I was sitting around last night waiting patiently for Charlie Batch to have a Charlie Batch moment so I could write several nasty things this morning about him.  They would range from told you so, to the guy blows more than Heather (yeah you kazaa freaks know who I'm talking 'bout), to never bet a team with Charlie Batch as its starting QB.  You knew it just had to happen, you knew he would have the inevitable Jake Plummer circa '97 Cardinals screw up that will lose the game.  Well, that moment did come when he A-Rod'ed the snap from center, about a Bus' gut from the end zone, that should've iced the victory for the visiting Dolphins.

Should've.  Could've, would've, should've.  Should've so long as the opposing QB isn't Daunte Culpepper. 

Culpepper is the Corona of quarterbacks.  In a bar full of cheap and crappy domestics, he's the sexiest alternative, regardless of the quality.  The taste isn't good enough by itself; it always comes with a lime, and sometimes salt, otherwise it's guaranteed to disappoint.

That's what Daunte Culpepper has become.  He is by far the most over-rated quarterback in the NFL.  He came into the league with tons of hype, because after all, you need something when you're coming out of Central Florida.  He picked splinters his first year, learning from Jeff George how to throw the ball as high and far as possible, and how to sprint 75 yards downfield in order to hug Randy Moss before his pants dropped to his ankles.  It was during this time that Culpepper presumably was up late (after all, it's not like he had a playbook to learn) watching MTV Hits and saw the Big Tymers get their roll on, and decide to save it to the memory bank for when he'd actually have the chance to throw to Moss and Carter. 

The Daunte Culpepper era in Minnesota began that next year, in 2000.  Culpepper learned quickly how to bomb away to two of the best receivers to ever catch a pigskin- Randy Moss (the lime) and Cris Carter (the salt), throwing for 33 touchdowns and nearly 4000 yards.  Culpepper fumbled 11 times, losing 6 of them.

In 2001, he started the first 11 games and went 4-7 before his knee got injured and he missed the rest of the season (they finished 5-11).  Even with the two studs, Culpepper couldn't perform better than a 14/13 TD/INT ratio.  Factor in his 7 fumbles lost, and Culpepper had 20 turnovers.

In 2002, he adjusted to the not so glorious life without Cris Carter by checking in at a '05 Brett Favre like 23 INT, with only 17 TDs.  Not to be overlooked, were 23 fumbles, 9 of which he lost, meaning he turned the ball over 32 times!   The 9 fumbles lost were more than any running back in the league, including Travis Henry who lost 8 fumbles for the Bills.

By 2003, he was 21-22 as a starter, before he remembered how to launch the ball to Moss.  He threw for a much improved 25 TD and against only 11 INT.  The Vikings were 7-7 in the games he started, merely a .500 team.  Gus Frerotte however, proved that anybody could chuck and run to Randy, as the team put up 35 and 39 points (more than all but 1 of Culpepper's 14 starts).  Frerotte by the way, went 30/45 for 506yds and 6 TD, with only 1 INT in those two games.  Culpepper lost the handle of the ball 16 times, but the team recovered 10 of those.  He fumbled as much as Jamal Lewis, who lead all running backs with 6 fumbles in 387 carries.

In 2004, Culpepper continued to live the myth, being selected to his 3rd Pro Bowl, following a 39 TD/11 INT year for a high octane Randy Moss, Nate Burleson led receiving corps.  The team you ask, not bad, just 8-8, which kept Culpepper as a sub .500 career QB (35-36) despite the gaudy numbers.    Daunte finally began to fix his fumbling problem, only fumbling 9 times, recovering 5 of them.  Michael Pittman was the only running back to fumble more, and he had 219 carries.

And last year, long before the 3 torn knee ligaments, there was Daunte Culpepper, struggling to read the opposing defense worse than a dyslexic 2nd grader.  Culpepper looked worse than Kurt Warner did in '04 with the Giants before turning the reigns to Eli Manning.  Peep this- 4 touchdowns and 12 interceptions in his first 5 games last year!  He turned the ball over 10 times in his first two games, without producing a touchdown. 

By the time he tragically left Minnesota following his knee injury, the amazing 3 time Pro Bowl QB was 37 and 40 as a starter.  (Technically he's 37-41 but I'm letting him off the hook for last year's loss to Carolina when he hurt his knee).  You do the math.  Throw the 20,000+ yards and 135 TDs in my face, and I'll say what about his 86 interceptions and 36 fumbles lost, giving him a hideous 122 turnovers! 

And there we have it.  One dramatic and tumultuous off-season later, respected publications such as SI were jumping on the Dolphins bandwaggon (after all, they won their last 6 games of the year in '05 to finish 9-7 under Nick Saban).  Apparently, they must've bought into the '05 and Saban a little too heavily, and forgot who their new QB was.

Thus, while most of America was waiting for backup QB Charlie Batch to screw the game up, all they had to do was look to the opposing sideline, where they'd find a high-priced, over-hyped, losing quarterback who would make enough mistakes to solidify the defending Super Bowl champion Steelers' first win of the year. 

Sorry to disappoint you SI, but the Dolphins, nor any other team in the NFL, will ever reach a Super Bowl, with Daunte Culpepper as its quarterback.  Maybe they'd have a chance if they stuck with Gus Frerotte.

After all, when was the last time you had a Corona without a lime?