Reports are starting to circulate regarding a new NBA Special Advisory Committee which David Stern is expected to announce before tonight's NBA draft.

The new Board for Advising Deals Three-Ways, or B.A.D. 3way, is being established to protect teams from entering into bad, or poorly thought out, three way trades with other teams.

"Three ways should benefit all parties involved," Stern said in a recent interview, "but too often we find that inexperienced, or desperate G.M.s are taken advantage of. Made to feel special for only a moment, and then simply discarded."

To head the B.A.D. 3way Stern has chosen three individuals who each bring unique skills and experience to the board. Jerry West former Laker player, coach and G.M., as well as being named one of the '50 Greatest Players in History' in 1996, will head the board. His knowledge of the NBA along with his eye for a 'fair trade' makes him an obvious choice. Former ABA and NBA player Rick Barry will join his 'Great 50' brother. Barry is known to be a no nonsense guy, who has no love for greedy team owners. There is some speculation that he may have a hard time working with West.

Jerry 'the icon' West and Rick Barry will bring a lot of NBA experience to the commitee.

Working closely with West and Barry and rounding out the threesome will be former adult entertainer and ex-California governor candidate Mary Carey. While Carey has no professional basketball experience she is used to handling three way transactions.

Carey pictured above brings an intimate knowledge of three way transactions to the committee.

According to Carey "A three way can be great for everyone, as long as there is a certain level of respect for everyone involved. But most of the time two parties are just looking for a 'quick fix.' They just want to butter you up so they can stick it to you, and when everything is said and done someone is left all sweaty and noone will even get them a fucking towel."

European football (aka soccer)  teams have a logo on their jersey for a company which sponsors their team.  If the NBA followed suit what product or company should sponsor each team?

THE BOSTON CELTICS:

  General Mills Lucky Charms, the whole Irish thing works and he looks a lot like Danny Ainge.

THE DETROIT PISTONS:

   Toyota would do this just to stick it to GM and Ford, who don't have the cash to sponsor the team.

THE ATLANTA HAWKS:

   Chicken . . .Hawk, yeah I know it's lame, but the hawks have to take what they can get.

THE LOS ANGELOS CLIPPERS:

The Plastic surgeons of LA.  Nothing says LA like plastic surgery.

THE MIAMI HEAT:

  The colors work the 'M' can easily be worked into the original jersey design.  Plus I have heard Shaq is a big fan.

THE ORLANDO MAGIC:

  It was only a matter of time, the Disney mafia controls everything else in Orlando.

Maybe you didn't know, but in European football (aka soccer) all the professional teams have a logo on their jersey for a company which sponsers their team.  They have reduced the club logo to a small badge which usually appears over the heart.

Above Barcelona FC sponsered by UNICEF and Chelsea FC sponsered by Samsung, you get the idea.

So the NBA season is over and all these trade rumors and I was thinking, "If the NBA had sponsors on their jerseys' who would sponser what team?"  So I will start off with a couple of teams, and if their is some kind of response I will do some more.  Of course this blog would be awesome if I possessed some photo-shop skills, but I don't.   Maybe I'll ask my nephew to help me out with that for the next post.

The NEW YORK KNICKS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

THE NEW YORK SANITATION DEPT.

THE SEATTLE SUPERSONICS SPONSERED BY:   

The reason should be obvious, and the orange really goes with the yellow green of the uniform.

THE LOS ANGELOS LAKERS SPONSERED BY: 

With all the shit slinging that has been going on between Kobe and the Lakers front office this seems like a perfect fit.  Also for all those Laker fans, who finally know how the rest of the NBA fans feel, it makes a great facial tissue.

THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS SPONSORED BY:

Because the Spurs do it by the book, and some people find the Spurs just as exciting.

THE MILWAUKEE BUCKS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:  

Face it, no one else is going to put there logo on a Bucks jersey.

 THE INDIANA PACERS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

Along with the sponsorship deal all Pacers players get free a free lap dance, if they manage to win a game.

Of course there is always some little known foreign company trying to get some publicity by sponsoring a professional team.  So may I present . . .

THE NEW JERSEY NETS BROUGHT TO YOU BY: 

This little known Korean beer is actually not bad, and is sure to comfort any Nets fan.

And of course the whole 'WITNESS'  thing got a little out of hand and someone gesides Nike is bound to cash in so,

THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

Jehovah's Witnesses

If you read this and found it mildly amusing post a comment and I'll do more. 

Who am I kidding I'll probably do it anyway.

As a Beatles fan, I truly believe there is a Beatles song for every situation.  I also believe there is a Beatles song for every NBA personality and team.

Here are a few I've come up with off the top of my head.  I am also interested to hear your dedications.

Lebron James-"I should have known better,"

Kobe Bryant - "Let it be," or "We can work it out," ian2813 thinks "I, Me, Mine"

Robert Horry- "When I'm 64."

Kevin Garnett- "Nowhere man,"  or  "Help"

Chauncy Billups- 'Money'

Gilbert Arenas "Please, please me" 

LA Clippers- "Hello, Goodbye"

Isiah Thomas, Danny Ainge, Kevin McHale- "Help"

NY Knicks- "Helter Skelter"   

It has been a roller coaster 12 months for pretty-boy David Beckham. After being cut from the English National squad last August he was also benched by his Spanish club Madrid, who had discovered that he was much easier to film for the jumbo-tron when seated. "It was a real low point for me," Beckham remembers, "I had completely disappeared from the gossip mags, I had to pay the paparazzi to take pictures of me. Honestly, I was on the verge of posting a homemade porn on the internet." But then, hours before filming could begin, Beckham got a call from a very unlikely place, America. It was his agent with an offer from MLS's LA Galaxy. "I didn't even know that they played football in America, well my kind of football I mean. And then when I found out how much money they wanted to offer me, fuck." The LA Galaxy have agreed to pay Beckham a minimum of 10 million US dollars a season for the next five years along with a share in the profits, which could put his total yearly take home in the ballpark of 50 million dollars. "Honestly when I heard the number I almost soiled my knickers. That minimum is about double what I signed for last time, and last time I was in my prime." Beckham admits. "I asked my agent if the knew that I was thirty-two, couldn't kick with my left foot, and that my career was practically finished. And he said, 'What the hell do they know about football? They're Americans.'"

Europe's prettiest footballer David Beckham has signed a deal with the LA Galaxy which make make him richer than Britain's other Queen

Beckham hopes that his commitment to the LA Galaxy won't get in the way of the other things he wants to accomplish in America. "I would really love to do some film. I can't act, but neither can Shaq, that bloke made at least three movies and doesn't look like this. I'm also considering getting into music, I have no talent for that either, but it seems like a good way to turn a quick buck. It probably won't be any good, but people are going to buy it anyway, right?"

One thing Beckham won't be doing is hanging out with Tom Cruise. "I am really a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I don't follow US news. I was under the impression that Tom Cruise was a big star in the US, and didn't realize that he'd become a joke. Anyway, brand Beckham has no room for dead weight, so Tom is going to have to go."

There is one person who become would really like to meet when he arrives in the US. "Tony Parker. Honestly, we have so much in common. We are both from Europe, we both married women who are almost as pretty as us, and we enjoy lots of the same things, like shopping, musicals, fashion, and poetry."

Tony Parker and David Beckham reportedly have "a lot in common."

 Since signing on with Galaxy Beckham has returned to the field for both England and Real Madrid.  As for the recent rumor that Beckham might opt out of his Galaxy contract and remain with Real Madrid, it is just that a rumor. "In a way it would be nice to remain in Europe and show that I can compete with football's elite, but really why would I do that when I can make so much more money in the US and put out a fraction of the effort?"