We interrupt this blog to bring you our regular scheduled programming, already in progress...

"... and that's the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding Vinny Testaverde and his career as a football player..."

Roastmaster: "Thanks Coach Parcells. 'The Roast of Vinny Testaverde' will return after a word from our sponsors."

We're back with the "The Roast of Vinny Testaverde"... **

Now up on the podium is KP, a blogger on the Fox Sports website... take it away KP!!

Thank you gentlemen. Wow, there certainly have been some though acts to follow today, from Bill Parcells, to Mark Carrier, Keyshawn Johnson, Curtis Martin, and so on. Thankfully, the commercial break allowed for a perfect segue. It was certainly the lead-in that I needed.

Before I get into a real roasting, I want to first touch upon a few pretty incredible things about Vinny's career. Testaverde, the 1986 Heisman Trophy winner as the quarterback of the Miami Hurricanes, was also the number one overall pick in the 1987 NFL Draft. Vinny has seen some unbelievable ups and downs throughout his career, from the abysmal 1988 campaign where he had 13 touchdown passes and 35 interceptions, to his two pro bowl seasons, in 1996 with the Baltimore Ravens (4,000 yards plus passing, 33 touchdowns, and 19 interceptions) and 1998 with the New York Jets (29 touchdowns and 7 interceptions).

Over a career that has spanned across three decades, Testaverde has thrown for over 45,000 yards, while throwing 271 touchdown passes. Most recently, Vinny was able to break some new football records. After signing on with the Carolina Panthers just days ago, Testaverde came on board to help add depth at the quarterback position, after Carolina lost starter Jake Delhomme to injury. In four days, he went from an add-on to the starter, due to an injured David Carr. Vinny took advantage, looking like he had been the quarterback in the Carolina system for years, going 20 for 33, with 207 yards passing and one touchdown. Most importantly, the Panthers earned a 25-10 victory over the Arizona Cardinals, improving their record to 4-2 on the season. Along with the victory came Vinny's name in the NFL record books. Vinny became the third oldest quarterback to ever start an NFL game, and more importantly, the 43-year old became the oldest quarterback to ever win an NFL game. He also broke his own NFL record of the most consecutive seasons with a touchdown pass, now extended to 21. Therefore, one could say that Testaverde's most recent victory was truly "one for the ages". And with age, that's where the roasting comes into play. Enough of the Mr. Nice Guy routine... I'm not only here to celebrate

Vinny's career achievements (recent and past), but also to roast him... and roast him good.

Roasting Vinny T.

Vinny has a beautiful family, all who are very supportive. His wife Mitzi was also a Bucs cheerleader during his early days. Well, at least we knew there was some scoring going on in Tampa Bay when he was the quarterback there.

Seriously though, I imagine after all those errant passes and throwaways, he got quite familiar with her on the sidelines. Hopefully, she does a better job of dressing him than the Bucs did.

I informed Vinny that while the Panthers are happy that he's here, he wasn't their first choice. Warren Moon respectfully declined.

So did Doug Flutie.

When he showed up at his locker, there was a sign hung up to help avoid any accidents from occurring (see left).

He walks around the locker room listening to Classic Rock and Oldies, constantly saying "This was a good song when I was your age".

I got a hold of Vinny's first ever game helmet and presented it to him in honor of his career accomplishments (see right).

Before Sunday's kickoff, there was a gift basket waiting for Vinny, including items such as Ben Gay, ice packs, Metamucil, Just For Men, and Centrum Silver.

Upon arriving at the game, I heard that in order to get there, Vinny traveled uphill both ways, in the snow...until he finally showed up.

Seriously though, I heard he was given a front row parking space outside the stadium, but that was mainly to provide less chance that he would pull a hammy on the way in.

During drills the other day, the Carolina cheerleading squad was also on the field practicing. Vinny was the only guy to blurt out "Wow, that cheerleader is young enough to be my daughter."

While others are taking out their mouth guards during the game, Vinny takes out his false teeth.

Loud crowds are not a big deal because he can't really hear them anyway.

During possessions when the defense was on the field, the Carolina running backs were on exercise bikes staying loose. Next to them, a rocking chair was present for Vinny.

Every play call is presented in 50 font size for Vinny - therefore, Bill Belichick is just itchin' to take on the Panthers. They won't need cameras.

Vinny hates the 4 o'clock games, because dinner time arrives prior to the half, and bedtime arrives before the time the final seconds tick off the clock.

When asked if Vinny could earn a "C" on his jersey if his stellar play continues, my thought was "Where would the AARP patch go then?"

When asked if it was just as fun to get out on the football field, Vinny responds by saying that believe it or not, it even beat out last week's games of Cribbage, Pachisi, and Canasta.

After the game, some of the media was looking for Vinny and they just tracked down the guy that was driving in the left lane slowly with his turn signal stuck in the "ON" position.

We went out to celebrate after the game and Vinny's kids came out with him. They didn't get carded.

Vinny's so old that when in the bar the other night, Paris Hilton didn't even hit on him. If Anna Nicole Smith were still alive, she likely would have.

I was about to ask Vinny why he still had his hand warmers on after the game, when I realized it was a fanny pack instead.

During the postgame, Vinny taught me about the concept of the Early Bird Special.

Vinny took a group of us out for a movie one night. He was given the senior discount without even asking for it.

Later, our group invited him out to go see 'The Heartbreak Kid', but he declined saying that he saw the original in the theaters.

Soon, Vinny will be turning 44. I heard the players are going to celebrate by giving him a birthday cake with candles and a fire extinguisher.

And the moral of the story...

If the love for something is still there, never give up. Play your heart out as long as your body holds up and you can still reach a level of excellence. Just expect to catch some crap for it on the side.

As for Vinny Testaverde, perhaps a few extra bones cracked when he got out of bed on Sunday morning. Afterward, maybe a few muscles were sore when they once weren't. Yet the spirit was willing, the mind was sharp, and the performance was one for the ages...

literally.

** Please note that this roast is entirely fictional, yet one should celebrate Vinny Testaverde in a roasting format, as he's had a career filled with various accomplishments and unique longevity. I applaud Vinny for his recent comeback in Carolina and wish him the best as the season progresses.

This post is part of Mike Greenspire's Blogger Contest, featuring articles related to the NFL. I would like to encourage all of you to read the posts of all the other participants. Best wishes, and as always, thanks for reading... - KP