Coach Tony Dungy of the Indianapolis Colts is the last guy one would expect to find in the middle of a controversy.   A devoutly Christian, highly respected man, Dungy has given abundantly to his team and the Indianapolis community.  But here we are a week after the Colts' miserable flop in the playoffs against the Chargers, and the local talk shows are abuzz with opinions about Dungy's pending decision on whether to come back for another season.

 Surprisingly, the opinions seem about evenly divided on whether Dungy should stay.  Six months ago, support for Dungy would have been in the 80-90% range.  Despite the controversial suggestions by the instigating Jayson Whitlock, Colts fans have become a pretty knowledgeable bunch.   9 seasons watching Peyton Manning's cerebral and extraordinarily competent generalship of the Lighting Offense, coupled with the evolution of the Tampa 2 defense that has been Dungy's trademark have forced Colts fans to develop a keen understanding of  the game in order to follow the complicated action.

 These knowledgeable locals truly recognize the treasure we have in Peyton Manning.  Regardless of who holds the coaching reins,  as long as Manning stays healthy, this team will remain in the thick of things for at least the next 6-8 seasons and probably longer.  A look around the league makes it obvious that NFL franchises flounder without a highly capable quarterback.  Manning is a huge difference maker, matched only by Brady and Favre among active QB's and his work ethic and "laser-rocket arm" will carry the Colts to the playoffs year in and year out, even in the toughest division in football. And no matter who is doing the coaching.

  We also recognize the genius of Bill Polian.  Polian created a mini-dynasty in Buffalo, and the qualifier "mini" is only used because the Bills couldn't convert one of their 4 consecutive Super Bowl appearances into a victory.  Polian is a master assessor of talent and character and understands the salary cap restrictions like no one else in the league except for pehaps New England's Scott Pioli.  Polian continues to improve the level of talent on the Colts'  squad, year in and year out.

 Which brings us back to the man in the middle of the two pillars of Indianapolis Colts football:  The Head Coach.  Tony Dungy has been showered with adulation and favorable press here since his arrival in 2002.  It can quite fairly be said that Dungy has been given the benefit of the doubt, especially after the Colts were pummeled by the Jets, 41-0 in the 2002 playoffs and bounced in 2003 and 2004 by the Patriots.  During the regular season, the Colts have been a juggernaut, winning 12 games in each of the last 5 seasons, an accomplishment unmatched in NFL history.

  But nobody really cares about the regular season when your team packs it in before the Super Bowl.  Dan Marino's fingerprints are all over the record books, but with that giant hole in the middle of his portfolio where the Super Bowl victories should go, it leaves him on the outside looking in when talk begins about the greatness of quarterbacks. 

  And so it is with coaches.  When the greatest coaches in NFL history are brought to mind, Vince Lombardi, Tom Landry, Bill Walsh and Chuck Noll immediately come to come: all multiple Super Bowl victors.  Joe Gibbs,  Vermeil and even Jimmy Johnson may deserve mention in this hallowed group, but Tony Dungy?  Not hardly.

  If he retires now, Dungy will be remembered as a nice man who rode Peyton Mannings' coat-tails to a single Super Bowl victory.   The fact is, he was out-coached by Bill Belichick in each of their post season appearances, only to be saved by a super-human performance by Peyton in last year's AFC championship. 

 This season's post season debacle was entirely inexcuseable.  Dungy actually became a distraction to the team during their critical run-up to the Chargers match-up, with the press incessantly speculating about Dungy's possible retirement.  While it's certain that the coach would have done things differently if given a do-over, the reported fact that his wife and kids moved back to Tampa prior to the season finale speaks volumes about his attention to detail.  Did he think the media would keep  the fact that his kids had enrolled in Tampa schools a secret?  It seems Mrs. Dungy has already made his decision for him.  In his best seller, "Quiet Strength," Dungy speaks glowingly of the Tampa weather and his wife's reluctance to leave in 2001.  Now its just a matter of time.

  Owner Jim Irsay has already announced that Jim Caldwell, with a 26-63 lifetime college coaching record, will take over when Dungy moves on.  Caldwell has been Assistant Head Coach since 2005 and Quarterbacks Coach prior to that.  I am sure he has taught Peyton Manning quite a lot. This team and this town deserve better than Dungy-lite.  There are guys like Bill Cowher and Jason Garrett available out there now: one would think a coach of this caliber would be the missing piece of the puzzle to assure pure Colts dominance for several years.

  Arguably the most vociferous fans in the league, the Colts fans filled the stadium to something like 107% of capacity this season, best in the league.  We have supported the financing and building of Lucas Oil Stadium, to help the team with revenues from luxury box amenities.   We need more than just another nice man to coach these potential champions.  We can't afford to come out flat against another post-season opponent as we have repeatedly including the 2002 shellacking by the Jets, the 2003 and 2004 bungles against the Pats and 2005's home loss to the Steelers.  Last week's flat-liner against the Chargers was just another in a series of coaching failures, very likely to be repeated by a Dungy clone.  It's sad to think we deserve less of the same.

A response to Moss :

  Just because your campaign to get Moss selected as MVP blew up in your face, doesn't mean you can make the thug into a choirboy.   There is a Cowboy Junkies song that sums it up best: 

A man in a crisis falls back on what he knows best:

  A murderer to murder;  a thief to theft.

Moss is just falling back on what he knows best:  getting physical when he can't get his own way.   Too bad there isn't a replay available, I'm sure it would show that Moss was just pushing off,  as usual.  Bad actors generally find the worst possible time to screw up and Moss is no exception.  I am really surprised that he was able to keep his inner punk in check for this long.   As I said in my blog last week, the Pats wannabe the new Raiders, and Randy wants to be the poster boy. 

Just post bail baby!~

Maximumralph

As the NFL gears up for the divisional championships, its time for a brief  and embellished look at the week in sports:

The New England Patriots, released their new team slogan, "Resident Evil" to the media today along with the announcement that they have acquired the rights to the Titan's Pacman Jones.  A spokesman for the Pats announced:  "We feel we are the 21st century version of the Oakland Raiders.  The acquisition of Randy Moss has been so successful that we are expanding our free agent search.  Send us your cast-offs, troublemakers and miscreants. " Informed sources reveal that Bill Belichick has representatives negotiating with the parole board at Leavenworth in order to secure an early release for Michael Vick.  Rumor has it Belichick has lawyers working with agents for Rae Carruth as well.

Looks like those Dallas Cowboys fans, fearing that celebrity airhead Jessica Simpson would bring bad luck to the Cowboys games, were right on the money.  America's Team supporters now refer to Ms. Simpson as Yoko Romo.

T.O.'s blubbering performance post-game in Dallas continues to demonstrate the wacky wide receiver's emotional stablity.  Who does he think he is, Hillary Clinton?

 The San Francisco 49er's, in a desperate move to acquire the 1st draft pick in the 2009 NFL draft,  hired Mike Martz as offensive co-ordinator.   Despite the fact that Martz's work for the Detroit Lions as co-ordinator left them trailing the almost perfectly inept Miami Dolphins for the 2008 premier selection, the 49er's braintrust felt they didn't need to drop much further to secure the rights to Tim Tebow. 

Roger Clemens continues his relentless pursuit of the title Most Hated Man in Sports.   The sputtering Rocket's inarticulate bullying and preposterous legal maneuvering continue to reveal the fact that no one in America ever really liked him much anyway.

Volunteer media punching bag, Isiah Thomas remains on Clemens' heals, with a surgically precise evisceration of the once proud New York Knicks basketball franchise.  As of today, the Knicks have a .265 winning percentage.  The Knicks are horrible on the court, pounded in the press and they are handing out lawsuit money like Mike Tyson at a car dealership.  Are there any adults left in charge in the Knicks' front office? 

In a surprise announcement, Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy will be retiring and will join Dancing with the Stars.  The 2008 fall lineup includes a number of figures from professional sports including Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets, Butterbean of professional boxing fame and tennis star Martina Navratilova.  Producers aren't quite sure who they will partner up with Navratilova, but are working on the details.

The spector of drug use now haunts the world of golf, as the ReMax World's Long Driving Championship came to a close on Christmas day.  It seems Mike Dobbyn's 385 yard poke was bested by Seniors divsion winner, Frank Miller.  Miller's drive was measured at 394 yards.  When tour officials were asked if it was believed steriods were being used, they replied: "No, we think it was Viagra."

Congratulations are in order for the recently engaged Greg "Shark" Norman and tennis champion, Chris Evert.   Chris was seen sporting a 5 carat engagement ring.  As expected, publicity hungry athletes have forged a number of copy-cat engagements in order to get their names back in the news.  Word has it John Daly and Tonya Harding are hooking up. They sealed their engagement with a beer can pull-tab serving as the ring. 

More smooth moves from "Miguel" Simpson, better known as O.J. to most of us, as the Juice put the squeeze on one of his co-defendants in a prohibited phone call.  Clearly in violation of his probationary requirement to not make contact with his co-defendants, O.J. was brought in by agents from You Ring We Spring Bail Bonds of North Las Vegas.  News reports did not include the full alias used by Simpson, but "Miguel Mexico" has a nice ring to it.   The Juice must love that jailhouse cookin'! 

Indiana Pacers President of Basketball Operations, Larry Bird, today announced a series of lectures based on his forthcoming book, "Discipline Your Team like Dr. Spock."  Rejecting the stern, disciplinarian approach favored by coaches like Bobby Knight and John Wooden, Bird has elected a gentler path, more in keeping with the teachings of 50's permissive, Dr. Spock.  The team's lack of success in recent seasons, with constant disruptions from players like Ron Artest, Jamal Tinsley, Shawne Williams and David Harrison speaks volumes about Bird's approach.  As a motivator and coach, Bird looked pretty slick.  As a personnel director and policy enforcer, he truly looks like a hick from French Lick.

The unspoken tragedy surrounding the Marion Jones performance-enhancing drug/perjury scandal is the fact that she didn't have to use them!  Jones would likely have been OIympic champion without using any enhancers. Truly gifted with speed and beauty and grace and strength, she still elected to cheat.  This would be like Tiger Woods executing a foot-mashie to kick his ball out of a bad lie, or Bill Belichick video-taping the sideline signals of his opponents.  Why cheat when you can win fair and square? 

Just because New England is  successful with Randy Moss in the line-up doesn't mean that he is no longer a cancer.  The Patriots are simply in remisssion.

  Before I provide my fearless prognostications for this weekend's NFL playoff match-ups, let's take a look at how  last season's match-ups developed.  The Patriots had a bye in the first round and the Colts knocked off Kansas City.  In the 2nd round, Indy travelled to Baltimore and knocked off the once powerful Ravens.   Hard to believe the disparity between last season's Raven juggernaut and their pitiful 2007 squad!  But I digress...

  The Chargers looked like the best team in the league, going 14-2, but they were matched with the Patriots, always a stalwart playoff opponent and battle-tested and ready.    Thanks to a couple of dunderheaded Schottenheimer moves and some odd ovoid bounces New England prevailed, which brought the AFC championship back to Indy.

   We are now at a similar point in the season, with 3 of last season's participants remaining.  This week,  San Diego travels to Indy and the fresh face in the semi-finals belongs to the Jacksonville Jaguars, who now confront the unbeaten Patriots in Foxborough.

  The Colts season has been remarkable, although a bit star-struck, remaining in the shadows of New England's unbeaten regular season.  The number of injuries the Colts have suffered should have seen them in the middle of the pack in the AFC South, demonstrably the best division in the NFL.  They lost nose-tackle Booger MacFarlane to injury before the regular season began.  Their 10 time All Pro offensive tackle, Tarik Glenn, surprised the team by retiring before the season began as well. They have played without Hall of Fame lock Marvin Harrison for the last 10 weeks and without Dwight Freeney, arguably the best pass rusher in the business, for the last  8.  They played several games with zero regular starters on the defensive front four.  The Colts reached down and drudged up the unfortunately named Craphonso Thorpe and Houston's taxi -squad reject Devin Aromashodu to bolster a receiving corps forced to play without Dallas Clark, rookie Anthony Gonzales and both tight ends,  Ben Utecht and Brian Fletcher. The O-line has been similary banged up but rookies and journeyman have ably replaced veterans forced to sit out.  All of these injuries were compounded by the fact that the Colts lost both starting safeties and an outstanding linebacker, Cato June, to free agency.

 One would think that  the Indianapolis Colts are due for a few good breaks.  But the breaks shouldn't  matter, because this team just keeps on winning, regardless of how deep they reach into their reserves.  Subtract one big play by the Patriots and Adam Vinateri's missed field goal at the close of the Chargers game, and it would have been the Colts who were playing in week 17 against the Tennessee Titans to clinch an unbeaten season.

 And now the picks:

Even if most of the breaks work against them, the Colts will be moving on to the AFC Championship Game again this season.  While last season's San Diego Chargers squad was awe-inspiring and truly a physical, imposing team, this year's group seems lackluster and unfocused, struggling through a weak schedule to the number 3 seed.   Sure they have a 7 game winning streak, but during this streak they have beaten exactly one team with a winning record, the Tennesse Titans.  As I have contended all season, the Titans are essentially playing without a quarterback.  NFL teams are supposed to be able to beat a wishbone offense.  While the Bolts beat the Colts 23-21 in week 10 in San Diego, this was a Dr. Strangelove/Dr. Seuss kind of game:  in the rain, Colts in pain, Peyton's brain somewhere else.  Serious handicappers recognize the need to throw out the anomolies when making their picks and that match-up was not an accurate reflection of either team's ability or modus operandi.

  Philip Rivers looks uneven on his best days, and the Titans demonstrated that the once-feared LT is eminently stoppable.   While the Chargers defense should be rested after facing the underwhelming Titans O, the Colts Lightning Offense will have them back on their heels and huffing and puffing early.  Reggie Wayne has been unstoppable of late and Dallas Clark remains as dangerous as any receiver in the league. There are even suggestions of a Marvin Harrison sighting.  Peyton,quick to the line of scrimmage and highly cognizant of the other coach's manuevers,  won't let the Titans make defensive substitutions and Joseph Addai should improve on the minor gashing the Titans Pillsbury Doughboy, Lendale White, was able to inflict on the Bolts.  If all else fails everyone knows the Colts will have the heat turned up in the Hoosier Dome and their patented, piped-in crowd noise will reduce Rivers to a whimpering, puddle of fumbles, miscues and sacks.  Colts 35, Bolts 14.

  Now, about that game up in Foxborough:

  The weatherman is calling for clear skies, a boon to the Brady bunch, although the temperatures hovering in the 40 degree range might make pitching and catching just slightly more difficult.  Of course, the Pats are used to the New England cold, so we can't say the weather will be a factor.   What the Pats aren't used to is trying to tackle a speeding anvil lathered in grease.   Maurice Jones-Drew, the Pocket Hercules, is as elusive as the legendary Barry Sanders but even more powerful.  His extremely low center of gravity combined with his speed and cutting ability, make Jones-Drew tough to tackle both in the open field and in the heart of the battle as well.   Mixing up the carries with Fred Jones should keep the aging Patriots defenders from adjusting to either back's pace and movement.    Now I know that Adalius Thomas is on the back end of his prime, but Junior Seau is 37, Vrabel and Brushci and Izzo all have 12 seasons in the league and have shown signs of slowing in the 2nd half of the season.   Rodney Harris is 35 and probably off the steroids he used that got him suspended for 4 games early in the season.   Since he says he took them to help him recuperate from injuries ("rather than to get a competitive edge."), he ought to be a little nicked up this late in the season.   An aging defense with relatively little speed will begin to get shown up after a couple quarters of getting pounded by the Jags relentless running attack.  Garrard is a very capable runner as well, but unlike Vince Young, Garrard has pocket presence and makes very few mistakes with the ball.   With a quarterback rating of 102.2 and only 3 interceptions, Garrard seems the ideal quarterback to help Del Rio's team keep the Brady and Moss bunch glaring on the sidelines.

 Yes, I know the evil hoodie genius will provide a defensive scheme with more wrinkles than a shar-pei,  but Garrard protected the ball better than every other quarterback in the NFL this season, and Jack Del Rio's game plan will emphasize the need for absoluting minimizing turnovers.   It doesn't seem likely that the threat of Lawrence Maroney running the ball will be able to keep the Jag defenders honest: they should be teeing off on Brady and might even muss his carefullly coifed locks a time or two.  I suspect Brady will give up 2 or 3 picks-certainly more than Garrard.  Jacksonville's biggest obstacle will be to keep from collecting chippy penalties:  the Colts have succeeded in luring the Jags into several roughing and unsportsmanlike penalties in their 2 victories over the Jags this season.  Del Rio must have his team nearly penalty free if they expect to knock off  ESPN's Team of the Century. 

  The Patriots are feeling a lot more pressure in this game than the Jaguars.  Throughout a remarkable regular season New England has been able to back up the trash talking and bragadoccio, most of it coming from their chowderhead fans.  There is a new bully in the neighborhood this week though, and they have only one game to win or lose.  The Patriots have the burden of playing for the Ages and this might just take things out of focus.  The Devil is in the details and the final score will be:

Jacksonville 27 New England 20.

Jacksonville will play Indianapolis for the 3rd time this season for the AFC Championship in Indianapolis.

What a relief to escape the heavy breathing over the Patriots for a week!    I truly believe we went almost a week without the media's incessant braying about the "Greatest Team in the History of the Universe."  Tom Brady will have to go back to asking his mirror:  "Whose ho's are finest of them all?"   Two more wins and Brady will be nominated for beatification and Randy Moss will have to give up his street cred....

After the Jaguars pound the Patriots into submission this week Maurice Jones-Drew and John Henderson will have to go into the witness-protection program.

Is it just a co-incidence that Martina Hingis and Roger Clemens have both opted for retirement?  Martina's agent says she doesn't use cocaine, she just likes the way it smells. True sports fans all across America should beg the Steroid Rocket to come back just one more time.  It would be a joy to watch him serve up that 37 mph fastball he's sporting without his cheating boosters.  Retiring is the ultimate admission of guilt for Clemens-there is no way he retires if he could still compete.  Obviously, without the juice, he can't.

Got to give credit where credit is due:  The perfomance by Seattle's punter,  Ryan Plackemeier,  may have been the greatest performance in post-season history by a punter.  Every kick was executed to perfection with the Redskins getting 0 yards in returns.  Not one punt was returned a single yard and all of them were inside the 10 yard line!  How do you get any better than that?

Note to Titan's coach Jeff Fisher:  Nice defense and solid offensive line play.  Now wake up and trade Vince Young while you he still has signficant trade value.  Young will never be a top level NFL quarterback.  Take that wishbone, wishful thinking to the trading table and draft a pocket passer.  Young's instinct is to run at the first sign of trouble.  With a bit of pocket presence the Titan's could have stolen that game from the woefully underacheiving Chargers offense.

Speaking of woefull under-achievers, how 'bout that Redskins offense?  I didn't think it was possible to make the Smells-Like-Team-Spirit Seahawks look good.   Here's a line for Hasselbeck vs the Packers:  We're taking the collar and we're going to choke!

Is there any doubt that the AFC South is hands-down the best division in football?  The post-season was an Albert Haynesworth tantrum away from having 3 of the 4 teams in the division finals from the South.  And Gary Kubiak's Texans ain't no patsies, either!

And what about that wacky Hanynesworth? It's bad enough to jump offsides at a critical moment, Albert.  Dusting Philip Rivers probably cost your team the game.  You read it here first:  this head-stomping, Pacman-taunting fuming mountain of blubber will come to a bad end.  And soon.  I'm sure his file is sitting on the corner of Roger Goodell's desk.  Can anyone be that filled with rage on their own natural body chemistry?

Did you know that Peyton Manning had a little brother?  At least the guy that showed up in Tampa looked like a Manning.  Nice work Eli.  Your team looks a lot more like a winner now that that back-stabbing poser named after a patio torch is getting paid to mouth off.  I believe there will be a come-to-Jesus meeting down in Dallas this weekend and Tony Romo had better have been saying his nevers.  Right now Eli looks like the better quarterback.

Props offered to Bob Sanders, All-World safety for the Indianapolis Colts, announced as Defensive Player of the Year for the NFL, and justly so.  We know that 2/3rds of the earth is covered by water and the rest is covered by Bob Sanders.  Do you know how you can tell which wide receivers dared to run slant routes in front of Bob Sanders?  Dental records.

 And I will close this week's early rant with my Worst Coach of the Year award.  Sure its easy to pick the top coaches, but who really played the biggest role in sucking the mojo out of his team?  Topping the list, you gotta love Bobby Petrino.  Talk about kicking someone when they are down, this dirt-eating slug high-tailed it the moment he got the chance.   Probably unable and absolutely unwilling to make the sacrifice necessary to help his team.  They never recovered from the wrenchingly miserable conclusion to a bad draft pick that no one ever imagined could have gone so horribly wrong.  There's some powerful bad karma down in Atlanta.   Petrino may think he escaped it, but he probably just dragged his part down to Fayetteville.  Pigs get fat and hogs get slaughtered!