good teams and should only be getting better. Be afraid of the Big East. 
How disappointing was the ACC this year? With programs like Miami, Florida State, Virginia Tech, and Georgia Tech how could you not be winning (or going to) bowl games (Miami)? Virginia overcame a loss to Wyoming at the beginning of the season only to lose to Mike "the big goober" Leach's Red Raiders after Tech spotted them two safeties. Lame. Over the last 4-5 years, it looked like Maryland was ready to make the jump to the "big time." What happened? Georgia Tech losing to Fresno State the way they did was embarrassing. Clemson played Auburn tough, but still lost. Clemson, Georgia Tech, Maryland, Miami, Virginia, and North Carolina State should be better teams. Boston College, Wake Forest, and Virginia Tech can't be the only ones doing well in this talent-rich conference.
The WAC had no surprises up their sleeves other than Boise State getting manhandled by the likes of ECU. They seem to do the best with what they have. Fresno State did well, but Nevada didn't even show up and got blanked by New Mexico. What the? Nevada put together, what seemed to be, a pretty good season. Guess not. How many shut-outs have there been in bowl games recently? To be sure, not many. That is just disappointing and wrong.
My rather sizeable hat's off to Coach Leach. Any coach willing to take 2 safeties and go down by 14 by the end of the first half is ok in my book of self-defeating imploders. That makes Miles' decision at the end of the LSU/Auburn game seem reasonable and safe. Mike Leach will be my favorite coach to watch next year. Bo Pelini being the only exception.
Avsfreak24 (11-13)--Tiebreaker: OSU-6, LSU-3
Champs Sports Bowl - Orlando
Texas Bowl - Houston 
Emerald Bowl - San Francisco
Meineke Bowl - Charlotte
Liberty Bowl - Memphis 
Alamo Bowl - San Antonio
Independence Bowl - Shreveport 
Armed Forces Bowl - Ft. Worth
Humanitarian Bowl - Boise
Sun Bowl - El Paso
Music City Bowl - Nashville
Insight Bowl - Tempe
Chick-fil-A Bowl - Atlanta
Outback Bowl - Tampa
Cotton Bowl - Dallas
Capital One Bowl - Orlando
Gator Bowl - Jacksonville
Rose Bowl - Pasadena
Sugar Bowl - New Orleans
Fiesta Bowl - Glendale
Orange Bowl - Miami
International Bowl - Toronto
GMAC Bowl - Mobile
BCS Championship - New Orleans
Full-contact clarineting - This is not your father's clarineting. You can play by yourself or with others. The object is to play a few bars of an agreed upon song. When the clarinet squawks, then the player is drop-kicked in the head. The first one to go unconscious loses. The "by your self" rules are the same except when the squawk happens, you need to run headlong into the wall. 
Polo is a sport because it takes stamina to stay on your horse. It also takes a ton of skill to guide your horse through a crowd without killing anyone, or more importantly hurting your horse. This is just plain lazy and pointless. I just want to go out there an push these guys over. 
Here is a sport that is an off-shoot of robot fighting. The object is how to best get beat up while walking through a dicey neighborhood. Stephen was last year's winner. He lasted all of 8 minutes before getting pummeled. He was pumping Charlie Daniels through his speaker while walking in front of a couple of crack houses. It was the hat that did him in. It was cold that day when a crack-head slit his Achilles tendon and swiped his hat. Because he sustained permanent injury, he is a lifetime judge for future events. 
This one is called "Look What I Can Swallow!" Here, Summer has shown us that she can swallow a bong. Don't worry. This time she was careful that it wasn't recently used when she gulped it down. She is kind of twitchy. She has a tendency to ingest large cylindrical objects like bongs on occasion just for fun. Trevor was handing her the bong to take a toke from when she took it down water and all. The surgeon who was trying to remove it got a contact high when she was opened up. He needed some Funyuns, Stat! 
"Thread Your Face With Small Snakes," is surprisingly easy to play if you have veteran snakes on hand. This is a common game that has evolved through the ages. Originally, it was played with ferrets. Allergies, claws, and teeth became a problem. The problem was dealt with easily enough. After shaving, detoothing, and declawing the ferrets, the participants were much happier. The transition to snakes was made due to the fact that the ferrets organized and formed the Union for Face Threading Ferrets. It is now much more cost-effective to use snakes, because nobody cares about reptiles. 
Here is a game called "Fast Driving, Sudden Stops." Clairese has been disqualified due to her cosmetic surgery enhancement. 