The offseason... sigh... is there anything worse? Not for football fans. We wait. We debate. We attend draft day parties, track signings on line... some of us try to show up to training camp just to get a little fix.

And let's face it, it's not as if the offseason diminishes the celebrity of any footballer. You can pick out Tom Brady at fifty yards. Keith Traylor and Junior Seau are the most popular guys in their retirement communities, while Matt Leinart and Vince Young are the most popular at the local college keg party... and Brett... oh Brett.

But the problem with the offseason is that while a true fan still wants to be in touch with the league, the idea of it all gets muddled. When is it no longer football we are following?

For such cases, I ask myself H.D.T.A.M.F.L., or... "How Does This Affect My Fantasy League?" It's a great filter to keep in mind as cruising headlines in the offseason, and a very large reason that I believe EVERY person who writes about football should partake in it's fantasy outlet. This way, we can focus on ACTUAL football stories, and move away from the fluff and business that really shouldn't clog my brain EVER. Signings and team cuts are obvious, but others need a bit of perspective. Here are a few examples...

Terrell Owens say Jessica Simpson can come watch Tony play.
H.D.T.A.M.F.L. - It doesn't. Jessica is not Tony's downfall. Panic attacks are. This is not a football story.

Brandon Marshall is attacked by brother/McDonalds bag.
H.D.T.A.M.F.L. - Tons, though only due to the resulting injury. The story itself... doesn't mean crap to me. He could have been attacked by the Burger KIng "King", and I don't care. Just as long as he can wrap his fingers around a football.

Javon Walker is beaten up by thugs, relives events in a flashback that closely resembles a season of "24".
H.D.T.A.M.F.L. - Doesn't affect anything. If you were planning on drafting him, you have deeper trouble.

Tom Brady dates model. They go places and look better than everyone.
H.D.T.A.M.F.L. - I've thought long and hard about it, in hopes to make SOMETHING in this count, but it doesn't. He's simply a very hatable man.

Marshawn Lynch plays bumper tag with woman on city street.
H.D.T.A.M.F.L. - Deeply. The commishiner could suspend him forever. And there is that whole "jail" thing.

Eli Manning attends charity ball.
H.D.T.A.M.F.L. - It won't. Ever. Unless he gets stabbed in the leg with a serving fork. This is not a football article. Turn in your field pass.

Peyton Manning shoots 12 new commercials.
H.D.T.A.M.F.L. - Massive impact. If I draft him, I now am forced to think about him more than food or women I would like to sleep with. Life takes a very dark twist.

Brett Favre.
H.D.T.A.M.F.L. - Haha! This is tricky. You would think massive impact, depending on where he ends up, if he ends up playing, etc. etc. BUT NO! He's on the Madden Cover. Untouchable. Proceed as normal.

So... I hope this gives some perspective to what should really constitute a sports story, and how I hope we can move away from the celebrity expose that we seem to be giving NFL footballers. Let's face it, in the end, we want them to play games and win. We want the to smash other guys in the mouth and make it more exciting to pass through a Sunday. Let's get down to brass tacks, and let Fantasy Football lead the way.

The new season is on it's way!

P.S. You may be asking yourself... H.D.T.A.M.F.L.
If so, excellent job. You were paying attention. This blog affects your fantasy league deeply. In fact, it should have changed the way you approach life. If not, meditate upon it, come back to me later.