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    All Filler, No Killer - The Rellik On, Rellif On Edition

    Thursday, March 12, 2009, 06:53 PM EST [General]

    Kurt Busch brought the old "win on Sunday, sell on Monday" ethos back at Atlanta by showcasing Chrysler's superbly engineered reverse gear. There has been comment about whether this new celebration will stick around, and so what would happen when Kurt wins on a super-speedway or a road course.

    Worry not. Because we know that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

    Seven more drivers, including four Roush drivers, take the AFNK test for their Atlanta weekends, which of course involves the normal brand of sarcasm, deranged fact and borderline libel.

    Todd Bodine - Starting at the top again, by starting at the bottom. Todd was a long shot to get into the race and lived up to that billing with a pretty pathetic qualifying effort, stopping the timing with a lap at 182.1mph, faster than only one car who got into the race, that of a Mr. J. Logano. So with that I'm afraid I'm going to have to go all Spinal Tap on you with his rating.............11/10

    Joe Nemechek - OK, I've had with NEMCO! They're official excuse this week was a wheel bearing. I want to see the wheel falling off before you start pulling that one, in fact if you run until your car falls apart then NASCAR might have more of a reason for some it's debris cautions. That said, they are getting better, with Joe completing 8 more laps than at Las Vegas, and again moving up the order for a 39th place finish. At this rate they might finish a race by October.......................8/10

    Michael Waltrip - Well, what we all thought was true is as official now as it's ever going to be. Some with more time than me (yes, I know such people exist) has gone through the 2008 cautions and charted who caused the most. Topping the charts is Sam Hornish, but second is the crash-daddy himself, Michael Waltrip with 18 wrecks. That's the kind of statistical analysis AFNK supports. Oh and Mikey was 25th, and didn't add to his 09 caution account, which I make 1 at the moment...............6/10

    Greg Biffle - And now we enter the Roush zone, feel free to put your hat on at this point. Greg had a pretty colourful evening. He decides to try and phase through David Ragan (more on that later) then he gets held for a lap and then gets taken out in a accident he could do nothing about from being in the pack. He qualified 5th and if Sunday was a normal race he probably would have finished up there, but Sunday wasn't normal (more on that too later)............4/10

    David Ragan - There are some days, that for whatever you feel you have a target on your back, you get everyone's anger, everyone's rants and complaints. It's like someone's put the adult equivalent of a "Kick Me" sign on you. Then there are some days when you feel you have a target on your left-front fender. David Ragan had one of the latter kind of days. Firstly Greg Biffle decides to see whether he can go though the 6 car, and then Scott Speed decides to have a go. both get the same result - wall, David got a different result, 19th...................5/10

    Carl Edwards - The best Roush performer of the race, by far, at least going on the results chart. Carl started deep in the field in 29th and was probably one of the more obvious beneficiaries of the tyre incident which delivered him into a situation where he was one of the 6 cars heading the lead lap. From there Carl was never going to let the situation slip and was in contention until the end when the dominant Dodge flew by him for the win.............2/10

    Matt Kenseth - After a typically Kenseth, good-but-anonymous, race to 12th, Matt's major contribution to the AFNK week came after the race, when asked about the crew member chasing a tyre across the infield, commented "maybe he's new, maybe he hasn't seen us race, but we wreck a lot". Strangely enough Sam Hornish and Michael Waltrip reported to the infield medical centre complaining of an ear burning sensation.....................3/10

    And the Brikkie goes to..........

    It's sympathetic Brikkie this week, going to Jimmy Watts, the crew member with the tyre. Now, you know you're doing a good job in your pit crew job, when no-one knows you're name over and above anyone else on the crew, so seeing as we know Jimmy's name. You know he's done bad. However, I couldn't help but sympathise. I'm sure we've all been there, you want something that's a little bit further away that you thought and getting it normally involves a near accident, or an accident. I had flashbacks to my childhood, chasing footballs out into residential roads, only to nearly become a hood ornament. My childhood memories were only reinforced by the look on Watt's face as he got a dressing down from someone atop the 47 war wagon - "I won't do it again, mum", "I'm sorry, it was an accident". And now as if his public dressing down wasn't enough, NASCAR has banned him for 4 races.

    Next Week

    Well, firstly, it's not next week, as we all take a week off, and NASCAR driver find something else to race. But when the racing turns to Bristol, it'll be G-O-G-H shenanigans with Mike Bliss, Travis Kvapil and Dave Blaney, count the crashes with Sam Hornish jr, and possibly Juan Montoya, with Kasey Kahne and AJ Allmendinger providing the supporting cast.

     

    3.7 (1 Ratings)

    All Filler, No Killer - The Phantom Squirrel Edition

    Thursday, March 5, 2009, 05:06 AM EST [General]

    Right, no-one else has told me, so I'll ask you lot.

    What the hell was going on with the squirrel during Sunday's race. Find a replay of Denny Hamlin's lap 171 spin. Just before that the broadcast team say they have gophers (presumably Digger) AND squirrels. Unfortunately they then get distracted by something, oh yea, actual racing, and so the no doubt enlightening squirrel anecdote is cut off.

    I'm not normally that interested in the random anecdotes that commentators come out with, but anything about a squirrel deserves to be finished off. I need closure people!!

    Aside from my rodent based anxieties it's the normal AFNK fare - 7 more drivers get my fairly unique brand of analysis, before getting a arbitrary number applied to their whole weekend (kinda like the prize money system).

    Dave Blaney - Starting from the bottom here. Dave showed up to make the race in #66 car, but wound up the second fastest DNQ, although his 182.6mph was still faster than Kenseth, Mears and Speed who were saved by their owner points. He lost out after startling runs by Brad Keselowski, Todd Bodine and Max Papis netted them their first starts of the season, although Dave did come in faster than early GOGH pace-setters Riggs and Mayfield, still...........................10/10

    Joe Nemechek - Last week it was a mysterious "fuel pump" failure, this week "transmission"! I'd love to be wrong, but I can just imagine a group of NEMCO people gathered around a table right now discussing "what's going to put us out this week?", or "what lap shall we bring it in on?". Joe leisurely Sunday 102 laps (that's 66 more than last week stat-fans) netted the team 40 points (or 6 more than last week) although that has nothing to do with performance, and everything to do with Roush engines...................9/10

    David Ragan - I have a sneaking suspicion that David Ragan might just become NASCAR next bad luck man. He is due a debut win (even my Roush hating entrails can't deny that) but I just can't see the stars being in alignment - right car, right track, right David, bad races for everyone in front - to see it happen. I'm sure there are people who can foresee a Ragan victory every week, but this week when he came into pit road with a nice orangey glow under the wheel arch, even they knew it was over.................7/10

    Carl Edwards - I opened this week ranting about being kept in suspense, a subject that Edwards' engine knows all about. At least the engines of Kenseth and Ragan had the decency to blow early enough so their drivers could grab a bite to eat, watch a bit of the race on TV, throw something at the TV (I recommend a foam brick - very theraputic) and start the trek east a few hours early. Edwards' powerplant had none of that decorum, deciding to grenade four corners from the end while running 4th, leaving him to coast to a stop in 17th, officially the final car on the lead lap. However, that might be karma, regarding the number of time Carl seemed to coast to victory on gas fumes last year......................4/10

    Scott Speed - What, you mean Scott Speed was actually racing?! You could have fooled me for all I saw of him on Sunday! Needing your owner points (which aren't actually yours Scott - give them back) to get into a race isn't a good start - Scott's speed was slower than the fastest 5 DNQs. Having to further to the back for an engine change is even worse, and then cycling round anonymously is even worse. So if all this is bad, how the hell did he end up in 21st for his best finish of the year?.....................7/10

    Martin Truex Jr - Unveiling Earnhardt-Ganassi Racing's newest technique, inspired by watching repeats of Wacky Races and late night showings of Ben-Hur. It's the "have-a-great-big-pole-sticking-out-your-wheel-to-cripple-other-drivers-trick". The only missed the sharpening the point part off the plan, but it's progress! Anyway, for all that we got told "It's OK his hub cap just came off" if my hub cap came off and my axel was sticking out the side of my car, I'd be concerned. And if this is the start of new ploy - who out of the new partnership is Dasterdly and who's Muttley?...............6/10

    Paul Menard - It's happened again! For the second time this year I have agreed with the worthless Sky Sports UK NASCAR broadcasting team! Their "US Sports Journalist" David Tuckman explained Menard's right turn to the wall as "maybe it's because Menard can't drive and is only here because of daddy's money". Personally I like that reasoning more than a flat tire from the contact he made with Ambrose or Biffle. Mitigating circumstances are that Menard was 12th at the time, but in race where Scott Speed finished 21st that's not saying much................6/10

    And the Brikkie goes to..............

    As a fan of a driver currently battling crap cars and a non existent budget I'm not exactly the most forgiving of poor driver squating in decent cars, and seeing as how Joey Logano learnt how to drive this week, step forward Casey Mears. Starting by needing Clint Bowyer's owner points to get him in the race Casey was a mobile chicane all race. He didn't have an excuse, his sole pit road penalty doesn't explain anything, his lack of talent does. The 30th place (3 laps down) he came away with has everything to do with everyone else having problems and Casey going to slowly to get any damage, from anything, on anything.

    And a best supporting Brikkie to.........

    Casey's RCR team mate Clint Bowyer. Yes, yes, well done you finished second, but then you go open your trap in the post race press conference and put your foot in it. Clint claimed that HE had been run into on the lap 100 restart. No, no, no, no. Find a replay, you moved up and hit Montoya. YOU ran into him, we all realise you don't like Juan, but we are not blind and the "let's blame the foreigner" line is starting not to cut it, because the foriegner is starting to get better than you. Cheerio Clint.

    P.S. When was the last time a NASCAR oval field represented 4 continents?

    Next Week

    It's a Roush-fest with Matt Kenseth and David Ragan after their engine woes joining Carl Edwards and Greg Biffle. We see what the NEMCO meeting agreed with Joe Nemechek. Todd Bodine, entered in the #135 will try and make a second race and the AFNK boomerang that is Michael Waltrip makes his 3rd appearence in 4 races.

    3.7 (1 Ratings)

    All Filler, No Killer - The NASCAR by installments edition

    Thursday, February 26, 2009, 05:26 PM EST [General]

    I sincerely hope that is the most boring race we all have to endure this year (what's that, we've still got two visits to Pocono left). It was a race so boring it took me three days to watch it, the start live, the end sometime on Monday and the middle on Tuesday morning. At least such arrangments meant I could sleep between bits of the race, rather than during it.

    Seven more NASCAR drivers take the AKNK test, and get labelled with a out-of-ten rating for how much of a field filler they were over the weekend. On with the rating and ranting.

    Michael Waltrip - I said last week that Mikey would be back to his caution causing ways, and he was of sorts. He was so bad he managed to make his plane have a caution, and then made his engine fail for qualifying. However, he'd obviously got all of this week's cautions out of his system by the time the green flag waved as he made his way safely around the race track to finish on the lead lap - although he did have to rely on Mother Nature to get there via a free pass. But Mikey couldn't possibly of of caused that caution.....could he?..........5/10

    Joey Logano - When simply finishing with all the panels still attached is a target you know something isn't right. And that was Joey's target for the week. Admitedly it was a target he achieved, finishing 26th, one lap down, an improvement of 17 places and a few hours of sheet metal fabrication on last week. The only thing that raises him from evil field-filler anonymity is that he continues to garner far more media attention than he deserves for his performances.............6/10

    Travis Kvapil - I saw Travis once during my whole three day ordeal that was the race. That one time was when his car decided to go sideways infront of whoever had a roof camera. Travis eventually came home 18th, collecting $95,000 in prize money (curiously $40,000 less than a Mr. J. Logano) and despite not having a full time ride he beat both of his Yates team mates, not that results mean anything.........5/10

    Dale Earnhardt Jr - When is Dale Jr (and to some extent Tony Jr) going to learn to set up a COT? Having gone to back of the grid for the start he had none of the ability to carve his way through the field that others had, and none of ability to improve his car to help himself. Then his engine expired. That's not a good weekend, not matter how good the damned interview before the race was.........8/10

    Marcus Ambrose - Why has there been so little said about Marcus' start to the season? (hint: look three paragraphs up). He has a total of 13 Cup starts, 11 on ovals, making him only a handful of races above the limit to be eligable for ROTY. Compare him to the rookie class and he's blowing them out of the water. He qualified 14th for the race, mixing it with experienced names, and although he fell back once the race started came away with a 22nd place finish, keeping him solidly in the early top-35..........5/10

    Jamie McMurray - If you don't believe that Roush has already pretty much fired Jamie in his head then his early season form is making it a hard decision. Jamie was running up front for most of the race, helped partially by Brian Vickers' ill fortune that elevated him to the pole. His bid for glory only really seemed to fade as his brakes did likewise, and having to sacrifice track position to cure the problem, especially in a race with so many lapped cars, gave him little chance to use the speed he had.............3/10

    Kyle Busch - I know AFNK is primarily a Cup concern, (again, my blog my rules) but how can you ignore this man's Saturday?!? A historic pair in the same day and a 3rd place showing in Sunday night's feature should pretty much have proved that his some-time domination of everything last year was no fluke. For his 3rd place, you still can't really fault him, he just happened to come up against an unstoppable #24 car, which was faced with a hugely unstoppable #17 car................1/10

    And the Brikkie goes to..............

    This week's Brikkie goes to what has the possibility to be the Slumdog Millionaire of the AFNK Brikkie. Yes, it's the weather. The weather was only saved from last weeks awards by the fact that something actually happened, a luxury it doesn't get this week. You can level whatever you want at whoever you want about the start times, but none of it would be a problem if there was no weather! And even if there does have to be weather, can it at least make up it's friggin' mind! Argh!!

    Next week

    We enter go-or-go-home, start and park hell with Dave Blaney and Joe Nemechek after an "unfortunate" speight of fuel pump failures. The other half of the ROTY battle, Scott Speed gets examined, along with Martin Truex Jr and Roushketeers Edwards and Ragan. Oh, and I get another opportunity to give Paul Menard the once over.

    0 (0 Ratings)

    All Filler, No Killer - The new spangly season edition

    Thursday, February 19, 2009, 04:55 PM EST [General]

    It's back, whether you want it or not. The series that does for NASCAR analysis what Allen Stanford does for investment banking (and what investment banking does for investment banking) it's All Killer, No Filler.

    Each week 7 drivers get they're race weekends poured over - those drivers being the guys that finished 43rd, 42nd, 41st, 37th, 27th, 17th and 7th in the previous week's race. Of course last weekend's outing was the first of the season, so I've delved into the archives to find the 7 who where due an interrogation after the last AFNK last season, which looked back on the Phoenix race. Also, as I've lost the abilty to count to 100 over the winter, the ratings will be given out of 10, the closer to 10, the more filler-y. Here goes nothing!

    Michael Waltrip - How the hell did that happen? He was actually the highest finishing Toyota (who thought that would happen). Michael's practices were all over the place, although what Daytona practices tell you about a car's performance can be written on a matchbox. His mediocrity was backed up by a 15th place in his duel, but come race day Mother Nature appeared to favour Mikey. Having been unseen up till that point, he appeared in 7th, just as the rain's began to hit the track. That is Mikey's slice of luck for the entire year, he'll be back to his caution causing best next week.................5/10

    Kurt Busch - And while we're on the subject of top-10s that you never expected, here's Kurt Busch! He too lurched between the sublime - 2nd, 3rd - and the ridiculous - 46th in the myriad of practices, before finding his plate legs to finish 6th in his Duel. I know that Kurt has proven himself able to drive the super-speedways (remember he took Tony Stewart out a few years back when they were running 1-2), but given Kurts more recent history, keeping the wheels on the car should be heralded an achievement. A top-10 as a miracle.........4/10

    Paul Menard - This slot was originally for David Gilliland. However, as everyone realised he was rubbish over the winter, he got shoved out and his owner points given to Bobby Labonte. Right, so why is Paul Menard here instead, well, because I make the rules around here and I'm always on the look out for opportunities to bash Paul Menard. And it appears so is Jeff Burton. I was a little worried that Menard might actually do something worthwhile this weekend, I needn't have worried, as he smudged his new Ford against the wall in time honoured Paul Menard fashion...............7/10

    Denny Hamlin - Denny finished 26th. Not anything to write home about for a driver who has made the chase in his first two season's, but when you consider he was one of the innocent victims of "Lap124gate" and his car was last seen careening through the grass with at least three other cars it's not a bad weekend. I only hope Fedex delivery drivers don't take the same approach...............7/10

    Juan Montoya - Now, I was expecting big things from Montoya this weekend, but his challenge was pretty much ended when he was pitting a wrong time when Stremme had a tyre go down. Even so, after he got back to tail of the crocodile after lap 124 he was able to fight his way back to 14th, by the time of the final caution, and is one of the drivers who can probably consider himself hard done by by the rain...........3/10

    Reed Sorenson - From a driver who's pit strategy did him out of a chance to win, to one who had a ticket to victory lane so nearly presented to him by his. Along with stable mate Elliott Sadler, Reed was praying for rain as they held out for a Petty 1-2-3 with the 'dinger. Unfortunately, the rain stayed awy just long enoug to see Reed slip to 9th, 4 spots worse than his 2008 outing, hopefully not a sign of things to come or Reed could be out of ajob soon.................4/10 

    Kevin Harvick - In quite possibly a record for AFNK we have 4 top-10 finishers amongst the 7 drivers this week, with Harvick topping the tree with his second place. I fully expect Matt Kenseth's lawyers to be sueing FOX right about now, presuming that they were not approached about removing the title of "King of where the hell did he come from" from Matt and awarding it to Kevin mid race. N.B. No driver can be a suprise while he drives a yellow car, you tend to see them coming..............1/10

    Introducing the Brikkies......Replacing last season's Honorary Field Filler award are the Brikkies, so named after my new foam brick, which is liberally used to show displeasure at the TV. Normally this is reserved for d-list celebs and politicians (there is a debate as to whether they are the same thing) it has found a new use in being hurled at NASCAR.

    And The "Brikkie" Goes To..........

    If only they were all this easy!! It's Dale Earnhardt Jr! He was destined for the award for random stupidity based on his pit misdemeanors, but his late and post race felonies he became the only candidate. Firstly he causes the big wreck (regardless of intent), and then moaning about everything else when he got out of the car. Firstly, yes your pit sign in pink, and perhaps others are too. Are you capable to wielding a can of spray paint to change the sign's colour. Yes you are. And then the line. It's a line! It tends not to move. It didn't just jump out and throw itself beneath your wheel. You heard any of the thousands (hyperbole excuse me I'm on a roll) of drivers who have been pinged by that rule moan? No. Grow up.*

    And while we're at it let's add a "Best Supporting Brikkie" for Darrell "born yesterday" Waltrip. If Dale Jr says he didn't mean to wreck Vickers he believes him. Are you that naive? Do you not recognise people are capable of laying?

    Next week

    Joey Logano makes his first, of what I feel will be many, visit to the AFNK ranks of the new season after continuing his introduction to the many and varied wall of NASCAR. Travis Kvapil and Kyle Busch make the number after their woes. Jamie McMurray makes an appearencce, Marcus Ambrose provides an international flavour (as if I don't), Michael Waltrip makes it 2 for 2. Oh, and a certain Dale Earnhardt Jr.

    * My anger of course has nothing to do with the fact that Jr took out Vickers, who turned out to be my only wash-out from my Fantasy Team.

    3.7 (1 Ratings)

    The 2009 Daytona 500: A Tale of Two NASCARs

    Monday, February 16, 2009, 05:45 AM EST [General]

    As I sat watching the opening portion of the Daytona 500 last night my mind was switching between different things.

    Firstly, I was watching the ticker to keep track of a few different drivers, cursing or smiling where appropriate.

    Secondly I was actually watching the race, from a normal restrictor plate position of the edge of whatever seat I've picked for the evening.

    Thirdly I was thinking of ideas for post race articles.

    Watching the race, at least before a certain point was an almost entirely positive experience. After all the doom and gloom writers had prophesied about over the off-season, the truth didn't seem nearly that bad.

    The Thursday Duels had seen a pair of genuine feel good stories as Scott Riggs and Jeremy Mayfield showed their tiny, volunteer staffed teams had the ability to run with the big names of the sport. The start of the 500 saw 43 sponsored (even Riggs appeared to have picked up a deal) cars, resplendent in multi-coloured liveries, streaming around the high banked corners like a 190 mile-per-hour rainbow towards a pot of gold.

    And it was the pot of gold I was concerned about. With a quarter-of-a-million dollars reportedly up for simply finishing 43rd, and a handful of teams for whom every cent is precious the possibility of a start and park effort was a very real possibility. Over the opening laps I concentrated on the tail end of the running order as it crossed the ticker. I half expected to see Riggs, Mayfield or Terry Labonte listed 43rd, before the director cut to a camera showing the offending car pulling behind the wall to a guaranteed pay day.

    But it never happened. Labonte was at the back of the pack, but was still running. Mayfield's trips to the pits were almost definately mechanical and even he wasn't happy to call it a day as he struggled back out on the track to turn some more laps.

    I couldn't help but think our little sport was in pretty good shape. We'd been told to expect a NASCAR armageddon, but it seemed the asteroid had missed us. I was looking forward to a year of NASCAR. Then 'it' happened. An incident already so infamous it can be reduced to a pronoun, and yet you all know exactly what I mean.

    After the initial gasps, and after the dust had settled, the multi-camera angled blame game began. In my eyes it was pretty clear that Jr was at fault, but of course everybody sees it different, and I've seen everything short of death threats aimed at Brian Vickers.

    The general opinion seemed to be that Dale jr should be pulled in for a penalty, especially after the precedent set by the five-lap penalty levied at Jason Leffler the night before during the Nationwide race. Even the talking heads seemed to agree. Words like 'wrong' and 'uncalled for' were used. In an event so unbelievable I can't believe it I actually agreed with Sky Sports' UK based studio team. Their tame 'US sports journalist', David Tuckman, said 'If Junior doesn't get a penalty, then I'm ashamed'.

    And ashamed he was. No penalty came, other than the fact no free pass was given (if Dale had got the free pass I would have gone out, brought a can of beer, opened it and drunk half of it, simply so I had something to throw at my TV to show my displeasure).

    Suddenly, the ugly side of NASCAR reared its head. The side that you only have look at very slightly to see a conspiracy theory. The side that constantly robs America's second biggest sport of the respect it needs if it is ever to move forward, domestically and internationally. I think the post crash interview with Brian Vickers says exactly what I'm thinking.

    '......typically NASCAR penalises for that, I think the 38 was penalised five laps yesterday for doing the same thing. I guess they're not gonna penalise him for it'.

    You only have to read slightly between the lines to see exactly what he means, and I happen to agree with it. Their incredibly flexible rulebook is holding NASCAR back. I felt physically sick when Jr complained about the tyre-on-the-line rule, practically ordering NASCAR to change the rule. It's fine for everyone else, it has never been a problem before, but it affects Jr and it's a problem. That rule will be changed before the 52nd 500.

    I have seen complaints about the fact the race was shortened due to rain. I know it's frustrating when a race gets called early, especialy a race that has become known for wild finishes, but there was nothing that could be done. If the rain was truly due for another 90 minutes then by the time the track was dried the race would have gone on too late. NASCAR has major media obligations and when races go long they get messed around, remember the race that got pulled of a channel for the Funniest Home Videos last year.

    Seeing a car in victory lane, no matter how or why they got there, is a major part of the media and sponsor priorities. If there is a constant risk that this won't be seen by large swathes of the population, then any money worries the teams have are likely to grow, which I'm sure we can all agree is bad.

    The 2009 Daytona 500 truly was a tale of two NASCARs. The positive, resilient NASCAR that managed to get 43 cars on the grid for the race and still had 43 cars circulating until Joey Logano continued his introduction to many and varied walls of NASCAR.

    Then there was the negative NASCAR, the NASCAR that often gets labelled the 'WWE of racing'. The NASCAR that rubs racing fans up the wrong way and creates more haters than it does fans.

    Ladies and Gentlemen. NASCAR is back!  

    3.7 (1 Ratings)