Gone: Shaq, Dwight Howard, Darko Milicic (don't laugh), Chris Bosh (soon).

Still remaining: Ben Wallace, P.J. Brown, Drew Gooden, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Mikki Moore.

There is no opposition remaining in the 2007 Eastern Conference Playoffs for Rasheed Wallace. Wallace should use the remainder of this postseason, an assumed run to the NBA Finals, as a way to put everyone on notice that he is still one of the premier big men in the League.

There should be none of that "float around the three-point line and launch a deep three" in his game - at least until next season. Rasheed should plant his big backside on either low block and go to work. Wallace is the only post player remaining in the East half of the bracket who can command a double team, which would free up his teammates for open looks. Him launching 25-foot bombs six times a game doesn't.

Rasheed's performance on offense - he should be able to rest somewhat on defense until the Finals if you look at what he'll be matched up against - will be the X-factor in Detroit having to work through a couple of six- or seven-games series leading up to the Finals, or in the Pistons plowing through lesser competition on their way to their third Finals appearance in four years.

That's not to stay Chicago, Detroit's second-round opponent, will be a pushover. The Bulls did beat the Pistons in three of four regular-season meetings. But that was the regular season - the time of year that allegedly doesn't matter to anyone on Detroit's roster.

 

Don't get it twisted. This East semi is the conference final. Whichever team wins the series between Cleveland and New Jersey/Toronto will only serve as a practice squad for the Pistons or Bulls.

The match-ups are intriguing. Both squads' perimeter players (Chicago's Kirk Hinrich, Ben Gordon and Luol Deng and Detroit's Chauncey Billups, Richard Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince) are going to have to get it done on both ends of the floor.

 

Deng and Gordon (51.7 ppg) currently make up the highest scoring tandem in the '07 playoffs. The Pistons high-scoring duo, Billups and Hamilton, are netting 42.4 a night this postseason. The Bulls' young guns will have to be slowed if Detroit wants to make its fifth consecutive conference finals appearance. It should help the Pistons since their perimeter trio is a combined 467 years younger than what Miami trotted out in its first-round sweep at the hands of the Baby Bulls. It should also help Chicago since Hinrich, the Bulls starting point guard, doesn't dribble 76 times before he takes a bad jumper, a la Jameer Nelson.

 

All of those guys will need in-game rest of they're going to be chasing each other around for the next two weeks, which means both benches must perform throughout the series, too.

 

The Bulls' subs have chipped in with 21.8 ppg so far this postseason (Andres Nocioni poured in 12 a game), while Detroit's bench, which has been much maligned the two previous second seasons for lack of usage, netted 14 ppg during a four-game sweep of Orlando. That may not be a huge number, but reserves Antonio McDyess, Carlos Delfino and Ronald Murray averaged 23.3, 12.3, and 12.3 minutes a game, respectively, during that Orlando series. The team's Methuselah, Dale Davis, even got about 10 minutes of burn in the three games he played in. This means Detroit's starters got at least a quarter of rest in each game of the first round. That could be a telling stat when you consider how spent Piston starters were in the '05 Finals.

 

The two teams' starting frontcourts are far from mirror images. Like Pacman Jones and Warrick Dunn. The Bulls starting 4 and 5, Ben Wallace and Brown, averaged 15.8 points and 14.3 boards a game in the first round, where they had to deal with Shaq, Alonzo Mourning and Udonis Haslem. Rasheed and Chris Webber, however, averaged 27.3 and 15.6 in the first round. Yes, I know Ben and P.J. weren't brought in for their offensive prowess, but it helps any team in a quest for a title when it can dump the ball into the post and be confident that a pivot man can get a bucket.

 

Ben Wallace's defense and toughness are what netted him a four-year, $60 million deal last July 4. That defense brings me back to his old running buddy.

 

Big Ben made his reputation as a help defender. Yea, I've seen him pick up guards full court, but Ben is a throwback big man - he doesn't like stepping out of the paint. He'll do it, but he'd rather not. Having played with him for two-and-a-half seasons, Rasheed should recognize this and exploit it the entire series.

If Rasheed does elect to play small forward during this series, Ben won't be in position to help his new running mates out in the lane, which would enable Hamilton rub off screens and get uncontested mid-range jumper after jumper.

If "Roscoe" decides to showcase his low post game, Chicago will be forced to double him, leaving whoever's on the perimeter open for what would turn into shooting practice.

 

Assuming Wallace takes advantage of the mismatch over a seven-game series, you can pretty much pencil the Pistons in to be playing in mid-June. Jason Collins and Anderson Varejao just don't do anything for me. And they shouldn't be able to do anything with Rasheed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Detroit Lions' 2007 regular season schedule was released last week and from the looks of the teams on the docket, the Leos aren't going to buck any recent trends this year.

Being a lifelong Lions fan, I now consider myself a prophet. My premonitions of the team have been spot on, except for the time I said Dre Bly was the key to a Lions' playoff run.

Now, I will attempt to predict the outcome of each of Detroit's 16 regular season games. Seriously, this WILL work. You will have absolutely no reason to tune in to any Lions game this fall - as if you had a reason to in the first place.

Sept. 9 at Oakland: With the team down 27-10 with 9:47 left in the fourth quarter, wide receiver Roy Williams' right arm inexplicably flies out of the socket after he makes his customary "first down" gesture following another meaningless grab. Quarterback Jon Kitna, continuing a trend from the 2006 season, throws two fourth quarter picks as the Lions fall, 30-10.

Sept. 16 vs. Minnesota: The Tigers are on the road, so Michigan sports fans really have no choice but to pack Ford Field for the Lions' home opener. Detroit defensive lineman Shaun Rogers refuses to miss the Tigers' late-season contest, though, missing a key play in the third quarter to watch his Comerica Park buddies on a five-inch black & white on the sidelines. That leaves Detroit with only 10 men on the field, and the Vikings' line opens a gaping hole for running back Chester Taylor to scamper for a 67-yard touchdown run. That proves to be a game-changing play, as the Lions fall, 7-6.

Sept. 23 at Philadelphia: Detroit standouts Rogers, Williams and Cory Redding miss a flight out of Austin, Texas, Sept. 22 after watching their alma mater, the University of Texas, lay the smack down on Rice. Head coach Rod Marinelli forfeits the game because the other 50 guys on the roster, well, because they suck.

Sept. 30 vs. Chicago: In awe of being on the same field as a team that competed in the Super Bowl, Lions' players take tips from the Bears in hopes of some day playing in the Big Game. Sadly, seven starters, both on offense and defense, literally jot notes down after the ball is snapped for each play. Chicago scores an NFL-record 1,345 points and sacks Kitna 48 times on its way to a 1,345-9 win.

Oct. 7 at Washington: The Lions make headlines by forfeiting their second game of the season, dropping their record to 0-5. Team President William Ford has a perfectly good explanation, though. "We wanted to take the guys to watch the Tigers and Mets play in the World Series as a way to say, 'see, there is no Brush & Adams curse,'" Ford said.

Oct. 21 vs. Tampa Bay: The Lions ensure they won't go 0-16 by downing the Buccaneers, 21-17. The Bucs led 17-0 early in the second half but called off the dogs since Marinelli used to serve on the Tampa staff and Bucs head coach Jon Gruden felt horrible seeing a 50-something man weep like a toddler with a load in its diaper.

Oct. 28 at Chicago: A majority of the starters "go clubbing" until five hours before kickoff and show up to Soldier Field with massive hangovers. With the game knotted at 14 midway through the fourth quarter, cornerback Fernando Bryant hurls up the fifth of Tequila and some White Castle's he had the night before, allowing Bears wide receiver Bernard Berrian to turn a quick screen into an 85-yard touchdown run. The Lions lose, 21-17.

Nov. 4 vs. Denver: Former Detroit defensive back Bly makes his return to Ford Field, a place where he played his way into two Pro Bowls. The fans aren't kind to Bly, booing him lustfully each time he steps on the field. Kitna, however, treats Bly like it's his birthday, throwing four interceptions, all to Bly. Bly takes two of those picks to the house as the Broncos drop the Lions to 1-7 with a 14-6 win.

Nov. 11 at Arizona: The Lions are shocked by the beauty of the plush University of Phoenix Stadium. Current Lion and former Cardinal, quarterback Josh McCown, tells Marinelli he wants to stick it to his former team. Marinelli obliges and (oddly) inserts McCown into a 17-all game with 5:46 remaining in the fourth quarter. McCown doesn't make good on his threat, though, as he botches a snap that leads to Arizona cornerback Antrel Rolle scooping up the pigskin and scoring on the fumble recovery, helping his team to a 24-17 win. The bumbling QB doesn't duck reporters after the gaffe, though. "I saw an Orange Julius near section 245 and thought about getting a corn dog," the dejected McCown said. "Could we hurry this up? I think the stand closes 10 minutes after the game's over."

Nov. 18 vs. New York Giants: Similar to the way Kitna welcomed Bly back two weeks earlier in a Lions' loss to Denver, Detroit cornerbacks roll out the red carpet for a couple of former area college standouts as Giants wideouts Plaxico Burress (Michigan State) and Amani Toomer (Michigan) alternate touchdown catches on each of the Giants first eight possessions, enabling New York to hold on for a 56-8 win.

Nov. 22 vs. Green Bay: The Lions come out like gangbusters and blitz the Packers for a 35-6 win - the team's first in its last four Turkey Day contests and second win of the season. The 345-pound Rogers cited his family's annual meal as motivation for his 15 tackle, five sack performance. "I figure if I eat enough, I can get myself up to 400, 450 pounds easy," Rogers said. "I've done everything else I can think of to get cut, so maybe resembling Jabba the Hut can get me out of this God-forsaken place."

Dec. 2 at Minnesota: A surprising road win moves the Lions to 3-9 for the season and gives the squad a two-game winning streak. The team can't take much solace in the win, though, as it comes by forfeit. Vikings head coach Brad Childress offered media members an explanation after the surprising loss. "Our guys wanted to hit the Mall of America and beat the Christmas rush and they thought today was a good day for the team outing," Childress said. "Any of you guys know where I can find some Rock 'em, Sock 'em robots? My grandson's been on my butt about those things for months."

Dec. 9 vs. Dallas: With two home games left on the home schedule, Rogers promises to show Lions' fans something they will never forget. His comments have nothing to do with on-the-field performance, though. During the games' initial kick-off, Rogers runs from the sideline and spears the "kick-off kid," a 5-year-old from Sterling Heights. The takedown causes the tyke to experience massive internal bleeding. Oh, and Detroit loses, 45-17.

Dec. 16 at San Diego: Detroit's second trip to the Golden State is just as fruitful as its first, as the Lions fall to perennial MVP candidate LaDanian Tomlinson and the Chargers, 63-24. Tomlinson become the first back in history to rush for 350 yards in a single game. Even more impressive is he did it without being touched on any of his 32 carries.

Dec. 23 vs. Kansas City: The entire Lions roster misses the game to do their last-minute Christmas shopping. Ford President & CEO Alan Mulally's idea of filling the roster with laid-off Ford Motor Co. workers doesn't work, though, as Detroit is mauled, 77-0, by the Chiefs. Lifelong Lions fan Robert Jackson of Pontiac was asked about the roster shake-up after the final horn was sounded. "I couldn't tell the difference," he said.

Dec. 30 at Green Bay: At 3-12, Detroit is tied with Miami for the worst record in the league. All the Lions have to do is continue to perform the way they have all season and they lock up the first pick in the 2008 NFL Draft. With the Lions ahead, 21-20, with 3 seconds left in the game, the Packers trot out kicker Dave Rayner to attempt a game-winning 19-yard field goal. The snap and hold are good, but Redding summons the energy to block the kick and secure the Lions' victory.

Potential number one picks across the country, including University of Michigan quarterback Chad Henne, dance a jig knowing they may have sidestepped playing in purgatory. "I'd play in Siberia for Q-tips and lint before I'd go to Detroit," Henne said.

Note: this was written prior to Detroit Tigers Opening Day Monday is Opening Day at Comerica Park. The Tigers are back. OUR Tigers are back. It doesn't seem that long ago that I drowned my sorrows in shots after St. Louis downed Detroit to win its first World Series title in 25 years, denying our Motor City Kitties of their first chip in 23 years. That loss hurt. The way the Tigers lost hurt even more. Really, how hard is it for a pitcher to scoop up a ball and throw it to a base? The whole staff was as sloppy as a 19-year-old at his first tailgate. Tailgates bring me back to my original point. Opening Day is like a tailgate in the spring. Yea, there's no huge area Downtown to set up your grill, flip cup table or giant, inflatable Sparty (a personal favorite of mine), but it's a day to get together with family and friends and take in the first real sign that summer is fast ap-proaching. It's also the biggest "call in sick" day of the year. Anyone who wants the day off better be prepared to get a busy signal when calling their boss Monday morning. You're not the only one who wants to walk Woodward that day. I've been brainstorming excuses to take April 2 off since the Tigers' schedule was released. I can't use a couple of the ones I thought up - flu, picking up adopted child in Cambodia - because those were listed in the last column I wrote. A couple others (death in the family, being selected to pilot Apollo 47) won't work because of the possibility of bad karma and being way out in left field. I tried getting the first two days of the NCAA Tournament off by proclaiming myself a devout bracketologist and telling my editor that if he didn't recognize my religion, the ACLU would be all over him. I can't think of a catchy name for a baseball religion, though. Another could have worked, too, if the schedule was released last July, I was married and ready to be a dad. Then again, I would have missed the game, anyway. As an aside, who's with me on petitioning hospitals to put TVs, Xboxs,' and Sports Illustrated in every delivery room in the country for dads who messed up and decided to procreate nine months before the Fi-nal Four, College Bowl Season and Opening Day? We can get this passed. Power to the people! It's killing me. I'm sitting here listening to a Spring Training game (New Tiger Gary Sheffield just blasted a four-bagger) getting excited about something I don't even know I'll be able to pull off. I'm having visions of Jeremy Bonderman warming up before the 1:05 first pitch. Of a Guillen-Polanco-Casey double play. Of a diving Curtis Granderson snag. Of telling the guy who trots around with his $246 beers to...never mind. Naturally, common sense will come into play. I don't wanna go back to slicing deli meat. Plus, we have a television in our conference room. Now, if I could just convince someone to let me bring in a cooler full of Honey Brown and a Hibachi, I'd really be in business.

Note: The two entries that follow were published by the company I am employed by. Some stupid copyright rules say I have to wait to post them, so, enjoy!!!

An Unofficial Man's Holiday

Can you believe that Barbaro?

All summer, we had to hear about how bad a shape our equine buddy was in after he broke his left hind leg during the Preakness. We heard about all the heartfelt letters he received - I'm sure he read and responded to all of them. We heard about how his owner and trainers weren't sure how long they could hold out hope for his recovery. We heard about how there might not be any little Barbaros running around.

Then what does he go and do? He goes and gives up during up one of the biggest weeks on the Male Calendar in an attempt to steal the spotlight.

Super Bowl XLI - that's 41, and I am not ashamed to admit that I wouldn't know any Roman Numerals if it wasn't for football and Rocky movies - is hours away. Fellas, and amazing women who actually know how many points a touch-down is worth, you know the deal. Colts/Bears. Monsters of the Midway vs. Peyton Manning. The first time an African-American head coach leads a team to the Big Game and BOTH teams have black coaches.

There are numerous storylines I could get into about the game, but we all know kickoff is just an aside to the most important part of the day.

Super Bowl parties have become big business. A man's Valentine's and Sweetest Day rolled into one day of food, football, friends and flatulence. Millions of people across the country will converge on their friend's homes to eat thousands of pounds of Queso and Spinach dip. Someone will pass out from having one too many Jagerbombs and tiny children will become restless and unruly after spending the better part of six hours in a room in the back of a house.

It takes a lot to put on a good SB bash, too. First, you need the four major food groups: wings, pig, greasy potato chips and alcohol. Next, you have to own a decent-sized TV. You also must have the all-important Sam's Club of Costco Card. Where else can you find a bag of Blazin' Buffalo Wings big enough to feed every Big Ten football player and a 50,000-pound trough of ranch dressing? Seriously, who else thinks God bought that Salmon and loaf of bread from Costco?

You also need to invite a bunch of cool people. They need to be the kind of friends who still love you even when you sing into a wooden soupspoon to a girl you just met or flirt with a statue on your 21st birthday.

There are also a myriad of things all party guests, hosts and hostesses need to know. Make sure you know the quickest way to each bathroom...and exit should all lavatories be occupied.

If you and your crew play squares during the game, put all your money on 1s, 3s, 6s and 7s.

For everyone who's New Year's Resolution is to eat better: Eat as many wings as you want - they're an appetizer.

You have to at least once bask in amazement at a TurDucken - a chicken stuffed inside a Duck stuffed inside a Turkey. The first time I saw one, I was as wide-eyed as Ron Burgundy was after Baxter ate that wheel of cheese.

Feed the little ones before you leave home. If not, stick some string cheese, a bag of combo's or some beef jerky in their pocket so they don't bug you.

Introduce your wife or girlfriend to every other woman at the party as SOON as you arrive...so she doesn't bug you.

The halftime show is always set up like the NFL selected the act 15 years after they were hot. Use this time to check on the kids, the girlfriend/wife, or, my personal favorite, get all your buddies to go in with you and order the Lingerie Bowl.

All of these things make for enjoyable Super Bowl party experience. I'd personally opt for getting a babysitter and telling my girl she could have a Mary Kay party or something. Maybe the wife and kids can make some macaroni art.

Wait. That requires glue. I take that back. It was kind of insensitive.

 

I hope I'm still employed at the end of this month

This time of year does odd things to me.

I turn into a hermit for three straight weekends, only leaving the couch to do things like go to the fridge and bathroom. One of those could easily be cut out if I could sneak into a hospital and find a bedpan.

This might sound strange coming from a 20-something guy. You'd think, with the seasons changing, I'd be out scouting "talent" or something, right?

Wrong.

It's March.

MARCH MADNESS.

I love this time of year! Since my freshman year at Michigan State in 1999 - the year we cut down the nets in Indianapolis - I've been enamored with the greatest event in sports.

Sixty-five teams. Single-elimination tournament. Cinderella's. Buzzer beaters. No Dick Vitale. What's not to love, right? That devotion has caused me, and others, to do some strange things, though.

The year we won the national title, my best friend from State, Ro, was so superstitious, he made me sit in the same chair, in the same position for every game of the tournament. This is also a guy who coughs likes he's got the plague when we're in a tight game.

We're not the only ones who revel in the madness, though.

Employers of America, you're about to lose a loooooot of money over the next few weeks. You're about to see an even bigger loss in productivity because of the greatest three-week period in sports.

The madness starts tomorrow. College hoops fans will come to you with every excuse from, "I think I have the flu," to, "I'm going to Cambodia to pick up the 8-year-old I adopted last month." Those are just the people who will skip work to watch Butler play Old Dominion at a watering hole or at home. An article in the March 16, 2006, edition of The Detroit News said U.S. companies will lose $17.5 million a minute paying employees for time spent following the games at their desk, according to an estimate by global outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas, Inc.

I'm sure worker bees all over the country already have ways set up on how to enjoy the Madness from their cubes. I'll have several windows open on my computer so I can keep track of each game. I'll be power walking back and forth from my desk to "like an expectant father whose wife is in labor."

The first weekend of the Dance is always the craziest, what with all the upsets and buzzer beaters. But there's an added element that could make this coming weekend even crazier.

The second round of the tournament starts Saturday around noon. Saturday is St. Patrick's Day. That whole hermit thing's going straight out the window this weekend, kids. A majority of bars will be open at 7 a.m. They're going to have pints of beer for a quarter. A quarter! If you know anything about my alma mater, you know my friends and I are all over that. If everything goes according to plan, I could be totally inebriated and sober two times over by the time the first game tips off at noon.

Hopefully, I, and everyone else who decides to partake in the festivities, make it through the weekend.

And, God willing, I'll still have a job at the end of this month.

During one of those "18/58" updates on ESPN Sunday, I saw something that startled me: "Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade will attempt to practice Monday for the first time since his shoulder injury Feb. 21." Yes, the dislocation of Wade's right (shooting) shoulder was serious. Yes, it put a snag in any back-to-back talk in South Beach. But it's not like this is the first time this injury has hampered an NBA uber-star, even though you'd think it is with all the cov-erage Wade has garnered. Kobe Bryant suffered a similar injury during the 2002-03 playoffs and re-injured the joint the following year, which caused Bryant to miss 17 games that season. Sure, there was coverage of the damage, but not to the level of attention Wade has received. This injury has been mainstream news since it occurred in a Heat loss at Houston in February. Wade, who returned to practice Monday, added to the drama by draping a towel over his head and lap after the injury took place. Not to mention needing a wheelchair for an arm injury! I've heard everything from, "he shouldn't risk fur-ther injury by coming back," to, "if Wade returns, it's amazing." When Kobe re-injured his shooting shoulder against Cleveland in January 2004, there was no wheelchair, no crocodile tears, nothing - just Bryant vowing to return to aid his team. The love Wade, the 2006 Finals MVP, has been shown the last six weeks is unbelievable. But do you think people in the sports world would be fawning over the Heat guard if he was the polarizing, lone wolf Bryant is portrayed as being? This has done nothing but reaffirm my belief that Kobe can do nothing to make people "love" him. He can't become a better teammate, which he has; he can't do things for children, which he has. Kobe's stuck. This is a country of people who give everyone a second chance. Where's Kobe's second chance with the media? The people have spoken. Bryant's number 24 jersey is the No. 1 seller in the League. Fans at Staples Center and abroad chant "M-V-P" when they witness his scoring exploits. This even happened in Boston of all places! Kevin McHale must be spinning in his grave. Ask anyone in the know and they'll tell you Bryant is the League's premier player. No mention of his 40 ppg March is needed, although that scoring barrage catapulted Bryant from fourth in scoring to the top of the heap (31 ppg). Bryant recently followed up a 53-point effort in an overtime loss to Houston with an all-around effort (19 points, 13 dimes) in a 126-103 rout of Sacramento. Kobe won't win the MVP award this year. Hell, I'm almost convinced he'll never receive the honor after last season, where he took a team of career underachievers (Kwame Brown, Lamar Odom) and youngsters (Luke Walton and Andrew Bynum) to the playoffs, while posting the highest scoring average (35.4) in nearly two decades. Kobe finished fourth in MVP voting last season. How is that possible? Bryant should have won the award hands down. But voters of the award don't like Bryant. Isn't that title supposed to be bestowed upon the best on court performer? And, if the rape charge is a reason behind that dislike, people fail to remember no jury convicted Bryant of anything. Steve Nash is an amazing talent, but he wouldn't have finished in the top 10 of the voting 15 years ago. Jason Kidd has no MVPs to Nash's two, but Kidd has two Finals appearances to Nash's zero. Does that mean Kidd should have beat out Tim Duncan for the award during the 2001-02 and 2002-03 seasons? No, because Duncan was the best player those two years, as Kobe has been the last two. What does Kobe have to do to get some love from the mainstream? Cure cancer? I don't think we'll ever know. The only thing we'll know is that Bryant is one of the greatest of all time. We don't need anyone to tell us that.