Parity continues to prevail in the wild, wild, NFL this season as Week Two saw more drama than Sarah Palin at a Dixie Chicks Concert.  The Chargers continue to whine and blame the officiating after letting Denver roll up 39 points against them.  Here's a bulletin for the Norvelettes:  don't put yourselves in a position to have one play cost you the game.  A solid favorite again at the start of the season, the Chargers are proving once again that they can't generate the emotional intensity to win games.   The talent is there: apparently the desire and determination are not.

Grovelling NFL pundits continue to throw accolades Bill Belichik's way as the Patriots eked out another squeaker against the mighty Jets.  These same Jets last year won a total of 4 games, two against the woeful Dolphins.   Adding the Cajun Methuseleh, Brett Favre, while an inspiring choice, doesn't make the Jets into the reincarnation of the 1968 Superbowl Champions.  The Bradyless Bunch has averaged 18 points a game thus far playing two of the worst teams in the NFL.  Now come the Dolphins, then the bye week, followed by the 49er's.    Belichik's real genuis must be in jobbing the schedule-maker as the Pats continue to draw the long straw every season.  Word has it Robert Kraft is lobbying the NFL to add the Little Sisters of the Poor and the New York School for the Blind to their schedule next season.

  The real NFL genuis thus far this season looks like Jeff Fisher as the Tennessee Titans continue to win football games with mediocre play at quarterback.  The Titans present a fundamentally sound defense and play with intelligence and intensity.  Just imagine what a powerhouse Fisher would have if he hadn't wasted two top draft choices on Pacman Adam Jones and Slackman Vince Young.  The hurricane distracted and 0-for 2008 Texans don't look to upset Fisher's applecart this week.

 The Indianapolis Colts can't afford to be looking over their shoulders at Tennessee this week as the riled-up but depleted Jacksonville Jaguars come to brand new Lucas Oil Stadium looking to get their mojo back against their arch-rivals.   Word to the Colts:  Close that freaking roof!   Hopefully last week's experience in Minnesota provided a reminder of the genuine home-field advantage provided by a raucous crowd.  The Colts used to enjoy one of the greatest home-field advantages in the league with a vociferous packed dome filled with screaming fans making opposing teams feel like they were the opening act at a Ted Nugent concert.   Forget about the wonderful aesthetics of Lucas Oil Stadium and make the roof decision dependent upon maintaining your home-field edge.  Surely this decision is in Bill Polian's bailiwick.

The last 20 minutes of the Minnesota ballgame saw the timing come together between Peyton Manning and his receivers, notably Anthony Gonzalez with a helpful contribution from rookie tight-end, Tom Santi.  Both Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison looked far too passive on their opportunities-you can't wait for the ball to get to you in the NFL!  There are plenty of aggressive corners and safeties moving toward the ball and gaining superior position while you wait for the ball to get to you.  This is simple stuff, but until Reggie woke up late in the 3rd quarter, it was making life tough on number 18.   Whether or not Marvin is still capable of this execution is beginning to be an issue in the media.   The soution to the Colts runnning game drought is simple:  come out passing on every down for the first two quarters and set it up!  It looks like Manning will have to pass 40 or more times per game anyway, so why not tire out the defense and move them off the ball?  Anyway, Jacksonville looks depleted on both sides of the line and Garrard looks like he peaked last year.  Colts should continue to rebound, even with the patchwork O-line, especially if Ryan Diem can wake up.  Diem looked like a rookie out there last week, with several major gaffes.  Being the only starter remaining on an O-line filled with rookies and practice-squad projects carries with it the responsibility to be prepared and intense.   Look for a solid game from Diem and the return of Jeff Saturday to help the Colts smack down the Jags again, 30-10.

Short takes:  Buffalo is for real/ New Orleans is not.  Look for Buffalo to force Jamarcus Russell to look at more than one receiver as they spank the Raiders by at least 10.   The talking heads remain in love with New Orleans, still believing that their post Katrina cakewalk season was the real deal.  Their 7-9 stumblefest is a better reflection of the talent on these over-rated under-performers.  Denver wins easily by more than two TD's.

Parity reared its ugly head in Week One in the NFL with upsets being the rule rather than the exception, especially when you take the Vegas line into consideration.   Patriot fans cling to the notion that Matt Cassell is a capable fill-in for the injured Tom Brady based on a 17 point Pat's tally at home against the 17.5 point Kansas City dogs.  Falcons fans are drinking some of the same kool-aid, harboring the delusion that a victory over the pathetic Millen El-Foldos is a feather in their caps.  

  Here in Indy, we deluded ourselves to the point of believing that Peyton Manning could execute the complex Lighting offense, which is based on impeccable timing, with virtually zero practice in game situations with his receivers.   Not to take anything from the Bears: Kyle Orton did a fine job of not turning the ball over and the Bears defense did a credible impression of the Monsters of the Midway.  There may have even been a little revenge factor here for the stomping put on them by the Colts in the 2006 SuperBowl.

Well, it's a new week and hope springs eternal in the NFL's fan's cooler, so let's examine the key match-up this week and offer some insight.

First of all the walkovers:

The Giants will roll over the abysmal Rams.  Somebody help these hapless ewes!

Tampa Bay  will right-size the egos in Atlanta and give Matt Ryan his proper introduction to the NFL.

Aaron Rodgers looks like the real deal in Green Bay and the Detroit Lions have all the class and finesse of Kwame Kilpatrick.  My hometown needs a transfusion-when do the Red Wings start?

Cleveland's generating some trash talk but the Steeler's (along with Denver) looked like the class of the AFC in week one.  Look for Big Ben and Troy to serve a giant helping of Shut Up to the Brownie chest-pounders.

The Cardinals were tough too, with Edgerin James looking like his old self and Arizona should have no difficulty handling the Dolphins.  But watch the Big Tuna's team continue to improve each week-the discipline and knowledge of the game trickling down from Parcells will make Miami the most improved team of 2008.

Many of the games appear too close to call on the basis of the wobbly looks we got in Week One. We will demure on several games and go straight to Upset City:

 Look for a physical Philadelphia team with McNabb staying in the pocket to upset the over-confident Cowboys.   Jerry Jones's team looks more like the Dirty Dozen than a football team.  Watch for T.O to develop his typical big-game yips and the dissension to start early this season.  It ought to be fun to watch.

 Forget all that bluster about Cassell's blossoming like Brady did as Bledsoe's repalcement.  The Patriots were lucky to eke out a low-scoring victory against the baleful Chiefs at home, no less.  The offensive line is suspect and don't think Brett Favre doesn't want this one almost as much as Mangini.   It will be a long sullen season for Captain Queeg, I mean Belichik, and the greatest team that couldn't finish.

Watch for Mike Shanahan to turn the AFC West upside down with a decisive victory over the quizical Chargers.  If only they could play the Colts every week, they would never lose.  Unfortunately for Norv & the Novettes, Merriman decided the season was "Lights Out" for him, and LT hasn't looked the same since he bailed on his team in the playoffs last year. 

 The Buffalo Bills will enjoy the balmy Jacksonville weather and flip the Jaguars to 0-2.  David Garrad looks like he is done working now that he got his big payday and the Jags had two men on the OL go down in Week One.    The Jaguars have always been a contentious bunch, and unless they can untrack the Pocket Hercules this week, they will be lying on their backs blinking as the referee counts them out.

And finally even though I dont' care to pick the game, you have got to tune in to the Titans-Bengals game just to enjoy the clear thinking on both teams.    Hopefully enough Bengals can get furloughed from their home detention to field a complete squad, as Oucho-Stinko may be tied up in court trying to obtain jersey rights with his new moniker.   And let's hope Jeff Fisher can get Vince Young's mama to come hold his hand until kick-off. 

The NFL-don't you love it?

Week one isn't even wrapped up yet and the best-laid plans of the NFL's braintrust look like the bottom of a shake-and-bake bag.  Where does one begin to outline the woes brought upon the league by greed, hubris and incompetence in the coaching and ownership ranks?

 Well how about we start with perennial Super Bowl Contender, New England?  Last year's media idols ran rough-shod over the rest of the league for 16 weeks, with Coach Belichik determined to punish every other team for the league having the temerity to call him out for cheating by filming opponent's sideline signals.   Well Brady and Moss got their records and the Chowderheads got to whoop it up right until the season's final moments when their coach turned back into a pumpkin and the Giants stole the Lombardi trophy.  All along, back-up quarterbacks, Matt Guitierrez and Matt Cassell atophied on the pines when they should have been getting much needed work during mop-up  time.  So for all Belichik's Machiavellian manuevering, the Patriots have precisely  zero 2008 Super Bowl Championships and precisely zero quarterbacks ready to play.  It couldn' t happen to a nicer coach or fanbase.

   The local boys here in Indianapolis helped open the nouveau barn-looking Lucas Oil Stadium by stinking up the joint.   We expected that Peyton Manning might be a little rusty after sitting out the entire pre-season.   And I suppose we can give Tony Dungy a pass on the little matter of wearing out Peyton's knee by having him taking the knee so frequently when the Colts have been ahead the last few seasons.   But the blame for the impossibly inept special teams' play rests squarely on the Head Coach's shoulders.  Clearly neither Bill Polian nor Coach Dungy gave a moment's thought to having a return man available who can both catch the ball and run with it.   And, as usual, the return coverage units are out of position, tackling poorly and apparently incapable of exercising pursuit.    While Manning will come around to Pro-Bowl form, the offensive line protecting him looked shallow and undermanned.  Howard Mudd has been a genius in developing blockers and teaching them the complicated Colts Lightning offense.  He had better step up the classwork as these guys aren't ready for Colts football yet.  And worst of all, the beautiful new state-of -the art Lucas Oil Stadium is a joy to behold but did somebody forget that Indianapolis needs to win some football games here?    I'm sure the new stadium will be a financial windfall for Jim Irsay but it's like the Colts traded away their 12th man.   This team had a significant home-field advantage in what now looks like the Hoosier Dome Band Box. They say that Super Bowl hopes don't end with a boom.  They end in a  whimper and that is all the crowd could muster last night in their cavernous new flip-top stadium.  While there were glimmers of hope:  Peyton's  flashes of brilliance and the tight patterns run by Marvin Harrison and Anthony Gonzales;  the return to form of Dwight Freeney who looks ready to resume terrorizing enemy quarterbacks; and the delivery of a couple of daisy cutter magnitude hits by Bob Sanders reassure the Colts fan that the pieces remain in place to right the ship this season.  But they had better get busy.

Quick Hits:

  How about that Bengals-Ravens snoozer?  I have two words for them:  Both-o Stink-o!

   I know the Philadelphia Eagles can't be that good, so the Rams must be this year's NFL roadkill.

   The Steelers looked like the team to beat this year in a solid opener against a Texans team that will flirt with .500 again this year, even while playing the Colts, Titans and Jaguars each twice. 

    While the AFC picture is clearly scrambled with the Colts, Jaguars and Chargers losing and New England disabled, the NFC looks poised for another Champion to come out of  the NFC East.

  Need to get my early season prediction recorded for posterity here:   that way, you could look it up!

NFC Champions-Dallas Cowboys;  AFC Champions-Indianapolis Colts.   Super Bowl winner:  Colts-34-20.

It's nearly Masters time, that glorious burst of magnolias and exquisitely manicured verdant meadows that signifies the certain arrival of Spring.  Raised in the Great White North, we often had snow on the ground when the Masters rolled around so the fabled and telegenic course at Augusta brought us hope of the warming yet to come and the possibilty that we, too, might be able to get back out on the golf course soon. 

But now that hopeful wisp of spring is mixed with dread, for the Masters has come to mean yet another chance for Tiger Woods to gain ground on the Golden Bear, Jack Nicklaus, in his quest to hold the record for majors victories on the PGA tour.   Wilt Chamberlain got it right when he lamented that "Nobody roots for Goliath"- at least nobody without an axe to grind.  There are legions of Tiger fans, just as there is a horde of New York Yankee fans:  but rooting for Tiger is like going to Las Vegas and rooting for the house.  Tiger's grim march through the slender field of modern golf's Lilliputians has been like watching a boxing match between Mike Tyson and Mother Teresa-the poor girl would never have a chance.

Like fabled Achilles, immune to harm except on the point of his heel where his mother held him as she dipped him into the River Styx, imparting him near invulnerability, Tiger of late has seemed immune to the efforts of his less-than-erstwhile competitors.  Watching Tiger in a golf tournament of late has been akin to watching the Little League World Series where the starting pitcher for Guatemala has a mustache and three kids in the stands rooting for him.

Tiger has had the nearly unbeatable combination of physical strength and deft touch combined with super-human concentration and determination that has been the hallmark of golf's demi-gods from Hagen to Hogan to Nicklaus.   But while Tiger's course management, ball-striking and putting remain at perhaps the peak of his remarkable career, the chink in his thinking has re-appeared.  As reported in Golfweek:

"...Tiger Woods, who early last week caught just as much attention for snapping at a photographer as he did for failing to keep his undefeated season alive at the WGC-CA Championship. Woods was mid-swing Sunday on the tee of Doral's par-3 ninth hole when a photographer clicked a camera prematurely. Woods flinched, pulled his tee shot into the rough and eventually made the bogey that some would argue officially ended The Streak.

Said Woods, according to The Scotsman, seconds after the click: "The next time a photographer shoots a (expletive) picture, I'm going to break his (expletive) neck."

My, my: methinks the Tiger doth protest too much!  Isn't keeping one's concentration part and parcel of the game of golf?  What Sunday afternoon golfer hasn't had the distinct pleasure of attempting to strike the ball while one's opponent jiggles his keys in his pocket or tosses a beer can into a metal trash can?  Or, if your foursome is a bit more rowdy, clapping their hands or sneezing or coughing during your backswing?   Understandably Tiger is playing on the big stage for most of the marbles and the pressure is greater: but isn't being able to overcome the distractions inherent in tournament play part of coming out on top?

How would Tiger fare playing college basketball, where the opposing fans jeer wildly and wave giant foam fingers and poms-poms beneath the basket while players attempt important free throws?  Would there have to be a special concession made for Tiger to clear out the stands so he could have the peace and quiet his Tigerliness deserves?

I make light of this, but this would appear to be the Kryptonite that will be the undoing of Tiger's search for more major victories.  If I were playing in Tiger's group, I would have my caddie wear a camera around his neck and take a few photos of Mr. Tightsphincter before the fun started.  

I visualize the fairways at Augusta, lined with sedate fans, each holding up his camera, asking for Tiger's "Cheese."  Is this a bit of gamesmanship?  Indeed it is, but the lunch-bucketization of golf seems to have begun with Tiger.  As Tigermania developed, growing numbers of lower and middle class fans began to take up the game and particularly to follow Tiger's exploits.   One needs only remember the rowdy fans at Bethpage's Black Course for the 2002 U.S. Open to understand the element that Tiger helped bring to the game and tournaments.

And what of this fanbase's treatment of  poor old, sourpuss Colin Montgomerie?   Monty was almost run off the course at the 1997 U.S. Open by drunken fans after a rain delay.   He is regularly insulted and harassed by U.S. fans hollering "Mrs. Doubtfire" in his swing and behind his back.  How would Tiger hold up under the withering and noisy assault of the spectating class?  His recent temper tantrum suggests he would not do very well.

Let's hope the defenders of tradition and order at the Masters don't buckle and create some foolish "No Cameras" rule to protect the delicate Tigerlilly from suffering the occasional "click."   The fact remains that Tiger lost his concentration and hit a bad shot: all golfers do, some much more often than others.  Here's wagering that the camera Kryptonite discovered at the WGC-CA Championship enables another Masters to slip away from Tiger.  Let's hope so: it will be a long summer, otherwise, listening to the drooling multitudes hankering after a Grand Slam for He of the Sensitive Ear.

Note:  The Author hereby copyrights the concept of the "Tiger Kryptonite Camera."  Those interested in the potential development of this product please contact me through the my FoxSports blog.

Like 99% of the sports fans in America living outside of Boston, I have been gagging all year long on the mountain of superlatives heaped on the 2007 New England Patriots.  "The Greatest Team in History; the Greatest Offensive Juggernaut of All Time; Tom Brady-the greatest Quarterback in NFL History etc."-every week another passel of glowing paens to the Cheaters from Beantown.  It seemed we would never get relief.

Of course, all of these speculative exercises in compartive sports history were merely subjective -perhaps fun to entertain, especially if you are a Chowderhead. Well, at least now we have a proven superlative that fits: Grass-stained Tom Brady and the high powered offensive machine that scored a whopping 14 points in the biggest game of their lives have proven themselves to be the biggest choke artists in the history of sports.    Goliath was a slim favorite over David compared to the edge given to the Pats prior to kick-off.   Secretariat went off at shorter odds than the tight-collared fold-ups from New England.   Kobiyashi squaring off against the Olson Twins in a hot dog eating contest would be a less prohibitive favorite.

Yet they appled it up.  Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.  Even here in February, the Giants have given sports fans the gift that will keep on giving throughout sports history.  Mighty Brady has struck out.  Darth Belichick has been slain by Eli Skywalker.  Who woulda thunk it?

The 1972 Miami Dolphins finally got to uncork that champagne, and I imagine this is the sweetest their toast has ever tasted.   Despite the fact that those '72 Dolphins remain the only undefeated team in modern NFL history, no one ever thought to hail them as "The Greatest Team in History."  And for good reason.  While Shula's team was a great team, going unbeaten in any given NFL season requires a dicey combination of scheduling, luck and consistent performance.   Those 1972 Dolphins had all three and sit alone in the record books.

 There are a number of other great teams deserving consideration as the Greatest of All Time, including the 1985 Bears with their lone loss, Lombardi's Packers of Super Bowl I & II, and various Steeler, Cowboy and 49er Super Bowl Champs. They have one thing in common that allows them to be in the running:  they won their Super Bowl to cap a magnificent season.

 These Patriot  Pretenders to greatness ultimately couldn't finish the job.  Like George H.W.Bush vs. Saddam Hussein in the first Gulf War;  like Mike Tyson against Buster Douglas;  like the Russian National Hockey Team vs. Team U.S. A.  in the 1980 Olympic Games, the Belichicks got tossed into the dust-bin of NFL history by a valiant, and certain to be beloved New York Giants cadre of scrappy underdogs.

God Bless them every one.