NASCAR need to stop this!

After the Talledega race, due to which my nearest and dearest expects at least one car to finish in its roof, she was all too eager to support me in my epic bout of sleep deprivation.

In that she left enough biscuits to see me through the night.

So, imagine the mildly twisted glee on her face the following morning (OK, it was the afternoon) when I informed he that, while not on his roof, Kyle Busch crossed the line with his car resembling the Airfix model of a B-17 I made when I was 13, after it had been stood on, by a size 7.

She made me - I cannot emphasise the order of words there enough - to record the highlights program the following day, of which she fast forwarded through 159 laps of racing only to watch the crash from every angle, several times, with a level of interest normally reserved only for Extreme Makeover.

I have now hidden all the sharp objects.

Given the tumultuous change-over to the new (and improved?) community template last week, and the fact that real life sometimes gets in the way - even with the door locked it can get in the window - AFNK took an enforced week off for Loudon, so I return this week, with a mish-mash of Loudon and Daytona, with the "best" seven drivers who would have appeared in these two editions.

Don't understand, good, me neither......

Patrick Carpentier - Even in the new blog layout field fillers come at the top. Patrick, this week managed a (comparatively whopping) 18 laps, before calling it a day. This weeks TBR excuse was "engine", presumably being used as short hand for, "didn't put an engine in", or a by word for the driver being told to stop pressing the accelarator. At least do the decent thing and put sugar in your engine, there's a woman named Teresa who can give you the recipe..........10/10

Dave Blaney - A momentous day everyone, as field filling hit a new low, with Dave managing only two laps of Daytona, usurping Todd Bodine's 3 lap sojurn of Martinsville as a low water mark (of course in distance, 2 laps of Daytona is further than 3 at the paperclip, but why let numbers get in the way of a rant). The excuse was also something to make you bang your head on a wall - "over heating". Fair enough engines over heat, there are many weeks when cars lap, spraying steam and water like Old Faithful, and don't retire. If you're over heating, pull the tape off the front of the car. If it's really bad (and after two laps I doubt it is) wait a while, then go back out and circulate, there are always enough wrecks to pick up some points and extra cash. Yes, that's right Phil Parsons, cash! CASH!...............10/10

Regan Smith - The man in black, oh, I'm sorry, that's sacrilidge isn't it. The man in the black car with the red writing had anothe weekend out on track, and another weeked in the shop window, and did himself no harm at all. The man who almost won at 'Dega last year (remember that - when plate races didn't end under a smoke screen) came home 12th with the part time crew. And I think that the people at Earnhardt-Ganassi must still have his number somewhere..........4/10

Martin Truex Jr - A quiet race for Michael Watrip Racing's latest recruit (I can't make up my mind whether that is a step up or down at the moment), keeping relatively clean and finishing in a lowly 25th.....................7/10

A.J. Allmendinger - A.J. was probably the unluckiest man at Daytona, managing to keep his car clean for a full 160 laps, which is good, and was probably thinking of a mix of what he was going to do this week, and how his car might handle at Talladega, when Whmph! Along comes Kasey Kahne in his slightly used Dodge to send A.J. into the wall. When the team asked A.J. about why he'd brought the car back wrecked I would imagine he resorted to the sort of "bu.....", "I didn....." sort of stumbling you resort to doing when you've been accused of something the dog/cat/sibling did.............6/10

Ryan Newman - If the race was at Talladega rather than Daytona I would suggest that Tony Stewart did a deal with the devil (or Burger King, as both are equally evil) to seal his win (feel free to hum the duelling banjos here). While the #14 was sailing over the finish line, after being seemingly endlessly on screen for every single lap, for a another Stewart win the #39 was crossing the line. Erm....... I don't know. You really could have been excused wondering whether Ryan Newman had actually bothered turning up (which is not really the coverage you want when you're struggling to put paying decals on your quarter panels).  If you are wondering Newman did finish in 20th, apparently after leading a lap, which he did very quietly. Actually, was he in an invisable car?.................5/10

Kyle Busch - Kyle, like many modern day sportstars has many charities and worthy causes close to his heart. However, Kyle goes further than most, all the way to the UK in fact, to Colchester, England where a good samaritan calling himself "Shrub" has been spotted around the town planting flowers in empty flower beds that the town council have ignored. Kyle, has, thus far, decided to remain incognito, only beeing spotted occasionally, and always dressed as a bush. And I'm not even making this up. Well, sort of...................2/10

And the Brikkie Goes too...............

Matt Kenseth! "What!" I hear you say, "Matt didn't wreck, cause any wrecks or even try and run over his (or others pit crew)". No, he didn't but he did drive like my Gran for a few hundred metres. Those of you who have even seen Days of Thunder, Cars or Talladega Nights (and these are increasingly becoming the reference texts for NASCAR - I am looking forward to talking racecars so they can thank themselves on good results) will know that when there is a plume of smoke and debris ahead of you you keep driving. Matt doesn't know this, and with Kyle modifying his car on the wall Matt seems to have stood on the brakes, with Ambrose and Vickers getting past him and Montoya alongside, and several drivers coming very close to having thier own crash because of Matt's sudden tortoise impression (Kahne would have probably got past too, had it not been for a neon green road block).

Next Week

Back to normal wih the yearly trip to Chicagoland, with Dave Blaney and Patrick Carpentier returning Joe Nemechek, John Andretti and Michael Waltrip representing the old (and crash-prone) and Brian Vickers and A.J. Allmendinger.