(10, tie) Victor Thompson: The Laconia, N.H., man decided he needed some work done on his head, which suggests good judgment on his part. Unfortunately, rather than psychological help, he sought out a tattoo artist to make his noggin look like Tom Brady's helmet. Thompson had one side of his head done on New Year's Eve and is looking forward to adding an image of the Lombardi Trophy soon.

(10, tie) Terrell Owens: Raise your hand if you were touched by the teary-eyed defense of Tony Romo after the loss to the Giants in the NFC playoffs. Yeah, me neither. Despite his track record with quarterbacks - implying that Jeff Garcia was light in the pants and that Donovan McNabb cost the Eagles a Super Bowl - TO's defense of Mr. Jessica Simpson may temporarily do for his career what the Checkers speech did for Richard Nixon's. And hopefully his time at the top will end as abruptly, although we hear that Bill Belichick is the football guy who's into recording equipment that eventually comes back to bite you in the tush.

(9) Seattle SuperSonics (9-31): Losers of 10 straight and sinking faster than the Dow, the Sonics are 5-13 at home and 4-18 on the road; I just can't think of anywhere else for them to play except maybe the Big Sky Conference.

(8) Beth Modica: Suffern High's hockey team, top-ranked in New York State, will be getting a lot of ink Tuesday, but not from The Hockey News. Rather, look for every supermarket tabloid reporter not assigned to the Britney Spears beat to show up for Modica's arraignment. The 44-year-old mother of four (whose husband is a town police chief) is alleged to have thrown wild parties for her son's team and reportedly will have to answer charges of providing beer and marijuana. An official in the DA's office said she is also suspected of having "intimate relations" with some players as young as 16.

(7) Rutgers men's basketball (8-11): Don't let the overall record fool you; Rutgers is lowly. My local newspaper runs college conference standings on page D-2. At 0-6 in the Big East, the Scarlet Knights are so far down the list in the 16-school Big East that they don't show up until page D-3.

(6) Ohio Valley Conference How bad is the quality of men's basketball in your conference when you have the 340th (Jacksonville State) and 341st (Eastern Illinois) teams in the RPI rankings - out of 341. OVC teams are 34-62 in non-conference games this season, and it's not as though they were playing 'em against the Suns, Spurs and Celtics.

(5) Golfweek magazine: Where were all the grown-ups when the "lynching" cover was being discussed and then designed? Oh, yeah, they're a golf mag; everyone was either still on the back nine or cooling down at the 19th hole. I shudder to think how these guys would have illustrated the story had Kelly Tilghman's gaffe on The Golf Channel been on the subject of abortion rather than race relations.

(4) Houston Astros: It really takes a special effort for a baseball team to make The Bottom 10 in mid-January, but the Astros are here strictly on merit. Read Ken Rosenthal's story on the Miguel Tejada trade to understand why. Everyone - except the Disastros, apparently - knew that the Mitchell Report had the potential to blow the lid off the steroids scandal. Had they waited one more day to see the report, maybe the Astros wouldn't have pulled the string on the deal for a man now the subject of an FBI inquiry for possibly lying to federal investigators. Tejada might soon be making the transition from five-tool player to five-year guest of the federal penal system.

(3) John Daly: The Round Mound of . . . uh, well, Round is off to a strong start as he attempts to surpass his five withdrawals from 2006 PGA Tour events and six more last year. He went 71-70-71-WD at the Bob Hope, which I suppose means he identifies with the average American working stiff who adored him after his out-of-nowhere PGA championship in 1991. After all, both are done working for the week at 5 p.m. Friday.

(2) New York Rangers (22-20-6): Tied for dead last in the NHL in road victories and 2-6-2 in their last 10 games overall, the Rangers are fourth in popularity among in-season New York teams - trailing the Giants' offense, the Giants' defense and the Giants' special teams.

(1) Miami Heat (8-31): These guys dine at the All You Can Lose Buffet - and always go back for seconds. The Heat turned a guaranteed cure for a losing streak - a visit Friday by the New York Knicks - into an 88-84 mishap and their 13th straight setback.