Imagine a world where you could lecture any person for their stupidity, and they would have to sit there and take it.  Just think about pulling aside any idiot, dumbass, ignoramous, or what have you from any walk of life and just letting them hear about the wrongs they have committed.  It would be just like the airing of the grivences at Festivus, except airing them at people you don't even know.  How freaking awesome would that be?  Sadly, that world doesn't exist, so I'll have to utilize my imagination and pretend I'm verbally tearing Ron Mexico a new one.  The powers of imagination can be compelling...

What in the world were you thinking, Michael Vick? 

Did you really think you could get away with carrying a water bottle that smelled like reefer and had an "unknown substance" in a hidden compartment onto an airplane?  A few months ago you couldn't even bring anything that was liquid or gelatinous onto an airplane.  And now, you expect to be able to board an airplane with a bottle of water without it being inspected?  Worst of all, the whole "hidden compartment" thing never works.  You can ask any parent that has ever snooped in their 10th grader's bedroom (my own parents included) how well hidden compartments conceal certain objects.  (Hey, at least it wasn't pot in my case, it was pornography, but that's a story for a different day.)  Besides, did you ever think about  scoring the pot when you landed in Atlanta, rather than carrying it with you on a flight?  I'm sure Atlanta, just like every other American city, has scores of people that would be more than willing to shill a dime bag to you. 

What made you think you could get away with it, Michael?  Rarely does a day pass where you don't see a story on SportsCenter about Athlete XYZ getting arrested for some misdemeanor.  Fame and privilege do not bring guaranteed exemptions from the laws of society.  Sure, you haven't gotten arrested yet, but you damn well may when the test results come back from the crime lab.  In my experience, if it smells like marijuana, it probably is marijuana.  I'm guessing that you would really like those test results to get destroyed somehow, perhaps by a unscrupulous lab tech that happens to be a huge Vick fan.  Legally, and perhaps in the public's eye, that would get you off the hook.  But you'll still have to with the fact that you took a hugely unneccessary risk that could have jeopardized your own future, as well as the futures of all your teammates.

I know a lot of people have enjoyed the Mary Jane from time to time.  Hell, when I was younger, I experimented a time or two...or fifty.  But there comes a time in your life where the risks involved with getting high far outweighs the benefits.  It would be foolish for me, a mindless lackey at a finance company, to risk my future going up in smoke.  When you're an NFL superstar, the foolishness of such a transgression is mulitplied at least tenfold.  Just watch as the endorsement deals start slipping away.  After all, who would buy their 8 year-old a Nerf football on the endorsement of a pothead?  Thousands, if not millions of children want to be like you, Michael.  They scramble around the backyard looking for the open receiver, then take off if they don't find one.  A child's mind is easily influenced.  What kind of influence are you imparting?

I used to be one of your staunchest defenders.  Not anymore.  How can I defend a man whose actions clearly state "I am a moron with no grasp on reality"?  I still hold out a small glimmer of hope that maybe, one day, you will be an average NFL passer.  When that day comes I'll be the first to congratulate you, but you won't hear a peep from me about Michael Vick until then.  Some may be willing to separate the player from the human being, but that's a distinction that I'm not willing to make.  Everything you do in your life affects how you perform as a football player.  I'm not merely speaking about the potential for a suspension if you are one day charged and convicted.  Having a clear mind can certainly help when it comes to learning the playbook and studying film.  It's your responsibility to keep your mind clear and minimize distractions.

You are a responsible adult, Mike Vick.  It's time you start behaving like one.