Reports are starting to circulate regarding a new NBA Special Advisory Committee which David Stern is expected to announce before tonight's NBA draft.

The new Board for Advising Deals Three-Ways, or B.A.D. 3way, is being established to protect teams from entering into bad, or poorly thought out, three way trades with other teams.

"Three ways should benefit all parties involved," Stern said in a recent interview, "but too often we find that inexperienced, or desperate G.M.s are taken advantage of. Made to feel special for only a moment, and then simply discarded."

To head the B.A.D. 3way Stern has chosen three individuals who each bring unique skills and experience to the board. Jerry West former Laker player, coach and G.M., as well as being named one of the '50 Greatest Players in History' in 1996, will head the board. His knowledge of the NBA along with his eye for a 'fair trade' makes him an obvious choice. Former ABA and NBA player Rick Barry will join his 'Great 50' brother. Barry is known to be a no nonsense guy, who has no love for greedy team owners. There is some speculation that he may have a hard time working with West.

Jerry 'the icon' West and Rick Barry will bring a lot of NBA experience to the commitee.

Working closely with West and Barry and rounding out the threesome will be former adult entertainer and ex-California governor candidate Mary Carey. While Carey has no professional basketball experience she is used to handling three way transactions.

Carey pictured above brings an intimate knowledge of three way transactions to the committee.

According to Carey "A three way can be great for everyone, as long as there is a certain level of respect for everyone involved. But most of the time two parties are just looking for a 'quick fix.' They just want to butter you up so they can stick it to you, and when everything is said and done someone is left all sweaty and noone will even get them a fucking towel."

Maybe you didn't know, but in European football (aka soccer) all the professional teams have a logo on their jersey for a company which sponsers their team.  They have reduced the club logo to a small badge which usually appears over the heart.

Above Barcelona FC sponsered by UNICEF and Chelsea FC sponsered by Samsung, you get the idea.

So the NBA season is over and all these trade rumors and I was thinking, "If the NBA had sponsors on their jerseys' who would sponser what team?"  So I will start off with a couple of teams, and if their is some kind of response I will do some more.  Of course this blog would be awesome if I possessed some photo-shop skills, but I don't.   Maybe I'll ask my nephew to help me out with that for the next post.

The NEW YORK KNICKS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

THE NEW YORK SANITATION DEPT.

THE SEATTLE SUPERSONICS SPONSERED BY:   

The reason should be obvious, and the orange really goes with the yellow green of the uniform.

THE LOS ANGELOS LAKERS SPONSERED BY: 

With all the shit slinging that has been going on between Kobe and the Lakers front office this seems like a perfect fit.  Also for all those Laker fans, who finally know how the rest of the NBA fans feel, it makes a great facial tissue.

THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS SPONSORED BY:

Because the Spurs do it by the book, and some people find the Spurs just as exciting.

THE MILWAUKEE BUCKS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:  

Face it, no one else is going to put there logo on a Bucks jersey.

 THE INDIANA PACERS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

Along with the sponsorship deal all Pacers players get free a free lap dance, if they manage to win a game.

Of course there is always some little known foreign company trying to get some publicity by sponsoring a professional team.  So may I present . . .

THE NEW JERSEY NETS BROUGHT TO YOU BY: 

This little known Korean beer is actually not bad, and is sure to comfort any Nets fan.

And of course the whole 'WITNESS'  thing got a little out of hand and someone gesides Nike is bound to cash in so,

THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

Jehovah's Witnesses

If you read this and found it mildly amusing post a comment and I'll do more. 

Who am I kidding I'll probably do it anyway.

As a Beatles fan, I truly believe there is a Beatles song for every situation.  I also believe there is a Beatles song for every NBA personality and team.

Here are a few I've come up with off the top of my head.  I am also interested to hear your dedications.

Lebron James-"I should have known better,"

Kobe Bryant - "Let it be," or "We can work it out," ian2813 thinks "I, Me, Mine"

Robert Horry- "When I'm 64."

Kevin Garnett- "Nowhere man,"  or  "Help"

Chauncy Billups- 'Money'

Gilbert Arenas "Please, please me" 

LA Clippers- "Hello, Goodbye"

Isiah Thomas, Danny Ainge, Kevin McHale- "Help"

NY Knicks- "Helter Skelter"   

Many Lakers' fans have mixed emotions about the potential trade of Kobe Bryant, but one Laker fan is exstatic about the prospect of Kobe being traded, 'Screech' (aka Dustin Diamond).

'Screech' aka Dustin Diamond at the peak of his fame and today.

 Given the team's proximity to Hollywood, the Lakers fan base includes many famous actors and musicians who are regularly seen at home games, generally in the court side seats.  

Jack Nicholson, Sean Penn, Peter Parker and Snoop Dogg are amoung the Lakers' A-list celebrity supporters.

Jack Nicholson is the most prominent member of this group, having held season tickets since 1967. Other celebrities known as long-standing ticket-holders include Denzel Washington, Dustin Hoffman, Andy Garcia, Penny Marshall, Ice Cube, Sylvester Stallone,  Brad Pitt, Tobey Maguire, and Snoop Dogg. Meanwhile far from the limelight 'Screech' has been watching from the nose bleeds.  Despite his status as a 'C' rate TV  and an ametuer porn star, 'Screech' has been on the waiting list for court side seats for nearly ten years.  "When Magic retired I really thought it was going to happen for me, but then along came Shaq," Screech whined in his trade marked high voice.  "And two years ago when the Clippers got hot, I got my hopes up again."

 Screech did briefly visit the court side "celebrity row," during the 91-92 playoffs, a game in which the Lakers were defeated at home by the Trailblazers.  Screech still gets tears in his eyes when he remembers that day.  "It's not very publisized, but the Lakers like to have Hollywood types courtside at all times.  So I was hanging out up in the nose bleeds with Cory Feldman and that Chinese kid from 'Goonies' when one of the ushers said, 'Hey, Screech Jacks gotta take a leak.'  So I went down and kept Jack's seat warm for about ten minutes.  That was probably the greatest ten minutes of my life."

Nicholson remembers it differently, "I came back from taking a piss, and this kid Scratch is sitting in my seat.  I still think he jinxed us that year." Screech admits that he is obsessed with the Lakers and that sometimes his obsession has caused him to make bad decisions.  "'Saved by the Bell: the New Class,' 'Saved by the Bell: the College Years,' my porn movie they were all bad career moves that I made out of desperation.  Because I've been trying to get some exposure and get those court side seats."

 Still, 'Screech' remains hopeful that the Lakers loss may be his gain.  "If the Lakers unload Kobe and go through a rebuilding period, there are going to be a lot of empty court side seats.  And it may finally happen for me."

 Projected crowd for post-Kobe Laker game.