These are desperate times for desperate men in Dallas.  Rumor has it Jerry Jones has been working the phones with the penal authorities in Virginia in an attempt to spring Michael Vick early to come fill in for the pinky-dinged Tony Romo.  Jerry must be channelling Al Davis with the nifty roster moves he's made in the last 2 years.  Hey, somebody tell Jerry:  You can't buy a Super Bowl and you can't  reform cementheads!   Even with 4 bodyguards Pacman Jones wants to enter the Ultimate Moron contest every time he has a pop or two.  At least he showed up in time to get hung out by Larry Fitzgerald a couple of times.  I know they are still 4-2, but have you ever seen a major league quarterback choke like Romo?  Between dropping snaps and his latest disappearing act, one begins to wonder about his poise under pressure. It might just be all the positive thinking reinforcement he gets from the Cowboy posse Jones has put together.  Thugs and Felons and Freaks, Oh my!

I am still trying to figure what kind of kool-aid they are drinking at Fox NFL Sunday.  Howie and Terry and Jimmy continue to praise what I see as the Least from the NFC East.  Jimmy flip-flopped from laughing at the selection of Jim Zorn to requesting his instant enshrinement at Canton.   The Redskins have a middling good team, but how do you lose to St. Louis at home?  The Redskins and the Cowboys and Eagles are all .500 teams-the sooner their fans accept it the easier this season will be to digest.  I will concede that the Giants are absolutely for real, but please guys, lay off the NFC East hyperbole.

The real class of the NFL is beginning to tell as the hobbled Jaguars smacked down the Rat and his Broncos, 24-17.  As I predicted last week, the AFC champion is coming out of the AFC South and the Jags still have a shot.  Maurice Jones-Drew runs like a shorter, stronger Barry Sanders. Whatever else they do, the Jaguars really know how to make the other team look bad and the Broncos stunk up the joint at home.  The Texans finally got untracked at home against Miami, not an easy task after Sage Rosenfels single-handledly gifted the Colts  a game they never should have been in position to win.  To reverse that negative momentum speaks volumes about Kubiak's coaching and the heart this Texans team possesses. 

The Colts certainly used the momentum gained last week to rocket past the puzzled Baltimore Ravens.  Ray Lewis and company arrived at the Colts' new stadium ranked first in the NFL as a defense and promptly got burned on two early blitzes.  Led by Robert Mathis and Melvin Bullitt, the Colts defense hammered the Ravens when they weren' blowing by them.  Peyton and Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne were in synch-it looks like Peyton is finally shaking off the rust.  Hey Coach Dungy-how about bringing in Jim Sorgi to take those knees late in the game?  Peyton's already had two surgeries this year, probably from all that late game genuflecting.  Dungy's boys are rounding into shape despite a nearly all-rookie offensive line and the absence of Bob Sanders.  If the Colts defense keeps movin' and stickin' like they did yesterday, the Colts can win it all.  Bring on the Titans!

 A few quick hits:    The Bradyless Bunch has scored 1 point more than the Bengals over 5 games averaging 17.8 per game.  If you think the Raiders are pitiful now, just wait until Lane Kiffin wins his slander suit against the Lemony Snickett of Oakland.  What a difference a Tuna makes!  The Dolphins are in contention every week.  As much as I hate to admit it, Matt Ryan looks like the real deal in Atlanta.  I guess I am still hating on Boston College since Doug Flutie busted my bank account way back when.  We all know the Lions are a joke, so what is the deal with the Vikings offense?   Childress has the 2nd coming of Eric Dickerson in his prime and he can't find a guy to hand him the ball?   I love the Steelers and the way Mike Tomlin has them prepared and game-planned every week.  But this Bengals game is a trap-game if ever there was one.  Take the points and watch for my picks later this week.

I seem to recall a controversy in the New York Football Giants camp over the draconian discipline imposed by that ogre of a coach, Tom Coughlin.   Reportedly a stern taskmaster, "Colonel Coughlin" had a near mutiny on his hands in 2006 when the team was still saddled with the salt and pepper narcissists, Jeremy Shockey and Tiki Barber.  Well, lo and behold, the Giants subracted two pukes and ended up with a Superbowl Trophy.   So why does purported tough-guy Coughlin put up with the childish antics of Plaxico Burress?  I'm sure there is clause in his contract about "conduct unbecoming" and you can't get more unbecoming than the arrogant, lazy, selfish Burress.   I don't mean to sugar-coat it, but the team seems to be doing just fine without Mr. Family Man.   The guy has the work ethic of Allen Iverson, the grating personality of Rosie O'Donnell and the IQ of a field marker.  Trade him to Dallas, the new graveyard of the malcontents since Al Davis has turned Oakland into Bizarro World.  Man up, Coughlin!  This drama-queen is going to upset your applecart and there is no upside left in Plaxicoland.

Big Sunday night game in San Diego, with the Bradyless Bunch pitted against San Diego's marvelous Norvelettes.  How do you root for anybody in this one?  Belichik's passive-agressive arrogance is exceeded only by LT's lack of heart and Phillip Rivers' punk whining.  The noise should be excrutiating as two bandwagons full of frontrunning wannabes clash in the devolution of all of their hopes and dreams.  We can certainly all rejoice in the fact that somebody's gotta lose.  Just hope they beat each other up in the process.

Sage Rosenfels has filed the necessary paperwork to have his name changed to "Parsley."  Or was it "Rosemary?"  Was there a bigger bonehead play last week than Rosenfels failure to slide for the first down with less than 5 minutes to play and a 17 point lead on Indy's Colts?  Instead, Sage went airborne, got helicoptered and stripped with Gary Brackett steamrolling 68 yards for a Colts TD.  Of course, the Colts got two more turnovers and scores in less than 2 minutes and are at least back in the hunt.  If by some miracle the Colts make it to the Superbowl, they should vote Rosenfels a share of their loot.

I don't know about you, but I am tired of hearing Howie Long and the Fox boys slobber all over the NFC "Beast from the East."   This division is certainly over-hyped and completely over-rated.  Philly has lost their way as Donovan McNabb teams generally do.  The Giants look terrific but they have that Plaxicorian cancer to remove.  And Dallas?  Despite the hysterical enthusiasm of Romo's Homos, this is a team destined for the trash bin once the wheels come the rest of the way off.  Jerry Jones is still trying to get Pacman Jones fitted for a leash as his penchant for strip clubs hasn't waned and his body keeps rejecting  the ginko biloba brainfeed patch the team trainer prescribed.  T.O. is just getting wound up on his "All About Me" tear, insisting that he is being under-utilized.   That leaves us with Washington, who Jimmy Johnson insisted was a joke early this season, impugning the selection of Jim Zorn as head coach.  They might as well have a bye this week, hosting the hapless Rams, but like the rest of the NFC East, there will only be heartbreak come season's end, for everyone but the G'ints.

When its all said and done this season, the AFC South will produce the AFC Champion.  The Titans continue to look rock solid, especially considering the fact that they now apparently have a referee on their team.   When you are playing solid defense and can get the ref to hand your team a bogus roughing the passer penalty when you really need it, things begin to seem pretty bright.  Even with a retrograde QB replacing a wishbone QB.  It appears the Titans will probably lose to the Jags in their rematch, and to the Colts at least once and possibly twice.  The Steelers and the Bears seem like possible losses as well.  12-5 looks doable and that should get the number 1 seed in the AFC.   Houston's gift-victory to Indianapolis should give them the momentum they need to settle down and roll.  To succeed Indy needs to start fast and force the other team to throw the ball.  With Manning rusty from zero pre-season practice and a dinged-up rookie OL, the Colts have limped their way to 2-2.  They should at least split with the Titans, and will probably split their much tougher schedule with the Chargers/Patriots/Steelers and Ravens.  11-6 looks likely for the Colts, despite their wobbly start, and  I would look for the Titans and Colts in the AFC championship if the splits fall right.

That all Manning Superbowl remains a distinct possibility, but not without Bob Sanders healing up and Plaxico shuffled off to the drama/diva boneyard. 

Lane Kiffin should thank his lucky stars for the carnival side-show thrown up by Addled Davis in a megolomaniacal attempt to preserve the imagined honor of the once-storied Raiders.  Davis has made a career of alternately suing the NFL and posing like a Make-a-Wish kid in his daddy's Raider's jacket. 

Long known for his willingness to sign player's of questionable character, the only thing questionable about the players Davis provided for the young Kiffin to lead is their ability.  Kiffin was hired for his offensive expertise, having been offensive co-ordinator under Pete Carroll at perenniel  scoring juggernaut, USC.  He knows a quaterback when he sees one, and fought Davis over his insistence on signing reluctant pie-wagon, Jamarcus Russell.  The rookie proceeded to show his gratitude to Davis by holding out during the entire 2007 pre-season while apparently training with Kobiyashi of competetive eating fame.  Russell has shown all the leadership skills of Ryan Leaf and the work-ethic of Maynard G. Krebs.

Sure Davis has had success, but so has Kim Jong-Il.  Did you think their matching pompadours were a co-incidence?  I think they both subscribe to Bully Your Way to Regularity and I'm Ok But You're Not and Everything is All Your Fault.  Davis has vowed to stay at the helm of the pitiful Raiders until they win two more Superbowls which is quite possible if there is a nuclear war or bubonic plague that wipes out all the other NFL teams.  Otherwise, his statement is the equivalent of "I'll release control of the Raiduhs when they pry it from my cold, dead hand."  How would one know the difference?  Do you know what would happen if Al Davis were put in charge of the Sahara Desert?  Nothing for 50 years and then there would be a shortage of sand.

The man who took $10 Million dollars from the people of Irvine, California without ever seriously considering moving his team there as promised, is now calling Lane Kiffin, "a liar" and "a fraud" and wants to stiff him without paying out his contract.  "Just Class, Baby."  Apparently  Big Al must have gotten into some of the sticky-fingers substance left over from the  Lester "The Molester" Hayes era.  Even though the contract is chump change to Davis, he is so enfeebled and vengeful, projecting blame for his meddlesome failure as owner, that he is choosing to keep his repulsive action in the public eye.   Hopefully Kiffin and his advisors will pursue this to it's legal conclusion.  Thank goodness at least there will be something entertaining about the Raiders. 

The 17 game NFL regular season resembles a Triple Crown thoroughbred horse race, both in strategy and in the strain it places on participants due to its physically demanding and emotionally draining length.  Comprised of The Kentucky Derby, The Preakness and The Belmont Stakes, the Triple Crown offers the ultimate challenge to the world's finest equine athletes, with each successive race adding 1/4 mile in distance to the previous race.   This calls for the optimum blend of physical stamina, mental toughness and strategy.    There are basically 3 ways to approach the long TC races:  some horses are rabbits and come out quickly hoping to get the early lead and hang in gamely.  Others are plodders or pacers, attempting to keep a steady pace throughout the race.  Finally there are the closers:  those unique animals capable of building momentum and actually finishing the race under a full head of steam.  The mighty Secretariat, in setting the Kentucky Derby Record, actually ran each successive quarter of the Derby more quickly than the previous quarter.   And of course, there are the dogs:  long-shot participants with no real chance of winning without divine (or perhaps criminal) intervention.

  The last two Super Bowl Champs, each with a Manning at the helm, were classic closers.  Each team got off to a rather rocky start, but righted itself, found its footing and performed at their highest level during the last 3rd of the regular season and throughout the playoffs.  Who looks to have the winning strategy from our quarter-pole persptive?

The Rabbits:  Keep in mind that some rabbits are strategically entered to try to lure the plodders and closers into using up their energy early, thereby defeating them strategically where they would otherwise not be able to compete physically.   Here are the teams performing like Rabbits thus far:

Buffalo Bills:  Kudos to the Bills for an exhilarating and solid start, knocking off a tough Jacksonville squad on enemy turf and routing the supposedly talented Seahawks along with workmanlike victories over the Bengals & Raiders-both big time dogs.  With an absolute cake-walk of a season including 2 games each with the rebuilding Dolphins, wobbly Jets and mourning Patriots, look for Buffalo to hang on and gain a playoff spot this season.

NY Giants:  Does New York's strong finish last year combined with a good start this year suggest that the team is hitting on all cylinders?  Hardly.  While a good team with a maturing Eli figuring how to win in the NFL, the defense has lost ground this year and Plaxico's cameo as T.O. wannabe suggests too much drama for Prime Time again this year.  Look for the Gints to be served with wake-up calls from Dallas and Philly.   A very physical schedule remains for NY with Baltimore and Pittsburgh on tap as well.

Tennesse Titans:  These guys certainly aren't built like rabbits and Jeff Fisher's style of football has been known to win Superbowls.  By design the Titans are more of a plodder, so their quick start bodes ill for the AFC, especially the Colts and Jaguars.  The Titans achilles heel will be the QB position, where Fisher will likely rue throwing away a No.1 pick on Slackman Vince Young.   I don't see Kerry Collins taking anybody to the Superbowl unless its on a date, but the Titans will make the playoffs and might win a game or two there as well.

Parity continues to prevail in the wild, wild, NFL this season as Week Two saw more drama than Sarah Palin at a Dixie Chicks Concert.  The Chargers continue to whine and blame the officiating after letting Denver roll up 39 points against them.  Here's a bulletin for the Norvelettes:  don't put yourselves in a position to have one play cost you the game.  A solid favorite again at the start of the season, the Chargers are proving once again that they can't generate the emotional intensity to win games.   The talent is there: apparently the desire and determination are not.

Grovelling NFL pundits continue to throw accolades Bill Belichik's way as the Patriots eked out another squeaker against the mighty Jets.  These same Jets last year won a total of 4 games, two against the woeful Dolphins.   Adding the Cajun Methuseleh, Brett Favre, while an inspiring choice, doesn't make the Jets into the reincarnation of the 1968 Superbowl Champions.  The Bradyless Bunch has averaged 18 points a game thus far playing two of the worst teams in the NFL.  Now come the Dolphins, then the bye week, followed by the 49er's.    Belichik's real genuis must be in jobbing the schedule-maker as the Pats continue to draw the long straw every season.  Word has it Robert Kraft is lobbying the NFL to add the Little Sisters of the Poor and the New York School for the Blind to their schedule next season.

  The real NFL genuis thus far this season looks like Jeff Fisher as the Tennessee Titans continue to win football games with mediocre play at quarterback.  The Titans present a fundamentally sound defense and play with intelligence and intensity.  Just imagine what a powerhouse Fisher would have if he hadn't wasted two top draft choices on Pacman Adam Jones and Slackman Vince Young.  The hurricane distracted and 0-for 2008 Texans don't look to upset Fisher's applecart this week.

 The Indianapolis Colts can't afford to be looking over their shoulders at Tennessee this week as the riled-up but depleted Jacksonville Jaguars come to brand new Lucas Oil Stadium looking to get their mojo back against their arch-rivals.   Word to the Colts:  Close that freaking roof!   Hopefully last week's experience in Minnesota provided a reminder of the genuine home-field advantage provided by a raucous crowd.  The Colts used to enjoy one of the greatest home-field advantages in the league with a vociferous packed dome filled with screaming fans making opposing teams feel like they were the opening act at a Ted Nugent concert.   Forget about the wonderful aesthetics of Lucas Oil Stadium and make the roof decision dependent upon maintaining your home-field edge.  Surely this decision is in Bill Polian's bailiwick.

The last 20 minutes of the Minnesota ballgame saw the timing come together between Peyton Manning and his receivers, notably Anthony Gonzalez with a helpful contribution from rookie tight-end, Tom Santi.  Both Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison looked far too passive on their opportunities-you can't wait for the ball to get to you in the NFL!  There are plenty of aggressive corners and safeties moving toward the ball and gaining superior position while you wait for the ball to get to you.  This is simple stuff, but until Reggie woke up late in the 3rd quarter, it was making life tough on number 18.   Whether or not Marvin is still capable of this execution is beginning to be an issue in the media.   The soution to the Colts runnning game drought is simple:  come out passing on every down for the first two quarters and set it up!  It looks like Manning will have to pass 40 or more times per game anyway, so why not tire out the defense and move them off the ball?  Anyway, Jacksonville looks depleted on both sides of the line and Garrard looks like he peaked last year.  Colts should continue to rebound, even with the patchwork O-line, especially if Ryan Diem can wake up.  Diem looked like a rookie out there last week, with several major gaffes.  Being the only starter remaining on an O-line filled with rookies and practice-squad projects carries with it the responsibility to be prepared and intense.   Look for a solid game from Diem and the return of Jeff Saturday to help the Colts smack down the Jags again, 30-10.

Short takes:  Buffalo is for real/ New Orleans is not.  Look for Buffalo to force Jamarcus Russell to look at more than one receiver as they spank the Raiders by at least 10.   The talking heads remain in love with New Orleans, still believing that their post Katrina cakewalk season was the real deal.  Their 7-9 stumblefest is a better reflection of the talent on these over-rated under-performers.  Denver wins easily by more than two TD's.