Meager months after signing free agent RB Edgerrin James to a 4 year deal, the Arizona Cardinals cannot be happy with their investment. 

Through 3 preseason games, the Edge has rushed for 1 measly yard in 7 attempts.  QB Kurt Warner could trip over his center Alex Stepanovich and accumulate more distance.  Breaking his 4 year/$32 million deal into an annual salary of $8 million, Edge is earning the Cardinals right around $222,000 per inch gained.  Even Andy Reid couldn't pass up a jog at that income rate. 

What is there to make of this chilling statistic?  Render it meaningless because it's just the preseason and as the Cardinals would like us to believe, he's not trying hard?  Maybe not- Adam Schefter gives a comprehensive breakdown of his preseason statistics from past years.  Since '03, James has carried the ball 42 times for 174 yards in the preseason, good for a reasonable 4.14 average.  That idea must be dispelled since there is no glaring reason why he would try any differently in this preseason from the past 3.

What then could account for a hideous preseason by someone who has been one of the best all-around running backs in the game?  The only plausible answer for James' pathetic performance is the Curse of the Cardinals Running Back. 

Not sure what I mean?  Witness the numbers:

In 2005, the Cardinals were last in the NFL in the following rushing categories: attempts, yards, yards per carry, and touchdowns.  Marcel Shipp was the team's leading rusher, he averaged 2.9 ypc.

In 2004, the Cardinals were 22nd in rushing yards, and 30th in yards per carry.  The team's leading rusher, Emmitt Smith, averaged 3.5ypc.

In 2003, the Cardinals were 30th in rushing attempts and rushing touchdowns, 29th in rushing yards, and 25th in ypc.  Marcel Shipp was once again the team's leading rusher, he averaged 3.6ypc.

In 2002, the Cardinals were 23rd in both rushing attempts and rushing touchdowns.  Marcel Shipp was once again the leading rusher for the team, finally averaging a respectable 4.4ypc.

In 2001, the Cardinals were 27th in both rushing attempts and yards, 28th in ypc, and 22nd in touchdowns.  Michael Pittman lead the team in yards, he averaged just 3.5ypc. 

In 2000, the Cardinals were 30th in both rushing attempts and touchdowns, 27th in yards, and 25th in ypc.  Michael Pittman was the leading rusher again with 3.9ypc. 

I could go back even further, but you will notice just a similar pattern.  In fact, the last time the Cardinals had a 1,000 yard rusher was Adrian Murrell (1042 yards) back in 1998! 

Only 1 team leading rusher over the past 6 years averaged more than 4ypc. 

What's more alarming is that the Cardinals lack of a running game has plagued what would otherwise be good running backs. 

Thomas Jones was a 1st round pick by the Cardinals in 2000.  In 3 years with Arizona, he averaged 3.49ypc in 362 attempts.  In 3 years since then, he has averaged 4.21ypc in 691 attempts.

Michael Pittman was a 4th round pick by the Cardinals in 1998.  He played 4 years with the Cardinals, averaging 3.75ypc in 518 attempts.  In 4 years with the Tampa Bay Bucs, he's averaged 4.16ypc in 680 attempts. 

Emmitt Smith averaged 4.2ypc in his career, but only 3.5 in '04, and even worse, 2.8 in '03, both with the Cardinals. 

This is not personal opinion speaking, this is undeniable fact.  Running Backs stink when they're with the Cardinals, but either were or went on to become above average running backs with other teams.  It strikes me that Edgerrin James will fall into the category of a running back who was great before joining the Cardinals.  Regardless, Edgerrin James will be the next back to suffer The Curse of the Cardinals Running Back.

By now, most people know about the irregular heart beat of David Ortiz which subsequently has taken the pulse of the Boston Red Sox.  His indefinite departure from the game has left the AL MVP award open for question. 

It's undeniable that despite Boston's horrendous August (they are 8-18 at the time of this writing, worst in the majors for the month), Big Papi was the run-away favorite for AL MVP.  His superior power numbers (47HR, 121 RBI both lead the league) propensity for late inning, and especially game-winning hits, and the fact that he finished 2nd to Alex Rodriguez last year (and voters have a tendency to give make-ups), all made Ortiz the easy favorite for the award.

But now that he's gone indefinitely, who becomes the new favorite for AL MVP?  Joe Mauer now steps in as the favorite for AL MVP.  The reasoning is simple.  Mauer is putting together one of the single most impressive all-around years by a player at his position in the history of the game.  Just as important as his statistical season is the fact that it has resulted in the Twins having an extremely impressive record and a legitimate shot at the playoffs. 

The 23 year old Twins catcher is more than matching all expectations held for him when he was taken with the 1st overall pick in 2001.  He's currently batting .356, which leads all of baseball.  He's blowing away all catchers with a .948 OPS- the next highest is Victor Martinez of the Indians who is at .840.  Mauer's bat control has been exceptional; he has only struck out 40 times, while walking 63 times, giving him one of the best ratios in the game. 

It's not just the hitting aspect where Mauer has stood out against the catching competition.  Mauer is tied for the lead amongst catchers for most stolen bases with 8 this year.  The two others he's tied with (Russell Martin and Jason Kendall) each have attempted two more steals.  Mauer is also 5th in the majors with an impeccable .996 fielding percentage.  Additionally, he has caught an impressive 37% of base stealers.  Perhaps even more impressive than that statistic, is the reality that opposing runners don't attempt to steal on him.  Only Pudge Rodriguez and John Buck have been run on less amongst regular catchers. 

Now that David Ortiz is side-lined, Joe Mauer is the new AL MVP favorite.  He's exceedingly better in comparison to other players at his position than anyone else in the league.  What's more impressive, is that his all-around play has led the once counted-out Twins to a resurgence over the Summer, and a current lead in the AL Wild Card race.

I wasn't planning to write about this.  Far from it.  How often do holds creep up in daily conversation anyway?   Last time I tried to bring it up with a friend he began to tell me a bad beat story involving trip queens. 

Anyways, I can't think of a more useless stat.  Rather, I can't think of a worse measure of effectiveness.  While toiling through the Giants/Padres box score yesterday (Giants won 8-4), I noticed starter Matt Cain dealt a 1-hit shutout.  His stellar performance made me wonder how the Padres had managed to score 4 runs. 

Looking a bit further down the box score, I see reliever Kevin Correia came in after Cain and proceeded to tarnish the shutout, surrendering 3 runs in three and a third brilliant innings.  Much more disgusting than Correia's 8.10 ERA for the game was the fact that he was rewarded with his 4th hold of the year for the bang-up job. 

That got me thinking (which is a positive step to begin with).  Why are we rewarding pitching performances that would make Russ Ortiz look good?  Isn't there an obvious fundamental flaw at work here?  According to a statistics glossary holds are "Earned when a relief pitcher enters a game in a save situation records at least one out, and leaves the game without having given up the lead."  Well, there are three different situations that create a save situation.  Horribla's outing qualified because he pitched "three or more innings with a lead" and was credited as such by the official scorer. 

This raises the subtle question- just exactly who was the official scorer?  Helen Keller?  Stevie Wonder?  Orlando Brown?  At what point will it take more than just my genius eye to realize how bogus the criteria is for the hold statistic?  At what point will the stat be either adjusted or abolished?

My vote is for abolishment.  Who needs a stat for middle relievers?  Besides, you know it was just a ploy by agents to give their clients a way to be measured when it came to salary negotiations.  Couldn't you just picture Scott Boras or someone in there, "My client Brandon Medders was tied for 16th in baseball in holds last year.  We want a salary escalator to a base of $410,000 in '07 if he passes 20 holds next year.  And a $34,000 bonus is due should he pass 23 holds in '08."  Holds for middle relievers, what a joke. 

The thought is equally sickening and pathetic.  As if I really need something else cluttering my internet box score.

I broke out a crisp $50 for extra close seats to the Dodgers/Marlins game last night.  Scoreless through six and a half innings; Ben Stein thought it was boring.  

Ordinarily, you'd find it hard to make a complaint about a team that sets a record by winning 17 of 18 games for the first time in franchise history (which the Dodgers did by winning 4-0), but it really wasn't.  I'm not sure how often you listen to my programs or read my writing, but I think I've made myself abundantly clear in the past that I hate the National League. 

It's not even the fact that the American League is the only place to which you can turn for quality baseball in '06; it's the fact that I attended enough middle school dances to know what it's like to sit around apathetically waiting for someone to finally score.

Seriously.  Let's begin with the top of the 6th inning- scoreless ballgame of course.  The Marlins get consecutive base hits from the unlikely sources of Miguel Olivo and Alfredo Amezaga.  Enter Anibal Sanchez, starting pitcher.  Toting a hefty .062 batting average, Anibal fouled off three sac bunt attempts, making him the 1st out of the inning.  Hanley Ramirez followed with a fly out that allowed Olivo to tag from 2nd to 3rd.  Uggla rounded out the electrifying inning with a punch-out stranding two men, maintaining the titillating Crying Game. 

Having any normal hitter up in the 9th spot would not have equated to the decision of an automatic sac bunt, let alone three failed attempts to lay one down.  Not to say that all position players have perfect success rates at dropping bunts, but hoping for a pitcher to sac one is like laying money on the Browns to win the Super Bowl- you're better off giving the money to the lady in the window and asking her to kick you in the balls, it gets the excruciatingly painful experience over with much quicker.

Bottom line, who wants to see these clowns attempt to tap a ball past the infield three or four times a game?  Pitchers have one reason for existing and one reason only- to pitch.  There's a reason there's a bullpen of seclusion, a hot tub, and ice cream in the clubhouse.  It's because a third of the team isn't qualified to participate in all aspects of the game and they need diversions.

The American League has it nailed.  They've figured it out.  They know I'm not thrilled about sitting through nothing-nothing games, hoping the Bears will win.

 Listen up National League officials, get an extra batter out there, move the catcher to the nine-hole, and let's eliminate that omnipresent automatic out.  Trust me; the game will be a lot more exciting to watch. 

Now I know why I never made it as a player.  Now I know why I just barely made it past coach pitch for local pizza joint Numero Uno's Yankees.  Now I understand why my skills were better served running the scoreboard than the bases. 

For us anonymous fans who were not gifted with the superb athletic skill, hulking size, or overall pedigree to become a top athlete in professional sports, making our mark on the blogs was the pinnacle we could reach. 

After all, there's one quality that all under-sized, less-than-talented, Average Joe hacks have that we don't.  You've heard it a thousand times.  We've all been told it a thousand times.  For the love of Mel Kiper Jr., it's said on draft day 2,682 times!  These athletes of lesser skill have the "it."  They have the "intangible" that the English language has failed to identify.

Alas, after twenty-two years of rigorous research, interviews with scouts, GMs, coaches, and both former and current players, I proudly announce that Webster's owes me a page in their newest edition. I have developed a new term to describe this so-called "intangible."   

These lesser talent breeds have something the rest of us don't have.  You know what it is?  Do you really want to know?  Should I let you in on the secret that has taken me so long to unearth?

Well, the answer is, these less-skilled players are crazy!!!  They are certifiably insane!  That's why they make it and we don't!  That's why the more naturally talented Garret Anderson's and Bobby Abreu's watch balls drop that would have put them in danger of running into fences and getting injured, while their teammates like the Darin Erstad's and Aaron Rowand's crash into walls and resultantly stumble into the trainer's room. 

It's why 5'10" 179lb journeyman Ryan Freel has made it to the majors and remains a player at the highest level of the game, while I'm sitting at home writing about him.  Ryan Freel, Cincinnati Reds utility man, who I respect completely for his ability to make it to the majors and play with undoubted heart and effort and become a fan favorite, is insane.  Just check out this article written by Hal McCoy about Freel. 

The article quotes Freel as having said that the "little midget who lives in [his] head and who talks to [him]" thought he made a "great catch."  In Tuesday's 10-3 win for the Reds over the Cardinals, Freel made a stupendous diving catch on an Albert Pujols drive that helped the Reds maintain a 5th inning lead.  It wasn't the offensive outburst nor the impressive win over the 1st place team in the division that claimed the post-game talk.  Rather, it was the catch. 

You see, it's this trait, the way he talks to himself- to the little midget in his head, and the way he crashes into walls, plays with scabs, scrapes, and sprains, that makes him special.  It's his insanity, his craziness that keeps him in the majors.  It is the Jiminy Cricket inside him that I love and that makes him great. 

It is why Ryan Freel is in the majors pounding into walls, and I'm sitting here pounding my keyboard.  I wish I were as crazy as he.