In a break from my more serious writing, here is a great list of insults to hurl at your alma mater's chief rivals.  No I didn't make them up.  Yes, I know many of them are old.  But they are awfully entertaining.  Please feel free to replace UNLV with your most hated school.  Or not.

Q. What's the difference between the Rebels & the Taliban?
A. Even the Taliban have a running game.

Q. How does a Rebel count to 10?
A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10.

Q. What do the Rebels & Billy Graham have in common?
A. They can both make five thousand people stand up & yell "Jesus Christ!"

Q. How do you keep a Rebel out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts.

Q. Where do the Rebels go in case of a tornado?
A. To Sam Boyd Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. What's the difference between the Rebels and a dollar bill?
A. You can always get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q. How many brunettes does it take to screw the entire Rebel football team?
A. Just one - Rocky Hinds!

Q. Did you hear that UNLV is replacing the Field Turf in their stadium with cardboard?
A. They did it because the team looks better on paper.

Q. How many Rebels does it take to win a conference championship?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q. What do the Rebels and possums have in common?
A. They both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q. Why doesn't the Rebel football team have its own website?
A. Because they can't put 3 W's together.

Q. What do you get when you cross a Rebel with a groundhog?
A. Six more weeks of bad football.

Q. What can UNLV do to prevent a Nevada win?
A. Wait until next year!

IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN:
Las Vegas News: Football practice in Las Vegas was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious-looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mike Sanford, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q. Why doesn't southern California break off and drift into the Pacific Ocean?
A. Because UNLV sucks!

Q. Did you hear Coach Sanford is only dressing 10 players for the Rebels' game against Nevada?
A. The rest of the team will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q. Why was Mike Sanford upset when the Rebels' play book was stolen?
A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

Mike Sanford's 1 recruiting pitch: "You know, moral victories are VERY underrated..."
Chris Ault's 1 recruiting pitch: "Why play for UNLV when you can beat 'em?"

Q. What's the difference between Mike Sanford and God?
A. God doesn't think he's Mike Sanford.

Q: Why do UNLV graduates put their diplomas in their windshields?
A: So they can park in handicapped spots.

Q: What did the incoming freshman at UNLV get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q. Why was the UNLV football team late for their last game in Reno?
A. Every time their bus passed a sign that said "Clean Restrooms," they did.

Q. How do you get a Rebel off your front porch?
A. Pay them for the pizza.

Q. How many UNLV freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None -- that's a sophomore course.

Q. Did you hear about the UNLV player who stole a police car?
A. He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

Q. What do they call a crime ring in Las Vegas?
A. A huddle

Q. Three UNLV players are sitting in a car together - who's driving?
A. The police officer.

Q. Did you hear about the new honor system at UNLV?
A. "Yes, your Honor... no, your Honor..."

Q: What's the best thing to ever come out of Las Vegas?
A: Highway 95.

Q. What's the only sign of intelligent life in Las Vegas?
A. The road signs, "Reno: 455 miles"

Q. What does a tornado have in common with a UNLV cheerleader?
A. Eventually they'll both end up in a trailer park somewhere.

Q. Why are there no Nativity scenes on the UNLV campus during Christmas time?
A. Because they can't find three wise men or a virgin.

GO WOLF PACK!