You know you're old when...

...your rec team finishes the season 0-9. Yep. You remember those county rec teams you used to play on. Well, I'm 26 and I'm still playing. And I'm losing. It's not that I suck. I made a basket tonight. And the guys I play with pick me up. We won a few 3-on-3 tourneys in our day. But that was 10 years ago. Now we're matching up against these muscle-bound freaks straight out of high school who are certain that if an NBA scout just happens to stop by, then they won't need to enroll in the community college next fall. And these dudes got energy, man. I forced myself to chug down a SoBe Adrenaline Rush before the game, just to keep up, and it forced me into the bathroom at halftime. It doesn't help that we only have five players on our team. It's not like little league where you have 12 guys on the team and sub someone in after every dead ball. Back then you played your butt off, because if you got caught walking you were on the bench. We only ask 5 guys to play because it costs like $60 a person and we want playing time. If we ever have a 6^th, he sits on the bench all game just waiting to come in. He raises his hand during dead balls, but nobody looks over. He asks if anyone needs a breather during time-outs and everyone's fine. Maybe instead of asking a 6^th player to show up, we should invest in an oxygen machine for our bench. It couldn't hurt.

AFC vs. NFC

I've always been an NFC guy. My favorite teams growing up were in the NFC. My favorite players were in the NFC. I have a t-shirt with Vince Lombardi on it. (Those old enough to know about the NFL-AFL rivalry might appreciate that one). But I'm starting to believe that the AFC is just plain better. Sure, the NFC has some tough teams. Seattle's strong this year. Carolina looks good. Chicago's tough at home. But seriously, do you think any of those teams could make it versus the AFC's best? The Colts are loaded. 14-0 or 13-1, it doesn't matter. They're loaded. As the Colts now know, the Chargers are for real. The Steelers are putting it back together. And the Patriots are scaring the hell out of some teams. Are you telling me that you think Seattle could beat any of those four teams if they matched up tomorrow? No way! Seattle is soft, I don't care what they did against Philly last week. Did you see them almost lose against the 4-win Titans? And Da Bears got their hats handed to them at Heinz field last week. They can only win if it's a white Christmas at Soldier Field. As much as it pains me to say it, the NFC is the equivalent of the Eastern Conference in the NBA a few years ago, where the conference champ would just be the runner-up to the eventual champion Lakers or Spurs. This year my money's on America.

Monday Night Massacre

The Ravens defeated the Packers 246-3 tonight. I didn't watch the game because I worked late, I had a basketball game, I had to buy a fruit plate for tomorrow's Christmas party. Look, I just didn't want to watch the game, alright? Sure, the Vikes play the Ravens next week, so I guess I could've gotten a preview of what Minnesota will be facing. But I'm not Mike Tice. I won't be preparing my players for what to expect on Christmas night. (I keep sending Zygi Wolf letters with suggestions, but I think he's ignoring me). It all comes down to having something better to do on Monday night. This never used to be the case. September through December was booked every Monday night, no matter what. "Are you ready for some football!?!" Yes, I was. But these days it seems like MNF is about as exciting to watch as UHF. (Remember Weird Al and Kramer before he became Kramer?) I think the execs at ABC or ESPN or Disney or the United Nations should strongly consider changing the scheduling procedure. In the summer, Green Bay at Baltimore with only three games to play seems like a pretty good match-up. Both teams should've been hovering around .500 fighting for a playoff spot. But with a combined 7-19 record, these teams are closer to Leinart than they are to Lombardi. But if the scheduling folks made the schedule let's say, two weeks in advance...San Diego at Indianapolis would've been on Monday night. And I would've had my wife buy the fruit plate.

Final Thought

Hey, did you guys hear that the NBA season has started?

p.s. Harold, tonight I wore number 4 just for you. (I couldn't find my 32 jersey and two guys were already wearing 23). One love.

I guess Sunday is not my fun day.

(Sigh). I woke up in a good mood. I didn't shower. I had made the grown-up, you-can't-tell-me-what-to-do decision of skipping church to watch football all day. I was so excited that I forgot to eat breakfast. I watched all two hours of pre-game. I exercised the expensive NFL Sunday Ticket to watch the Vikings' biggest game of the year, against the resurgent Steelers. I don't really want to talk about the specifics, but the Vikes only managed to score 3 points. That's all that needs to be said. But let's not get carried away. Their season is not over. They're still 8-6 and very much alive in the playoff hunt. Despite Boomer Esiason's comment in today's game, I don't think all Viking fans should become Atlanta fans and hope for them to beat the 9-4 Bears tonight. I realize Minnesota is battling Chicago for the North division crown, but with today's loss, they put themselves in a difficult position. If the Bears lose, the Vikings would still be down one game with two to play. They would need the Bears to lose their final two games (@ GB and @ MIN). (Note: Chicago will likely have the third tie-breaker over Minnesota, record against common opponents). And if the Bears lose, the Falcons would improve to 9-5 and be one game ahead of the Vikes with two to play AND they have the head-to-head tiebreaker over Minnesota. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know who to root for. I picked Atlanta in my office pool, so maybe I'll root for them. But I benched Mike Vick in my fantasy league, and lost by about 10 points...I don't want to have to second guess my decision to play Brees over Vick...so maybe I'll root for Chicago. Either way, I wish I would've gone to church today.

Office Pool Blues

I shocked myself by correctly picking the Patriots to beat the road-tested Bucs on Saturday, but it went downhill from there. I got over-zealous and picked the Chiefs to defeat the Giants in New York. (What was I thinking?) Of course I picked the Vikings to upset the Steelers and missed that one. I thought for sure the Cardinals would defeat the Reggie Bush-led Texans. I was certain Fitzpatrick and the Rams would rebound at home against the hapless Eagles. And the Cowboys wouldn't lose twice to the Redskins! To make a long list short, I lost a lot of games this week. I was 2^nd in my office (of about 30 people) for the season-running total of correct picks, but I'm sure after this week I'll drop to 3^rd or 4^th. Damn!

Ode to Fantasy Football

I'm a fantasy geek. But so are you, so our discussion here is private. Let me just say that I can handle people who don't watch football calling me a nerd for playing fantasy football. They call me a nerd for following football at all, so their opinion means little to me. What I can't handle is people who claim to be football fans, but not fans of fantasy football. "I just like to watch the games." Yeah, right. How about that Cardinals/Texans game today, did you enjoy watching that? No. Do you know why? Because you don't play fantasy football. If you did, you'd have lost your mind in excitement when Vernand Morency ran for a 25-yard touchdown in the second quarter. You were forced to play him when Domanick Davis was ruled out. Fantasy football takes the average fan's love for the game and multiplies it by 6 (or however many points your league gives for touchdowns). Sure, I used to just watch the games for the pure enjoyment of watching the game. I pride myself on being a great X's and O's guy who will likely lead the next generation of little-leaguers to football supremacy. But nobody enjoys watching a 30-19 game with less than two minutes in the fourth quarter, unless you have a player in that game on your fantasy team. It's in fantasy football, and fantasy football only, where the game is not over until the fat lady sings.

Final Thought

I once had a lizard who liked to watch NASCAR. He was a stupid lizard.

p.s. Harold, if you're reading this...what happened?