When the Buckeyes and Trojans hit the field this weekend, it won’t just be one of the biggest games of the week, but also the entire season. 

And while there are a lot of things you will hear before, during and after this matchup, here’s a list of ten things you most definitely will NOT hear:

Top 10 Things You Won’t Hear At Ohio State v USC Game this Weekend

10. Dane Sanzenbacher: “Boy, I can’t wait to meet Taylor Mays on the field.”

9. Pete Carroll: “I’ll never chance it by going for it on fourth and short.”

8. Matt Barkley: “John David Booty has been giving me advice on his recent experiences on how to handle the continuous influx of media.”

7. OSU Linebackers: “Joe McKnight? Piece of cake… we handled Ricky

Quite a week long stretch for Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez, isn’t it?

Just in case you’re living in a bubble, let’s recap some of Rich Rod’s recent adventures…

Playing three quarterbacks during the opening week – check.

Referring to Michigan’s three-QB system as “neat” – check.

Having former players accuse you of overworking them in the form of more than 20-hours per week, which would be an NCAA violation – check.

Having the school administration investigate into the aforementioned allegations – check.

Being sued over a condo project – check.

And finally, through all those press conference tears, not even managing to pick up a TV endorsement from either Puffs Plus or Kleenex.

Chalk that up as one last painful check.

There’s a certain breed of fan out there – a group very much unlike the rest of us.  C’mon football fan, you can name plenty of fans that are like “nails on a chalkboard” to you. 

Allow me to go all “Lewis Black” on this blog and explain what I mean, in the form of the top seven types of fans that drive me crazy... **

7. The D-Fence Fan

Signs are a common sight at sporting events.  People want to express their right to free speech, show support for their team, or get on TV.  I get it--but the next time you're creating a sign, how about some creativity?  Signs like "SportsCenter is next" or whatever else...those are getting older than Brett Favre's coming out of retirement parties.

The most annoying of all is the twosome that

Coaches preach to the high heavens that a team never, ever looks ahead to a big game, but instead focuses on the current opponent.

Right, and Brutus the Buckeye has a tiny head.

For every hyped up “game of the year” such as Trojans vs. Buckeyes or Ohio State and Penn State, there’s a trap game lying in the weeds, ready to up and pounce on the college football world, sending shockwaves far and wide.  Take the following six-pack of examples, which could serve as trap games in the Big Ten for 2009…

Michigan Wolverines
Trap Game: Western Michigan (September 5th)

Stop eyeing the Irish the following week, Michigan – the Broncos (9-4 in 2008) are no slouch.  Western Michigan returns seven starters on offense in 2009, including QB Tim Hiller, who threw for 36

Dear Rich Rod,

There’s a realization that you and your brethren in maize and blue are confident that the incoming talent is overflowing from the sideline and soon to the goal line. Upon your slight delusions of grandeur, there’s an outpouring of music humming throughout camp – perhaps it goes something like this…

Come and dance on our floor....
Take a step that is new....
We've a lovable space that needs your face,
Three's company too.

Keep whistling that tune as you push towards an opening match with Western Michigan, where you will use three quarterbacks, freshman Tate Forcier, freshman Denard Robinson, and junior Nick Sheridan.

Only, three’s a crowd.

Maybe with four starts under his belt in ’08, you feel Sheridan has earned to take some snaps. Perhaps

Each season, a team earns a clean slate, and 2009 will be no different.  Whether a program likes it or not, everyone earns a reputation and a theme even before the season begins.

Call it a Big Ten preview set to music – featuring all eleven schools – and the theme song each should have blasting over the loudspeakers in the locker room this week. 

BIG TEN PREVIEW

Penn State Nittany Lions
“Secondary” – Brand New

“Secondary… And it comes down to you.”
The Nittany Lions have an extremely talented team in place for 2009, yet suffered major losses from last season on the o-line, at the wide receiver position, and in the secondary.  The offensive line has two anchors in place to help the others grow (Landolt and Wisniewski), while experienced

Put on that game face.  Football is coming.

I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

Aren’t you in pain from a summer of So You Think You Can Dance and America’s Got Talent?  Sure you are, but quit crying over that open wound left from excessive Gosselin gossip. 

RUB SOME DIRT ON IT.

College football is just a hair over two weeks away – a stone’s throw from a heck of an opener between #14 Oregon and #16 Boise State – on the “Smurf Turf”.  If the coma-inducing jerseys and field aren’t enough, just look at the talent and implications of game one, as the Ducks could easily challenge USC for the Pac-10, while the Broncos could be this year’s BCS darling.  Heck, one dream alone can be crushed before the opening weekend.

Can I get a “Statue

One of the most hyped up games of the upcoming college football season is now just less than a month away.

Yes, football fans, grab those foam fingers, wash that jersey, and fill that fridge with cold ones, because Ohio State and USC are meeting at “The ‘Shoe” on September 12th.

While many prognosticators see the Trojans rolling through Columbus with reckless abandon, this writer sees it a little differently – and there are a few reasons why Ohio State knocking off the Trojans isn’t such a far-fetched idea…

The Lucky Horseshoe

Let’s start with the obvious, shall we? Home field advantage. Let’s face it, it’s a nightmare for opponents to play at the ‘Shoe. Just ask anyone that’s had to go in there and deal with the noise. In fact,

John Hughes was a genius, a one of a kind talent who blessed the world with comedic gems such as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, National Lampoon’s Vacation, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Mr. Mom, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Home Alone, Uncle Buck and more.

Sadly, Hughes left the world prematurely after dying of a heart attack at age 59 just a few short days ago.  The writer/producer/director had ties with the city of Chicago, and the people who lived there loved him like they love deep dish pizza, the Wrigley Field ivy, Ozzie Guillen’s potty mouth and Big Ten football.

That’s where this piece comes in – to provide a Big Ten football tribute to the passing of John Hughes, by providing a list of famous quotes